


The Concept Of Love

by MsLanna



Series: Meliana Hawke's Dragon Age [1]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Arishawke, F/M, maker help me, political marriage au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-05-27 13:09:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 44
Words: 95,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6286009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsLanna/pseuds/MsLanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the tension with the Quanri threatens to turn into violence, Viscount Dumar has a spiffing splendid idea to keep the peace. Meliana Hawke is not impressed but willing to do whatever it takes to keep her home and its citizens safe. The Arishok may not quite understand what he is getting into. </p><p>I kill Isabela in this story. Thus the warning.</p><p>Had to change the rating to explicit because there is sex. Once in detail. Skippabale. ...  I lied. x_X  But I outsourced it into its own chapters.</p><p>I am almost sorry for shamelssly recycling my protagonists names. I wanted to use that of my own Hawke, but I called her Turtle. ^.^'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Spiffing Splendid Plan

„What?“ Meliana was aware that she shouted.

“It is the most sensible solution,” Viscount Dumar replied calmly. “We want to prevent any more bloodshed and the Qunari are on the verge of war.”

“And so the solution you come up with is...” she gestured helplessly.

“What I have said.” He managed to look somewhat contrite. “I am aware that it is not an agreeable arrangement for you personally, Serah Hawke. But you have earned the respect of the Arishok. If anybody can make it work, then it is you.”

He was right there. Meliana sighed. Still. "I am not even sure the Qunari will understand the concept." It was a feeble last defence.

"I am sure your talent for persuasion will serve you well." The Viscount was hard as the stone Kirkwall was built on.

"I will talk to him."

"Now."

"Now." Meliana echoed and suppressed a sigh. She had come so far. How many years since she had arrived as a refugee with nothing but the staff on her back and a lie to her name? It seemed like yesterday. It felt ages ago. She had made her way up, had regained their family estate, had made the name Hawke respectable again.

And that was what she got for that. A respectable family with a reputation, but not established enough to avoid a task like this. No other noble family would have agreed. She would not have agreed. But she had no choice. Not only her family's future was depending on her good standing, now a war hinged on her actions alone. Her words. Maker help her.

She didn't even know what to tell the Arishok. It was the single most stupid plan she had heard of in her whole life. She waved her companions away. The last thing she needed now was Varric bursting into laughter, or Fenris and Anders starting to bicker about this in the background.

If possible, she would tell them after this was settled. It would be difficult enough. The way to the docks had never seemed that short. Before she could blink, the gates of the Qunari Compound loomed before her. Meliana straightened up. First day of the rest of her life. What else was new?

She found the Arishok on his two-headed chair as usual. The red-painted guards looked more threatening than she remembered. But as the Viscount had said, this was the brink of war. Meliana indicated a polite bow. “Shanedan, Arishok.”

“Serah Hawke. This is unexpected.” He did not say if that meant her visiting or trying to speak Qunlat. Both was likely. After all the last time she had left the Compound in a hailstorm of javelins. The problem was that she really didn't blame the elves. She would have done the same thing and unlike them, she would have gotten away with it.

Meliana was grateful for the time she had spent pestering Fenris about the Qunari. It had seemed wise to know more about the people sitting inside the city like a rock in breakwater, especially, when the tension began grow. She had not made use of the few phrases she had managed to remember yet. This, though, seemed to be the right time to hopefully impress the Arishok.

“I did not plan to come, but a solution has come up for the conflict between our peoples. I wished to bring it to you and hopefully avoid further bloodshed.”

He sat up, placing his hands on his thighs. “Is that so? I cannot think of anything that will appease us now.”

“Yes, I suspect the concept will be very foreign to you. I will do my best to explain.” Her eyes roved the area around the Arishok's chair. But there was nothing. The two stylised heads reached to either side, but the only seat possibly available would have been squeezing in right next to the Arishok or on his lap. Both a definite no.

“What do you make of the concept of marriage?” She asked sitting down cross-legged instead.

“It is a useless thing, binding two people together for the rest of their lives that do not even know their own purpose.” His eyes narrowed as he spoke, following her movements as she settled down. “It does not even foster the restriction on procreation as it is meant. And neither is qualified to raise the young.”

Now that was going better than expected. Meliana wondered what would happen if she just excused herself as having been mistaken and how about a duel to the death instead? It would be so much easier.

“Right, the important bit about that right now being binding people together. You do not fight the in-laws.” She made a short pause but there was no question. So far so good. “In the past this has been used as a means to create peace between warring families.”

“We are not at war, you and I, Hawke,” the Arishok said. “The demands of the Qun must be met. There is no alternative.”

“I understand.” At least she thought so. It was an obligation he could not get out of. Like taking care of a your little brother even when he annoyed the living daylight out of you. Like telling your uncle that his sister was dead and taking the harsh words without reminding him she had been your mother, too. Duty. That she understood.

“And I have an inkling about where Isabela has gone. I can capture her and return what she has stolen.”

Silence was her answer.

“I know you only wish to return home. And I swear, had I not been under attack by Tevinter mages as well as by some of your very own people, I would have stopped Isabela there and then. I would have taken the tome by force if necessary.”

“You are making many words, Hawke,” he said. “Make your point.”

It was not a point she really wanted to make. And after all the years, Meliana did not actually want to return to Lothering. But she got the yearning, the desire to return home. If she was held in Kirkwall against her wishes, she didn't follow that thought.

“My point is that I can and I will return the Tome of Koslun to you. In the meantime we will need a truce, a pact to keep the peace.” Here it came. “The Viscount has proposed a political marriage.”

“He is married already,” the Arishok replied. “I do not see where this concerns me.”

“The Viscount did not propose to marry me. He suggested I marry you.” She sat in the ensuing silence, burdened with the stare of steel-grey eyes. This could have gone better.

“What purpose would that serve?”

“It would assure the people of Kirkwall that you will not attack them.”

“They deserve no less.”

“Arishok, please.” Meliana took a deep breath. “Laying the city waste will not help your cause. And Isabela has left. Even sifting through the rubble, you cannot retrieve your tome.”

“How will that political marriage you mention change any of that?” He demanded. "You are not making sense, human."

She had expected it. How did you explain the idea of a political marriage to somebody who didn't even consider normal marriage sensible? And he had fallen back to calling her 'human' instead of Hawke. Meliana pinched the bridge of her nose. Too many lives depended on this. She had to do her best.

"Let me try to explain it again. I understand that the concept is foreign to you. To break it down into pieces, the marriage is meant to stop citizens of Kirkwall attacking and challenging you. And I will use the peaceful time to retrieve your relic from my former companion. Nobody has to die.”

"You are wasting my time."

"I am trying to save countless lives," Meliana countered. "If you are willing to shed blood that is your decision. I will not be held responsible for your lack of restraint."

"So you are willing to bind yourself to me for the rest of your life to save the citizens of Kirkwall?"

"I am." She closed her eyes shortly. "I can understand if you do not feel the same commitment to them. They are my people, not yours."

The Arishok leant back, not taking his eyes from her. "Tell me again, why this political marriage is so important."

Small steps. Very, very small steps. Meliana nodded. "Of course.”

"And that works?" He wanted to know when she had finished. The Arishok's question was heavy with doubt.

"Well. Usually." It wasn't the best recommendation for the whole project. "The Viscount is obviously desperate to avoid bloodshed. If there is any way to prevent deaths, I am willing to do whatever it takes."

"So you say."

"And I will prove it. Look." Meliana rubbed her temple. "You don't have to love me. You don't have to bang me. Maker, you don't even have to like me. The only thing that matters is that we agree to go through with this and work together to keep the peace. Until I find your tome."

“Why does this matter to you?” the Arishok asked. “I do not care about the filth of this city and killing it does not bother me. Why do you care about the whereabouts of the Tome of Koslun?”

“Apart from not wishing to see my home laid waste?” She shrugged. "I may be a bas saarebas, but I am still very much against stealing books."

"And why is that?"

"Because," Meliana tried to sort through her thoughts to make them cohesive if not wholly understandable from the outside. "Books are important. They hold not only knowledge or power but a part of the person and culture they belong to. You might as well cut off a piece of a person's soul."

“You do not know what you ask,” he finally replied.

“From your side? No, I don't.” She sighed. “From where I stand it is the last hope to give both sides what they want without fighting each other.”

“I must consider.” He stood up.

Meliana tried to keep his face in her view and realised she might just topple. She gave up and climbed to her feet. “I will await your reply.”

“Where will you be found?”

“Somewhere in the streets of Kirkwall,” She smiled. “Keeping the peace as best as I can.”

“You will be found.” With that he turned and vanished into the building.

Right. Right. This might not mean a thing. Maybe she should have offered to convert to the Qun. But that would sabotage the whole plan, wouldn't it? The Qun would assign her a place in Qunari society and that was definitely not as the Arishok's consort.

She got a headache trying to imagine how a society without family ties worked. How did it hold up? But at least the Qunari would not ransack the city just yet. And if she managed to keep the less good citizens of Kirkwall from lynching an Qunari that happened to be about on sight, things might calm down again a little.

Which left pretty much the subject of the tome. If she ever got her hands on that woman. Why had Isabela done that? They had faced down Tevinter mages and worse. How bad could Castillon be? A little trust in her ability to kill about anybody would have been appreciated. But it was too late now. Way too late. And depending on how this went down, possibly even too late for forgiveness.

Meliana adjusted her staff. She didn't want to be in the Arishok's shoes right now. Truth be told, she'd prefer not to be in hers, too. Distraction was needed. It appeared in the form of Anders and Fenris waiting for her where she had left them in front of the Qunari compound. She could see the questions written all over them. Why couldn't she just go and kill something?

“What was that about?” Anders wanted to know.

She looked at them, spirit possessed and lyrium imbued. When had her life stopped being normal? Maybe she was still in Lothering, captured by some demon that tortured her with this implausible life. Now that was a cheery thought.

It was crashed by Varric sauntering towards them. “I have heard interesting rumours, Hawke. Are congratulations in order?”

Damn the dwarf. “I need a drink. Or two. Maybe a whole bottle.” She set off in the direction of the Hanged Man.


	2. Not Enough Drinks And No Duel

That drink had lasted way too short. Meliana had just gotten over the phase of innuendo and incredulous witty remarks about her conversation with the Arishok, when Aveline strode towards them. She did not look happy.

"Hawke, the city is in uproar." She stopped at their table. "The Qunari have left the Compound and are running amok."

"The what?" Meliana was about to slam he glass down. Then she thought better of it and downed its contents before letting go. "What is the Arishok thinking? Where is he? Where is Viscount Dumar? And where is your guard?"

"In the Keep." It was a very short answer to so many questions.

Meliana nodded. "At least they're all in one place. Let's go. Kick some serious arse, preferably on both sides."

They set off at a quick trot. The streets were crawling with Qunari herding citizens. She would have liked to stop each of them but the matter of stopping all of them at once was more pressing. There were only a few attempts to herd them which ended in ugly bloodshed. Meliana felt sorry for all involved.

After that, they had little trouble moving forward. She half suspected that they were meant to reach the Keep. They did, but barely in time. The Arishok stood with his back to a crowd of nobles. When they threw the doors open, he turned, revealing a scared Viscount Dumar in his grasp.

“Shanedan, Hawke, I expected you.” He thrust the Viscount at the guard beside him and came down the stairs towards them. “Maraa toh ebra-shok. You alone are basalit-an.” He looked at the terrified nobles backing off in all directions. “This is what respect looks like, bas. Some of you will never earn it.”

He came to a stop right before her, towering and blocking out anything else with his huge pauldrons. “So tell me, Hawke. You know I cannot withdraw. How would you resolve this conflict?"

"I would give you the Tome of Koslun so you can return home." It was difficult not to flinch under that hard gaze. Meliana congratulated herself for holding up.

"But you cannot."

"No," she agreed. "I cannot. Isabela has taken it as you know."

Viscount Dumar looked hat her as if he could change the situation by the power of his stare alone. If only. At least he was still alive. Killing him would likely have made the conflict impossible to solve. The nobility wouldn't stand for it.

“And is this not one of your companions. One I suspect you aided?”

“She will pay for what she has done.” Meliana made her voice hard. If Isabela had returned, seen the mistake she had made, but no. That was idle thought. She would just have to find her. Meliana glanced at Varric who replied with a shrug and a grin.

"Have we not waited long enough?" The Arishok demanded.

"You did. But did you ask for help?" Meliana challenged. "How can we hope to change a situation when we do not even know there is a problem? Tell me, Arishok, have I ever promised you anything I could not keep."

There was a long, taut silence stretching across the room. "You have not. You alone are basalit-an."

"Thank you." Hawke indicated a bow. "Will you not believe me then, when I say I can get back what you have lost?"

"There is no time," he replied after another pause. "There is war and we will not be slaughtered."

"There is still hope for peace." Meliana took a tentative step towards the towering Qunari leader. "You remember what we have been talking about?"

"Will that pact between you and me bring peace?" He obviously did not believe it.

"Yes, it will," Meliana assured. "Please, do not let more of our people die."

"What of him?" The Arishok pointed at the Viscount. "His rule did not satisfy the demands of peace and order."

"I will resign," Dumar said quickly. Meliana remembered the sight of his figure crouch next to his son. Almost pleading that he was not the man the city needed any longer. "Let the nobility elect a new Viscount. My line ends with me anyway."

"How will I know that the new Viscount will rule any better?" The Arishok was not letting up.

"You will get a say in that," Hawke almost laughed. "As a member of a noble family, your voice will carry weight in the conclave."

She felt his eyes hone in on her. It was a heavy glance but she held it. If his word carried only half as much weight when the new Viscount was chosen, the rest of the conclave was truly fucked.

"I will vouch for Dumar and his resignation," she added.

"So it all comes down to you." The Arishok said slowly, unholstering his battle axe. "It will all depend on you and your ability to make people do as they are told."

"It does." Meliana was not keen on being the linchpin of peace in Kirkwall. But if that was what it took, then she would do it. "And they will."

"So this is your alternative?" He took up a threatening posture, weighing the axe thoughtfully.

Meliana smiled up at him, trying to keep it friendly instead of lopsided. "It is one yes. The other being that I will kill you and then probably every Qunari in Kirkwall."

"A very tall order."

"Care to duel me to prove my point?" She pulled out her staff, almost pointing it at him. "Though I will be sorry to see you dead. You and your followers who will not stand down."

Had she ever felt this small when not facing a dragon? But she held her ground, keeping her eyes on the Arishok, ready to fight. The decision was his.

"Every other human and those words would have been their last," he said. "But you are basalit-an. You have the right to challenge." His eyes narrowed. "But can you win?"

Despite everything, Meliana had to grin. "I have fought everything from Dragons to Tevinter Magisters. And yet, here I am. So I am asking you, how lucky do you feel today?" She gave a little whirl with her staff as she took a step backwards into a defensive position.

The Arishok leant forwards until his face was directly before hers. "Very," he growled holstering his axe again. "I accept your pact, Hawke. And I will hold you responsible."

It was only as the tension drained out of her that Meliana realized how much had built up in her. She felt ready to sink to the ground and nap for a year. Instead she put her staff down hoping nobody noticed how heavily she leant on it.

"Then it is decided," Viscount Dumar was hurrying down the steps. "I will summon the conclave as last of my official actions. The Grand Cleric will want to talk to you."

Meliana looked from him to the Arishok and back. "Yes," she sighed, "I'm sure she will. Do you think she can wait until order is restored?"

"You really want to go out there now and pacify the streets?" Dumar was shocked.

"It is my city, Viscount, my people. I will do what I must." She straightened. "And I won't be alone."

"That is right." To her surprise it was the Arishok that had spoken, not one of her companions. "My people will obey my command."

I am sure they will, Meliana thought. But she was getting so tired. "Then let's go. And we will need to talk. Again. Because I am afraid Kirkwall will want to make the sealing of our pact a big ceremony."

"As is fitting," he replied. "It has never been done before."

"And let's hope it won't ever come to this again." Meliana went to the doors. She would rather have fought through a flood of darkspawn and maybe a high dragon or two. But it was now time for peace. She would have to find something to kill somewhere else. Maybe there were some pirates around. Maybe pirates that knew where Isabela had gone to. There was light at the end of the tunnel. It was probably a high dragon, but hey.


	3. Walking The Gauntlet

“I still can't believe you did that.” Anders leant against her four-poster bed, watching Meliana while she packed her things.

“What choice did I have?” She grumbled. “And it has worked. There have been no more incidents. Aveline has an eye on the Knight-Commander, you have an eye on the mages-”

“And you have your eyes on the Arishok,” Varric interrupted. “If one can believe rumour.”

“Varric,” Meliana sighed heavily. “Never mind.”

Speculation ran high everywhere. And the more innocent of it was centred about her political ambitions. There was less savoury talk usually involving the build of Qunari in general and that of the Arishok in specific. If she never heard huge grey dick innuendo again, she would die a happy woman no matter what.

“I thought you needed some cheering up, Hawke.” Varric was unapologetic.

“Yes, thank you. Actually, I do but that did not help.” She ran a hand over her face. “I am grateful you will look after my estate, Anders. Gamlen has lost it once before and I do not want that to happen again. Maybe Carver can take it back one day, Grey Warden or no.”

“It is my pleasure,” Anders replied. “Though I would have preferred, had you not invited everybody to join me here.”

“And here I thought you were getting along better with Fenris now.” Meliana tilted her head to the side. “And Merrill is a fellow mage.”

“It is surprising that I do not expect Fenris and I to kill each other,” the mage replied. “But Merrill is a blood mage and that does complicate things. You know I do not condone blood magic. Not to mention Fenris does have his own resentments about that.”

“I am sure Varric would love to move in as well and defuse any hostilities with his incomparable charm.” Meliana looked at the dwarf pointedly.

“I am happy at the Hanged Man,” Varric replied. “I get special rates and my tab seems to pay for itself. Leave me out of this.”

“At least I will be far away if you blow up my estate.” Meliana closed her trunk. “Just make sure you get Bodahn, Sandal, and Orana out first.”

“Your worry is touching.” Anders looked around. “It will be strange living in your room. You know, for a while I entertained the idea of moving in but with you.” He smiled wanly.

It was the last thing Meliana needed to hear right now. Not because she didn't like Anders, she did. She had not considered what he implied, but then she had been too busy juggling all her duties to think of a partner at all. Occasional ogling excepted.

“I think all of you have,” Varric ended the awkward silence. “Even Fenris, that mage-hating piece of hypocrisy.”

“In which case it is probably high time, I get out,” Meliana said. Despite her words, she sat down on her closed trunk.

“I'm sure the Compound isn't that bad.” Varric came and patted her shoulder.

“I lived in worse places.” She rested her head against his shoulder with a sigh. “And quite honestly, the ceremony worries me more. I always hated ceremonies. I would have cut down my wedding to the vows and blessing.”

“At least it is a once-in-a-lifetime thing,” Anders said.

She glared at him. “At least I got to keep wearing my robes instead of one of those vashedan, frilly, useless dresses.”

“You are acclimatising well,” Varric replied. “Swearing in a language is the first step into its greater world.”

“It's working,” Meliana whispered mostly to herself. “It is working and that is what matters. Just make sure you find Isabela fast,” she added in Varric's direction.”

“What? And deprive you of the joy everybody expects being the Arishok's wife is going to be?”

Meliana unbalanced him with a prod.

“Alright, alright,” he conceded. “My people are on it and the trail goes north. We'll find her.”

If only she could have gone herself. But that would nullify the whole exercise. It was meant to put a face, two actually, onto the ensuing peace. Leaving Kirkwall just then to frolic in the wild would never hold up. “Given a few weeks, I should be able to go after her myself. A hot trail is all I ask.”

“That does keep the honeymoon-” Varric didn't finish because this time, Meliana shoved him hard enough to fall over. “You are not fun,” Varric complained. “Just watch Anders face when I say things like that. It is very entertaining.”

“I wonder how entertaining it will be when the Revered Mother asks the groom to kiss the bride.” Fenris had appeared silent as a shadow, lounging in the door frame.

Meliana put her head in her hands. There was always that. Though she did have a few long and detailed conversations with the Arishok about the whole procedure. They would make it work. Somehow. It was all part of the show. And still.

At least the Arishok had failed to understand the concept of love and how physical affection played into that. Small favours. She should probably thank the Maker for them. And ask for some more while she was at it like a footstool for the ceremony so the whole kissing thing wouldn't end totally awkward. Maybe she should have suggested practice. But no. Just. No.

“Are you still with us, Hawke?” Varric waved a hand before her eyes.

“Unfortunately, so.” Meliana got up. A fortnight was admittedly a scandalously short period for a betrothal. It shouted, people being in a hurry. It had been another long and tedious conversation with the Arishok to explain why that was necessary at all when they were all agreed. Meliana couldn't argue very convincingly, seeing how she would just have gone through with the ceremony too.

“With some luck an idiot will show up with reasons why the marriage can't be allowed and we get to fight instead of being bored to death by speeches and sermons.” She tried to cheer herself up.

“I can't see anybody being that stupid,” Varric said.

Meliana sighed again. “Me neither. Oh, well. Time to go. I'll see you all at the Chantry, I guess?”

“Wouldn't miss it for the world,” Varric promised.

“I won't believe it unless I see it with my own eyes,” Anders added.

“I don't think _you_ will be seeing _me_ ,” Fenris said before melting away in the shadows of the corridor.

And that was that. Her trunk would be collected. She said her goodbyes to Bodahn, Sandal, and Orana. Meliana had considered taking the elf with her at least, but the idea of living among Qunari had made her servant shake in her boots so badly, that Meliana couldn't bring it over herself. And so here she was. All on her own. Well, almost.

“Ready to run the gauntlet?” She turned towards her future husband. Now that was a phrase that needed a lot more practice.

The Compound was no more busy than any other time she had been there. If this meant anything to the Qunari, they hid it well. At least the Arishok looked somewhat more pristine. She squinted and finally decided it was probably polished horns, more gold on them as well as freshly applied and impeccable war-paint.

Well, she was not wearing an outfit bespeaking peace herself. At least the robes were blue, a befitting colour for the occasion. She still felt naked without her staff. Not a good start. She wondered if he was having the same problems as his war-axe was not part of his outfit either.

“It is a most useless custom,” the Arishok replied. “The pact has been working in the last two weeks.”

That is had, and Meliana was more than grateful. But it would stop working the moment they stopped keeping the appearances up. “And this will ensure that it keeps working. Varric has traced Isabela to Ostwick.”

The change of subject did not impress the Arishok. “When will you follow?”

Right now, was her preferred reply. Unfortunately, she had a wedding to attend. It would work to sell the journey as their honeymoon, but only if she could convince the Arishok to join her. Now that was a conversation she had been postponing for days. The subject of the honeymoon didn't sit well with either of them.

“As soon as tomorrow, if you will accompany me.” She tugged at her feathered seam. “We have been talking about that.”

“Honeymoon, I remember.” He did not sound any more convinced than before. “You have many strange customs, Hawke.”

“Tell me about it,” she sighed. “It is definitely easier if you are not under scrutiny by all the nobles of your home. But they will jump on any chance to shatter the truce. You know how the people of Kirkwall are.”

“I do. And yet you insist on protecting them,” the Arishok said. “I do not understand you, Hawke.”

“They are not all of them bad,” Meliana replied. “And I believe that given the chance, many of them would be better. This just isn't the right government.”

“And you will change that?” There was something in his tone. It might have been a challenge, it might have been humour.

“I intend to. With your help, Arishok.” She grinned up at him. “After all you will have a seat and a say in the conclave as legally wedded spouse in the Hawke family. I am looking forward to that.”

“Are you now.” It wasn't really a question.

“I am. Though I will make sure you leave your axe at home.” She turned her attention back towards the gates. “Did you know that they have brought twenty-eight minstrels to sing along the way? Who would ever want twenty-eight minstrels? What is there even to sing about?”

“Your heroic deeds and my merciless acts,” the Arishok replied.

Meliana was almost certain that he was joking now. But before she could follow up on that, a fanfare blared and the gate began to move. Time to run the gauntlet. They hadn't set foot out of the compound when she heard the first minstrel strike up. It was a song about the advantages of married life. It was only a day, she told herself, not even that. In a few hours this would all be over. She could go home and, yes well. Whatever. First she had to get there.

“It is a bit late to convince us of the positive effects of marriage, is it not?” He was walking so close to her that she could feel his arm brush against hers now and then. The nobles of Kirkwall fell in behind them as they proceeded.

“Let's just hope none of them go into the details of marital duties or there might be fewer minstrels leaving than have arrived.”

“That is something I would much like to see.”

“You and me both.” Meliana straightened up. At least they were taking the short way to Hightown. “Try to remember their faces.”


	4. Holy Shite To Harrowed Night

Meliana spotted twenty-four of the twenty-eight minstrels on their way. Only one started to proclaim details of marital arts before catching a double glare of daggers. He was a talented fellow, though. She had not known it was possible to change the tune and words in the middle of a line.

Their train was reaching about a hundred meters by the time the Chantry came into sight. The crowd just following for the event and possible free food was even bigger. This wedding was the spectacle of the month, depending on the body count probably even of the year.

Representatives of the highest noble houses were waiting on the stairs of the Chantry. They were quite a sight in their finery, flowers draped over everything, even most of the nobles. The image of herself and the Arishok with matching flower-crowns flitted through her mind. Fortunately, it didn't stay long enough to turn into inappropriate laughter.

Grand Cleric Elthina stood before the closed doors of the Chantry, her face serene. She kept it straight through the whole questioning, too. As did the Arishok. Meliana felt like a rookie in the league of proffessional poker faces.

But yes, she was of age; her parents would probably not consent but were both dead so who cared? And how big was the chance she was related however distantly to the Arishok? There was dowry to argue about, no children to be legalised while they were at it and of course they were both here of their own free will. Interpreted broadly.

Finally Elthina was satisfied that they were in their right minds and shape to marry. There was no objection from the crowd though you could have heard a feather drop in the taut silence. Meliana concentrated on breathing regularly as the Grand Cleric held a first sermon, droning about the service to the people this union would be and how the Maker smiled on his children.

He could have smiled a little shorter. But finally the Grand Cleric ended and the doors of the Chantry were thrown open. She headed the procession that now moved down the aisle slowly. A canopy had been put up at the feet of the statue of Andraste. Everybody took their paces.

“It is now time to pledge your vows,” Elthina said when she had finished her monologue, smiling at them.

It had been a long discussion about who would go first and for what reasons. In the end, they had flipped a coin. The Arishok could be very reasonable when he chose to. She took a deep breath, sorted the words in her head, lined them up behind her tongue and prayed that they would make it out in the right shape and order.

“This I vow here in the presence of the assembled, that from this day on I shall be your wedded wife and share with you all my fortune and future. No other man will be in my life before you in trust, loyalty and love. This I swear by the Maker and his Holy Prophet Andraste, that our bond shall not be broken lest by death and may he have a hard time of it.”

There. Done. And with a passion to her voice that nobody had to know came from utter dread to get something wrong. The face of the Arishok came back into focus. She had been staring so hard, that she hadn't actually seen anything. Meliana smiled in relief.

“This is the vow I make,” the Arishok spoke up. His voice was carrying nicely through hall. “In accordance with the demands of the Qun and in the presence of those assembled: to be your wedded husband from this day on and share with you my fortune and future. There will be no other woman in my life before you in trust, loyalty and love. This bond cannot be broken. Death may try.”

With that tone, Meliana doubted death was tempted. Immortality could be achieved so easily. Who'd have thought? She realised she was still grinning like a maniac. Indicating a nod they turned towards the Grand Cleric again. Rings were the next step. Getting those tattooed was not an option. A shame as they would likely not be wearing them much. Those things caught in gloves and gauntlets. But how would a cleric know that?

Meliana looked expectantly at Elthina who was stepping aside, making space for Dumar. The Not-quite-retired but also not-really-in-charge Viscount made a speech. It was long, winding and beat around the bush how come this had happened. But it was the best that could happen to Kirkwall for sure.

Meliana smiled at him as he left.

Only to be replaced my Knight-Commander Meredith. Her speech was less glowing, more glowering and definitely hinting at dire consequences should this union fail to protect the city. Orsino was more cheerful. But he was a fellow mage and understood her prison better with all it's restrictions and freedoms however gilded.

Meliana was so busy looking for her friends in the crowd that she almost missed the ring giving. Not that you could ignore a Qunari taking your hand in a grip like a clamp, pushing a ring over one of your fingers. He didn't break anything, though, so all was good. She returned the favour but doubted he even noticed the unnecessary force applied.

Grand Cleric Elthina broke out more gracious words. It was difficult to follow her after all those speeches. Meliana knew why she had never wanted an elaborate wedding. Yes. Yes. Kiss. Cake. That sounded like plan. Speaking of which.

"You may now exchange your kiss to seal the union," Elthina said with another smile.

Meliana looked up at the Arishok who looked down at her with pretty much the same beat expression she felt on her face. Not to mention that even on tiptoe, yes indeed, she couldn't even reach his chin with her lips. Awkward. Foot stool. Way too late.

The Arishok saved the moment and her by deftly picking her up at the hips. She grabbed his shoulders to support her unexpected rise. Well. There they went. It was surprisingly agreeable. He had big lips. Soft. Knew what he was doing. Oh dear. At least it would look very convincing. She would have expected more of a taste of metal judging from the skin colour.

Oh. Well.

Meliana had no problem holding on to his arm as they turned toward the assembled nobles. Without his arm, problems galore. She donned a bright smile, softening her clutch on him. At least the crowd cheered. There was a short storm of flying flowers none of which caught on the Arishok's horns.

They turned back to the Grand Cleric who raised her hand to bless them. Meliana bowed only a little, not wishing to fall over. This was not going as expected. The pitter-patter of her heartbeat settled again during the blessing though. Good. On with the show. They headed towards the doors again, followed by a train of nobles. There was a banquet. It would involve many more speeches but there would be food.

* * *

There had been food. There had also been drink which was a pity because she had only had two cups of a very watered-down wine. Maybe having to share the cup of spiced wine with the Arishok before getting anything to eat had been one reason.

She had felt heady. After all her last meal had been half a day ago at least. And breaking out into giggles was not helping. She would likely get a headache the next morning too. But it had been a great excuse for the dancing. One shared glance had been enough to assure her the Arishok was with her on that subject. No dancing.

Instead Meliana kept herself amused by thinking up the most convenient was to kill them as she spoke to ambitious well-wishers, incredulous enviers, and half-disguised backstabbers. Life in politics was amazing. She couldn't wait for this to be over and return home.

The thought sobered her. Home. Whatever that meant now. She smiled at the Arishok who acknowledged it with a curt nod. Let Kirkwall celebrate. They had done their job. It was also the privilege of newlyweds to excuse themselves early. Small favours. She hugged all of her friends she could find. As Fenris had predicted, she had not seen him during the whole event.

The sun was sinking in a sea of clouds, shedding pink light over the grey stone as the walk down to the docks. Meliana was ready to drop on the spot and sleep. Something that might just prove helpful, faced with her new home. She glanced at the Arishok who might just have forgotten about her existence. Nice. The gate of the Qunari Compound closed behind her. She yawned all the way up the stairs and didn't even turn to look if she was headed for bed on her own. Bed. Sleep. Now. There was always a silver lining.

* * *

Meliana jerked awake, her eyes wide open and magic glittering at her fingertips. She took a gasping breath, trying to calm down. Her heart was pounding loudly in her ears. Slowly she realized that she was not alone. Her right was resting over the throat of the Arishok, ready to crush his windpipe. In the blue glow of her magic, his grey skin was pale, reflecting in changing hues.

"Okay. Okay." Meliana took another deep breath and slowly leant back. That brought a blade into her field of vision that had been resting against her throat. Well. She faded the magic from her hands, returning the room into darkness. "Sorry."

"Does this happen to you often?" The words were accompanied by the sound of a blade being sheathed.

"No, not really." She ran a hand over her eyes. "I don't have nightmares often. I think this was more about realizing I am not alone. It is," she hesitated, "new."

"That contradicts most of the stories floating around about you and your companions." The blade was stashed away, probably under the pillow by the sound of it.

"Me and who?" Meliana asked. ""All of them?"

"Indeed. And often at the same time." He shifted his weight.

"I had no idea such stories circulated. Varric never told me and he usually tells me everything." She turned to her side, looking at the Arishok though she could not see a thing in the darkness.

"The dwarf is often depicted as a mere chronicler of the events." There was a trace of humour in the Arishok's voice.

"Ah, that would explain it." Meliana allowed herself a small giggle. "He would not like that. I wish I had any story about you worth telling."

"I am sure there are enough of those."

"But none I would feel comfortable telling you." She sighed. "Most of them are nasty exaggerations of violence."

"How do you know they are exaggerated?" He growled through the darkness.

"Well, I am still alive, am I not?" Meliana relaxed. "Usually meeting you doesn't end like that in the rumours. They are not credible. The only story worth telling I can think of would be about the Hero of Ferelden hand her Qunari companion."

"You are keeping up with the events in Ferelden?" There might have been a hint of interest.

"It is where I come from. Kirkwall is my home now, but Ferelden," she grasped at words. "It is like a dream you don't want to give up even if you don't want to go back. Anyway, it is said the Hero of Ferelden travelled with a Qunari companion she trusted more than any other. That she had dragon bone armour made especially for him and called him kadan. But then it is also said that she punched the arch demon between the eyes." Meliana snorted. "I know which of those I'd believe."

"Because you know how to punch a dragon between the eyes if people are to be believed." There was a short pause. "I sent him, a Sten of the beresaad to bring me answers about the Blight. And he did. But he did not mention that the Blight was only one problem among the many here. He did not speak as evil of the people here as they deserve, especially not the mages."

"The Hero of Ferelden was a mage," Meliana said. It was a comfort to know that not all mages were bad or went bad.

"It seems that whenever things are at their worst, you mages appear." The Arishok's tone was disgusted.

"I think that is because magic works like a magnifying glass. When we do something bad, it's really bad and when we do something good, it is really good." She sighed. "But nobody notices something good that works just fine until it doesn't."

A non-committal snort was all the answer she got.

"Alright, alright. I know how you view mages. I will be happy to wake up tomorrow with my tongue still in my mouth."

"With each word you speak, the probability of that is decreasing." The Arishok growled softly.

Meliana had a quip on her lips but thought better of it. She turned onto her back and stared into the darkness above. It was pressing down on her as surely as the heavy blanket and the silence. A silence only emphasised by the regular breathing of the Qunari beside her.


	5. No Honeymoon? What the Fuck?

The headache was not as bad as Meliana had feared. She rubbed her eyes and temples alternately, trying to remember where she was and how she had gotten here. Her mind tried to skip the part where she had tried to kill her newly-wed husband. Not that she was sure she would have succeeded. She ran a hand over her throat but it was untouched. Good. No casualties during the first day. And night.

Meliana swung her legs out of the bed. At least she tried. The bed was a lot bigger than she remembered. Admittedly, Qunari were taller than humans, the Arishok towered over them again. Of course his furniture would be bigger. But this bed was something else entirely. Even bigger than hers which could easily have hosted the fabled orgies she was rumoured to have.

It was probably at a very agreeable height for taller people as well. She did not approve of her feet dangling over the side when she finally reached it. Well. She better get used to that. After all she was now the tiniest person around. It was somewhat unlikely that amends would be made.

At least breakfast was matching the size of everything around. Time to find the Arishok and discuss a manhunt disguised as honeymoon. Though, come to think of it, a manhunt might just be the kind of honeymoon she enjoyed.

She did not get far before another hulking Qunari intercepted her. She needed to work on keeping them apart. Maybe the paint held clues to that.

“You have visitors.” His speech was heavily accented.

“Okay?” Whoever would be around for the morning after.

“We do not want the Compound crawling with bas.”

“Right. No problem. I'll just go and meet them at the gate. Maybe have a stroll with them or something.”

“Yes.” With that he turned and walked away, his duty obviously fulfilled.

Meliana shrugged. She could handle herself. Grabbing her staff she strode towards the gate. It still felt like leaving after a visit rather than going to her front door. How long would that hold up? To her surprise she found Varric standing in the gate as if he'd rather be somewhere else. He was not alone with that desire.

“Don't get the wrong idea, Hawke, this is business,” he declared immediately.

“Good,” she replied. “Wouldn't want to have it any other way. Want to come in? Though I am not sure where to find a secluded spot for a conversation.”

“You need to work on that.” He shook his head in disappointment. “Come.” She followed him down the stairs and to the water. “I have suspicious news.”

“About Isabela?”

“The very same. Somebody claims to have captured her.”

“That does sound suspicious,” Meliana agreed. “Of course they want to meet me, alone in the dark in some lonely alley?”

“That is about the shape of it.” Varric grinned. “And here they say marriage makes you lose your edge.”

“I'll make you lose a few teeth if you're not careful,” Meliana replied with a grin. “I'll want Fenris along on this and Anders. And tip of Aveline to send a patrol to sweep up the remains and possible rabble.”

“Neatly packed as usual, I suppose?”

“You know me Varric. I cannot resist tying a neat bow around presents for the captain of our guard.” It was almost as if nothing had happened.

“What will you do until then?” Varric wanted to know.

“Well, there was the subject of a honeymoon in Ostwick standing in the room,” Meliana said. “I guess, Ill have to breach that again. But it might include a manhunt so I am optimistic it'll be some degree of fun.”

„Yes, yes you would.” He looked at her for a moment. „ Don't change, Meliana, okay? Don't let that, that fucking politics get to you.“

“I won't.” She smiled. It was good to see that he wasn't worried about her handling the Arishok. But politics, yes, those were evil.

For reasons known only to him, the Arishok was residing in his usual chair. Maybe holding court or however the Qunari had organised their daily business. Keeping the Compound running had to involve some organisation and stuff.

“You are awake,” he greeted her. “I was not sure how long it would take you to get up.”

“Not that long usually,” she replied. “But then there tends to be somebody to wake me for some task or other, so I wouldn't know. I take it you're an early riser then?”

“I stand up when it is necessary.”

“Yes. Well.” She looked around. There was still no second place to sit. With a sigh she put her staff down. “I wanted to talk about going to Ostwick again.”

“What is there to talk about? You know my reasons. They did not change.” Her put his hands on his knees.

“There must be a way.” Meliana let her eyes sweep the vicinity once more with no more success at turning up a chair than before. She shrugged and squeezed onto the two-headed chair beside the Arishok. “You are here to retrieve the Tome of Koslun. Going to Ostwick will do just that. Where was the problem again?”

“I cannot leave Kirkwall for that long,” he said. “I cannot leave my people on their own.”

“But there is peace now,” Meliana said.

“And what if the citizens of Kirkwall forget about that?” He made a little space for her.

What if the Qunari forgot, she wanted to retort, but he was right. If anybody forgot there should be peace it was her people not his. They had been patiently waiting for their return for so long now. “Is there really nobody who could stand in for you? A trusted lieutenant?”

“My subordinates lack my – patience,” the Arishok replied. “If we leave it to them, there will be nobody left to return to Par Vollen.”

“And only smoking rubble where Kirkwall has been. I see your point, Arishok. It's just so frustrating.” She sighed and put her chin in her hands, resting her elbows on her knees. “I can't believe there is no way to solve this. Still, importing somebody would take too long”

She ran both hands through her head. “I can't stand just sitting here and waiting for something to happen. I never do this. I may rush ahead rashly to punch high dragons in the face because of bad decision making skills, but I do not sit around and,” she stopped herself.

“Now you begin to understand my problem.” The Arishok sounded tired.

“I guess.” How did he have to feel? Unable to do anything for most of the time but wait for the tome to resurface and keep his people alive. “But you are not alone in this any more. We will find a way.”

“Maybe nothing will come of those words, but thank you.”

Did he doubt her? Meliana didn't want to believe it. Because if he had doubts, why even try? It was not making sense. He wasn't the type to grasp at straws. She turned her head to glance at him. How long had he been here now? Since before her arrival. That was a long time, a very long time to be unable to do something.

She sighed, buying her face in her hands again. “I am sorry.”

“I know.” He was sincere. It didn't help.

“There's another lead to follow up,” Meliana changed the topic. “Maybe we won't have to go to Ostwick after all.”

“You do not believe it.” It was a statement.

How did he know her so well already? Was she that transparent? Was the body language of Qunari so subtle she was screeching the whole time? Did she want to know? Probably not. “I expect a trap, yes.”

“I assume you will be safe.”

“If that is an offer to send some of your warriors along, thank you but no. I think that would definitely tip off whoever is behind this.” Meliana smiled. “I mean it. Thank you.”

“You are welcome,” the Arishok growled. “But the correct phrasing would be 'our warriors'. It would behove you to remember that.”

“I will work on it.” How the hell? First he doubted she could actually deliver on her promise to return the Tome of Koslun and now he insisted on actually sharing everything as well. They had vowed to, but that had been to save the city. To save his people and hers. She hadn't expected him to actually mean all that.

Which immediately begged the question if he believed what she had sworn because Holy Andraste's knickers in a knot, that might become awkward. On the other hand, she had moved in like it was nothing, bringing everything she had with her except what was needed to keep her estate up and running.

Don't think about it now, she told herself. Think about it later. Much later. Like never. Think about killing villains in dark alleys. There. Much better. No Qunari warriors necessary. And you didn't think of them at all. Not one bit.

“I feel bad because I cannot keep them apart,” she said to fill the silence. “Is there a trick to that?”

“Of course,” the Arishok replied. “Know them.”

Now that was helpful. But it would work. “Got it.” She stood up, picking up her staff and turned to leave. He acknowledge her departure with a nod.

Meliana decided to get to know the place better first. She had spent most of her time here in deep discussion with the Arishok so far. Now it was time to actually tour the Compound. It was also a less scary thought than walking up to random Qunari and try to start a conversation with them. Her Qunlat was even worse than their common tongue.

There were more rooms and tunnels to the place than she had expected. Meliana suspected that some of the cellars were actually quite far out of the Compound proper but since they went under the ground and nobody complained that was that. And it did kill the time until the mysterious meeting nicely.

The meeting place was indeed a very dark and lonely alley. With Fenris and Anders hidden away somewhere in the night, Meliana felt safe, though. And surprisingly enough, it wasn't an ambush. Not in the traditional sense, anyway.

“Meliana Hawke,” a woman's voice called out from the shadows.

“That would be me.” Meliana weighed her staff in one hand, keeping an open mind about hidden and silent supporters.

“You did not come alone,” the voice accused.

“Nope. Did you?”

“I might.” An elf stepped into a less dark area of the alley. She wore a green travelling outfit and two daggers on her back. Neither of them drawn. “I was after all asking for a meeting, not a duel.”

“I like duels,” Meliana said. “I think some of my greatest problems could have been better solved by duels.”

“Maybe. But know that there are many grateful you did not kill our Arishok.” The woman indicated a bow. “Asit tal-eb.”

“I suspect there is more to you than being a curious elf interested in how married life turned out for me?” Meliana pretended to put her staff away. The other did not try to attack.

“I am indeed, Saarebasalit-an Hawke. I am Tallis and I am here for your help.”

“Tallis, huh?” Meliana furrowed her brow. “That isn't really a name, is it? Like Arishok isn't?”

“Very observant, yes. I am a Viddathari, I follow the Qun though I am not of the Qunari.” She glanced around. “But maybe we can find a more agreeable place to speak. One where your companions can stop to linger in the shadows and maybe sit down.”

“I take it the Qunari Compound is out of the question?” Meliana turned towards the Hanged Man and gestured the others to follow.

“Yes. If I could go to the Compound, I would not need your help.” Tallis chuckled mirthlessly. “But you have a reputation for solving problems involving Qunari.”

“I am already married,” Meliana quipped. “I am sorry, I can't help you there.”

“No need.” Tallis laughter sounded genuine. “And I am not asking you to help me out of the goodness of your heart. I have something you want.”

“Isabela?”

“I wish. But it is related and will help you with finding her.”

“I am not sure that is enough,” Meliana sighed. “But you mentioned the goodness of my heart, so let's hear it all anyways. With a drink or two.”


	6. A Tallis Tally

Meliana grabbed a bottle of wine and cups in the tavern as they retreated into a corner. Of course Varric wouldn't want anybody to just know where his room was. Meliana was careful not to chug down her first cup because. She would need her wits. "So what is your story? And what do you want?"

"As I have said, I am Tallis, a Viddarathi, an elven follower of the Qun. It saved me and gave me a life and a purpose after my parents sold me into slavery." She made a short pause. "I have put that at risk and restoring the faith of the Qunari in me is one part of what this is about. The other part is about saving the lives of innocent bystanders."

"How do those two go together?" Meliana wanted to know.

"If I can save the people, I can redeem myself for doing something I was not tasked with."

"Is that an official arrangement?"

"Well," Tallis hedged. "Not really."

"Your realise it doesn't work that way?" Meliana remembered her incident with Javaris.

"I do, but this is where you come in." Tallis grinned. It was, unfortunately, contagious.

"You want to exploit my moderating wifely influence on the Arishok?" Meliana almost giggled. "That's a good one, but pull the other one it has bells on it."

“No that is exactly what I have in mind,” Tallis insisted.

“After we saved those people you mentioned,” Meliana pointed at the catch.

“Oh, it is not that difficult,” Tallis said. “I am waiting for a Tal-Vashoth who wants to sell information to the Orlaisans that will cost many lives if he is not stopped.”

“The Qunari didn't think it important enough to intervene?” Meliana asked.

“They did not,” Tallis admitted. She glanced at the companions that watched the exchange in silence like so many auditors. “But I cannot stand by and let it happen.”

“That Tal-Vashoth,” Meliana said slowly, “a friend of yours maybe?”

Tallis reaction showed, however shortly, that she had guessed correctly. “A former mentor.”

“Alright, one more thing.” Meliana put her cup down. “What kind of information.”

There was a long pause. Finally Tallis sighed. “It is a list with the names of Qunari sleeper agents throughout Thedas. If it becomes known not only the agents but everybody they know, their families and friends are in danger. Nobody will care if they are agents too.”

Meliana looked at her companions. Now that was unexpected. And also inconvenient. “I want that list,” she finally said. “If we do this, I get that list. Non-negotiable.”

“What will you do with it?” Tallis asked.

“I do not know. But it is safer in my hands than anybody else's.” And that included the Arishok, especially the Arishok. “When will the Tal-Vashoth arrive?”

“I am not sure,” Tallis hedged. “I have my informants along his route. But I expected the negotiations with you to take longer so I started early.”

“Very wise.” Meliana said. “So, a tallis, is that the Qunari equivalent of a spy?”

“No, not really,” Tallis replied. “We do more. We solve problems, any kind of problems. Extracting difficult information, delicately removing obstacles, overseeing sensitive operations, delivering secret messages.”

Meliana felt a grin creep onto her lips. One that was none too friendly if the change in Tallis expression was anything to go by. “Oh, really? That does sound like a very diverse job.”

“It is.” The words were almost hiding behind caution.

“So how much disgrace are you in and how much of that is actually know this side of the Ventosus Straits?” Meliana tried to sound innocent. There was a deal in this if only she could make it happen.

“More than I'd like and what does it matter?”

“Can you still act as tallis officially,” Meliana rephrased. “Will your solving of a problem be acceptable solving?”

“I think so,” Tallis said still warily. “Though I would prefer not to-”

“Yes, yes I understand,” Meliana interrupted her. “But does the Arishok know? How good is communication with Par Vollen?”

“You are crazy, Hawke, it will never work,” Varric interrupted.

“What won't work?” Tallis turned towards him.

“It is not the way of the Qun,” Fenris added. “Not if she is in disgrace.”

“But she is not,” Meliana objected. “Not really? Not if she doesn't do her quest thingy. And she won't because you won't have to, Tallis. I'll solve your problem for you. And in turn, you solve mine.”

“Your expression worries me, Hawke,” Tallis replied.

“It doesn't need to. Let me explain.” Meliana poured herself another cup of wine. “You are not really doing anything wrong by Qun standards. Yet. So you're still a proper tallis. Take a proper job here and the paperwork can be fudged to make that the reason you came here. Follow?”

“So far, yes.” The caution did not leave the other elf's voice. “I guess you could be right.”

“Okay, so here is my problem that you mere existence might just solve.” Meliana grinned and sipped on her wine. “You know why the Qunari are in Kirkwall?”

“Well,” Tallis hedged, “I know why they cannot leave, if that is what you mean. I know they are – lacking and what.”

“Good, yes.” Meliana nodded. “Now my job is to get that missing piece back. And to do that I need to travel. But since I just recently married, I can't really go alone. But the Arishok cannot leave his people here without supervision. A problem you can solve. And in return, I take care of your Tal-Vashoth. How does that sound?”

“Crazy,” Tallis replied. “I have to agree with Serah Varric there. The Arishok will never agree to that.”

“Oh, he is not as conservative as he'd liked to be.” Meliana grinned. That was a plan she could make happen. Somehow.

“Listen to yourself, Hawke,” Varric spoke up.

“I am, and I like what I hear.”

“You do realise you are the only one?” Anders asked.

“Does any of you have a better idea?” Meliana looked at her friends. “No? That's what I thought. But let me tell you that I do not make my promises lightly. And, and, and. Well.”

“Alright, alright,” Varric gave in. “We will help you. The sooner the Qunari get their relic back, the sooner they will leave. We have your back.” He glared at Anders and Fenris who nodded docilely.

Now that was not really the reason she had such hurry. At least Meliana was sure it wasn't a reason. So far the only thing this marriage had changed was her address and the size of the furniture around her. It wasn't bad per se.

“I will speak to the Arishok first,” she said to Tallis. “I'll get back to you tomorrow. Everything will work out just fine. I promise.”

“You are way to generous with your promises,” Fenris reminded her. “Think what the last one cost you.”

Meliana sighed. “A price well worth paying. And not as high as you might think.”

“These things always turn out to cost more than anticipated,” Anders said softly. “Trust me on this.”

Pouring another cup of wine, Meliana shook her head. “This will work. I will make it work. It is what I do.”

“Maybe you should be tallis then,” Tallis said. “If you can really do this.”

“I'd make a horrible Viddathari. I am very bad at taking orders, following rules and not questioning things. Not that I don't admire the Qunari for their purpose and resolve,” Meliana smiled, “it just wouldn't work for me.”

“So you say without having tried,” Tallis said.

“I heard there was some serious trouble if you changed your mind again after committing. Anyway, do we have a deal?” Meliana drained her cup.

“If you can arrange for this, yes.” Tallis got up. “I will find you. Tomorrow.”

“Indeed.” Meliana nodded in her direction, ogling the jug.

“Nope.” Varric whisked the tempting item away. “No more liquid courage for you, Hawke. You need to be able to talk, not to mention think.”

“There has been no indication of that happening while sober,” Fenris said. He looked disapproving as her stood up as well. “Do you want to get yourself killed, Hawke? This may be the fastest way to anger the Arishok.”

“I know what I am doing,” she insisted. Since everybody was getting ready to leave, she decided to do the same. A nice walk through the night of Kirkwall, breathing the salty air and possibly killing a few bandits. Nothing better to prepare her for the conversation with the Arishok. If he was even awake still.

She took her time walking. It did not help. No bandits were incited to attack her. It was probably a bad aura, something that gave away how desperate she was to kill something. The Qunari guard opened the gate for her without a word. It closed behind her silently. She had never noticed that before.

The Compound was lit with a few scattered torches that emphasised the darkness more than lit it. There were not many Qunari about, just enough to maybe call it a night shift of guards. What were they warding against? Meliana shook her head. So many questions.

Of course the Arishok was still up. He was poring over some books the writing in which Meliana could not read. The numbers looked familiar enough though, probably some kind of book keeping. He seemed to be checking, mostly. There were a few scribbles on the margin.

She slipped into the bench on the other side of the table. For a while she just watched. When it became clear that her presence alone would not be enough to attract attention she cleared her throat. When he looked up, she grinned. “I have just solved, well not all of our problems, but a good deal of them.”

“Have you now?” The Arishok's voice was giving nothing away.

“I have. Don't be so incredulous.”

The quill was lowered slowly. Meliana wondered how big the bird must have been to make its feather look of normal size in that hand. Carvers two-handed sword would look like in penknife in the Arishok's grip.

“Speak then,” he said, lowering a heavy gaze onto her.

“Alright,” Meliana took a deep breath. “There is a tallis here in Kirkwall. They specialise in solving problems and we have one. From what I gathered, she can also oversee delicate situations which is pretty much the Qunari left here on their own. She comes and stands in for you, you accompany me to Ostwick, problem solved.”

“She is an elven Viddarathi, is he not?” His stare bored into her skull.

“Well. Yes. You know her?”

“I do. And this is not a good idea.” The Arishok picked up his quill again.

“It is the only idea around right now,” Meliana said. When she was ignored, she crawled onto the table, pushing the papers away very, very carefully. “Tell me about your reservations, Arishok. Give me something to work with!”

“Why? So you can twist my words until they fit your logic?” He removed her hands from the papers pointedly.

Meliana wanted to slump. But any movement might have toppled her and falling face-first into the Arishok was not a good idea. She wanted to get on his good side. If he had one. “Is she really that bad?”

“She is known to fulfil her tasks to her own specifications,” the Arishok replied. “That is not the way of the Qun.”

Neither was any of this. Meliana wasn't sure it would be wise to bring that up. “So it is not enough that something helps fulfil a demand of he Qun? Even one as important as yours?”

“She did not approach you here,” the Arishok pointed out. “And you promised her to solve some of her troubles in return, did you not?”

“I-” Meliana was about to deny it. Then she sat back on her heels with a sigh, lowering her head. “I did.”

“You do not follow the Qun,” he went on. “Why do you think you can solve our problems so easily?”

“Because I wish I could.” It wasn't much more than a whisper.

“And when has that ever helped?”

Meliana felt her features harden as she looked at him. He was right, of course, wishing didn't help a lick. But it was the starting point for anything. I wish I lived in this city. I wished my mother was happy. I wished my friend was not pursued by his former masters any longer. I wish, I wish, I wish. It was how you started things.

“And when has anything ever gotten done without somebody saying 'I wish things were different' before?” She challenged him. “How will you achieve anything if you cannot admit to something being less than it could be and desiring to change it?”

To her surprise he wasn't even annoyed. “Your arguments are sound,” the Arishok replied. “But your tallis is not.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Make sure she is here on time and that the cover story for our departure is tight.” He placed his papers before him again.

For a moment Meliana just crouched where she was, staring and trying to get her mouth to shut. “Can you promise me not to kill her?”

“I can.”

“Will you promise me not to kill her?” It was an important difference for such a literal people. Assumedly literal people. Meliana found herself considering her opinions a lot lately.

“I will not kill her or have her killed, Hawke. That would be counterproductive. Even if she has fallen out with the Qun, she can be re-educated.”

“Thank you.” Meliana wasn't sure how to get him to look up from his work again. Maybe it didn't matter. “I mean that. Thank you.”

“I would not want to keep you here longer than absolutely necessary,” came the reply. “Your desire to get this over with and be elsewhere is clear.”

Well. That was not it. Not really. Not that she thought. The arrangement really didn't bother her as much as she had assumed. Though she could not claim to understand the Arishok even a little. Still, she could think of no reply putting that into actually working words.

“That's not what I meant.” She climbed off the table. “Goodnight.”


	7. And So It Begins

She couldn’t sleep. Despite her sheer exhaustion and the lingering intoxication of over three cups of wine, Meliana found herself awake in the small hours. Repeatedly. Tossing and turning were not an option. Not with the Arishok sleeping soundly at her side. It was enough that one of them lay awake.

So awake she lay, staring into the darkness above her. Trying not to fidget. Trying to sleep. Failing on both accounts. Finally she just got up beat, dressed and wandered about the Compound for some time. That didn't help. The eyes of the Qunari followed her unobtrusively, but she knew it anyway.

As soon as dawn broke she left for her former home. The Hawke Estate was looking mighty fine in the light of the rising sun, all shine and sparkle. What wouldn't she give to have her mother see this. But then what wouldn't she give for her to never know what deal she had accepted on behalf of the city? It might just balance out.

If at least Carver were there. He could be a pain in the arse, but he was her brother. It didn't matter how much they hated each other. They were siblings. That outranked everything else. But he was a Grey Warden now. Her fault, all her fault.

She almost just walked by, but Orana opened the door, gave her a cup of tea and told her to wait for somebody. It was better than pacing the Compound. It was better than staring at the sea on her own. Fenris joined her a little later, looking none too happy. He had probably been woken by Orana.

“I am sorry,” Meliana said. “I didn't mean for her to wake you. I didn't know where to go.”

“Are you alright?” There was enough worry in his voice to force a smile onto her lips.

“I am all over the place, but otherwise I am fine.” Meliana sipped on her tea. “Sorry for waking you already.”

“I have been through worse,” Fenris replied. “And for less.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Meliana wanted to know.

“It just might.” Fenris smiled. "Though according to Anders you are beyond redemption, stuck forever with that grey lump.”

“He isn't that bad,” she said immediately. “I don't even really know him.”

“And you might want to keep it that way,” Fenris said. “After all the plan is for him to leave as soon as possible.”

“You know me,” Meliana began.

“Yes, I do” Fenris interrupted, "that is why I worry.”

“There is nothing to worry about,” Meliana said. “Everything is going better than anticipated, actually. We're going to Ostwick under the pretence of a honeymoon. Would it be okay for you to join us pretending to be a servant?”

Fenris looked at her for a long moment. “I suspect you plan on bringing Merrill as well?”

Meliana wanted to deny it but what good would that do? “You're both extremely capable and I trust you. Even if you don't trust each other.” She sighed into her tea. “Capturing Isabela won't be easy. And who knows if the Castillon is involved already as well. I will need all the help I can get. Elven servants are just so common and invisible.”

“It is not that I don't trust her,” Fenris said. “But she is a Blood Mage. Forgive if I cannot forgive that.”

“I understand,” Meliana replied. “She means well, but the slope is so slippery. Not that anybody seems to be able to do completely without blood magic. Even the Chantries use it to track mages. But I am getting sidetracked.”

“I wonder why.” He sipped on his own tea. “To get back on track, you might want to look into Qunari Vitaar. So what is the problem you'd rather avoid? Planning?”

“Planning a honeymoon, specifically.” Meliana wished to vanish. Maybe to see what Vitaar had to do with blood magic. Anything was better than this. “Its great that it will work now, but it is just so much work. There needs to be a programme, stops and entertainment. How can anybody hope to hunt for another person clogged down like that?”

“What did you plan?” Fenris asked. He sounded genuinely interested.

“To get into the right places and be allowed to move around freely, I am planning a hunt. A tiger hunt. It has to be special because it's out honeymoon. He can make a wrap from the pelt. Very romantic.”

“There are no tigers in Ostwick.” he shook his head. “You need better research.”

“No, I just need to import one. Not a problem.” Meliana grinned. “Because, really, how lucky do you have to be to actually catch a tiger in the wild? So we import one. It's all a show anyway.”

“What will you do with the tiger if you don't hunt it? You can't let it go free.”

“They're called Free Marches, yes?” She chuckled. “Well, okay. You're right. Maybe we can tame it and keep it as a pet.”

“And we are back at your general problem of planning.”

“It is not my fault that I never get around to it,” Meliana protested. “Whenever I felt ready to plan my future, some idiot shows up with an inescapable plan. At least Varric's expedition got our estate back.”

Neither said that she had lost her brother in return. She refused to believe that he was gone forever. One day, one day he would return and grumble about being in her shadow again. It would just like old times, only better.

“First your estate, and now all of Kirkwall. Will he have to worry for the Free Marches next?”

“Maybe,” Meliana grinned. “What if I take a shine to being the Arishok's wife and we decide to just invade Thedas? Now that would be a plan.”

“You realise that the Qunari keep trying to invade and fail?” Fenris asked.

“Well, they didn't have me yet.”

“Let's keep it that way. It will be difficult enough to play your servant for a fortnight with a straight face.”

Meliana was sure he would make it. Talking to Merrill was easier. She was no more enthusiastic about the idea than Fenris. But they were the obvious choices. And she would take care of everything, livery and such. Not that she liked shopping. She actually hated it, but what had to be done, had to be done.

Other tasks on her list included a carriage, horses, a rental route and finding out if it would be possible to change horses and keep going or if they really had to travel at snail's pace. After that, she returned to the Hanged Man, certain that Tallis would show up sooner or later.

And she did, though it took Meliana all of her self control not to order a few cups of wine while waiting. Being drunk was not a solution.

“What did he say?” Tallis asked.

“He said that I was an idiot but that he knew that already. In other words,” Meliana added when her only response was a questioning look.

“You really have no idea who he is in our society, do you?” Tallis wanted to know.

Well, that was probably true. The Arishok was a fucking huge warrior. He wielded two weapons, each of them meant to be used with two hands, at least by human standards. Meliana wasn't sure she ever wanted to see him in action. Not fighting against her, that much was for certain.

And she had read up on him. Having a possibly hostile group of infamous fighters sitting in the middle of her home town had made that important. Not that there was much. After all she had accessed human histories and those were prejudiced. Naturally.

He had been defending Seheron before becoming Arishok and had a reputation for high-risk tactics. Was he deemed a progressive among his people? Meliana hadn't thought about that yet. He was part of the ruling triumvirate of the Qunari, though. Maybe she should have taken that into consideration more often in her dealings with him.

But here in Kirkwall, he was just a stranded general. Or so he appeared. That could be on purpose as well. Foreign rulers were tempting targets for ransom. Though, Meliana squinted at an attempt to see anybody kidnap the Arishok. No. Probably not.

“At least you started thinking about that now,” Tallis interrupted Meliana's train of thought.

And she did. Somehow the thoughts were difficult to shake once they had crept into your mind. One of the three rulers of the Qunari people. And she treated him like, well, like what? A capable warrior, worthy opponent, and more cunning than people were likely to give him credit for. After all it was obviously brains or brawns.

Meliana arrived at the Compound almost giggling. A state that abated quickly. Being surrounded by grim Qunari did have that effect, even if you were in theory married to their boss. Who, like them, had no real concept of marriage. Well.

Aforementioned boss only acknowledged her existence with a curt nod before starting to talk to Tallis in Qunlat. Now she should have expected that. Still. It was strange. She didn't even catch the odd word now and then. Meliana felt left out. A stranger in her own home.

If she could actually call it her home. She lived here, but then Varric lived in the Hanged Man. And she had not made much effort to get to know anybody. Okay, she was living here for a day and a half. And she was about to leave again. And then they would leave. She shouldn't be so hurt about this. It was completely illogical.

And still. She watched Tallis talk rapidly at the Arishok who showed his usual lack of reactions. If possible, he growled even more in Qunlat. It was impressive. Meliana wondered what they were talking about.

Which was not such a good idea as she was definitely watching the Arishok's mouth too closely. And that brought up the incident at the wedding. That had admittedly been totally planned and appropriate. The effects, however, had neither been planned and nor anywhere close to appropriate.

She better get her mind on something else. Something less incriminating. Maybe being about to get duelled to death. That had been a frightening experience. The Arishok wielded a battle axe big enough for her to curl up on the blade for a nap and not roll off.

And then there was that sword. It dwarfed Carvers two-handed weapon. Hell, it dwarfed Carver. Meliana blinked. Something as not quite right there. She had always had the Arishok penned as a warrior. But that would mean a two-handed or weapon and shield, wouldn't it? Two weapons, that was.

She blinked again slowly, trying to stop her jaw from sliding all the way to the ground.

“For once you look as clueless as the decisions you keep making,” the Arishok addressed her. His conversation with Tallis was obviously over. The elf stood at his side looking torn between pride and embarrassment.

Meliana tried to shake her daze. “Sorry, my thoughts were elsewhere.”

“Obviously. Are you ready to leave?”

“So you agree?” Meliana wished she hadn't sounded so surprised. “You agree. Great. Let's move before you reconsider.”

And just like that they were ready to go. Fenris looked ridiculous in his footman outfit. But he'd have to stand it as coachman. And his sword was just behind him. Merrill was riding ahead, informing the first inn of their impending arrival and making arrangement from there. The Arishok was taking three of his men as bodyguards. They go their own horses and Fenris' envious glares.

Meliana eyed the carriage feeling very uncomfortable. She was used to walking, maybe riding a horse for longer instances. Carriages were slow, bulky, and swaying a lot. Not to mention they had confines, most of which were not made to cater to a Qunari.

“I am surprised you thought of it,” the Arishok said.

“So am I.” Meliana fidgeted a little. But then, how were they supposed to get anywhere in an open carriage. Praying for good weather was not what she built her plans on. “It took me ages to find one, too.”

Tallis prodded her in the ribs.” You might want to shut your gob and just appear better than you are now and then,” she hissed in a stage whisper.

“I'll try to remember that,” Meliana whispered back as loudly. “Take good care of everything here, please.”

“Agreed. If you take good care of the Arishok.” Tallis gave her a stern look. “He is a lot more important that you give him credit.”

“I will,” Meliana promised. Then she took leave of Varric and Anders before climbing into the vehicle. It was big enough. Or was big enough until the Arishok entered. He filled up the cabin even though he was sitting on the other side and a respectable distance away.

Maybe it was the back wall rising so far behind him. It made the inside of the carriage look distorted. The back should rise directly behind him, just as it did behind her. Meliana pressed her back against the reassuring wood.

Horns were a lot more complicated than she had thought.


	8. You Call This a Honeymoon?

The journey dragged on and it was only the first day. The first few hours of the first day. Meliana pulled up her legs and tried to lounge across her bench somehow. It was not going well. And what did people do on rides like this? Conversation seemed likely. But how to find a suitable topic? It wasn't that she had no questions, but how did you even start?

 _Hey, so you're a rogue like Varric. Written any books?_ Meliana doubted that that would go down well. _How do you even handle living with those horns_ , was not much better. And she was getting insights into that, wasn't she? Grooves were popular. Chairs without or with low backrests. She pinched her nose. This was not getting her anyway.

“You look uncomfortable,” the Arishok said into the rattling silence of the carriage.

Meliana snorted. “I am. Are you not?”

“The carriage is adequate.”

“That’s not what I meant.” She sat up, resting her back against the wood again. “We'll be cooped up in here for several days. And then at the inns as well.”

“You did know this in advance,” the Arishok pointed out.

He was right, of course. But it was one thing to imagine a few days in a carriage to get to Ostwick and another completely to live them in full length with an Arishok who was not a prop but actually a living, breathing person. “I guess, I did.”

There was no reply. He didn't hold with discussing the obvious. Which led back to the problem of bringing up suitable topics for conversation. “So,” Meliana inched her words forward, “would you mind telling me about the Qunari?”

“What would you want to know?”

“Everything, but,” she shrugged, “that's not going to work, is it?”

“It will not,” the Arishok agreed. “How can you describe a society. Even if I made full use of the whole journey, it would barely scratch the surface.”

“I know, I know.” She sighed. “Tell me about military training. No, I don't know much about that in Kirkwall.” She laughed haplessly. “Tell me about Qunari mages.”

“You will not like it,” he replied. “You have seen one of the Saarebas.”

“I have and I did not,” she agreed. “Sister Petrice called him Ketojan, but that was not his name. I don't even know if he was a he. Saarebas is what he is, right? Not a name.”

“There are no names under the Qun. We are called what we are.” The Arishok leant back. “Saarebas is what you would call a mage. They are identified early on to prevent them from doing any damage. They are trained for battle so their danger may serve the Qun after all.”

There were a thousand questions throwing themselves at Meliana. If everybody was called Saarebas, how did you know which one was meant if there was more than one? Same with any group of people. Imagine having a farmer's market...

“His lips were stitched together.” She shuddered thinking of it.

“Then he was especially dangerous,” the Arishok explained. “If they cannot keep their words in check, it has to be done for them. If they refuse to keep their magic under control, we take control by means of their tongues.”

Meliana pulled up her knees. That was a most unpleasant thought. Maybe not as bad as being killed by Templars. Perhaps.

“Magic is power,” he continued. “And power will always crave more power; it always needs to be kept in check.”

And who is keeping you in check? Meliana wanted to ask. Was it the Qun? The Arigena and the Ariqun? His own conscience couldn't be it. If that worked, it should work for the Qunari mages as well.

“So what would happen if tried to convert to the Qun?” Meliana wasn't sure she wanted to hear it. But she had to.

“The same that happens to all saarebas.” the Arishok didn't even try to sugarcoat it. “You would be chained, masked and used as a weapon for the Qun. You would be bas saarebas, not Viddathari.”

“Under those circumstance, I guess I'm not even going to try.” Another belief that was no haven for mages. It looked like a red thread going through them all. “I understand how mages can be dangerous. But wouldn't the solution better to make them want to serve their people?”

“As you do?”

Meliana wasn't sure if it was a challenge or an admission. “I have chosen to be the Champion for Kirkwall as much as you have chosen to be Arishok,” she replied. “We did what had to be done and then, things happened. Duty can do that to you.”

“You of the people in Kirkwall at least understand that concept and adhere to it.” He approved. “I have not expected to find it among humans after all this time.”

“You know you can ask me anything as well,” Meliana grasped at the closest straw to get away from the uncomfortable topic of mages. Some other time, some other day, when she was better prepared to handle this. Maybe.

“This is an equal pact,” the Arishok replied. “It is given.”

“Good, right. I just wanted to be sure.”

“You have a talent for stating the obvious. A trait you share with all humans,” he said. “But take an abstract and you will expect everybody to understand without explanation.”

“Like what?”

“That concept of love you keep referring to.”

Meliana wished she hadn’t asked. But what had she expected? A lot hinged on that very concept. She would want to understand it in his place. “I don't know where to start,” she admitted. “And love is not the same as marriage either.”

“Marriage appears to be the institutional version,” the Arishok replied. “Why this needs a distinction is another unanswered question.”

“Okay.” Meliana took a deep breath and tried to make herself comfortable. “Human societies, and also those of elves and dwarves as far as I know, rely on family units to organise themselves.”

“Why?”

“Because.” She shrugged. “I do not know why. It has been like that for as long as anybody can remember. And before you say the system doesn't work well. Maybe. But obviously it works well enough not to get abandoned.”

“I wonder who it works for the most,” the Arishok growled.

Now that was a can of worms Meliana wouldn't touch with a ten foot toad. “Anyway, we use that system. It knits families together and ensures that bloodlines are kept. If you want to ask why those are important, don't. Some things are said to run in the blood, magic being one of them.”

“A meticulous breeding programme will serve the same goal,” he said. “With less feuds and rivalries.”

“Perhaps.”

“No,” he insisted. “There are no rivalling factions under the Qun. We do not waste out power and lives fighting each other for positions in our society. You on the other hand exert a great amount of energy in that struggle.”

“Alright, we do. I know I did fight long and hard to be where I am now. And it was worth it, before you ask. It definitely was.” She blinked wondering how much of that statement she had to revise to her pre-married state. But that looked like too much work and would just get them even further off the track. Love, that was the problem at hand here.

“So marriage will prevent struggles. Families that may be rivals join and fight side by side.” At least that was the theory. In reality marriage might just meant, the person who poisoned your cup was now living under the same roof and didn't have to break in any longer. “Love is meant to keep this together. Duty isn't something that works for everybody.”

“So I have noticed.”

Meliana chuckled. “I bet you did. So love now. It is a bond between two people and between lovers, it includes,” she searched for words and gave up, “everything. Friendship, support, comfort, backup in any way, keeping your head on straight, managing financially, raising kids which of course you have to make together first.”

There was so much about this that didn't work once you looked at it. Brothels were thriving, children were born out of wedlock or to strange fathers, parents sold their children into slavery to pay their debts, spouses abused each other without thinking. Meliana had to rub her eyes.

“The concept is more than flawed,” the Arishok pointed out the obvious. “Don't you realise that this is too much to expect from one person? How can one person fulfil all your needs when everybody has so varied needs?”

“I don't know. I never though about it.”

“Friendship, trust, support, those goes tog ether well,” he said. “It is a good bond and under the Qun often combined under shared interests and goals. But financial stability and sexual relief, that is a very big order. It cannot work.”

“I don't think it usually does,” Meliana admitted. “There always seems to be something missing.”

“Then what good is the concept? Why do you keep holding on to a measure that is impossible to reach? How long will you try to make trees bear fruit in winter or teach dogs to fly knowing it cannot happen?” His voice grew more and more frustrated. “Why can you not _see_?”

“I don't know,” she almost shouted back. “I understand you, I really do. But I can for the life of me not see myself living without pursuing this ideal. I can't!”

“And how is that working out for you?” He leant back again, keeping his keen eyes focussed on her.

Meliana was ready to throw up her arms and leave in a huff. Sitting in a moving carriage foiled that plan thoroughly. And she would rather die that admit that it wasn't working out for her at all. So she crossed her arms before her and said nothing. Let him make of that whatever he wanted.

“So,” she finally said, feeling almost bad about it, “if Qunari get their support and comfort from their peers, where does that leave you?”

“I was chosen for my position not only for my abilities in the field and leadership,” the Arishok replied calmly, “but also because of that.”

Well. Meliana bit her lip. That was unexpected. Though it probably shouldn't be. If his peers were exactly two other Qunari, those three would have to be rather self-sufficient. And for physical needs, well, there were always the Tamassrans. Another thing not to think about.

“Anyway,” Meliana backpaddled, trying to lie down across her bench again, “our cultures just don't go together.”

“On that we can agree.”

He didn't have to say anything to make his point. Because, looking at them, which of the two cultures did work smoother? And what if you were willing to pay that price? Viddathari. There was an answer for everything. It was unnerving. It was appealing and scaring her to death.


	9. Who Has Been Lying In My Bed?

The ride had been long and in many instances awkward. Conversation was not easy when you came from different worlds. Explaining things sounded easy, but without the usual frame of reference even that was a challenge. At least the Arishok had dropped the subject of love and she had given up on anything related to magic.

That anything should make the mountain of a man uncomfortable. But magic seemed to do the trick just fine. Well. Just her luck, ey? But it could have been worse. At least they were both committed to the cause and willing to do what it took to see it through. Still, the first inn was a welcome sight. As was Merrill who greeted them, looking no less strange in her livery than Fenris.

“This has been a long and boring wait, Hawke,” she complained. “The innkeeper is still fussing. When I told him the Arishok himself was about to visit accompanied by the Champion of Kirkwall, he almost fainted. I think he might just have ordered furniture a few sizes bigger as well.”

“At least you had _some_ fun,” Meliana replied. “I hear no sawing or hammering so either he has already finished his chairs and things or we will have to make do with what is here.”

“Well, you do get the largest room, so that is a start.” Merrill grinned.

Meliana had a lot of replies to that but none would stay innocent once let out into the world of innuendo-attuned ears. It would have been nice to just vanish into their room and be done with it. Of course that was impossible for many reasons. One being that though somewhat overwhelmed and slightly terrified when actually faced with the Arishok, the innkeeper wanted to boast with his guests.

Though they got a separate room for dinner, the way there led through the main room of the house and all eyes were on them. It seemed that each dish was served by a different waiter as well. Not to mention wide-eyed serving girls that tended to miss the cups when pouring due to staring.

"You'd think they never saw a Qunari before," Meliana said.

"You realise that half of them are looking at you?" Merrill asked. She had taken up position behind her as decoy personal servant. Fenris had done the same for the Arishok. They looked pretty ridiculous once you added the three Qunari warriors acting as guards.

"Yeah, sure." As if anybody knew who she was. Outside of Kirkwall that was. It was even less likely that anybody knew who and what the Arishok was. Which left a complete ignorance of Qunari or, well what else was there? Nothing good, that was for sure.

“The Champion of Kirkwall is a subject of some interest in the Free Marches,” the Arishok agreed.

"Oh shut it," Meliana mumbled into her food. Being stared at was way less entertaining than watching others getting stared at. "I am a much smaller target than you are."

"In every respect," the Arishok agreed.

"It's just an oversight."

"Understandably so."

She glared at him, doing her best to keep a straight face. "Where were you people when humour was handed out?"

"On the other side of the counter."

Meliana had to realise she had no chance against that pokerface. Glancing at Fenris was no help, he was smirking openly from behind the Qunari. So there was only one possible consequence. Meliana decided that after a day like this with more days like it to come, she deserved some respite. After a few cups of wine the world wouldn't look that bad any longer. Admittedly, the looks that Fenris and Merrill directed at her had gotten worse over the course of the evening, but that she could live with.

And the Arishok always looked as if he disapproved. Even nailing up the corners of his mouth with stakes wouldn't change that. Meliana giggled to herself about the image.

“Maybe you should remove yourself to your room before you causes an outrage,” Merrill suggested, guided her through the taproom carefully.

“Alright,” Meliana agreed. “It's not as if there was any entertainment planned anyway.”

“In case you didn't notice, you are currently the entertainment,” Merrill replied.

“Am I any good?” Meliana chuckled as she was pushed up the stairs.

“Hungover, that is what you will be,” Merrill said. “And I hope that it will be a bad one that makes you suffer as much as I suffer now.”

“Deal.” Meliana was about to throw herself into some stupidity when they reached her room. Backed up by the Arishok there was nothing for it but to enter and forgo stupidity for now. At least public stupidity. She looked round, taking in the accommodation. When she reached the bed, she started laughing.

For a roadside inn it did well enough, but in comparison to the Arishok. She had to hold on to herself. “Not even crossways, not by a long mile.”

The Arishok regarded her expressionlessly. “Your inclination to drown your problems in alcohol is not doing you any favours. It solves nothing.”

Meliana hiccuped, and bit down on her thumb to quench the laughter. “You are wrong, Arishok. It does. Not for long, but for now.” More laughter stopped her.

“And how is that?”

“Right now, life may suck. But chewing on the problems forever won’t help.” She shrugged. “My mind gets unclogged for a while, making space for new ideas, better ideas I hope. Because I am distracted by how fucking hilarious everything is. Be it just a too small bed. It is too small.”

“I see, very funny,” he replied. “It also has no groove for my horns.”

“Sleep on your stomach?” Meliana suggested, highly entertained by the image of him jutting out over the bed in all directions, lying on his stomach. “Though that is probably bad for your neck.”

“Slanted mattresses and wedge-shaped cushions are the solution of that,” he said. “What?” he asked when Meliana just laughed more.

“I was just considering, maybe I can stand in for a wedge but,” she gasped for air, “I am way to small to be of use for that even. I am so sorry. Totally useless.”

“That you are,” the Arishok agreed.

“Hey, wait, no.” Meliana tried to get herself under control again. “Just, I mean, go ahead, find a way to sleep in there. I'm tiny, I can fit in somewhere. I've slept in worse places.”

“You and me both.” He blinked slowly before turning away.

Well. Yes. Probably. Meliana smiled. Him and her both. Still she managed to loiter about until he was asleep. People were said to soften when asleep. The Arishok had obviously never heard of that. Either that, or he was faking. Meliana didn’t bother with the truth. There was a very comfy looking chair in one of the corners. It did offer more space then the bed once the Arishok was lying in it. And. Well. Anyway.

After a few hours the chair was not as comfy any longer. Still better than the floor, probably. Meliana twisted and turned for a while to no avail. There was a hollow between the Arishok's back and the mattress which looked more and more appealing. And anyway, they were married, so what? She sighed.

Because what indeed. He had enquired about her habit to get dressed up just to sleep. He didn't see the use or reason in that and consequently thought nothing of it. Meliana pulled her blanket over her head. The chair was just fine. Even if he had a complete disregard for human standards of decency she did not.


	10. Eye of the Tiger

They reached the hunting lodge near Ostwick a few days later. Meliana was more than grateful to find adequate sleeping arrangement in place. The Arishok had shaken his head about her peculiar stupidity but accepted it. Humans were stupid in all respects and she was not as much of an exception to that as he might have thought.

And it was not as if she was dreaming about that free space in bed at the small of his back. She could of course curl up there. But knowing her luck, she'd wake up plastered all over the Arishok and that would definitely end badly.

But no more. The four-poster took up most of the room and she was perfectly fine with that. Somebody had even taken the time to stick star constellations into the canopy with meticulous accuracy.

"Right." Meliana hopped onto the bed. "Next step, tiger. It's only a day away. Got waylaid shortly by bandits who thought the better of it."

"What exactly do you plan to do with the tiger," the Arishok asked. He took the chance to equip his two weapons again.

"We'll stalk it from the distance waiting for the perfect moment for the kill while Merrill finds Isabela and send word to Fenris who'll get us there ASAP."

"There is no perfect moment to kill an animal," he replied.

"I know, right? That's why it'll take so long." Meliana grinned. At least he hadn't asked how Merrill would inform Fenris. That was blood magic at its most useful, but blood magic still. “And we have many reasons to stalk the vicinity and maybe some places further away. Who knows, maybe the poor thing will even run right into Ostwick.”

“I hope you know what you are doing,” he said, turning to look out of the window. “I have been away for far too long.”

It took her a moment to realise the window faced north. About three years. It didn't seem that long. Though sometimes it felt as if she had left Ferelden behind even longer. But unlike the Arishok she was not planning on returning. She stood beside him. “Do you think a lot has changed?”

“Does the tide change the beach it falls upon?” He asked back.

“I guess it does,” Meliana said. “But there is a difference between the normal ebb and low of the ocean and a spring tide ripping away half of the shore.”

“The Qun does not change dramatically,” the Arishok said. “It is stability and order.”

“Do you get a lot of news from home?” She couldn't help but ask. He felt so homesick.

“Enough,” was his curt reply. “And it is more important to have information from here. There is still much left to do.”

“Right. Right.” She turned away from the window and surveyed her assorted gear. “Varric said he was about to pin down a location where the handover is supposed to happen. We might want to look around there. Just in case it makes good hunting territory.”

“You do not look happy about it.” The observation was brought to her as calmly neutral as most of his words.

“I don't,” she sighed. “All this subterfuge, the deceit. I'd much rather announce that we're going on a manhunt to save Kirkwall instead of pretending it to be some kind of holiday for obnoxious reasons."

“You knew what you got yourself into,” the Arishok said. “There is no use in complaining now.”

“Maybe not. Maybe expressing what exactly it is about this whole thing that annoys me so will help me deal with it. Blanking it out or something.” Meliana shrugged. “But if your ears are so sensitive to grumbling, maybe we should just fill that middle part of them with gold as well. Problem solved.”

“As always, you are working on the symptoms of a problem.”

Meliana planted herself before him, tilting her head backwards as to not stare at his chest instead of his face. “Listen, Arishok, I do not think that with any kind of magic or whatever I could change something _inside_ of your head.”

She tilted her head and reached up, almost touching his face and pretending to set it right. “Nope. Absolutely nothing to be done about that blockhead. And maybe you should be grateful.” She winked as she turned away again.

“I am.”

Meliana spun around. He looked dead serious. Okay, he always did, but there was just something about him. “You worried about that?” She couldn't believe it.

“You are a mage,” he replied. “Your actions may have earned you the title of saarebasalit-an for now, but you are still a mage.”

And she would be right up to the day she died. Meliana didn't know what to say. “I don't think there's anything I can do about it. Even if I promised never to use magic on you without express permission, you will only ever know I didn't do it yet. You can't really prove a negative.”

“It is the central problem of all magic,” the Arishok said.

“It's a bit unfair, though, isn't it? Everybody else is deemed innocent unless proven guilty. Only mages have it the other way round.” Meliana didn't even know why she argued the point. He was a Qunari. Nothing would change his mind.

“The expectation of fairness from life is one I would not have expected from you.” The Arishok checked his weapons. “Let us go.”

The area was not too bad. Not really wild, not tamed by farming and altogether too full of places to hide for a wild animal. They could indeed spend days stalking down prey here. And by the time they returned a message from Varric had arrived. It included a map with a place marked as meeting point.

“What did I say?” Meliana grinned. “We will have your tome back in no time.”

“Maybe I should have called on you sooner,” the Arishok admitted.

“I would have helped you,” Meliana replied. “I hope you know that.”

“I know it now.”

Which wasn't quite the same. Still she smiled and caught herself just before clapping him on the shoulder. Not that she would have reached that where she had aimed. The man was tall. “Fenris will shadow Castillon while Merrill keeps an eye on Isabela. And we will set up camp at the meeting site and surprise them both.”

“When is the handover planned?”

“Dusk.”

“Enough time to get out of sight before their first scouts arrive,” the Arishok said. “Good.”

The feeling of elation as they made their way to the meeting point was palpable. The bounce in her step let her keep up with his long strides easily. She hadn’t expected things to resolve themselves so quickly. Oh well. Anders would have to get used to the idea of moving into a guest room after all.

It was strange how odd that felt. In those few days, admit awkward conversations, she had gotten to know the Arishok better than she had expected. He was an exceptional soldier and military leader. Being trapped in Kirkwall did not sit well with him at all. Neither did the reasons and by now she understood a little better.

To find a single person or item in a country you did not send a soldier. You sent spies, agents, assassins. Her enquiry after the Salasari's reasoning behind this had been met with stony silence. You did not question the Qun. He had been sent to retrieve the tome. It was his job. End of the line.

Because if you did question things got ugly. Even not questioning the Qun, but Meliana couldn't help questioning its representatives. What did they have to gain from not helping their third member? What good was it, not to return the Tome of Koslun? That was blasphemy in itself.

Still, leaving the Arishok to it on his own devices made an incident almost unavoidable. And if war was desired, he was an acceptable loss in the process. She'd be grumpy as well; stranded without the resources to fulfil the given task and possibly expendable as trigger of an armed conflict. It was surprising he still wanted to return home.

But that was his problem and one he could tackle pretty soon, thanks to her impeccable planning. The marked place was a dead end ravine. Steep grey rock blocked the rear and some exploring showed no way to get up or down the drop safely. There were also no tunnels or caves leading out.

“A perfect place for an ambush,” the Arishok commented.

“Let's make it one.” Meliana scouted the vegetation for convenient hiding places. They would have to wait quite a while but in return nobody would expect them. And they could watch where Castillon set up his own guards and scouts.

They were about ready to discuss their final setup when a group of Dragonlings and Drakes came towards the mouth of the dead end.

“It's a trap.” Fenris seemed to drop out of nowhere.

“How?” There was no time to ask how he had arrived here with that knowledge. That would have to wait until after the fight.

“Isabela told Castillon we came to kill him. This is his answer.”

“Merrill?” Meliana wanted to know.

“Is informed. I will tell your guards myself,” Fenris added towards the Arishok. The original plan had had those three Qunari walking towards the handover as a decoy, distract Castillon long enough to steal the tome.

“At least he wants it to look like an accident,” the Arishok say, surveying the arriving beasts as Fenris sped off. There were very, very many of them. It made Meliana uneasy.

“One last thing, Arishok. I usually use magic in battles to heal.” She ended the question with an awkward smile.

“Acknowledged,” he said. “Give me a warning.”

Meliana let out a breath she hadn’t know she was holding. “I promise. It'll be like this.” She tugged at his essence with her magic.

For a second the Arishok froze, then he nodded.

“If you don't want me to help, you can just think that very strongly. I should notice.” Meliana hoped. She had never done something like this before. “Good luck. Shok varin anaan*. Just don't, don't get hurt and. Well. You know.”

“I know.” He set off in the direction of the approaching forces. “Ataash varin kata*.”

Don't get hurt. Now that was great advice. If the fight hadn’t been imminent, Meliana would have taken some time to quietly bang her head against a rock. As things stood, this would have to wait. She cast a glyph of paralysis in the cul-de-sac behind them just to be safe and followed.

The number of Dragonlings was improbable. Still the Arishok cut through the biting, teeming mass like scythe. Meliana tugged nervously before casting a Lifeward on him. What was the use of sending so many beasts at them? They were tiresome but likely no match for them. And what was there you could lure with – well. She stopped that thought before it formed. The idea to lure a perfectly adult high dragon here by having her offspring slaughter was not good. Not good at all.

Despite his reservations against magic, the fighting style of the Arishok proved that he was well used to working with them. A weapon for the Qun. Meliana tried not to think of it. He controlled the battle, keeping all eyes on him. In return she was able to pick off the weak or prepare the strong ones for shattering blows. It worked. It was not how she had imagined her honeymoon to look like, but it worked.

Then the glyph behind her sprang into action. Meliana turned around just in time to see a Wyvern descend and cursed. Those didn't even go with Drakes! She sent a volley of electricity towards it, hoping to slow it down until she had formed a plan. Not that it worked. The Wyvern's progress was suddenly slowed by the return of Fenris.

That left Merrill and three Qunari warriors to come as backup. Meliana hoped they’d hurry. In the meantime she cast a healing spell on the Arishok. He was slowly retreating, making the pursuing Dragonlings wade through the innards of their kind. Not that it slowed them much.

And then the dragon arrived. Meliana heaved a sigh because who had ever thought of attacking somebody with a dragon? It wasn't done and it shouldn't work. But they had made short work of probably all her offspring and harem. How the wyvern fit into this was still a mystery. It had gotten company by two of its friends too and kept Fenris more than busy.

Meliana made sure to keep her eye more n the health of her friends than the fight. Consequently, a wyvern bit her in the ankle. She whacked it with her staff, discharging electricity into is as she jumped backwards. As Fenris lured it off, she cast a healing spell and a Lifeward on him. The Arishok was going at the dragon as if it was just another big lizard. Even from where she stood, Meliana saw that he was losing.

Merrill arrived on one of the ridges enclosing the battlefield. She glanced at Meliana shortly, giving some kind of sign, but Meliana didn't understand it. The next thing she saw what the flash of a knife and a splatter of blood, bright in the slanting sunlight. A roar shook the ground and turned all eyes to where Merrill had just stood a moment ago.

Instead of the slim elf there was now – a dragon? Meliana couldn't bring the creature into focus. It shimmered, changing form and colour against the sky. Even the high dragon was distracted by it. The attack floundered and instead of a scathing hit against the Arishok, it simply landed squat on him.

Without thinking, Meliana sprinted towards him, staff raised against the dragon. It didn't even look her direction one as it followed the morphing pseudo-dragon and took off. A prayer to the Maker would have been in order, but Meliana's mind was on a very different track already. The form of the Arishok was sprawled on the ground. There was blood everywhere, so much blood. It was impossible to think it was all his. It was impossible to see anything in that flowing mess.

In the corner of her eye, three grey streaks rushed past her. Probably the guards ready to help Fenris finish up those wyverns. She dropped to her knees, her hands scouting through the mess that had once been the Arishok's chest. His pauldrons were chipped, but they had done a great job keeping his shoulders out of harm's way. Mostly.

Wasn't vitaar meant to steel the skin? It definitely hadn't. Not enough. The Arishok's breath flattened.

“No!” Meliana shouted, not sure how much she dared shake him in his tattered state. “No, no, no! Arishok, stay with me!”

Some of the slaps were not as gentle as intended but they did the job. His eyes opened.

“There you are,” Meliana breathed. “Don't leave me. It's bad but I can fix it. I guess. If you let me.”

“Magic?” The rest of the question was lost in blood and pain.

“Yes, magic. What did you think?” She let out a frantic chuckle. “It's what I do, remember? If you allow it.”

He didn't reply. Meliana was sure he had fallen unconscious despite the wide eyes and irregular breathing. Maker, what was she do?

“And if I do not?” He finally asked very slowly and very softly. “Will you let me die?”

How would she ever explain that to his people? Meliana wanted to shout and shake him. Desperation crept wetly up her eyes. It didn't matter that the fate of Kirkwall and that of his people depended on him. She could save his life. It was what she did. She was about to bite through her own lips, fighting herself. It was not fair.

“Yes,” Meliana finally ground out. “Yes, I will.” Maker forgive her. But it was not her decision and he had a lot on his plate. Her hands hovered over his skin.

Grey eyes regarded her intently for a too long moment. He was slipping away. Meliana felt all her muscles stretch, grasping tautly at her joints, pulling her together like a living vortex.

“Don't.” It was almost inaudible.

With her eyes closed and dripping Meliana took a deep breath of relief. Then her hands descended taking inventory of the damage and the frayed ends she would have to make meet

It was not easy. There was a lot of broken bone and torn flesh. Her hands were slippery and began to tingle the longer she worked. But there was progress and he would not die. It was a light-headed realisation, the tingle running through her whole body. She couldn't feel her lips. Funny.

Still, that would do it. She dragged up her last mana reserve and cast a last healing spell over him. The Arishok was glowing, grey and red lines intertwined and the unbroken surface of skin under her hands. Probably. Meliana looked at her hands. They were very foreign, unmoving and not felt. She smiled into four worried faces and the world imploded on itself with a dark gloop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * shok varin anaan – in war lies victory  
> * ataash varin kata – in the end lies glory


	11. No Pain No Gain

She hurt. It was not a realisation Meliana liked to wake up to. Considering how she had left the waking world, she might have to be grateful though. So. Pain. Her skin throbbed over her body as if it had been recently attached with a layer of bees between it and her flesh. At least everything seemed to be attached correctly and somewhat working.

"I can tell from your breathing that you are awake," the Arishok's voice reached her.

Meliana tried a smile. It didn't hurt more than anything else so there was that. When she pried an eye open she expected to see a lot of things. Merrill's face hovering inches above hers, torn between worry and excitement was not one of them.

Meliana tried to peer around the face hovering over her. "Is…" she didn't get any further.

"Oh, he is alright, no worries." Merrill leant back, clearing a line of sight to the Arishok. "You did a damned fine job there, good as new, almost no visible scars."

That much was obviously true. Even without the pauldrons, the Arishok managed to tower in one of the corners, vitaar applied and looking like new. Which it probably was.

"You are not a dragon any longer?" Meliana returned her frayed attention back to Merrill.

"I was never a dragon," the elf objected. "It was an illusion and a very difficult one, but it worked."

"What happened?"

"Blood magic." Merrill made a threatening pause. "You'd think somebody would be less hypocritical about it somewhere but no. If there is one thing all cultures share it is that hypocrisy. Especially the Qunari. They treat their normal mages so bad already and then what? They go ahead and smear themselves in blood magic head to toe."

"Vitaar?" Meliana tried to steer the conversation.

"Yes. They create it from poison to steel their skins. And it works, but of course it would poison them so," Merrill shrugged in exasperation, "they steep the whole stuff in blood. Blood magic at its most basic."

"So when the Arishok got hurt his blood liquefied the vitaar again and I caught it?"

"Something like that, yes." Merrill couldn't hide her professional excitement. "And of course you were not immune so it was killing you. But I opened you up in a few places and mixed it the right way."

"I hope you closed me again, too?"

"Of course." Merrill was offended. "Otherwise – oh, another joke. Right. How do you feel?"

"As if somebody filled me up with bees," Meliana said. A snort came from the Arishok's direction. "Though I guess that is common."

"It stings when first applied," the Arishok said. "You get used to it."

"I hope not." Meliana couldn't stop herself. She sat up, certain that you were not supposed to feel every inch of your skin so vividly. “So, what have we got? Where is Castillon and how do we kill him?”

“Hawke!” Merrill exclaimed. “You need rest!”

“Do I look like somebody who will rest?” Meliana asked back.

“You do not,” the Arishok agreed. “But you do need rest.”

“I am not the one who got torn to pieces,” Meliana objected. Admittedly, the Arishok did look completely whole and healthy. Good work on her side right there. Not that she could claim credit for his overall looks. Which was too bad because they were none too shabby. Anyway.

“Neither of you should be doing as much talking and walking as you do,” Merrill said. “But help yourselves. I'll see what news we have on Isabela and the relic.”

Meliana watched her leave in what could be described a huff if you were really, really sympathetic. Then she got up and turned to the Arishok. “You okay?” It wasn't his physical state she worried about so much. He did look fine.

“It is surprising what you can do by manipulating the arcane,” he said, not moving out of his corner. “Still, your moral strength is even more surprising.”

“That I would have let you die? Maker knows I would never have forgiven myself for that.” Meliana closed her yes briefly.

"You are a free mage, unshackled by anything but your own morals. Have you no idea how frightening that is?" The Arishok asked. "Yet you act as if you were harmless. A behaviour your lack of horns alone belies."

Wait, what? No horns? Of course she had no horns, she was a fucking human. And he had been living among humans long enough to – well actually he had not. Not really lived among humans, that was. "Are you telling me I am scary?"

"It is a matter of perspective." That was probably all the admission she'd get on the topic.

Meliana controlled her urge to burst out laughing."Arishok, if there is anybody in this room here who is scary and fear-inducing, that is you."

He just looked at her, unmoved as ever.

"You will have to do better than that, though." Meliana planted herself before him. "It has been quite a while since I was really scared of you."

"That can be remedied.” He leant forward an inch.

„Do you ever really lose your temper or is that just a show of wrath for us outsiders?” She wasn't sure if he was intimidating or just encroaching.

„What do you think?“

Meliana tilted her head to the side. „I don't know. I have not tried to annoy you yet.“

“Are you quite certain?”

She chuckled. “I, indeed am. Are you not?”

“Sometimes it is hard to tell if you are being annoying or plain stupid,” the Arishok growled.

“Well and I sometimes have difficulty to know if you are serious or seriously trolling. It seems we have reached an impasse.”

“So it seems.” His tone was as neutral as ever. “But you have not seen me angry yet, Hawke."

"And I am grateful." She smiled. "So, how do we find and kill Castillon?"

"To what end?"

"If Isabela is so afraid of him, removing him might make her stop running." Meliana sighed. "I am not optimistic enough to think she would actually return with the tome of Koslun, but maybe if I really try, I can dream about that coming true."

"You may need better dreams."

Meliana chuckled. "You may be right." She sighed and let her head drop, realizing too late that she was standing a little too close for that to work. "Better fine coordination as well."

"It was indeed a most ineffectual attack," the Arishok replied, pushing her back by her shoulders. "You should reconsider your approach."

"If I am about to attack you, I better reconsider a lot more than that," Meliana said. "My life choices at least. I'd be so dead."

"I would not be so certain if I were you."

"Oh, come on." She slapped him playfully. "You wield an axe big enough for me to sleep on. I bet you'd just have to put it down on me to squash me flat."

"If your magic allows it." He might have been smiling.

"I have no idea how to use magic against being squashed by giant axes." Meliana grinned. "Maybe we should try that some time."

"Maybe we should."

It was actually an idea she liked. She had had way too little practice in fighting. Whatever style she used, it had been cobbled together from whatever she remember while frantically trying to stay alive. It might be efficient, but it was probably not very professional, not to mention pretty.

"I'll meet you in the pit." She poked her index finger into his chest which was more painful than expected. "After this is over."

"In which case your improved fighting will not be of any advantage to me any longer." He captured her poking finger. "That is unacceptable."

"That is just your bad luck." Meliana tried to break his grip with hapless shaking and failed.

"We checked on the information Tallis brought and," Merrill broke off in the middle of her sentence, her eyes following Meliana's hand in its attempt to free itself. "Whenever you're ready."

"Tallis?" Meliana stopped her hand in the middle of the air. "I thought she had information about Isabela."

"You thought wrong." Arishok let go of her finger and turned to Merrill. "Let us talk then."

Merrill glanced from him to Meliana and back uncertain. Finally she shrugged it off. "Sure, Fenris has something to say as well. He is not happy.”

When was he ever? But that was unfair. Since he had joined her motley little group, Fenris had cheered up. He even had a sense of humour at least he openly displayed it no. Something the Arishok might want to work on.

“Right.” Meliana tried to don a professional look as she left for the main room.

Fenris was poring over a map on their central table, moving around pebbles on it now and then. He did indeed not look happy.

“What seems to be the problem?” Meliana picked up one of the pebbles and turned it over in her hand.

“The tiger went missing,” Fenris replied without looking up. Then he indicated a generous portion of the map. “Somewhere there.”

It was a really big area for one tiger. Meliana was not sure if any of the markers indicated settlements either. “So?”

“It is a tiger?” Merrill prompted. “Loose in the Free Marches? Dangerous?”

“There's more dangerous things out there in the Marches than a tiger,” Meliana replied. “Will we do something about all of those as well?”

“You brought the tiger here,” the Arishok said. “It is your responsibility, not only for the safety of the people but also its own.”

She hadn't looked at it like that. And the Arishok was really big on owning up your responsibilities. She wouldn't question her urge to please him. “Alright. Anything positive about this?”

“Possibly.” Merrill indicated another part of the map, overlapping with the Missing Tiger Lands. “Tallis information places one of Castillon's strongholds right here.”

“We go looking for the tiger and find Castillon. Sounds like a plan.” Meliana was tempted to rub her hands. “Where is the but?”

“A fitting question for somebody who can't find their own without a map.”

Meliana glared at the Arishok. “I was just filling the silence with anecdotes. Some of that never really happened.”

“It did,” Fenris and Merrill said in unison. They looked at each other without much surprise. “We know, we were there most of the time,” Merrill added.

“Thank you,” Meliana grumbled. “Anybody care to answer my question?”

“You are still on a honeymoon,” Fenris said. “You can't be seen running around looking for a lost tiger.”

“We would have done that here,” Meliana objected.

“You would have looked in a very specific and small area with high chances of success,” Fenris explained. “That is hunting, there is a difference.”

If there was, Meliana was not sure she saw it. “So?”

“You will stay here while Merrill and I find the stronghold.”

“Whatever.” Meliana shrugged it off.

“See? I told you she'd be reasonable,” Merrill said. “Hawke can stand back if necessary.”

“That does not negate her tendency to barrage in headfirst. The decision to do something is rarely followed by enough time to gather a coherent thought.” Fenris looked at Meliana sternly. “It is amazing we manage to gather all our weapons before we act.”

“You are exaggerating,” Meliana said. “Anyway, I have spent several days cooped up with the Arishok in a bloody carriage. This place has several rooms It'll be a piece of cake.”

“Agreed,” the Arishok said. “Though I would not be so sure about the cake, Hawke. We have a challenge standing.”

Meliana wanted to tell him that she'd kick his sorry arse but she didn't believe it. And neither would Fenris or Merrill. “You don't scare me, Arishok. And remember who of us does have the healing powers.”

“You will need them.” The Arishok looked around before turning to leave. “You also assume none of my warriors know anything abut healing.”

Well, yes she did. But coming to think of it, being stranded for such a long time it was likely that some of them had to double for other roles. Something else to think about.


	12. Meet Me In The Pit

"OK, but how long can it feasibly take them?" Meliana was tending to her wounds. Mostly self-inflicted because if you saw a giant axe coming at you, evasion was a good idea. Staring was not.

"You realise that you do not observe the weapon of your opponent but their body for telling muscle movement?" The Arishok had asked.

As if that helped any. There was just so much of him. "You realise I'd have to stand back a few yards to do that in your case?"

"If you believe I will be moving my axe with my toes, go ahead."

"I believe you need to reposition your feet if you want to swing anything." Meliana narrowed her eyes. "How heavy are those weapons anyway? They are huge."

The Arishok held out the double-bladed sword and fortunately did not let go when she tried to take hold of it. Fuck, that thing was heavy. No wonder he was a walking mountain of muscle. And that while being a rogue.

So, not looking at the weapons was its very own challenge. Not necessarily because it involved watching the Arishok closely, but mostly just because of that. Those muscles moved like, well like very big muscles under that grey skin. It mesmerised you if you let it. The red patterns on it flickered, almost like a living layer.

“But does it work on the uncovered bits as well?” Meliana had to retract an adventurous hand before first contact.

“Of course,” the Arishok replied. “Otherwise we would be stupid to draw patterns with the vitaar.”

“Stupider things have been done in the name of fashion.” Which wasn't saying the pattern wasn't pretty. Meliana realised that she was staring and that he was watching her stare. Well.

“Go ahead then.” The Arishok let out a long suffering sigh. “Feel for yourself.”

Meliana looked up at him uncertain for a moment. But then she had been given official leave to investigate the properties of vitaar-covered skin. Science was important, knowing things and stuff. Finding things out about stuff.

The skin was definitely hard. She remembered the pain in her index finger trying to poke him in the chest. There was no discernible difference between the bare skin and those bits covered by the vitaar. Now that the Arishok had stopped moving, she could admire the cleanness of the lines. They were impeccable. How did anybody become an artist and a warrior at the same time?

“Do you feel something?” She pressed her hand against his ribs.

“I do,” he replied. “That tickles.”

“Does it now?” Meliana took a step backwards. There was only one logical thing to do. A few minutes later she was massaging her own ribs, trying to breathe. The Arishok had no concept of a tickle attack. Not to mention his hands were too big and strong to do anything but accidentally bruise her.

“This was a bad idea,” he said adjusting his pauldrons.

“Indeed.” Meliana reached out and let herself be pulled back to her feet. “I am not the only one in need of better fine motor skills.”

“Entertaining the young is not one of my duties,” the Arishok said.

“What about friends?”

“They are stronger than you are, obviously.”

Well, there was that. Looking at the average Qunari gave the impression of a walking wall with horns. “Are all Qunari that big?”

“Compared to what? A Qunari woman your size would be considered small indeed. There are few who do not grow taller.” He shook his head. “What does it matter?”

“I am just curious. You don't speak much about your people.”

“Neither do you,” he replied.

“You only have to ask.”

“That assumes that I care.”

“Oh, you do, you really do,” Meliana said. “It is your job to care. Reconnaissance. I know about that.”

“I am the leader of all the armies of the Qunari, Hawke. Do you believe I gather my information myself?” He straightened, glowering down at her. It was a long way for a glower to travel and it did not reach her with full power.

“If you had nothing else to do? Sure.” She grinned. “But I admit that being seen a big stupid lumps is an advantage.”

“I take it you do not believe that.”

“Not any more, no. I think it was Seamus, Viscount Dumar's son, who got me thinking. He was a sweet boy, very sheltered which doesn't do you favours in Kirkwall. But he said something I never forgot,” Meliana explained. “He said that Ashaad never lied and you were either worth his time or not. It is an honesty I do miss among humans.”

“So it is not just your politicians?” The Arishok asked.

Meliana shook her head. “I have gone through Kirkwall being honest with people, telling them the truth of what happened to the people they enquired after. Not even my own uncle was happy about it.” She shrugged with a sigh. “You can be damned sure I appreciate that straightforward honesty in you.”

“It is surprising that your own family does share this,” he said. “I understood that family is the closest bond you have.”

“It is. It should be. It's complicated.” Meliana thought of Carver.

“So much in your life is complicated.” The Arishok shook his head. “It is surprising you get anything done at all.”

“And your life is not difficult?” She raised a brow.

“I do not know about difficult. It is not complicated. The path is clear, the problems are within your abilities to solve. There is no doubt.” He crossed his arms before him.

“A little less doubt would certainly help,” Meliana agreed. “As an unshackled mage as you like to call it, you realise that for me personally, the price is too high.”

“About that,” the Arishok indicated her staff. “Explain this to me. How do you control the magic. Why the staff?”

Well, come to think of it, Meliana had never seen a Saarebas use a staff. It was a good question. And it totally wasted his claim to pay no attention to his surroundings. She smiled. Well indeed.

“It helps me focus,” she finally said. “When I know what kind of magic I want and where I want it, the staff works like a conduit. A bit like throwing knives but with pointing. If that makes sense.”

“How to you make it bend to your demand?” He held out a hand and Meliana gave him her staff. It looked like a toothpick in his grip. “How can you command it to hurt or heal?”

“I never really thought about it,” she hedged. “It's a bit like walking. Once you start to really think about everything involved, you fall. But I will try.”

“Can you summon some magic now, without the staff?”

“I don't know? I suspect so?” Meliana cupped her hands before her concentrating. After all it did work for Saarebas. The air began to glow as she summoned heat into it.

“Fire,” the Arishok commented. “You call upon destruction automatically.”

“I wouldn't know how healing looked,” Meliana objected. “And fire is not only destruction. It is also warmth and comfort.” She tried to cool the heat between her hands. It was a matter of grades, nothing else. The heat simmered down as she raised her hands to her face.

If this was to mean anything, it had to mean something now. Meliana closed her eyes and unleashed the magic over her face. It ran over her skin like a hot wind sated with humidity. “That would have been better applied to my feet.” She chuckled.

The Arishok was just looking at her, her staff in his hand.

Meliana realised that if he had made one unexpected poke at her, she might just have scorched her head off. “Well, so much for that. Anything else you want to know or can we get back to trying to bash each others' heads in?”

After handing her staff back, the Arishok slowly reached out for her head. Not touching it, but feeling for the magic around it. Magic that had long dispersed. “Unshackled may be the wrong word.” He narrowed his eyes. “Foolhardy seems more fitting.”

And that was true. But it was okay and what were a few bruises traded for a day well spent? And practising applied healing wasn't bad in and off itself. “Everything held together fine?” She sat down on the other side of their table.

“The burns were superficial. And I will find a way to counter act the immobilising sell you use.” He did not look overly troubled about being magicked at. And however vitaar was applied and kept in place, water had obviously not the slightest effect on it. “Unlike you I suffered no incisions or bruises.”

Lucky him. It was difficult to apply magic for training purposes. You couldn't just send a spell at your training partner. Not that his hair hadn't caught fire at one point. Meliana sighed. Magic had never been so troublesome before. It was all his fault, no doubt.

“You look troubled,” the Arishok observed.

“I. Well. It's just. Yeah. I guess.” She sighed. Something was bothering her but she could not put a finger on it. The sudden disassociation from her magic was only a part of it. She put her head in her hands. “I don't know. But thank you anyway.”

“Do you require physical comfort?”

Her head whipped up. “What?”

“Do not tell me that the concept of comfort through physical closeness is unknown to you?” He said it in a tone that implied that this would explain a lot of things about bas.

“That's not it,” Meliana replied hastily. “It's just not what I expected. It is a little,” she searched for a word that was not completely negative, “blunt.”

“If you are asking if there are more subtle ways to offer this, of course. But you are not Qunari. How can you know?” The Arishok shook his head. “If your question is if we ask permission in advance, the answer is again, of course.”

The first was a valid point. Meliana was not even sure how she communicated her need for some cheery words or a hug in a human context. The second was very reassuring. She rubbed her forehead, went on to massage her temples and finally put her head in her hands again. “I guess.”

His hand easily cupped the whole of her shoulder and he didn't even have to squeeze. “You will have to do better than that.”

Meliana peered at him along his arm. The Arishok nodded curtly as he withdrew his hand and got up. She watched him go. Then she closed her eyes and hung her head again. Because he was so right. She had to do better than this. Better in every way imaginable.

And she would start right now. By being honest with herself and the Arishok. There was a lot not sitting right with her right now. Bethany's death. Carver turned into a Grey Warden. Meliana pushed off the table, continuing the litany as she followed the Arishok.

The death of her mother. Gamlen's reaction. Bodahn announcing to leave. Isabela not trusting her was a minor thing in comparison. The strains running through Kirkwall apart from the tension with the Qunari. Anders.

She managed to catch up with the Arishok in time before he was ready to go to sleep. Meliana planted herself before him, displaying more confidence than she had. She took a deep breath before looking up at his face.

“Yes,” she said finally. “I do need comfort. I am not even sure why, but yes. I do.”

“It is natural,” Arishok replied. “You do not need a reason.”

She didn't? Meliana blinked. “I.” She stopped and blinked again, trying to catch the tail-end of a fleeing thought. “Please.”

It was indeed a magic word. The hold on her was firm, warm skin against her face and his chin resting on the top of her head. Meliana could feel the beat of his heart gentle against her. Strong arms barred the world, reaching around her shoulders with no place for doubt.

Her hands locked around his waist. For a while there was nothing to be done but to breathe and be. The world waited and Meliana had no hurry to return to it. The embrace was taking forever.


	13. The Joys Of Married Life

“That isn't even a plan,” Fenris said, crossing his arms before him.

“It has always worked so far,” Meliana objected.

“It's not called a stronghold without reason,” Fenris insisted.

“Yes, you should see that thing,” Merrill supported him. “You can't just walk in there.”

“I didn't say _walk_ , I said _barrage_ ,” Meliana corrected her. “Barrage in and kill everything that moves.”

“If we use your thick head as battering ram that might even work,” Fenris sighed.

“It is useless to discuss this without more information,” Arishok said. “We better get moving.”

“Exactly!” Meliana jumped up with a grin. “I can be ready in five.”

“We only just arrived,” Merrill complained. “Give us a moment to eat at least.”

“Or,” Meliana tried a sly grin, “You could just leave it to us. Arishok and I are well rested and you have done more than enough already. There'll still be the tiger...”

Fenris glared at her for a long moment. “No.”

Well, it had been worth trying. “Alright. You get your break. We'll leave early tomorrow morning. I'll be outside, practising my barraging skills.”

Meliana stalked out of the room and into the courtyard. This was not going as she had plan each step along the way. Where had she gone wrong? A part of her insisted that it had all gone downhill after uttering a version of 'I do' in an inopportune moment. But that part was so far the only one that actually worked out fine. She kicked a loose stone.

“You are too impatient.” At least it was Arishok who had found her sulking instead of practising her barraging.

“I know. It just feels as if we aren't getting anywhere at all.” She sighed. “How did you stand this for so long?”

“What choice did I have?”

“I am sorry.” She leant against him which was easy and comforting. “It is just so damned hard.”

“I will not disagree with you.” He put a hand on her shoulder.

“Did you bring that much patience with you already?” Meliana wanted to know.

“It is not patience,” Arishok said, “it is self-control.”

“Oh.”

“Your actions have brought me closer to retrieving the tome of Koslun than I have been in the past years,” he went on. “You did this in a few weeks. Do not think the pace too slow.”

“I'll do my best not to start pacing. And Fenris and Merrill do deserve a rest.” She closed her eyes briefly. “They have done more for me than I ever expected.”

“Is that not what friends do?” He asked. “Following your own definition?”

“Well, it is. It's just.” Meliana hesitated. “I keep being surprised when people actually adhere to how things should be instead of what's easiest for them.”

“I am glad I will not be living in your world of false façades and empty words,” Arishok said. “You spend so much time looking for truth, trust, basic needs for anybody. I cannot understand how you can prefer to live like that.”

“Sometimes I don't know,” Meliana replied. “Maybe it is the hope to have a better life one day.”

Arishok pushed her to arms length, looking at her intently. “How can any life be better than another? We all strive to excel at our task, build a better future for ourselves and those we care about. Each of us has a role to play in this and without even one of them, the whole would collapse. How does any life carry more weight and importance?”

But human society didn't work like that. In Kirkwall nobody looked further than his own family and friends. The whole of the city was less important then the desires of those who ran it. Meliana had to concede that it was a problem. That many problems could easily be solved by caring more for the whole.

She took him by the wrists, trying to smile. “I do not know. But will it not be easier to replace a Karasaad than you?”

“Why should it? There are many capable warriors in the Antaam. And I am here, am I not?”

Beat again. Meliana decided on a tactical retreat. In the end the wait wasn't that bad. Starting at dawn also made them arrive under the falling cloak of night. Castillon's hideout was indeed a stronghold. Meliana spent the better part of the night scouting for entrances and other opportunities. Not unexpectedly, they were all guarded.

“I told you, you couldn't just walk in,” Merrill said. “We need a plan.”

“Sewers are out,” Fenris said with a glance at the Arishok.

In a way Meliana was glad for it. Sewers were a useful approach but also very yukky. Having a giant for a husband seemed to pay of in unexpected ways. “I could just knock politely,” she suggested. “See how far we get like that.”

“Posing as what?” Arishok asked. “There are not enough of us to pretend to be the circus this is.”

“The Champion of Kirkwall and Her Tame Qunari,” Merrill delighted. “That might just work.” She didn't flinch under their combined glares.

“Pantaloons,” Fenris said deadpan into the silence.

It was difficult to keep a straight face. In the end, nobody did.

“Well, it won't work,” Meliana said when they had calmed down again. “We have a decided shortage of pantaloons.”

“I am grateful,” Arishok said. “But does anybody have a better idea?”

There was silence.

“Actually,” Meliana spoke up, “I do. What if I don't knock politely, but run shouting and flailing at their door. Shouting 'dragon' to be specific. Merrill will get her dragon personification up and running again. So when they open their door, instead of falling into the arms of the first person present, I hit them all with a cone of cold, everybody else barrages in after me and Bob's a dead uncle.”

She looked at the blank faces staring at her. “Well, okay, maybe I'll do the cone of cold from the arms of the nearest person. That's one more disabled.”

“Who is Bob?” Arishok finally asked.

“Figure of speech,” Meliana explained. “It means we'll have everybody down in no time. Easy as pie.”

“I don't like to say this, but it might work,” Fenris admitted grudgingly. “It beats what we usually have for a plan.”

“I am surprised you are still alive.” Arishok said.

“You have seen Hawke in action,” Merrill replied. “It is not surprising at all.”

Arishok looked at the elf. Meliana shrugged apologetically. She was a mage and rather good at keeping people alive. “We have a reputation for a reason.”

“Then your Viscount was a greater fool than I thought.” Arishok crossed his arms. “You can easily take over Kirkwall itself.”

“Don't give her ideas,” Fenris said. “Hawke will get away with it but the rest of us might not.”

“Have more trust in her ability to protect you,” Arishok replied. “Or you may end up like Isabela.”

“A lone fugitive on the run, well.” Meliana shrugged. “At least you have lots of experience with that, Fenris.”

And ruling Kirkwall, now that was an idea Meliana had not had as yet. Might prove fun for a while. Make sure the Templars got their act back together and the Mages actually kept within the boundaries of not-blood-magic. A slow and controlled expansion towards the Wounded Coast to account for the numbers of refugees.

She shook her head. First things first. Castillon. Stronghold. “So, Merrill. How long do you need to prepare and what do you need to make it work?”

“Uh.” Merrill did not look happy. “You realise that is is blood magic, yes? And I need blood for that?”

“I do. But I decided to stop being a hypocrite towards my friends.” Meliana donned a bright smile.

“That's not the problem this time.” Merrill fidgeted. “I may just have used a lot of blood the last time and now I am, somewhat, drained?”

“Oh.” Meliana didn't know what else to say. “Does it have to be yours?” She finally went on. “Can I donate or something?”

The transformation of faces around her was fascination to watch. Fenris' face dropped proportionally to how Merrill's lit up. Arishok didn’t show any sign of reaction. But what else was new?

“You are going down a dangerous path,” Arishok finally said.

“Who me?” Meliana asked. “I am just offering. It was not me who got cut up bad. That bit during training doesn't count. And I have some to spare. So what? You think Merrill is going to turn into some power crazed mage coming to slit our throats at night?” She looked around. “You think Merrill is going to turn into some power crazed mage coming to slit our throats at night. But I do not. I know Merrill. She can be an unworldly idiot sometimes but she wouldn't do that.”

“Thank you,” Merrill said. “I guess.”

“Until something more important comes up,” Arishok warned. “And doesn't that always happen?”

“Oh and I wouldn't sacrifice all of you for something important enough?” Meliana threw up her hands. “Or you Fenris? Or you, Arishok! What is this fucking hypocrisy?”

“Blood magic is dangerous,” Fenris said. “I have seen what it can lead to myself. I did not expect you to fall for it so easily.”

Was he even listening? Had she just suggested sacrificing a couple of virgins or what? “Look, Fenris, if I could do what Merrill does with a fuckton of lyrium, I would. But I cannot and she doesn't use lyrium.”

“Maybe I could?” Merrill said hesitantly. “I don't know how that will turn out, but why not?”

“See?” Meliana glared at Fenris and Arishok feeling not very efficient.

“I will ask my men to help out if the lyrium does not work,” Arishok said.

Meliana joined the general staring at him in the dead silence that followed. “You don't have to do that, Arishok. They don't have to do that.”

“I know.” He levelled his gaze at her. “Have you ever asked something from anybody you were not willing to do yourself?” He held up a hand before she could reply. “Have you ever asked for anything?”

Meliana shut her mouth. Put like that? She didn't even know. She must have. Her eyes wandered to Merrill and Fenris for help but there was none to be found. “I did ask Anders for something,” she finally said with relief hastening her words. “He helped save Carver's life even if that means he is a Grey Warden now.”

“It is not quite the same,” Arishok replied, “but it will do.”

Not quite the same? The fuck was he talking about now? Not that it mattered. They would get their imaginary dragon one way or another.

"Fenris, please help Merrill get started with the lyrium. I need to have a word with Arishok."

As soon as the two elves had left she turned to the Qunari, hooking her hands into the straps across his chest. Meliana did her best to glare up at him. "By Andraste's blighted knickers, Arishok! What do you think you are doing? I know how you feel about magic, even mine. And that will be..." She trailed off having run out off steam.

"You trust her," Arishok just replied.

"Yes, of course."

"Then why should I not?" He did a better job at glaring than she had.


	14. Shiny Dragon, Tiny Dragon, Dragon on A Roll

As it turned out the only thing lyrium actually did, was make Merrill really, really giddy. She was casting practice dragons happily and very well indeed. But they looked more like scaly unicorns and were way too cute and shiny to be of any use.

"It's fine," Meliana assured Merrill repeatedly when the elf got upset about the assessment. "You'll have enough blood to make it work again. No worries."

"Indeed." Arishok said appearing behind them. "Ashaad and Karasaad have agreed to help. Ashaad has refused. That means you will have five to draw from."

"Four," Meliana objected. "Remember the strips you have been reduced to lately? You are out, my big friend."

"So am I," Fenris added.

"Right, three then. That should do?" Meliana looked at Merrill.

If Merrill had been wide-eyed in surprise before she was now professional excitement incarnate. That brought no change to the eyes, though. "You have no idea," she began.

"Trust us, we do," Meliana interrupted with a smile. "We do and we still help you. So. I suggest we get some sleep and let early morning mists help obscure the dragon somewhat."

It was not much sleep to be gotten before dawn. Still, they managed to get all seven of them into the carriage somehow. The three Qunari warriors had squeezed in on the one side while Meliana acted like a buffer between Arishok and Merrill. Fenris leant away from them against the wood of the carriage. It was cramped but the number of bodies kept the coach almost warm. Meliana felt oddly at peace.

Getting up and the knots out of their joints wasn't quite as cosy. Still in the end everybody was in position and Meliana got ready for her mad dash. Ashaad held her staff which would have been a dead giveaway. That meant she would have to do the first spells without it but now she knew she could. No matter how this ended, she would go out of it with more gained than lost.

Meliana held her breath for as long as she could as she began running. Nicely gasping, she broke out of the underbrush, shouting and flailing. Her screams of dragon turned into a wail when she walked knowingly into one of the traps. She didn't slow down, though.

"Dragon!" Her fists pummelled the heavy gate. She hoped that Merrill had the illusion up already. Otherwise she'd just look like a madwoman. Something that was unlikely to open any doors. "Let me in! Help! Dragon!"

There was a leathery flapping passing over her and Meliana cowered against the wood. Of course that was just when the door opened, tumbling her into the bailey. She use the momentum too take inventory of the assembled guards, chose the bulkiest of them and dropped against them.

"Did you see that? That was a fucking dragon!" She pointed to the doors, freezing every guard in the path of her finger on the way. Which just happened to be everybody. Then she turned to the dumbfounded guard behind her, freezing them as well.

"Help!" Meliana screamed at the top of her lungs.

That was the appointed signal and a few moments alter her friends poured in through the front door while more guards had taken her up on the call as well, approaching the yard from all other directions. Soon the place was filled with the sound of smashing, bashing, and general barraging.

Meliana grabbed her staff from Ashaad and cast the two agreed healing spells before joining the fray. It looked bad for Castillon. Excellent. Arishok went through the yard dual-wielding his huge weapons like an unstoppable force of nature. She enjoyed freezing his targets a little too much just to see them splinter apart under his heavy blows.

With each room they cleared, Meliana hoped Castillon was still in a little more. It didn't take that long to make a clean sweep either. Naturally, the critter was in the last and central room. He had barricaded himself in. But wood was no challenge for warriors cleaving through metal casually.

"So you are Castillon." Meliana looked at a completely nondescript man with dark hair and blue eyes. "I'd apologise for barraging in like this but you didn't turn up for an appointment at which we had only planned a robbery. Not even armed if possible. That wasn't very nice of you."

"What do you want?" Castillon demanded. He made a good show of not being intimidated.

"By now, your life, I'm afraid." Meliana shrugged. "We would have been happy with the Tome of Koslun but you know how that went.”

"I can get it for you." His face said that he would promise everything for a chance to stay alive. "Isabela was to give it to me. She still will. And then I give it to you. No questions asked."

"Why should we believe a word you say?" Arishok asked, taking up position behind her. "You have only shown us deceit so far."

"Just let me live. I swear I will make it worth it," Castillon pleaded. "I promise."

"You did enough already, made yourself a real nuisance in this whole business," Meliana said. "You held the soul of a civilisation hostage for profit. I would have asked if you'd have done with Andraste's Ashes but I guess you would so I won't."

"But what will killing me gain you?"

"Peace of mind for Isabela." Meliana was not sure how and if that would work out but it was a start and good riddance. "Let's hope she'll use it wisely."

"This useless conversation is over," Arishok added nodding at Ashaad. The Qunari had approached Castillon while they had been talking. Now his blade lashed out, neatly chopping off the head of the gangster boss. Neat apart from the blood gushing from the neck, but what could you expect?

When they got back outside, Merrill was still huddled up with Ashaad and Karasaad, busy with some blood magic aftercare. Fenris was standing a little way off, staring into the distance. He didn't fool Meliana for a second, obviously listening in as he was.

"So, what about the tiger?" Meliana asked into the group. "Ready to tackle that or do we have a break back at the lodge first?"

Everybody was decidedly for the break and nobody considered it strange to go to bed in the afternoon.

Meliana lay listening to Arishok breathing at her side. He was getting her from one fix into the next. Carelessly accepting blood magic because she trusted the mage doing it. He didn't even trust her magic for crying out loud.

Consider why it made her uncomfortable, he had said. Meliana closed her eyes trying to think. It was not easy. On the one hand she was exhausted from the fighting. On the other hand she was sure she wouldn't like the answer.

Explicit trust was a good thing. Meliana fought the urge to pull the blanket over her head. Explicit trust. She turned over and curled up instead. Was a good thing.

Implicit trust was a good thing as well. Meliana woke up with a hand not her own covering her mouth and half her face, another pinning her wrists against her stomach and the sound of an angry avalanche rolling over her. Blinking, she realised the room was lit dimly with pulsing magic.

Meliana forced herself to relax and let go of her magic. "Sorry."

"I'd prefer not having to do that again," Arishok growled.

"I agree." Meliana could still feel where his hand had gripped her wrists. "This has never happened before."

"Has it not?" The hands let go off her slowly. "I remember differently."

"Yes. No. I mean." She took a deep breath. "It has never happened until I moved in with you."

"Of that you are certain." It was more of a challenge than a question.

Of course she was. Her family would have told her. Though, she did try not to remember how long it had been since she had shared her sleeping room with anybody. "It's probably just the stress."

"Because so far your life has been easy." Arishok sounded doubtful, possibly sarcastic.

"Maybe this stress is different," Meliana suggested.

"How so?" He did not sound any more convinced than before.

Because it is related to you. That wasn't something Meliana was ready to throw out there, though. "Was I really spell-casting?" She asked instead.

"You were," Arishok confirmed.

"Thank you for stopping me."

"I like being alive."

"You and me both." Meliana smiled into the darkness. A smile that faded when she tried to remember if anything strange had ever happened during the nights, or if something had been amiss in the mornings; singed corners, frayed ends, cracked things. But there was nothing. And if Arishok was indeed the connecting element between her nightmares and stress, she had better get her act together again soon. He deserved better than to worry about a crazy mage in the middle of the night.


	15. Things Just Happen, What The Hell

It seemed that will getting Castillon out of the way, everything took care of itself. They had just begun to argue about how to solve the tiger problem, when a group of elves knocked at the door. Meliana opened cautiously. Not only were they strangers, they also had a tiger with them. "Yes?"

"We heard you were hunting for this tiger," the first elf said. He looked Dalish and might be a Keeper or apprentice, judging from his probably staff.

"That might depend on who is asking and why." Meliana tried to get a feeling for them The other two did not look like hunters. They also didn't look like, well, anything in specific.

"I am Yaverell, First of Clan Lyharrhis," the elf introduced himself. "Those are my companions, Second of my clan Parrion and Varissa, tracker and hunter." He made a pause.

"Oh, right. I am Meliana Hawke of Kirkwall." The name caused no reaction. For once she considered that a nuisance. "I am here on, uh, my honeymoon and possibly the tiger may be involved. What have you done to it?"

The tiger had flopped down, licking its right front paw lazily.

"Nothing," Yaverell said. “We found it wandering the area our clan is currently camped. We had never seen such a big cat."

"It's really just a big cat," Parrion interrupted.

"Yes," Yaverell took over again. "It seems that by treating it like a cat Parrion managed to, well, tame it. She is rather fond of the animal."

"It's so useful," Parrion said happily ignoring the combined glances of his companions. "Can keep down more vermin than rats for sure and hunts like no-"

"Yes, Parrion. Thank you." Yaverell did not look too happy. "You see where this is going?"

Meliana wasn't sure she saw anything. The tiger had decided to roll over. "You want to keep it?" She finally suggested.

Yaverell hung his head. "Yes."

"Oh." Now that was unexpected but certainly not unappreciated. Meliana tried not to show how great that idea was. "Well. I guess. Since Second Parrion like the tiger so much. Give me a moment to discuss this with my husband."

Beat silence was her reply. It was difficult to not break out laughing as she returned to the group that was still arguing. Not laughing as she told about the group at the door was even harder. But she managed.

The others didn't do quite as well. She could hear the first snorts transforming into giggles when she returned to the door. Getting her face to stay serious took real effort. "Alright, you can keep the tiger." Her voice was not dripping as much disappointment as Meliana would have wanted.

"What do you want for it?" Yaverell asked.

Now that was something she should have discussed. Meliana floundered. "You could keep an eye out for me," she finally said. "A former partner ran of with a rather important book. I'd like to have it back and," she shrugged.

"What is so important about the book?" Yaverell wanted to know.

"It' the heart of a culture and I'd like to return it."

"What will you get for doing that?"

"Peace for my people."

There was a long silence. Yaverell was probably not happy about playing scout for a human. On the other hand, he could just say he hadn't seen anything, right? She'd never know.

"We will look, if you give us a description. But we cannot promise anything."

"Yes, great, perfect. I totally understand." Meliana tried her best to describe the tome as well as Isabela. Then she advised Yaverell to contact either Keeper Marethari or Merrill the elf in Kirkwall directly with any news. A few parting words on taking good care of the tiger later she could join the laughter inside the house. Unfortunately, the they had stopped already and were packing. Unfair. She never got to have any of the fun.

The return to Kirkwall went thankfully uneventful. She didn't try to kill her husband again which was a promising sign in any marriage. Moving into the Qunari Compound did not feel like coming home, though. Probably not surprising seeing how she had been living there only day or two.

Meliana looked around. Nothing seemed changed at all. Tallis followed them and once again Meliana mostly watched while the elf brought Arishok up to date and the other way round. Was she the only one speaking just one language? Fenris spoke Tevene and some Qunlat, Varric probably spoke dwarven, Merrill had elven or what passed for it. Which left Anders and Aveline who might or might not speak something else.

The conversation flowed over her demanding only confirmation of a few points, none of which made Tallis happy. Blood magic, yeah, yeah, yadda yadda. Been there, done that. Actually everybody did that. So what?

"How could you?" Tallis demanded when Arishok left to see to his people.

"Could what?" Meliana asked defensively. "There seemed to be a lot of things you disapprove of."

"Blood magic!"

"Nobody was forced to do anything. Everybody volunteered and nobody got hurt in the process. "Well," Meliana corrected, "nobody who wasn't supposed to get hurt."

"You can't go around and condone blood magic," Tallis insisted. "And forcing the Arishok-"

"Hold it right there." Meliana crossed her arms before her. "Nobody forced Arishok to do anything. Repeat that over. Nobody did. Not even to live. All his decision. Anyway, if you think I have that much influence on him, you are gravely mistaken."

"Am I?" Tallis mirrored her pose.

"Of course. Who do you think I am? Anyway, I tried to tell him off for doing that and he wouldn't have any of it. He's just impossibly stubborn." Meliana shook her head. "And anyway, it was Qunari blood magic that almost got me killed so I think we're fine. Even though I didn't endanger him any with what we did. You get the picture."

"Do you have an idea of what a precarious position that puts him in? Even if he did it to retrieve one of the most sacred books of the Qunari people?"

"Nobody has to know," Meliana objected. "There were two great mages on this. How could we not do this with lyrium. I'm sure he told you we tried."

"Would you lie for him?" Tallis demanded.

"Of course." How was that even a question? Arishok had done way more than that for her already.

"He would not lie for you," Tallis said.

"He doesn't have to. Look, Tallis, I know you are unhappy with what happened. I am not sorry and we can talk until the cows come home. Or you can help," Meliana said. "Isabela is gone with the tome and I need her to surface again. As soon as possible. I want her, tome or no."

"You cannot order me to do anything."

"I know that's why I asked," Meliana replied. "And maybe I'll see how much influence on Arishok I have after all and make him order you."

"You would not."

"You're right," Meliana sighed. "I would not. I prefer my help to come willingly. And then there’s the rest of the Qunari people who might need your help more than we do."

"No sarcasm?" Tallis tilted her head.

"Not unless you'd rather. Just let me know when you need me, right? The deal stands."

"I'll let you know." Tallis nodded shorty before leaving.

Now that could have gone better. Meliana stared at the closed door for a while. But it was true. There was a world of problems out there that needed solving. And somehow she'd get hers done. With or without Tallis' help.

"Where are you going?" Arishok intercepted her.

"I wanted to see how things are in the estate, talk to Anders, drop by and see if Aveline has news to share." Meliana shrugged. "Anything you need me for first?"

"There has been a summons to the Keep," he replied.

"Great. That will be in preparation for electing the new Viscount." Meliana grinned. "Your chance to change Kirkwall for the better."

"I did not intend to get involved with it like this," Arishok objected. "I am not a politician."

"Neither am I." Meliana put a hand on his arm. "And see what people think of me and what you have accomplished the last years for your people. You will do fine."

"Your faith may be misplaced."

"It has not been so far." She smiled up at him. "And I will be there to back you up."

"I will consider the fate of this city then."

"Make it one I'll want to live in."

He regarded her for a long moment. "I will keep that in mind."

The look he gave her proved that still had doubts. But what else could she do? Her experience with politics was limited to dealing with Arishok on the behalf of Dumar. His guess was as good as hers, better, since Arishok's was more educated. After all, he _had_ lead his people in all regards for the last years. All she had done was making sure that House Hawke did not go under again. And that under the tutelage if not outright orders of her mother, too.

Meliana could not shake the memories on her way home. Entering the estate, she still mulled over memories of her mother. She had been so happy to return. She had stood right here, in the light coming from a high window reminiscing about her childhood. Remembering home, leaving it and returning.

"Do you want to talk about it?” Anders asked. He found her in the exact same spot in which her mother had stood.

"That depends on what you mean by 'it'," Meliana replied without turning around. "I'm not sure what to think about my mother’s death and if I want to think about it at all."

"You did everything you could, Hawke, and you didn't deserve any of it," Anders said. "And that includes Gamlen berating you. You have always been truthful. It is not a vice."

"Is it not?" Meliana wondered out loud. "So many people treat it like a curse."

"We are not your uncle," Anders reminded her. "You have chosen your friends wisely."

"So I have." She finally turned and donned a brittle smile. "So tell me, my friend, how you have been while I was frolicking around in the wilds."

Home that was not home any longer. Somehow going to sleep had been easier than returning to the Qunari Compound. She had done that beside Arishok for the last days. It was its own kind of normal now.


	16. Bulls In The China Shop

If falling asleep beside Arishok was normal by now, so was moving about in his company even if it was inside Kirkwall with many looks following the as they made their way to the Keep. They were not the first to arrive at the gathering. They also drew attention immediately.

"How dare you bring that," Arl Valeron made a pause either for effect or because he had thought better of calling Arishok a thing to his face, "person?"

Meliana joined the Arishok in glaring and crossing her arms. She swallowed the first few replies, one of which included exploding the Arl on the spot. It was very tempting.

"The Arishok of the Qunari is also an official representative of house Hawke," she reminded him as scathingly as she managed. "He has every right to attend this and all following meetings."

"Your marriage is but a farce," Valeron spat. "Everybody knows that."

It was calming to know that Arishok had only a small ceremonial sword on him even if it still resembled a two-handed weapon for humans. Meliana had left her staff in the Compound. Nobody had to know that it didn't disarm her much. And she was wearing robes so that point would not be lost on anybody.

"Everybody knows that you are not your father's son, too," Meliana replied sweetly. "Do you really want to press this point?"

"This is not over," Arl Valeron threatened.

"It is not," Arishok agreed. "Your false accusation stands and we will deal with it once the time has come.”

Meliana watched the Arl leave, looking none to happy about the prospect of having to deal with an offended Arishok. "I don't think we'll be making friends like this," she commented drily in Arishok's direction.

"I did not think we were here to make friends," he answered.

"That might help in getting the Viscount we want, though." Meliana shrugged. Politics was new to her.

"Who do we want as Viscount," Arishok wanted to know.

"Let's see who's on the table," Meliana replied. "I'll talk to First enchanter Orsino about them once this meeting is over. He has a good grip on the situation from a mage's point of view."

Arishok looked down at her. "And what point of view do you have?"

"None. That is my problem." Meliana smiled ruefully. "I just tried to keep my family afloat and my mum happy. She did whatever she envisioned for the Hawke family."

"This is not a thought-out approach, Hawke," he admonished.

"Does that surprise you?”

He blinked slowly and looked up and turned away. "No."

The Great Hall of the Keep was packed. Every noble who had a say in the matter was attending plus some of the guild leaders and other influential people. First Enchanter Orsino was sitting as far away as possible from Knight-Commander Meredith. Meliana nodded at both, taking note of their rather different reactions.

With Arishok at her back, Meliana had no trouble navigating the cramped spaces left in the hall. Angry glares bounced off him easily, probably biting their casters in the arse on their way back. The seats reserved for them were huge. Horns. It made all of the difference.

Meliana sat down beside her husband, her smile back in place. She had seen all of the assembled faces before, most of them exactly once, at her wedding. With some luck these meetings would be few and the last she saw of them as well. Se detested politics. All that devious manoeuvring. Her discussion with Arishok on the topic had been less than pleasant as well.

"But what would _you_ change in Kirkwall?" He had asked.

And she had taken thee bait and answered. "The Templars need to take the pressure off the mages. They squeeze them into ever smaller spaces, even those who have done nothing in their lives but serve the people and the Chantry as demanded. They have nowhere left to go. With nothing to lose either way, what danger is blood magic?

"Yes, with great power comes great responsibility," Meliana went on, "but nobody ever gives us mages a chance to take responsibility for our actions. It is never 'I decide to do this' but always 'I am allowed to do only this.' It is not good enough.” She had shrugged.

"But the mages need to realise what privileges they have, too. Education and upkeep are things few outside the nobility can take for granted. We are also supposed to serve and there are so many more way in which we could. Sharing the education we have for one thing, being visible as forces of good. Opening and running schools or hospitals would be so easy. Imagine how a world would look in which everybody was healthy, could read and write, know their history."

"It will be anarchy," Arishok had replied evenly.

"It would be beautiful. People being treated like people because that is what they are." Meliana had tried to get back to the original question. "Elves, refugees. We need to level the starting ground, equal opportunities for all to find who they re and what they excel at.

Arishok had stared at her in silence.

"No," she had said, caving under the intensity of his pointed look. "I will not go that far. It would not work. Anyway, Kirkwall's society is like stairs. It can't be levelled completely."

"That is a good comparison," Arishok had said. "To even out one side you have to take from the other."

"I know. And that is where things will get difficult.” Meliana had sighed. "People would need to think further than their own gain for that. Feel that they are part of a bigger whole that is more important. She faltered under another heavy gaze.

"I can implement the Qun in Kirkwall no more than I can live under it."

She had not touched the topic again after that and didn't intended to do so ever again. Well, so much for that. Meliana hoped that one of the candidates had a sensible plan she could get behind. She found Orsino looking at her and smiled. They both had a lot to gain in the election and even more to lose.

Dumar entered the room, looking small and old in comparatively simple clothing, the tiara no longer on his head. He took the central place, called for order and waited for the chatter to die down. "I thank you all for coming. The future of Kirkwall will be decided on here. It is a matter none of us should take lightly."

Meliana didn't think that anybody would, especially those who hoped to win power and influence. The connections to the Viscount could make or break a family.

"I suggest Teyrna Landrau for the next Viscount," a voice behind them spoke up. "Her family is renown throughout the Free Marches. Her ties reach to the Orleisan court as well as the Ferelden nobility.

"I second Arl Erlon's suggestion." Meliana identified the woman tentatively as Comtess Serani. That was not good. If she remembered correctly the countess was close to Knight-Commander Meredith. Not that Templars ever got involved in politics.

She sat back listening to pros and cons being thrown about. There were a lot of the former and too few of the latter. Teyrna Landrau was a strong woman, married with three children. Her line was set and stability seemed certain.

But the mages. Meliana sighed. Why did nobody ever thin about the mages? Unless it was to accuse them of blood-magic. Also elves, refugees. Everything she heard discussed concerned only the nobility and rich merchants. Shouldn't they be thinking about everybody in this city?

"I recommend Baron Loress."

Meliana had almost missed the next candidate being brought forward. Another noble with no love for mages. It was not surprising. What would have been surprising was finding anybody inclined towards mages who was not a mage themselves. She hadn't felt that lonely in a packed place for a very long time.

When Meliana glanced in Orsino's direction, he caught her eye. It was obvious that he was thrilled no more by the choices so far. Maybe he would suggest somebody more suitable. If there was anybody.

"I suggest Knight-Commander Meredith," Arlessa Yvess spoke up.

So much for candidates more open to magic. Meliana glanced around to gauge the reaction to this. The Knight-Commander was a commoner. It was an unheard of suggestion.

"She has served this city well and kept the danger the Circle poses in check. This has only become more important lately. I for one fear a mage rebellion." Yvess took a moment to look at Meliana in particular. "You cannot trust them. They can play long games."

Murmurs broke out at this obvious insult. Some supporting the suggestion, some admitting their own fear of unbound mages, some just taking the chance to speak against the unwelcome Fereldan usurper.

Little did they know that they were in for yet another treat. If Meliana had known, she might have taken precautions like not attending or decorating her walls with her husband's horns.

"I name Meliana Hawke for new Viscount." He suggested once the hubbub about Meredith had calmed down.

There was a sudden silence finally broken by subdued sniggers.

"Ah, no." Meliana spoke up. "That is not a good idea."

"You have proven capable of solving difficult situations and the People of Kirkwall have faith in you," Arishok insisted. "I do not see how you are not qualified."

"You would of course not profit of this in any way," Arlessa Yvess commented.

"I would live easier knowing that she will not let injustice pass, even where my people are concerned. The Qunari Compound will be a saver place for everybody." That might just have been a threat.

Meliana suppressed a sigh. "Arlessa Yvess means to imply that your influence on the city will be strengthened by putting me in charge."

"How so?"

"Because we are married?"

"The marital status does not matter,” Arishok insisted. “It should not effect how the other does their business. How am I qualified for your work by a bond of commitment?"

Meliana would very much have preferred to have this discussion in private.

"If we accept her as candidate," Knight-Commander Meredith saved her unexpectedly, "We may as well accept any Ferelden refugee in the city. Where will we draw the line?"

Murmurs rose throughout the room, trying to drown out on another. Meliana sent a lopsided grin to Arishok who was watching the proceedings with growing unrest and annoyance.

"Silence!" Dumar finally ordered.

"You may decide not to remember, Knight-Commander," Orsino quietly used the ensuing lull, "but Serah Hawkes grandfather was chosen as Threnhold's successor before the office fell to Dumar quite suddenly."

The silence stayed. Meliana tried to look around confidently, but it was difficult with so many eyes resting on her with speculation running high behind them. But if they disregarded her, at least the Knight-Commander was out of the race as well.

When it became clear that nobody else was stepping forward, Meliana rose. Braving the looks, she steeled herself for what was to come. "I recommend Bran Cavin for the next Viscount of Kirkwall," she declared.

"Another commoner," Arl Valeron scoffed into the silence.

"The Knight-Commander and I have been suggested on behalf of our merit alone," Meliana stood her ground. "Bran Cavin has served Viscount Dumar faithfully for years. There is nobody among us who knows more about the duties and responsibilities this office entails. Bran Cavin brings the necessary experience and expertise. He is also a diligent and dutiful man. Kirkwall will do well with him."

Murmurs erupted again, swelling in volume quickly. Meliana sat down. She was tempted to lean against Arishok with a smug grin. It seemed unfair she had to refrain from both.

Still Bran was a logical choice if you left blood out of it. He was also a thankful one as he was not in the room an couldn't argue one way or another. He might be surprised by the number of people accosting him with strange ideas after this meeting.

That she had recommended him was just one more annoyance. Bran hadn't hidden his contempt for the Ferelden upstart. His politeness was only grudging since her standing with Dumar had made it necessary. Meliana would have to look for somewhere else. He would not do the mages any more favour than the other candidates but with him Orsino had at least a standing relationship through the service to Dumar.

"You are a much better politician that you let on." I was astounding how softly Arishok could whisper with his usually booming voice.

Meliana smiled at him. "I have an excellent teacher."

As expected the meeting came nowhere near a conclusion. The candidates were named. Now the political manoeuvring would begin. And it would go on until only two of them remained with any chance of winning. It would not be her and that was perfectly alright with Meliana. She had no taste for politics. But being in the race alone might give her the chance to effect something. It was worth her best shot.

Meliana missed her mother more than ever. Leandra would have glided through the intrigue and backstabbing gracefully leaving a wake of surprised but happy nobles, certain they had gotten just what they wanted.

It was a good daydream to pursue on the way back home. Reality pulled her out of it too soon with the sound of the gates of the Qunari Compound closing behind them. Meliana let out a long sigh.

"You are not happy," Arishok said as they reached their private rooms.

Meliana rubbed her eyes. "No, I am not. None of the candidates has anything to offer the mages. All I can see is a further deterioration of the situation."

"I meant with me," he clarified.

Meliana looked up at him surprised, her plan to bounce her head off his biceps suddenly thwarted. "Why would I? You did great. Better than me for sure."

He let that slip. "You do not wish to become Viscount."

"You surprised me with that," she conceded. "But you did give them something to think about. They won't forget and maybe it will be enough to do some real good."

He looked down at her thoughtfully. "You do not expect to be elected."

"Arishok," Meliana put her hands on his chest. "Whatever else I may be, I am still a mage. Nobody in Kirkwall will ever forget that."

"You make a strong case by simply being yourself." He covered her hands with one of his.

Meliana bounced her head off its back gently. "Thank you." From any Qunari that would have been an amazing admission. From him, she didn't even try to finish the thought.

"If speaking the truth is something to be grateful for in your society, you may want to consider rearranging it." Of course he had to spoil the moment.

"I'd love to." Meliana smiled at him. It was strange how supportive the criticism was coming from his square features. "Are all Qunari telling the truth all the time?"

"What reason could there be to lie?" He asked back.

Meliana furrowed her brow, thinking. "To spare somebody pain if the truth is not important," she finally said.

"When is it not?" Arishok asked. "And who decides that? Who can know if one lie will not cause more pain later than the truth would now?"

"I cannot." She rested her forehead against his hand again. "All I have is my own judgement and I am not infallible. But," she pulled back, withdrawing her hand under his, "that is what life is. Judging. Making decisions. Living with them."

For a long moment Arishok just looked at her. "We do what we we can, hoping to create a better future. It is what the Qun demands."

"Then I agree with its aims even if we differ in the hows and whats." Meliana smiled again. "Can you think of no reason to lie?"

He blinked slowly. "No." There was no hesitation.

Meliana kept her smile. It was reassuring in an uncompromising way. She had to think of Tallis' words but they had no power to hurt. Arishok would not lie. But his reasons for that made all the difference. They would get by.

 


	17. On Politics, Pirates, And Telling Which Is Which

"It's good to see you, Serah Hawke." First Enchanter Orsino's offered her a chair in his office in the Keep. The place was packed with books and parchments, their smell musky and seductive.

Meliana sat down, trying not to stare at the treasures stacked around them. So many books. Such knowledge. "It is kind of you to see me, First Enchanter. I am an apostate after all." Apostates were not generally good news regardless of whether you were a mage yourself. It was a small miracle she got away with it so far.

"It does not matter to me that you are not a member of any Circle." He smiled wanly. "You have done much for the reputation of mages since your arrival. The people hold you in high regard and begin to see you as the epitome of what a mage should be. That can be good, or bring much evil."

"That is always the case with magi," Meliana agreed. "And sometimes the difference between good and evil depends just on which non-mage tells the story.

Orsino sighed. "You are unfortunately right. But you are visible, an active member of the Kirkwall nobility and voice for those who don't get much of a say in this city. Do not ABTUN being nominated for Viscount by a Qunari because he is your husband. We both know their attitudes towards mages."

"I am afraid most won't see that far," Meliana said. "The Qunari keep to themselves, are kept to themselves. The people of Kirkwall know next to nothing about those living in their midst."

"Like mages." Orsino smiled.

"Like mages," she agreed warily. "Or elves."

"Elves are not under consistent scrutiny," Orsino replied. "Neither are the refugees. Both groups contained within Kirkwall. But Templars and Knights watch only us."

"It seems I have exchanged one prison for another," Meliana tried to make light of it. It was not a discussion she felt ready for.

"Do not call your life in Kirkwall a prison," Orsino warned. "You have not seen life in the Circle where every step you take is watched."

She had to concede the point. And Orsino was not willing to let his chance pass. Meliana wished he didn't explain it so well. "I didn't know it was that bad. I am all for protecting mages and the public. I just can't see any system behind this. Arbitrariness is never an answer. There has to be egality, transparency, accountability."

Meliana didn't know whether to rub her eyes or temples. "Tranquillity shouldn't be a punishment but salvation."

"It is all clear for us mages," Orsino agreed. "Making anybody else understand is exceedingly difficult and Knight-Commander Meredith has become more and more unreasonable. I do not understand it."

"Things are spiralling out of control. She puts pressure on the mages and each who breaks under it she takes as proof that she is right." Meliana sighed. "It is a circle that needs to be broken but I don't know how."

"Having you as the new Viscount of Kirkwall would help." It was not a comment.

Meliana heard the request in it clearly, the expectation she rise to meet the challenge. "I am a pariah from Ferelden, regardless of who my father was," she said. "I am also married to the commander of an invading fore. Those on their own are insurmountable odds, Fist Enchanter."

"Orsino please." He smiled. "You have excellent standing with the people of this city. Something few have achieved. The nobility is swayed more easily. Trust me on this."

"I am not a politician." Meliana didn't want to be one either.

"I beg to differ." Orsino inclined his head. "But let us talk about that and the other candidates brought forward. I assume this was the intention of your visit, yes?"

"It is," Meliana agreed, happy to postpone any talk about her becoming Viscount. "I want to know what we mages can expect from them."

As it turned out, there was nothing much to expect from any of them. None had a friendly attitude towards mages, Teyrna Leronaud was even close to Knight-Commander Meredith. That didn't bode well at all. Meliana left Orsino's office deep in thought.

“Varric has asked to see you after sundown in the Hanged man and Tallis wishes to speak to you as well.” Arishok did not look happy about being her personal message board. Well, if he and his fellow Qunari were less frighting, She could bring a servant. Not that Meliana was sure how to occupy them for the rest of the time.

“Thank you.” She tried to look over his shoulder. A hopeless venture even when he was sitting down and not wearing his shoulder plates. So she k around the table, sitting down opposite of him. Now every thing was on its head but since he wrote in Qunlat that didn't even matter.

“Anything I can help with?” She wanted to know.

“No.”

“Any new ideas on the Viscount business.”

She got only a grunt in reply this time.

“Did you talk to Tallis?”

“What about?”

Meliana had enough. She climbed the table, kneeling down on top of his paperwork.

“Look, Arishok, if you do not want to talk to me, that is fine,” she said, peering at him, her face only a few inches from his. “I am perfectly capable of returning later. No problem. But if you do want to talk to me, please, at least acknowledge my existence by looking at me.”

Arishok looked up, levelling their heads. It was awkward, but Meliana did not feel like backing away. “So what will it be?”

“Tallis is away on her other task,” Arishok said unperturbed. “I have made it official though I cannot grant her her old position back in return. The man you are looking for is calling himself Salit now and has left Par Vollen.”

Meliana leant back. She was sure that breathing in his reply was not necessary to understand it. “Great. I guess. I'll make sure I'll be ready to leave at the drop of a hat then. One thing less to worry about.”

Not that it really resolved any of their problems. But maybe Varric had news on Isabela. Hope died last. She looked ahead in thought until she realised that Arishok was staring at her. She looked at him, down and back at him. Well.

“I'll leave you to this then.” She clumsily scooted off the papers and off the table.

Meliana returned to the yard of the Compound. She found herself somewhat at a loss as to what to do. Tallis was away planning which was a good thing. Something she didn't do. Something she might want to start doing.

She went to the ledge overlooking the docks to the ocean. The sun was bright on the water, shattering sparkles in all directions. It reminded her of Merrill's lyrium unicorn-dragons.

What had she been thinking. Blood Magic. Tallis was right. It would get her into a world of trouble if it got known. Not what she had done, just how. Meliana closed her eyes, letting the sun drench her face. How to control blood magic.

It was in itself no more dangerous than anything that could subdue and kill. As long as its users subscribed to a 'take no shit but do no harm' policy all was dandy. Consent was everything. But applying that to mages meant you had to apply it to everybody else as well. And man, was everybody else fucked.

Meliana sighed. Free lyrium wasn't a solution either. The rich and powerful would grab that for themselves, leaving everybody else to fight for themselves in the gutter. It wasn't that much different now. And if free lyrium meant free mages, you better make sure in advance that they wanted what was best for all. Otherwise it would just be Tevinter all over again with less blood magic.

A higher goal, a common course. Knowing that you are part of something bigger and more important than yourself. It sounded so easy. Pushing ideas about the Qun aside firmly, Meliana tried to come up with a solution. When the sun began to tint the waves red she gave up. Maybe talking to Varric would take her mind off this. At least for a while.

Meliana picked up her staff before leaving the Compound. It was her trademark sign combined with her blue robes. It now happened rarely that she had to kill bandits in the night. They had become more careful. And only very new Templars tried to do something about her. For a very short time. She was a free mage in a city of chains. The irony was not lost on her.

Varric was entertaining a small audience with the story of Castillon's defeat when she reached the Hanged Man. Apparently she had a pet dragon called Spyro who would come to her aid. Everybody was duly impressed and gave her a wide berth when they recognised her.

“What did I tell you about making things up, Varric?” Meliana sighed dramatically. “The dragon's name is Grisu,” she added before he could answer.

“It was poetic licence combined with the wish to protect you.” Varric didn't lose a beat. “Names have power.”

“So they do.” Meliana looked pointedly at the listeners. “Done?”

They scattered hastily, trying to be discreet about it. Varric pointed her at a chair and poured a cup of wine.

Meliana ogled it warily. When was the last time she had eaten? Who cared? “Why did you call me?”

“Can't I just invite an old friend over for a drink without needing a reason?” Varric asked.

“You could. And I'd come.” Meliana took another sip. “But it hasn’t happened so far so please forgive my suspicion.”

“I'll try to remember that.” he wasn't even mad. “Do you remember Feynriel?”

“The elf boy who dreamt dangerously? I think so. Did he get himself into trouble again?” That was not all unlikely in Tevinter.

“He sent word.” Varric shrugged as if to say he had no clue why Feynriel would write to him of all people either. “Says that Kirkwall is having bad dreams, that something got into it like a splinter and festers. It's all very poetic with lots of red colour symbolism.”

Meliana took the letter and looked over it. It was indeed packed with metaphors and similes. As if Feynriel had tried to describe something with words he couldn't even wrap his mind around in thoughts.

“Looks like blood is involved somehow,” she finally said. “I'll poke Orsino a little about blood magic artefacts next time I see him. Gently,” she added when she caught Varric's look. “Any news on Isabela?”

“Changing the topic like a pro, I see.” Varric shook his head. “But yes, I think I shall write him back offering thanks. And asking him to tell you directly next time. You do have a postal address after all. Tiny mage, Qunari Compound. Can't be missed.”

“And you cannot throw me off the track this time,” Meliana replied. “Any news?”

“Nothing, but what did you expect after a few days only?” He said. “But don't worry, Hawke, we'll get you out of the compound in no time.”

Meliana bristled. That was not what she had meant. She didn't need to be rescued. Actually, she was doing very well, this marriage worked out better than many she had seen. Probably because there was an end in sight. A lot of things were easier to ignore if it was temporary. And Arishok was reasonable enough, trustworthy too. For a Qunari. Not to mention scaring her to death with unexpected displays of trust.

“Do you trust me, Varric?”

He looked at her as if she had lost her mind, but certainly him during her thought process.

“Never mind.” She waved it off and empted her cup. “Tell me what the city thinks about the candidates for the office of the Viscount. Tell me what the city wants.”

The dwarf still looked concerned but he complied. And he made a point of distinguishing between what the city wanted and what it needed. Meliana appreciated.


	18. It's A Race For Us To Die

Meliana would have been perfectly content to sit out the election shenanigans and just wait who surfaced first: Isabela or Salit. Instead the nobility of Kirkwall fell over themselves and each other t in hopes to support or sabotage her. If it hadn't been about her, Meliana would have leant back and watched laughing.

Instead she had to actively involve herself in the proceedings. In the worst ways imaginable. Meliana sighed. “I am not going.” Another invitation dropped onto a pile of similarly embellished cards between her and Arishok.

“If you turn down every single invitation,” he cautioned, “you will make more enemies than you have use for. Even if you do not wish to become Viscount.”

He was right of course. Meliana didn't like it, but he was right. No, she had no desire to be Viscount no matter what her supporters lead by an untiring Orsino planned. But she would have to keep living in Kirkwall and if she offended every noble there was that would be very disagreeable.

“I see no reason to sit staring glumly at the dance floor on more evenings than absolutely necessary.” She had to find a middle way. “I don't dance.”

“Maybe you should start to,” Arishok suggested without mercy.

“Oh, and who is going to teach me?” Meliana challenged. “You?”

He levelled his grey gaze at her. It was still very efficient at shutting her up. “You may have noted that none of the invitations mention me or a plus one.”

“That's right!” Meliana brightened up. “I shall use this heinous insult to decline them all.”

Arishok's glare told her that this was not the solution he had had in mind. But then the lucky bastard didn't have to attend balls. It was decidedly unfair. She got the implications, though, and that meant that so did he. Their marriage was temporary. And once he had left she would be back on the market, a very eligible bachelor with excellent ties and prospects.

" _Vashedan qalaba basra_."  Meliana held his gaze. "You could at least accompany me to some of the dinners."

"Am I invited?"

She looked away first. "Not in so many words, no."

"I will take advantage of that then and stay where I am." Arishok returned his attention to his own work.

"Maybe I should ask Merrill if she can conjure up a facsimile of you to take along," Meliana grumbled. "I'm sure nobody will notice if it doesn't say a word all evening."

Arishok may or may not have smiled. It was hard to tell with those features and angle. "I might be interested in seeing that."

"Oh, that would be good. I either arrive on my own or with two husbands." She was ready to turn the invitations into a fountain of confetti. "I'd be the talk of the city."

"You already are." He shook his head. "Now get on the replies."

"Or?"

Slowly the horns rose again. Arishok glared down his impressive nose at her, his lips tight. "Or you will find out that being a mage under the Qun is not the worst fate there is."

“Indeed?” Meliana stared back at him. “But that is no news to me. I was led to believe the worst fate is to be Arishok of the Qunari.”

In the ensuing silence it was difficult to keep a straight face. Finally Arishok just shook his head and started writing again.

Meliana let out a slow breath, picking up the invitations. Confetti storm. It was still the best idea she had for this. And the assessment did not improve not matter how many of the events she attended. There was just nobody there she had much in common with. Well, except for being a human and having a title and such.

There was way too much talk about politics and boy, did she have to watch her mouth. Sympathising with mages was not well received even if you fucking _were_ a mage. Her respect for Orsino grew. The man had put up with this shit for years.

“How do you do it?” Everybody seemed to be invited to the grand dinner of Teyrna Landrau. Meliana would not gripe as it meant that at least one other mage was present.

The First Enchanter looked at her with a sad smile. “What choice do I have? One wrong move and the Knight-Commander will have another weapon against us. If we comply we are corralled further, if we resist we are killed. Or worse.”

“One me isn’t going to be enough to put an end to it.” She stared at the impossibly fragile dish before her. “Even as Viscount, how long would it take to reduce the overall hostility towards mages even a little?”

“Just because it is difficult that doesn't mean it is not worth trying.” He smiled. “Everything worth doing is difficult to achieve. And your existence alone has made a few templars think. Small steps, Hawke, very, very small steps.”

“Meliana, please.” It was weird to be called by her last name when she called him by his first. It was something she might have to wean a few more people of. “And becoming Viscount is such a very small step?”

He actually laughed, drawing more attention than she liked. “Looking at your resume, it just might.”

It stayed the only agreeable conversation throughout the evening. Lords and Ladies accosted her about her past, qualifications to rule and questionable political beliefs. Some of the more adventurous guests tried to subtly, or not so subtly, ferret out details about her marriage.

“Oh, but the honeymoon was charming,” Meliana assured one Lady Carlein Feylan. “The countryside around Ostwick is quaint beyond comparison.”

“But what do you do all day, there must be so little entertainment,” Feylan baited.

“Not at all.” Meliana fought off her urge to down another cup of wine with a bright smile and silent cussing. “As you know I am from Ferelden. It was such a joy to be out in the countryside again. I had almost forgotten how that felt.”

“I hear that there a no Qunari in Ferelden, though.” Lady Feylan did not give up.

“No, there are not,” Meliana agreed. “I think they are all Tal-Vashoth, too.”

This ensued in a prolonged explanation of the differences between Qunari and Tal-Vashoth which most people didn't care to learn. It usually worked and Meliana was a little scared of the day she had educated everybody and would have to find a new topic to deflect people to.

“I wished you would return from your invitations less annoyed,” Arishok said when she trudged into the bedroom. Maker knew why he was even still awake. Or did she actually wake him up each time she returned?

Meliana felt read to tumble headfirst into bed. But there were things making that impossible like boots, robes, and the general height of the bed. “You could keep me company and make sure my mood stays good?”

“I do not wish to get involved in politics here any more than necessary.” He propped himself up on one arm and watched as she battled her boots.

“Can I get an explanation of how you decide on what is necessary?” She said without looking up. “Because nominating me for Viscount looks very much like unnecessary to me.”

“This city needs adequate ruling,” Arishok said holding out a hand. Beat Meliana hopped towards him, holding up her foot. “You have many shortcomings, but for this city you are the best choice.”

And who knew? Maybe she would be inclined to look more friendly upon a Qunari invasion than anybody else. She was rewarded for those thoughts by her boot coming off with a sudden, throwing her onto her back. She sighed.

“I don't know.” She sat up, rubbing the arm she had broken her fall with. “The better I get to know the nobles of this place, the more I think burning everything down and starting from scratch might be the only way to improve the city. I am not good at this, Arishok. I am a commoner and I like that.”

“What you do with your opportunity is yours to decide.” He tossed her the boot and laid down again. “In times to come, remember that you had it.”

And that you did the best you could with it. He didn't have to add that, it was the one thought that kept her trying. Meliana took off the other boot which was less reluctant to be removed. “I will. And I will thank you for it.”

In times to come. She didn't have to add that. He understood, just as she did. It was strange but it worked. There was a footstool at her side of the bed. Another thing she never mentioned and still, one day it was just there. She climbed up and slipped under the blankets.

“How many,” Arishok asked into the silence between them.

“Four.” Meliana darkened the room. “Five if you count Lady Feylan's second son who is a templar.”

She wondered if she should keep a complete tally. It was almost as if she wasn't married at all. Where had all those matchmakers been before? Had she been such an undesirable match? Not that it mattered. Much.

And why did only mothers approach her? It would have made sense for the young men to appear in person. Or was that improper? Because she was actually married? Then how was accosting her with sons on silver plates appropriate? She'd never understand it. Maybe there was a way to keep her status as married woman intact after Arishok left. That would make everything a whole lot easier.

She sighed and turned to her side. With the prospect of multiple noble suitors barraging into her life, the temporariness of the marriage suddenly stopped looking promising. “Will this arrangement mean anything to your people when you return?”

“No.” The answer echoed in the darkness. “It will have achieved exactly what it was meant to.”

And that was why they did it, right? So where were the misgivings coming from? She was more than capable to deal with some wooing idiots. Even if she did not look forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vashedan qalaba basra - Fucking stupid idiots (lose translation)


	19. Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

It still hurt the next day when it shouldn't hurt at all. It was exactly the same in Kirkwall. As soon as Arishok was gone, she was a free woman again. On the market for profitable marriage. What had come before wouldn’t mean a thing.

_Doesn't that brother you?_ She wanted to ask Arishok but couldn't bring herself to. What if it didn't? And what would she say if he asked why it bothered her? It was not a conversation she was ready to have.

Not that she had to. Tallis was back with a serious expression. After a long conversation with Arishok, she finally deigned to talk to her. Meliana wasn't sure if she did it on purpose. Maybe there was nothing in those long talks that concerned her the least. All she needed to know was where and when Salit would pop up and how to deal with him.

Well the latter was easy. “So we just kill him on sight.” It was a plan so easy that it immediately garnered her approval.

Tallis showed great restraint and very little annoyance. “Generally speaking. He will arrive today on the other side of the river delta and move north towards Château Haine. That gives us enough time to intercept him.”

“Why do I even leave?” Meliana wanted to know.

“Duke Prosper de Montfort is throwing another of his extravagant parties. As the Champion of Kirkwall you are naturally invited. And you would go because it also includes a wyvern hunt.”

Meliana sighed. That tiger honeymoon episode had resulted in everybody believing her a fervent huntsman. Nobody ever wondered what had happened to the tiger but then nobody ever came to visit in the Compound. How would they know there was no pelt?

“Cool, wyvern hunt. I'm in. Nobody can blame me for mistaking a Qunari for a wyvern, right?” She sighed. “Sorry, sorry. Big loud mouth not waiting for my brain. Do I really have an invitation?”

“Of course.” Tallis gave her another heavy envelope.

“Will he notice if we accept but never turn up?” There was, once again, no mention of her husband in the invitation. “He has a son, doesn’t he?”

“Cyril de Montfort, yes.” Tallis sniggered.

Great. Another son. Meliana wondered when people would start throwing daughters at her as well. Maybe much later because Arishok was creating a precedent. “I'll make sure to check him out. In case we actually get to the party. Which somehow I hope we don't.”

“Hawke,” Tallis said with strained patience. “The plan is to intercept Salit before he reaches Château Haine, kill him, take the list, and then attend the party without delay.”

“With bloodstained clothes?” Meliana raised a brow.

“There will be a chance to change after the hunt, Hawke,” the elf sighed. “Do you really believe anybody wants to be seen on the party in their hunting gear?”

Well, why not? It was perfectly practical gear. And most of it was likely not bloodstained. But nobles were strange. A terrible thought dawned upon her. “Tallis, what do I have to change into?”

“We have acquired a suit of silk complementing your complexion. It was a long debate but the Arishok has convinced me that this was the right decision if I wanted to get out of the operation alive.”

Meliana let out the breath she had been holding. “Thank the Maker. The only 'dresses' I wear are my robes. For obvious reasons. Thank you, Tallis.”

“No thanks necessary,” Tallis replied. “I like being alive.”

“Who doesn't?” Meliana grinned. “So when do we leave?”

“A carriage will collect us this evening. We will use it for the first leg of the journey. Then we change to horses which will be faster and give us the time we need to deal with Salit before the party. I am obviously another of your elven servants.”

“How many of them do I even have?” Meliana scratched her head. Last she knew there was only Orana. Admittedly, any noble house she had visited had sported troves of servants, most of them elves. So how many could she credibly expected to have? “No matter. Good plan. Thank you.”

There was an unexpected silence. “Thank you too,” Tallis finally said.

“What for? I said I would do this and you have done great in return.”

“You are not resentful,” Tallis clarified. “I was out of line criticising your interactions with the Arishok. Your lack of respect.”

Not resentful? Meliana had no clue how Tallis had gotten that idea. And what did she expect? He was her Arishok and she had her own views how you had to treat him. Arishok definitely got more than enough respect, though. Maybe one of the few things he still had.

“Listen, Tallis.” Meliana smiled and chased words through the maze of her brain. There were a few very simple things she could have replied but none of them would make it past her lips while she was conscious. She floundered and flailed for some time while Tallis watched patiently. That didn't help.

“I really want to help him,” she finally said. It sounded hollow and lame even to her own ears. “He doesn't deserve what happened to him. And if it seems as if I don't have respect for him. I do. Okay? I really, really do. He,” she broke off again herding her thoughts away from all of the emotion-laden words they were going for. “Shit, Tallis. Friend isn't quite the right word, but ally isn't it either.”

“Kadan,” Tallis supplied. “The word you are looking for. It has no equivalent in your language. It simply means you care.”

“I do.” Dammit. She did. “Why does kadan have no equivalent?”

“Because it encompasses everybody you care for in any possibly way.” Tallis smiled. “You need no category to imply the reason, aim, or depth of your care.”

Now that was convenient. And possibly problematic. Not her problem, though. She could always retreat to the safer ground of her own words once she wrapped her head around the possibility of having a friend who might just kill you if necessary.

“So, why was I not involved in any of the preparations?” Time to head for safer conversational territory.

“The Arishok believes you are better employed in the political mess that is Kirkwall right now,” Tallis explained.

“Personally, I think you'd handle it better than me,” Meliana said. “But since the only reason I am allowed into the game is that I am me, I don't think replacing me with you will work. People would likely notice.”

“Likely?”

“Do not underestimate the stupidity and wishful thinking of nobles. And maybe a glamour charm or two.” Meliana sighed. “But that is wishful thinking on my part. I'll be ready tonight.”

One thing off her plate. If she kept this up, it would take the plate insignificantly longer to spill over. Meliana went to find Arishok and tell him of the plan even though he was very likely informed already and had approved. It was not his fault. Tallis was just working under completely Qunari premises. And those had no place for her and no status. Even if they did, she'd rank so much below the Arishok that he'd need a telescope to see her.

In return, she would get a microscope to go looking for his smile. It had to be there somewhere. Not right now, though. He was glowering at the air before him, almost setting it on fire.

“Anything I can help with?” Meliana asked carefully.

The glower hit her with full force, relenting only a little after recognising her. “Perhaps.” Arishok stood up. “Though I doubt it.”

Meliana had trouble keeping up with his determined stride. Those legs were a few sizes longer than her own. The anger gave Arishok additional speed. At least it wasn't far and he sat down in their rooms the first chance he got.

“I have been ordered,” he emphasised the word more than necessary, “to refuse converts to the Qun.”

The what? Meliana couldn't wrap her mind fast enough around the idea before Arishok continued.

“Grand Cleric Elthina stands behind the order if the Knight-Commander is to be believed.” He let out an angry breath. “So, is there anything you can do?”

Put like that, unlikely. Still, her head swung into action anyway. The Chantry had tried to frame the Qunari before. Maybe with Mother Petrice taking the fall of a much larger group. That was possible. And Knight-Commander Meredith might do anything to spite her, any mage, and her as a mage in specific.

“Did they give any reasons?” She finally asked.

“They say that the Qunari are harbouring criminals and offering refuge to evildoers under the disguise of the Qun. As if the Qun was just another tool to be used by the basra of this place.” He fell silent.

Well. The Qun had an appeal to those with nothing left to lose but their life. And there were many of those in Kirkwall, admittedly most coming from less law-abiding occupations. Meliana understood how the case could be constructed. Still, had anybody ever actually thought about what converting to the Qun meant?

Probably not. For some it might just be a fate worse than death. Elves might have it easier. They were so used to being downtrodden that being downtrodden for a greater good might actually be a step up. This line of thought was not getting her anyway.

“I think I understand,” she offered. “But it will take time to find a way to pick this apart so the Chantry can't oppose it. The counter arguments have to be impeccable.”

“As impeccable as theirs?” Arishok growled.

“Oh, theirs don't have to make sense, and this one is looking good from a certain point of view.” Meliana sighed. It wasn't much. Nothing at all. There was only one thing she could think of to help right now. “Do you require physical comfort?”

For a long moment Arishok just looked at her. If he recognised his exact wording, he did not show. In the end, he just opened his arms.

Meliana stepped into them, putting hers around his shoulders. It was a long way to go and somewhat difficult because of the pauldrons. That outfit did not lend itself to being hugged. Which probably wasn't its purpose.

Her left gave up beat, just slipping down his back to hold on to whatever there was. Whereas her right decided to hug the next best thing to shoulders but Arishok's head posed its very own problems. Horns. Still Meliana managed to run her hand up the nape of his neck into hair much softer than expected and hold on to his head between the horns.

In turn his arms closed around her waist, his forehead resting against her collarbone. Impossibly tall. She could have rested her face against his horns. Up close their polish shone warmly, complementing the golden bands around them. Meliana wondered of the faint smell of musk and sandalwood was their own or came from the oil used to groom them.

She was just about to give in and rest her face against him when somebody entered without leaving much time after the knock.

If Karasaad found anything amiss he didn't show. “Saarebasalit-an, you have a visitor.”

She was released from Arishok's grip, taking a step to stand beside him. “I do? I do. Where do they want me to go?”

“They are here and request to see you now.” The Qunari gestured to the door.

“Well, okay?” Meliana looked at Arishok.

He nodded and was about to get up when Aveline of all people breezed into the room.

“Ah, the both of you. Good.” She smiled nervously as she looked around.

“I will leave.” Karasaad announced.

Aveline looked a lot more comfortable with the warrior out of the way. Were they really that scary? Meliana found it difficult to give that an unbiased answer. Still, she was here which as more than most people ever did when they wanted to see her. Meliana smiled. “Welcome. "

“Thanks.” Aveline's hand went to fidget with the hilt of her sword.

“So, what is it?” Meliana took a step towards Aveline to hide that she had almost leant against Arishok as if he was a convenient piece of furniture.

“We found Isabela.” Aveline nodded as if confirming herself. “She will be leaving for Rivain soon. Probably to restart her career as pirate.”

“I want her here,” Meliana heard herself say. “I don't care how. I want her.”

“You cannot do both,” Arishok murmured at her side. His voice brought Meliana back to herself. He was right.

“Right.” She rubbed her forehead. “I cannot come. There is an obligation I promised to fulfil. Timing is crucial and so is my personal attendance. You will have to handle this for me, Aveline. I am sorry.”

To her credit, Aveline didn't try to argue. “You will do what you have to.”

“If I am back in time to be of any help, expect me,” Meliana said, grateful. “This is not easy for me.”

“You have done a lot for me,” Aveline replied. “Now I can return the favour. Or one of them at least.”

“Take Merrill when you go. And Varric.” Meliana thought for a moment. “Take everybody else you think helpful. Doesn't matter, I'll pay for it. The whole trip and whatever.”

“Calm down, Hawke,” Aveline protested. “We are well able to take care of ourselves.”

“The offer stands and it is a good one,” Arishok supported Meliana unexpectedly. “If we can help you, let us know.”

Aveline started to fidget again, just when her nervous had gone. “I think,” she hesitated, “I think Qunari would be a little too obvious. They will spook her. But,” she brightened visibly, “if you have a less conspicuous agent between Markham and Hercinia that would be appreciated.”

“I will see what we can do.” Arishok leant back, the topic obviously through for him.

Meliana tried to chat a little longer with Aveline. But the guard Captain was so obviously uncomfortable faced with a lounging and bored Arishok that Meliana couldn't bring herself to hold her long. It was really a wasted opportunity to ask about the whole spiel of forbidding conversion to the Qun. When the other woman was gone, Meliana turned towards Arishok again.

“Looking up?” She tilted her head.

Arishok just snorted. He opened his arms again in a prompt to resume the embrace.

Meliana smiled as she stepped back before hims, her hands finding an easier path to their resting places this time. She leant her face against his horns without thinking about it. Sometimes comfort didn't even need a reason. Sometimes you just needed to know you were not alone, no matter how well or bad things went.

She let out a long breath and closed her eyes. Arishok's breath echoed off her skin, a regular pattern to accompany the beat of her heart.


	20. Easy Peasy

Leaving the compound with Tallis was one of the hardest things Meliana had ever done. Even though she knew that Aveline was capable and not on her own, leaving the capture of Isabela to anybody else didn't sit right with her. She was tempted to suggest Arishok go but on that Aveline was right. The sight of any Qunari would likely spook their prey.

In the carriage Meliana got a first glance at her formal wear. It was actually pretty, a shirt of light grey with a dark vest that had embroidery in the colour of the shirt. She might actually look good in it. Also, there were trousers.

Once way out of Kirkwall they changed to the horses and crossed the first arm of the river. They kept north, making camp just before crossing the other arm. It was a short night, both of them in no mood to lose time sleeping.

A gamble that paid off when they actually found Salit the next afternoon. Tallis knew how he thought and Meliana was not above a little magic. Vitaar was just so easy to track. Once you labelled it blood magic and treated it accordingly.

They left their horses behind, making short work of the rear guard. Salit was moving on foot accompanied by more Qunari warriors. No, Tal-Vashoth, Meliana reminded herself. It was important to remember.

He was surprised to see Tallis, possible more surprised that she was accompanied by a mage. Meliana pointed her staff at him casually trying to keep an eye on his companions. There was an unlikely number of them, a small army in itself.

It was the first time Meliana saw a Qunari with a beard. She did her best not to stare while Tallis approached him, trying to explain their cause. The other Tal-Vashoth moved slowly. Given more time, they would have them surrounded.

Meliana pulled herself from pondering Qunari beards and took a step back. Tallis was talking, not rapidly as with Arishok, but slow in serious, heavy tones. She held out her hand, so Meliana got where this was supposed to go. She took another step backwards. What had become of killing Salit on sight?

It probably wasn't that easy if the target was a former friend and mentor. Kadan. That would probably fit here as well. A friend who was just about to kill you over a difference in opinion. Salit didn't look as if he would budge. Tallis didn't look as if she was surprised.

Meliana almost missed it. Within the blink of an eye, Tallis swept forwards, grabbed something from Salit and vanished in a cloud of smoke. It was a clear signal to engage in battle.

“Vashedan,” Meliana murmured. She was so outnumbered. With a sigh Meliana cast a Lifeward on herself, shot a Chain Lighting into the general direction of everybody, and looked for a good place to retreat to. Not that there was much where she stood. And with some luck there was a vanguard just about to return to them.

She made a face, shot a Fire Ball at the next warrior before whacking him over the head with her staff. What was that about mages and ranged combat? She sure had hear that it was a thing. Maybe she'd try it one day. From the corner of her eyes she saw Tallis joining the fray. Which was not fraying as much as it could have.

After the fighting slowed even further, Meliana saw why. Salit was lying on the ground, eyes open but rigid. Dead. Well, so much for just stealing something. Tallis was good. With their boss gone, many of the warriors saw no reason to keep fighting. Mission cancelled or whatever. Meliana backed away a little cautiously.

Nobody tried to stop her. In return she didn't stop anybody from leaving either. If possible, she would have overtaken them leaving, but Tallis was lingering. It's just a shell, Meliana wanted to shout. But neither of them would believe it so she didn't bother. They had to leave Bethany's body behind with nary a glance. It sill irked her. Giving Tallis time to say her farewells was right.

Salit didn't look very peaceful in death. His skin took on a sickly grey colour under the vitaar that stood out red and angry against it. Meliana kept her distance watching as Tallis knelt down beside the still figure. How did you say goodbye to somebody who was long gone?

Reluctantly, it seemed. Just when she decided to try and do something to help, Tallis got up. Her face was unreadable except for a line of determination running across it where the mouth should be. “He was a good man. Once.” She looked down at the body a last time. “I wish he still was.”

“He made his decision,” Meliana said carefully.

“He could have just left the Qun.” Tallis shook her head. “Why? Why did he have to go to such length?”

Well, Meliana sure didn't have the answer to that. Maybe framing your existence as a lifetime of abuse gave you the desire for payback? The Qun was a harsh master and not very forgiving. Fuck that, it wasn't forgiving at all. The more Meliana learnt about it, the more Arishok looked like a raving progressive. And he was adhering to it very strictly as far as she could tell. What truckload of shit had to go down until somebody even considered questioning the Qun, not to mention dissenting?

“Would the Qun have acknowledged his leaving?” Meliana finally asked out loud.

“No.”

“What would he have to do to get noticed?”

Tallis didn't reply and they walked in silence.

Meliana tried to entangle her thoughts about the Qun which did not become more clear the longer she stayed with Arishok. It was obvious that the system worked for the Qunari, well most of them. And it had appeal for outsiders even those who did have other options.

The seductive appeal of purpose. It was a siren song she heard constantly. But for her the way to the Qun was barred. Being a mage in Kirkwall was bad enough. And she had it dandy with all her privileges and templars scared to move against her because she was actually a Good Mage™ and helping.

But have herself bound, chained and forbidden any free movement of her own? No, that was not going to happen. Ever. And if she had to blow up the Keep with Knight-Commander Meredith still inside.

They found their horses where they had left them only slightly flustered by the far away noise and mayhem. It was an easy thing to get back to the carriage in time and attend the party. Duke Montfort seemed to be waiting for something. Of course he couldn't announce he expected to meet with a Qunari deserter under the cover of the party to exchange political secrets. Meliana smiled at his discomfort and leant back.

“So, Cyril,” she said, “how do you like being out of Orlais?”

“Well enough,” the young man replied. If he had been primed to make some moves on her, he was definitely not adhering to the plan. “There is always a lot of decorum and procedure involved in Orlais. Just going out and killing something can be a nice break.”

“Heh, I don't think it's that different in other places,” Meliana replied sipping on her wine. “The outfits change, naturally, but somebody is always scheming and you either play the game or lose by default.”

He gave her an inquiring look. “You do not appear like somebody who would join the game.”

“Do I look like somebody who likes to lose by default?” She asked back with a smile. “Just because you hate it, doesn't mean it's not working. And it is not my fault, is it, if people assume I don't play?”

“Of course not.” He smiled back. For a youngster he wasn't too bad. “And there are more entertaining things in life than politics.”

Oh? “Such as?”

“I hear you like to hunt,” Cyril said. “What about other occupations? Do you like to read?”

There was a strange glint in his eye. Meliana considered it for a moment. Time to trust a hunch. “I rarely have time So I guess the answer is no. I do have a friend though who writes. Maybe you head of him?”

The light in Cyril's eye gave him away despite his answer. “I might. Are you referring to Varric Tethras?”

“I am. Maybe you should come visit me some time. I'll introduce you.” Meliana had to hide her face behind her cup.

“You would do that?”

“Sure,” she almost giggled. “I love Varric like my brother and any chance to brighten his day is one I will take. Just let me know when you'll be around and I'll arrange everything.”

Oh, Varric would have her head on a pike for this. But only after Cyril had left again because appearances. And that bloody dwarf liked his bloody admirers. It was a spectacle worth watching so why not arrange it herself?

“I don't know what to say,” Cyril replied. “I mean, thank you. I did not expect you to be so, a person,” he finally finished.”

“Why? Because I'm the Champion of Kirkwall and people draw me larger than life in bold strokes with extra colours and angles?” Meliana snorted.

“You say it as if it wasn't true.”

“It is not.”

“Oh, but it is.” Cyril insisted. “You should hear the tales about you.”

“Maybe I should,” she agreed. “But don't let anybody fool you, Cyril. People are just people no matter what they achieve and do. They also get up in the mornings wondering why there are no matching socks and who ate the last pancake.”

“My mum used to make great pancakes.” Cyril sighed.

“Tell me all about it.” It made the party pass acceptably fast. It also allowed her to watch the Duke squirm doubly. Firstly because his traitor didn't turn up and now it was up to him to explain to Empress Celene what had happened when he had no clue. And secondly because his son was having a great time taking to the bloody Champion of Kirkwall, thus effectively keeping her from mingling and being shown off properly.

“Do not blame Cyril,” Meliana told the Duke du Montfort as they left. “Cyril is not to blame. But his company was too charming to give up. I hope we will meet again.”

“That is completely up to him,” Montfort replied as civil as he managed.

“I do not doubt it.” It was too bad she couldn't thee the duke's face when Cyril got his invitation to meet Varric in Kirkwall. It was probably worth being eternalised in gold. “Thank you again for your graceful hospitality. It was a hunt and party I will not forget soon.”

She turned around with a smile, wondering when and if Montfort would realise that she had not participated in the hunt. Not the wyvern hunt that was.

“That was careless,” Tallis chided her in the carriage.

But Meliana didn't care. There was absolutely nothing Duke du Montfort could do. And she had a lot to look forward to. Returning home. Possibly hunting for Isabela. Catching Isabela. Annoying Varric with a visiting fan. Life was good.


	21. Friends to Formers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the archive warning applies and a character dies.

“Oh, you got to be kidding me.” Meliana hadn't even stepped out of the carriage when she was intercepted by a messenger. She was grumpy, not well rested and in no mood to see anybody but her bed. But an invitation from the Knight-Commander was an invitation from the Knight-Commander.

“Say 'hi' to Arishok for me,” she told Tallis accepting her fate. Whatever Meredith could want from her. It was probably better that she had no idea what it could be.

If the Knight-Captain had been waiting for her, she sure didn't show. Meliana had time to admire the hallway for a while and was tempted to peek into Orsino's office. If she had to wait anyway, why couldn't she drop in at home first? Pure bullying. She sighed.

Finally she was allowed to enter. Meredith had documents neatly aligned on her desk, looking up from them only shortly. “So even you know there is blood magic at work in the Circle. And of course you cover it up.”

“I what?” Meliana tried to read something on the papers. But they were too far away and on their head.

“Blood magic,” Meredith repeated. “You know somebody smuggled a Tevinter artefact into the Circle. Don't deny it!”

“The Tevinters have artefacts of blood magic?” Meliana echoed. “Well, they probably do. They have everything where magic is concerned. But why would they send one here?”

“I was about to ask you that.” The Knight-Commander crossed her arms.

“Me?” Meliana felt like a parrot. “What would I know about it? I don't know anybody in Tevinter and I am not part of the Circle.”

“In theory.” Meredith would not be shaken. “But everybody knows you are associating with a Tevinter refugee. I doubt he has foregone all his connections to the Imperium. And you are a mage.”

Well that was both true but you couldn't really prove a negative. Meliana had been at that point so many times she felt ready to just scream until it all went away. But of course Meredith knew that. She was no fool. And her agenda was clear. Destroy the mages of Kirkwall.

“Please excuse if it takes me so long to reply,” Meliana finally said. “I am still trying to connect the dots in my head.”

“Don't play innocent, Hawke,” Meredith scowled. “I know you are involved.”

“Knight-Commander, I have been nominated as candidate in the election for the next Viscount. Of course I am involved. I couldn't find a way to extract myself if I wanted to.”

“So you are not trying any longer?”

Maybe her distraction skills were improving. “I cannot, Knight-Commander. You know I have always done my best to serve the people of Kirkwall. If this is what they want, I will comply. We are not so different.”

Meredith snorted. “We are nothing alike, Hawke. Nothing. I would never endanger Kirkwall by blood magic. But you have become indifferent to it, endorsing it if rumours can be trusted.”

Unfortunately, rumour could be trusted. At least some of it. And if the Circle did not fall under 'Kirkwall' for Meredith, well that explained a lot as well.

“Maybe we are not.” Meliana looked at the Meredith's sword that seemed to glare back at her angrily. “Your weapon can only kill. I prefer to use mine for healing.”

“Tell yourself that if it makes you feel better.” Meredith shook her head. “I know you, Hawke. Mages cannot be trusted.”

She didn't scream. Meliana congratulated herself on that. “Knight-Commander, if you do not trust mages under any circumstances, what do you expect from me now? I cannot change your mind, can I? And you cannot change my mind because I am a mage.”

And naturally see myself as trustworthy. Meliana didn't add that. But Meredith didn't reply so she did have a point. A pint would have been better or several. And a nice big abyss to scream into. “The Circle of Kirkwall has turned into a prison full of abuse and misuse of power. I cannot fault anybody who tries to escape a place of constant pain.”

Meliana didn't offer a solution. Either the Knight-Commander got it or she didn't. Judging from her face she didn't. Didn't want to maybe. Instead her eyes wandered to her sword. Her posture hardened.

“It was a mistake to call on you, Hawke,” she said. “It is clear that you would never betray your mage friends regardless of the evils they perpetuate. Leave. And pray I do not become Viscount. I will not allow magic to run rampant in Kirkwall. In any form.”

Meliana implied a bow and left. It was hard not to drop by at Orsino's but that was probably expected and she didn't need to fuel Meredith's paranoia any further. Where did the woman get her fears from? Most of the Circle mages were by now cowering idiots and resigned apathetics. The few who still hoped admittedly tended to reach for the only option of escape they had.

She dropped by at her estate. It was deserted except for Orana who immediately offered to make tea and serve biscuits and sandwiches. Meliana declined politely. Instead she mingled on the market, talked to people and tried to be generally visible and social. Smiling hurt.

But it did pass time. Maybe it got somebody thinking, too. That was all she could ask for. Mages had been treated like the bane unto the world for so long, nobody thought to question it. Or wonder why mages might be resentful for being treated like useful war-beasts when needed and annoying burdens when not.

Maybe Saarebas were better of after all. At least they didn't know any better. And there was no chance in hell they'd ever get a glimpse of what they were missing. She didn't get far down that line of though fortunately because a message waited for her at the Compound asking her to prepare a guest room as an arrival under the mantle of darkness was imminent.

They did as asked and Meliana started pacing a minute after everything was ready. She was banned into their quarter not much after. And when Arishok decided to go to sleep, she was moved back into the yard. Meliana sighed and paced a little less vigorously. How could she be more invested in this than Arishok was?

But obviously it was not keeping him up. Or he just had more experience. Battle-hardened veteran of more fights than she counted years, maybe even months. Something she was too quick to forget about him. After all, what could she do? Absolutely nothing. The longer she paced the more tired she would be and the less useful once her friends actually arrived. So maybe she should go to be as well. Just try it. Lie down and force her limbs to be still. Or she could just lie down and fidget until Arishok had enough and stapled her to the mattress.

She glanced at the huge double gates. There was nothing to be seen, no approaching figures, no faint footsteps. Meliana sat down heavily on Arishok's throne-like chair. It was surprisingly comfortable. Maybe she really should just go to bed. What was the worst that could happen?

Well, actually the worst that could happen was that she did not go to bed but fell asleep on the spot. But there was no dressing down. Just a slight shake on her shoulder and blinking to the realisation that dew had settled all over her face and the heavy blanket somebody had supplied some time during the night.

Now this had not been successful. Meliana rubbed her eyes and sheepishly stumbled towards her room. This would be a long day. She needed something to keep her from fretting. Getting some real sleep was a good first step. And when she woke up there was a tower of precariously stacked invitations waiting for her. The fun never ended.

As it turned out you could also have high tea, low tea and no tea in one afternoon provided you had the stomach for it. The best about the whole incident was having high tea in Lowtown, low tea in High Town and no tea in the Hanged Man. Meliana wasn't sure if they even served tea.

She wished Varric was there, but as recommended Aveline had taken him along. Though if he was back that would have meant Isabela was apprehended. Meliana sighed into her cup of spiced wine. Corff was supplying her with free gossip. She was only listening with one ear, enjoying the irrelevance of most of it and the utter lack of her having to do anything.

“So Hall is furious about his treatment though he did let the lyrium smuggler slip out of the city right under his nose,” Corff continued his story. “Of course his boss is not impressed and what does the idiot do? Throw a fit and proclaims he'll start his own gang and how he'll show them all. Who will ever follow a blood mage, I want to know.”

Meliana shrugged mostly to show she still followed. “Don't ask me, Corff. I don't get it. What is so appealing abut running amok in the streets of Kirkwall at night? Sooner or later everybody runs into me.”

Corff laughed. “That's true. And none ever make it out of that encounter. Maker, Hawke, it is a wonder anybody still tries.”

“At least it means I am used to the stupid stubbornness of people.” Meliana smiled.

“Don't let them aristosnobs tell down on you, Hawke. You do the city good.”

“I'll tell them next time I see them.” She emptied her cup, looking around. “Thanks for the talk.”

“Better you than me,” Corff replied. “I'll put it on Varric's tab.”

That was another thing she had no clue how it had happened. Or how Varric was paying a tab that was growing by the hour without spending any money. The same amount of magic was probably involved in having another stack of invitations as high as that in the morning waiting for her when she returned home. Meliana wondered if paper maché armour was a thing. Or if she could make it one.

“You need to pick up your game on this.” Heavy hands descended onto her shoulders.

Meliana agreed with a whimper, collapsing onto the table and burying her face against the wood. “I know.”

“It is a pity I will not be around to watch you flail through the election. It is certainly going to be a worthy show.”

She pressed her shoulders up against his hands wondering if she could instigate a massage like this. Just asking would be easier of course. “Or, you know, you could stay until I have made a complete idiot out of myself.”

“If that was what I am waiting for, I would have left some time ago.” He squeezed her shoulders gently.

“Thank you.” Meliana slumped again. “I hope you have the day and event marked because I can't make up my mind.”

“The whole city of Kirkwall has the day marked,” he replied.

She sat up laughing and put her head in her back to look up at him. “Ah that one. I still can't believe we did that. And lived. And even survived the first night.”

“It was a close thing.” He did not seem amused at all.

“I admire your self control,” Meliana said. “Care to talk about how you got it?”

“No.”

“Well.” That was not the expected reply. She shrugged, feeling the extra weight on her shoulders. “You still have that sword under your pillow so I'd say we're good.”

“I would be more at ease if your weapon could be as easily stowed away.” He lifted his hands and turned to leave. “But it is as you say.”

He might have clarified if that related to the sword or them being good. Meliana peeled an invitation off her forehead. Maybe it was just applicable to her being an immense idiot. She would not blame him. And if he didn't behave, she could still start dragging him along to all events on the grounds that his exclusion was an intolerable insult. She smiled. Life wasn't all bad.

She was still poring over the invitations when Karasaad called for her.

“The Arishok has brought the visitors into their room already,” he told her. “It is time for you to join.”

“Thank you, Karasaad.” Meliana smiled. It was not Karasaad who had accompanied her to Ostwick. But she knew him. Another thing about which Arishok had been right. There was still a long way for her to go, though.

Half her crew was lingering in the Compound’s yard. Aveline approached her as soon as she stepped into the night. “Hawke, why are we not allowed in?”

“I have no idea.” Meliana put her hand on Aveline's arm. “All I know that accommodation was prepared. It is not a prison cell, if you are worried I had a look at it myself. Do you think I need a cell?”

“That is not it,” Aveline replied. “But she is now alone with the Arishok-”

“Oh dear, I better hurry up then. This won't be good for either of them.” Meliana looked around. “Did he send Ashaad and Karasaad away? Is Ashaad still around?”

“You are not making sense, Hawke.” Aveline tried to keep hold of her.

“Just don't do anything rash,” Varric chimed in.

Oh dear. That sounded as if Isabela had come without the tome. “Gotta go.”

Meliana sped off with a perfunctory goodbye shouted over her shoulder. No Tome of Koslun but Isabela. No wonder everybody was on edge. Hell, she was ready to panic. And she had been making plans for this possibility, none of which she could remember right now. Naturally.

When she reached the secure guest quarter, Isabela was restrained and far away from Arishok. Still, Ashaad and Ashaad were keeping a close watch on her. There was no tome anywhere in sight.

“Don't tell me you don't have it any longer?” Meliana said instead of a greeting. “Please, Isabela.”

“What? Do you want me to lie?” Her voice was scornful. “Don't be an idiot, Hawke.”

“You don't have it anymore.” Meliana deflated. So much hope. So much work. So much death. She ran her hand over her eyes. If she had known this when going after Castillon. All of his men, him. She couldn't follow that line of thought. It had been worth trying. But had it?

“Why?” Meliana could barely look at her former companion.

“Do you know how much trouble I had because of that blood tome?” Isabela asked. “How long and far I had to run fearing for my life? Castillon was so hot on my trail I could smell the smoke as I ran.”

Meliana forced a smile. This was her companion, somebody whose troubles she had shared, had tried to help with. Did she remember? She did. They hadn't seen eye to eye on a lot of things, so what? She was always ready to help a friend in need. And when had that not meant going of and killing people?

“And then you pop up and offer to kill him,” Isabela went on. “Don't think I wasn't grateful, I was. I just couldn't believe it. He was an overwhelming force in my life for too long, how could anybody hope to remove him? Of course you could, you proved that. So thank you.”

Seven years of exile. Seven years of forced idleness. Seven years of deaths and desertions. Meliana pressed her lips together. A simple act of greed. Where had she gone wrong? The image of Isabela wavered. “I had hoped,” she cleared her throat. “I did it for you. So you could be free.”

“And I am.” Isabela smiled. “Free as can be. No Castillon, no tome, no baggage.”

“Why did you not return to me?” Speaking was so hard. “Didn't you know,” Meliana broke off.

“It's just a book,” Isabela said. “There has to be more than one and you should have seen the offer! I can get myself an armada if I want to. How could I say no?”

How indeed? Meliana closed her eyes. Just a book. Were you not supposed to sell your own soul for your heart's desire?

“Meliana.” The word dropped hard from Arishok's mouth.

“I know,” she breathed. “I know.”

“What? Did you convert?” Isabela's tone became wary.

“Not to the Qun, no.” Meliana tried another smile. “Who did you sell it to?”

“I don't know, some guy. I didn't need a name with the bags of gold he carried.” Isabela shrugged. “I can give you a description.”

“Yes, please,” Meliana said. “Ashaad?”

The Qunari nodded and picked up parchment and a quill.

She wanted to bury herself. Forever. Somewhere deep and dark and out of the way. Or if that was not possible against Arishok. Not that he'd allow it. This was a complete failure. Again. Where had she gone wrong?

“What is to be done with her?” She asked the Arishok softly while Ashaad listened carefully to Isabela's description.

“The Qun demands that she is brought to Par Vollen,” he replied as softly. “There she will answer for her crime and submit to the Qun.”

Meliana nodded. Yeah, that would not happen. She slowly walked over to Isabela. “I really wish this had gone differently,” she said when the other woman had finished her description.

“Yeah, well.” Isabela shrugged.

“You know that the punishment for this is conversion to the Qun?”

“They may try.”

“They would, until you broke.” Meliana sighed.

“But you won't let them, right?” A spark of fear shone in Isabela's eyes.

“No. No, I won't.” The third attempt at smiling didn't fare much better than the first two. She couldn't let the Arishok claim Isabela for a life of servitude and misery. She couldn't let her go, either, could she? Betrayed for fear, forgiveable. Betrayed for gain. She gestured for Ashaad to step aside.

Meliana wanted to ask Isabela if she had know what the tome was. Did that even matter? She had known it was what kept the Qunari stranded. But they were not her people. And Kirkwall wasn't her people either. Not even she was her people. “The heart and soul of a civilisation,” she whispered mostly to herself. “Why did you not return to me?”

Isabela had no answer. There was no answer. A simple, impulsive act of selfishness. Meliana shook her head. “I am sorry, Isabela. I cannot forgive you.”

“Forgive what exactly?”

“Both.” Meliana bit her lip. “But I can't let the Arishok take you either.”

“Good.” Isabela was slowly getting some of her assurance back.

“That remains to be seen.” A knife, Andraste's Ashes for a knife. Or a dagger. But she was a mage. She had neither.

“Hawke!” The Arishok's warning came too late.

Isabela was looking up at her, dark eyes uncomprehending, draining slowly.

“I am sorry,” Meliana whispered. Drain Life was not a spell she used. She knew it existed but it was so close to blood magic. Of course it was not otherwise it would be forbidden. But there it was. Death magic nevertheless. She didn't feel invigorated.

“I can't,” she looked at the Arishok whose image wavered with her laboured breathing. “I couldn't...”

Meliana sidestepped the hulking Qunari fleeing into the night outside. The emptiness of the Compound pressed against her, suffocating. There should have been blood. Lots and lots of blood to mark the day. But there was only the night and a warm wind blowing from the sea, coating her lips with a faint taste of salt.


	22. I Can't Even

Trying to sneak into bed in the middle of the night under the dimmest glow of wisp-light she could manage was not working. Even as she curled up with the blanket pulled over her head, Meliana could feel grey eyes bore into her neck.

“Meliana.”

She flinched. It might have been that he used her first name, it might have been the hand descending on her shoulder.

The pressure receded as the Arishok changed his position. “We _will_ talk about this.”

Meliana was very, very still for some time but nothing happened. The breathing at her side slowed down. The darkness moved in, nestling against her face.

The following morning wasn't different from any before. Only there was a body in her Compound, cold by now, and Meliana had no idea how to deal with it. Oh, she had left a lot of bodies littering the streets of Kirkwall, but those had been bandits and gangs. And her friends had been with her. She would have to face them sooner or later. What would she even tell them?

The truth. What else was there? She closed her eyes, tempted to stay where she was, pull the blanket back over her head and be done with life for now. But no. She would get up. And somehow she would make it through the day. And the next. And so on.

The Arishok was holding court on his two-headed chair. She approached carefully trying to gauge his mood. She should have gotten better at it over the last weeks. He beckoned her closer, face more unreadable than it had been for a long time. Had he been open on purpose?

“I have sent Ashaad to your dwarf with the description,” he said without preface. “He seems to be the kind to know what to do with it.”

“Yes. Well. Yes, he is. He does.”

Grey eyes fastened on her. “Are you alright?”

Meliana closed her mouth. “I think not.” And right now, she had totally lost overview over why that was. Everything was a mess. “The body?”

“Put aside.” He blinked and looked away. “You care more for the empty shell than we do.”

That much was right. Though in this one special case Meliana would probably not have cared much if it had vanished into thin air. One body less to worry about. Deniability. The lure of lies. “Thank you.”

For a moment she just stood there, staring at his profile. “I am sorry.”

The Arishok turned his head slowly, the upwards tilt slight. “We will talk about this in private.”

“Right.” Meliana nodded and took a step backwards.

“Later.”

“I will,” she struggled, “I will talk to my friends. Explain.” She took a deep breath. There wasn't anything to explain really. And she had no idea how to even start. It would be interesting to see how many friends she would had left when she returned.

Kirkwall did not feel like the safest place when the gates of the Qunari Compound closed behind her. Meliana turned her steps towards the Hanged Man. That turned out to be a mistake as everybody was assembled in her estate if Corff was to believed. And he should be as Varric had actually instructed him with a handwritten message.

The way to Hightown seemed longer than usual and the door of the Hawke Estate loomed before her in no time at all. Meliana straightened herself. It couldn't last forever and really, what had she been thinking? The only positive thing about it was that it was irreversible and no matter what anybody thought about it, it was too late.

Maker, what kind of upside was that? Even if everybody hated her, at least the deed was done? It was the only upside she could think of right now and that worried her. Conversation fell silent when she entered the living room. Orana was doing her best to make everybody comfortable with tea and biscuits but death had a way to dampen the mood.

“Are you,” Anders began, getting up.

“Where is,” Merrill said at the same time. They looked at each other and the elf backed down. The question kept hovering between them, though.

Meliana didn't even try to smile. “Dead.”

Merrill's face fell with a silence that lasted too long.

Meliana sat down at the table, finding glances avoiding her whenever she looked around. “And it was me.”

She waited. She had become rather good at that lately, disregarding her impatience about it. Sometimes there was just nothing to do, so you settled down and then you did it.

“But why?” Merrill was the first to speak. Her dark eyes seemed ever bigger than usual.

“She told us everything she knew about the buyer,” Aveline spoke up. “I expected at least a trail.”

“How could you? She was one of us.” Anders looked as if she was about to slit his throat next. And who knew? He was a mage rights activist of the kind they usually put down somehow due to crossing the line to blood magic and violence against bystanders. She wouldn't use the word 'innocent' in Kirkwall.

“You know I am a believer in second chances,” Meliana said softly. “Forgive and remember because otherwise it will always be a first offence.”

"But you have always helped me," Merrill sounded upset.

"I know." There wasn't really much to say. "I just couldn't."

Meliana wasn't even sure what she hadn't been able to. Let the Qunari take Isabela? Let Isabela get away with causing so much needless suffering? Letting Isabela get away with being needlessly selfish? Who was she to decide what was needless? What of her action was mercy and how much of it was fuelled by frustration and revenge. Whose side was she on?

Meliana lowered her head, letting the argument flow over her. Aveline was rightfully dismayed about her vigilantism. Merrill was seemingly unable to understand why it had been necessary but willing to give her the benefit of doubt. Fenris was not even participating.

A hand on her thigh caught her attention. Varric had slipped next to her, his expression serious. "I have contracted Maraas with finding out more about the buyer," he murmured. "I would think that Tal-Vashoth might have some ideas what to do with the Tome of Koslun."

Meliana squeezed his hand. "Thank you, Varric."

"I don't say I understand why you did it." He shook his head.

"But?" She tried to smile.

"Nothing but." He returned the smile lopsidedly. "I see what shape you're in now and that ain't pretty. So whatever it was, it's not easy on you either."

“On the contrary,” Meliana replied. “It was very easy. I didn't even think about it and that scares me so much more.”

“Well, I can't help you with that.” He returned to his seat, sending her encouraging glances.

Those were needed as a string of questions, accusations, and assumptions was thrown at her, each replaced by the next too fast to reply to any. “I'm not expecting you to come to any conclusion or decision now,” Meliana finally spoke up. “I just thought you should know. And hear it from me.”

“What about the body?”

Meliana could have glomped Varric for taking the discussion into a direction that could actually end with a solution. She sent him a grateful glance and earned a wink in reply.

“Oh, it will be so difficult to find a place in Kirkwall to plant a tree,” Merrill piped up. “Maybe we should consider the Wounded Coast instead.”

“I don't think humans plant trees over their dead,” Fenris said. “Grounds for a burial might be as difficult to find, though.”

“She was not a citizen of Kirkwall,” Aveline added. “I do not know if it is even possible.”

“I do not know if she would have liked to be locked up, even after death.” Meliana bore the ensuing glares. “The Qun is as much a tomb as a grave,” she added almost inaudibly.

“But having the bones picked clean by birds takes forever and it is also,” Merrill hesitated, “gross.”

“I was thinking more along the lines of burning her body and scattering the ashes on the ocean.”

Silence.

“I think she would like that,” Aveline said. “You will need a permit to burn a body, though.”

“But people burn bodies all the time,” Merrill objected.

“And they shouldn't,” Aveline insisted. “Just as they should not have killed them in first place.”

“Oh.”

“Can I leave that to you, Aveline?” Meliana asked.

The guard captain nodded. “I will send for the body. It will likely need an explanation, too.” She hesitated. “That will be the last of the favours I owe you, Hawke.”

“I understand. Thank you.” Meliana smiled.

“You better find out what ails you soon,” Fenris said, getting up. “This is no good.”

Aveline followed him, leaving an embarrassed Anders and Merrill behind. The mage looked uncomfortable as he excused himself.

“But would conversion to the Qun be so bad?” Merrill asked when they were alone.

“If you do not convert willingly, they use mind-altering drugs,” Meliana explained. “That and torture until you comply, break or die.”

“That doesn't sound like good religion to me.” Merrill shook her head.

It actually sounded exactly like religion to Meliana. Fanaticism was always part of religion “They have no place for those who do not put the whole above themselves. I understand, though I cannot agree to their methods.”

“I don't think you are a bad person, even if I think you shouldn't have killed Isabela.” Merrill offered.

“And I don't think you are a bad person, even if you deal with demons and practice blood magic.” Meliana smiled. “Wouldn't it be nice if the world was clear cut and everything yes or no?”

Merrill thought for a moment. “I think it would be so boring.”

Meliana had to laugh. “You are right. Thank you.”

So she would not lose all her friends over this. That was one obstacle out of the way. Meliana sighed as she entered the Qunari Compound again. The Arishok was still holding court. She nodded in his direction. He would come when he was ready. It didn't matter. She didn't feel she would ever be ready for this conversation

Come on, she chided herself. You got through the talk with your friends. How much harder can this be? Very much. She wasn't sure why but that didn't mean it wasn't true. The door closed behind her and she slumped down on the bench. There were no papers on the table, no Arishok sitting opposite, ready to glare at her for the imminent interruption.

At least her brooding was too muddled even for her to follow, engulfing her in a general brown mess of frustration. That she couldn't come up with an alternative to killing Isabela did not help. After all those years of killing, she finally felt like a murderer. Resting her head on her arms she waited, watching her thoughts tumble by.

She could feel the Arishok enter and approach. Poetic licence would have blamed the thunder of his footfall on the floor. But it really was the gentle draught on her face when the door opened. Meliana looked up. Force of nature. What had she been thinking?

The force of nature actually walked around the table to come to stand next to her. A kink worked its way into her twisted neck and shoulder. Looking up was not the best of ideas. Looking away didn't seem wise, though. Meliana sat up, turning towards him.

The Arishok relieved her neck from its strain by sitting down, resting his back against the table. "Now we talk."

Yes, well what was there to say? "She was a friend. Once. I think. An ally at least. For some time. She was one of mine."

"You protect yours," he replied. "And I protect mine."

A distinction that should have been a lot simpler. Meliana placed her hands on the table and looked at them intently. "I knew you wanted her alive."

"I know."

"I know you tried to stop me. Though I do not know how you knew what I was about to do." She let out a frustrated breath. “I didn't even know I was about to do it.”

"I know you."

Possibly very correct. "She would never have submitted. She would have resisted and suffered to her death."

There was no reply. But what reply could there be? After all, he did believe in the Qun as solution to everything. And if following it was hard, wasn't life hard no matter what you did? Might as well be hard doing something good.

"I don't want anybody to suffer." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "And I wanted her dead."

A grey hand took hers, crushing them in its grip.

"I could only see the suffering she had caused." Meliana turned to look at the Arishok again. "And I only wanted it to end." She took a deep breath. "I didn't even care how." Closing her eyes, she leant her temple against his arm. "I didn't even care."

"I would have preferred to solve this my way." Her hands were released. "Death cannot be preferable to conversion to the Qun."

For some there were fates worse than death. Maybe he could not see it. Meliana shook her head. "She would never have arrived in Par Vollen." It wasn't much louder than a whisper almost lost against his skin. "I know Isabela. She would have escaped one way or another. And where would that have left you?"

"I see you point, but I do not know,” he replied. “A lot will depend on whether or not the Tome of Koslun is returned."

"Yeah, that." She sighed. "I am not as much of a help there as I had hoped."

"You have not let it slip further from your grasp," Arishok said.

Meliana sighed. It did not seem like much. Always being one step behind your goal no matter how fast you ran was tiring. It was exhausting and dispiriting. And she had only been doing this for weeks now. "I am still sorry."

"You did good, kadan." He patted her shoulder.

Kadan? Meliana abused the opening shamelessly to nestle against him. Her hands clutched at the leather crossing his back. What time was it to call her kadan now? And what did he mean by it? Andraste's holy knickers in a knot. This was no time to mess with her. Only it obviously was.

“You still do.” Arishok returned her embrace.

Good, maybe. But according to whose definition? Was she doing good for Kirkwall, her people, him? And maybe, for once in a blue moon, she should have a look at how much good she was doing herself. Meliana closed her eyes holding on tight. Good enough. This was good enough.


	23. Protect Me From What I Want

And it was. Aveline came by the next day to collect Isabela's body. She didn't speak much, but polite interaction was possible. So there was hope. Meliana tried killing time by attending events. It helped pass the time and put her mind on other things. Things that were not wondering why she had killed Isabela.

For her own good was still her favourite answer. It wasn't true though. She had confessed in words with her own mouth that she firmly believed the pirate would have escaped. And what would have been so bad about that? Would the Qunari have hunted her down for the rest of her life? That seemed unlikely.

So what?

It had not been justice. It might have been revenge. But revenge for what? That was the bit that became painful. Isabela had not hurt her personally. She had not hurt the people of Kirkwall, much. Well, might have in case the Qunari had gone through with their uprising. But that had been curbed excellently, didn't she know that better than anybody? Which left pretty much one group of people wronged.

One people, one person. Meliana considered banging her head off the table. It would result in a satisfactory thud, an acceptable headache and invitations scattered all over the place. She saw no drawbacks.

There was absolutely no doubt Arishok was good looking. From the furrows across his forehead, the squashed nose and hollow cheeks down to the square jaw. Not to mention those big lips held an appeal all of their own, tinted grey nor not. And damn, they were soft. Yielding. Demanding. Meliana beat her forehead onto the desk hard.

Who could say no ears covered in gold with a triple earring? It went just too well with the golden rings around the horns. Horns! Whenever did that happen to her? White hair was not the problem but horns? Big horns and small horns?

And grey skin, looking like metal and if covered with Vitaar also hard as metal. Not to mention that Vitaar was probably blood magic. A grey guy with horns covered in blood magic. Did she have a type? Should she date Fenris next? Though he had no horns and was not hulking. Still, swinging a sword as tall as you were had to count for something.

Meliana realised that the soft tapping noise was her head still banging against the table. It was the grim set of his mouth. Had to be. He never smiled. Okay, she would definitely work on getting him to laugh again. She grinned at the memory. Now that was something most people would never get to see. Served them right, bloody basra, most of them.

Was she getting Qunari-fied? She understood the appeal of the Qun perfectly even if she couldn't imagine herself yielding to it. She was a privileged woman with a lot of opportunities at her fingertips. What of the less fortunate? What was having a place and a life worth living worth? Not to mention you got conviction and purpose on top for free.

But that wasn't it, was it? Her problem was of a much more personal nature. She was having the hots for her husband. Great. That was not – well actually that was exactly how things were supposed to be. But hers was a special case in which it was totally not how it was supposed to be.

The door creaked open but to her utter relief no grey hand descended on her shoulder, no rumbling voice dropped her name like a bag of stones.

"Meliana?" Stones were the right association to that voice by proxy still.

"Varric!" She sat up. "You're a sight for sore eyes."

"Quite contrary to you." He regarded her for a second." Are you alright?"

"I don't think so." She smiled and tried to make it less maniac. "But you will improve on this, right?"

“If you promise not to butcher me with a steak knife.” He began to pick up the invitations she had scattered.

Meliana got up to help him. “I promise. Even if you should not bring good news.”

“Glad to hear it.” He sat down heavily. “I got another note from out dreaming friend in Tevinter. As flowery as the last and possibly read by more eyes than mine.”

“That's not good, is it?”

“I don't think so. Especially as this one points to the red problem sitting in the Keep.” Varric held out the letter. “With the templars.”

Oh great. Meredith would love that accusation. Maybe she already did. Meliana looked at Varric. The dwarf shrugged. Nothing to be done about that. But maybe they could find something else to do. Before Meredith had them all executed for treason. The Knight-Commander would find a way to make that stick somehow. Just what she needed right now. Meliana brightened up. A bloody big problem and no time for ruminations.

In the end Meliana didn't have much time to look into it. One visit at Orsino was the most she could squeeze into her full schedule. And though he listened there was little he could do. Keeping an eye on Meredith was difficult even if her office was literally just across the hall.

To entertain herself she wrote an invitation to Cyril du Montfort. He would have to stay at the Hanged Man unless he wanted to put up with a lot of pout out Qunari. She'd was looking forward to excusing herself with her full schedule and leaving the welcoming to Varric. Something she naturally didn't tell him that yet.

Instead they spent the most agreeable evening for days drinking in the Hanged Man. Meliana was reluctant to visit the Hawke Estate. Anders was not really over her killing Isabela and Fenris spoke even less than usual. She was obviously not doing well at finding what ailed her and amending it.

When they had worse problems to handle. “The tension is still increasing,” Meliana sighed.

“The conflict is now certainly easier to pen between templars and mages with the Qunari out of the equation,” Varric agreed. “Not that there aren't attempts to drag them back into it.”

“There are?”

“Your Arishok is doing a great job thwarting that,” he explained. “So much for dumb brutes.”

It was an assumption Meliana had given up on some time ago. She doubted it was a new realisation for Varric either. “We do what we can.”

“That you do. And so do I.” he grinned. “Maraas has found Isabela's buyer and his customer. Tal-Vashoth, as suspected.”

“Where?” Meliana didn't get more across her lips.

“An enclave near Wildervale.” Varric launched into a swooping description of everything he knew about it.

Meliana sat and listened, trying to nail every piece of information down in her mind. She felt jubilant. “We need to act fast. There is no guarantee they won't sell it on.”

“Oh, now you jinxed it,” Varric said.

She got up and dropped a kiss onto his head before almost dancing out. “Pass that on to Maraas if you like.”

“You can do that yourself,” Varric a´called after her. “He is-”

She didn't get the rest, gliding through the main room and out into the street. The show went on, she was ready to invade the next castle and raze it to the ground. At least it was something to do.

“This group is known,” Arishok replied when she told him. “Their headquarters have withstood several attempts to destroy it.”

“So you already know some of the things that don't work,” Meliana was adamant to see the bright side of it. “Makes it easier to narrow down the things that will.”

“It was not I who attacked them,” he said. “Or the results might have been different.”

“Right, just like with Castillon. I knock and then we overrun the place.” The memory was more pleasing that expected. Probably tainted by the image of Arishok mowing through enemies like a grey flux of well tuned muscle. Meliana shook her head.

“Perhaps,” Arishok said. “Let me show you our information on the group.”

And what a bloody lot of information that was. The Qunari sure kept their eyes on their defectors. The reports included vegetation, strategic featured of landscape and even lists of purchased goods. Nothing got in our out of the place without being documented. Except possibly spiders. The dragon act wouldn't work either. They'd just let her hang in the double portcullis behind the drawbridge while they sat it out.

The only way in was to be one of them. That could work. But only in one very specific configuration. It was not the easiest thing to suggest to Arishok and he did not look as if he liked the idea.

“It will not be that easy,” he objected. “They will know if you are faking.”

Meliana pressed her lips together. That was another wrench in the plan. “Then I won't. Would that work?”

Arishok didn't answer. He sat as if a real statue carved from grey marble. His hands tensed. “Are you certain?”

“Do you have a better plan?”

“None that would work as fast,” he conceded. “But if this goes wrong it will be your life that is forfeit.”

“Nah,” Meliana made light of it. “You'd break me out.” Her smile faltered against his hard eyes. “Or my friends will. I better tell Arvaarad about this before I change my mind.”

Arishok stood up, looking down at her. “I will make sure your control rod will be set apart.”

“Ahahaha, no.” Meliana jumped up and took his wrist with both hands. Her fingers even made it all the way around. “He won't get my control. No way. No. You do.”

“I am not Arvaarad,” he objected.

“It's you or no one,” she insisted. “Not Arvaarad, not Anders, not nobody.”

They looked at each other for a long time.

“As you wish,” Arishok finally said. To her surprise he reached out, cupping her face with one hand. “May you know what you are doing.”

Meliana leant into the touch before she realised what she was doing. Her head jerked back, popping a brittle smile onto her face. She really had no clue what she was getting into. But that was how things had started off and it had worked out well, hadn't it? Her cheek was burning and she turned away to hide it. “I will talk to Arvaarad.”

“One last thing,” his voice stopped her short.

“Yes?” She turned around again. It wasn't fair, having to look at him all towering and disapproving.

“When you killed Isabela and I would talk to you about it,” he tilted his head as if remembering the moment, “you thought I would hurt you.“

“I did.” It was difficult to hold his glance.

„It is not the pact we swore.“

Something was wrong about those words, but Meliana couldn't put her finger on it. „Well, yes. But humans often don't keep their word once given.“

„I am not human.“

There was that. She looked down embarrassed. “You were angry. I have not seen you angry before. I didn't know what you would do.”

“It takes more to break a promise given by a Qunari.” He seemed about to say more. In the end he just left.

Meliana watched the door for a while. She should get going. Talk to Arvaarad as announced. But she couldn't make her legs move. This was the worst idea ever. It might be a plan but how would she get anybody to play along? She pressed her eyes shut, balled her fists, tried to draw a coherent breath.

It had been her idea. It only had to get her into the castle. How bad could it be?


	24. Into Darkness

“No.” Anders crossed his arms before him. “I won't do it.”

Meliana shrugged and nodded. “I thought you might object but I thought asking can't hurt. I don't know how exactly they'll do it and how but magic will be involved. You have seen Ketojan.”

“I did. And that is exactly why I can't help you, Meliana.” His voice was pleading and accusing at the same time, trying to persuade her with her first name. “What are you thinking? You cannot do this.”

“It's the easiest and fastest way into the fortress of the Tal-Vashoth. It will be more than credible that I shall try to run after making the mistake of trying to convert. And you would help me.” Meliana sighed. “I don't like it any more than you do. Nobody is happy with the idea.”

Well, that was probably a lie. Arishok would be happy to see her somewhat secured. He might even go so far as to remove the blade from under his pillow. Meliana pushed thoughts that combined Arishok with sleeping from her mind. This was serious business. “Will you at least help me get to Wildervale?”

“You cannot be serious. Please tell me you are joking.” Anders was taking several steps towards her. “Don't you know, well, of course you don't. You grew up as an Apostate, free of the Circle and its restrictions at least. I always envied that you took this freedom for granted. Do not give it up so lightly.”

It wasn't lightly, Meliana wanted to object. But there was no proof she could give that would make Anders believe. She couldn't even make him understand. Why would anybody give up their freedom willingly? Even if it was for only a while?

Anders had fought to gain his own freedom for his whole life. He had it now, or some of it. As far as she knew nobody had bothered him since he moved into her place. It wasn't enough, though. He wanted more, freedom for all mages. Now. Looking at the draconian measures Meredith implemented casually it was no surprise. It was something she would have to look into as well. Once this was over.

Meliana had never thought it would take so long. But here she was. About to give up every last shred of freedom. For a goal she could care for less. But she didn't and that was the crux of it. She cared. She wanted this done. She was ready to do whatever it took. And Maker forgive her but she did trust Arishok with absolute power over her.

“I'm sorry you don't understand, Anders.” She smiled as best she could. “I will do this and I will get to the Tal-Vashoth disguised as bas saarebas. It's fine if you cannot help me. I understand. And I am sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” He took her by the shoulders, refraining from shaking her, barely. “Don't you see what you are getting into? What if it doesn't work? What if the Arishok doesn't even plan to set you free again?”

Now that was the least of her fears. Of all the things in the world, Arishok was one she didn't fear at all. Maybe foolishly as he would betray her given the right circumstances. The Qun was more important than anything else. A merciless philosophy. But as long as she didn't compete with the Qun she was fine. Should be. Well.

“I am not scared of that,” she said gently, taking his hands. “I will be needed free as can be to take the headquarters from within. And if anything goes awry, I have you. Merrill, Varric, Fenris. I have friends I trust. I am not alone and that is why I am not afraid.”

Anders' eyes softened. There might have been a light blue glow to them. “Your words will always win for you.” He sighed. “But it is as Merrill said. You have always helped me. And you are the best, the only hope for the mages of Kirkwall. With you as our Viscount,” he didn't finish the sentence.

“It's okay, Anders. I know what you mean. And even if that was your only reason to help me, I would appreciate it. I know you. And I will be your friend.”

“Will you?” He let go and paced. “What if I should do something you disapprove of? I could blow half of Kirkwall sky-high. You have seen Justice. I could do anything.”

“But you won't.” Meliana made her voice firm. “You would never hurt so many for your own gain. You only kill people when you try to help others. And you did not let Justice kill the girl.”

Anders stopped still his tracks, regarding her intently.

“I know you;” Meliana went on. “And I know we cannot let the mages of Kirkwall suffer under the Knight-Commander. We will do something about it, whether I become Viscount or not. I am with you Anders, whether you help me or not. Whether you can believe me or not.” She shrugged.

“Hawke.” His voice was strained. With a sudden he moved again, pulling her into an embrace with his face buried against her. “Why have I lost you?”

“You have not lost me” Meliana raised her hands to his shoulders. “I am right here, Anders.”

But it was not what he meant and they both knew it.

Her conversation with Varric went better. Probably because he didn't really know what being a Saarebas meant in terms of losing your magic and control over yourself. He couldn't help with anaesthetics but he readily agreed to smuggle her out of Kirkwall and into Wildervale. Pursuit by angry Qunari did not scare him.

It should probably scare the Tal-Vashoth, but how would they know the Qunari were coming for them? All in all the plan was good. With the one drawback of needing an actual Saarebas to work. None of her friends would make a convincing Viddathari. At least on that they all agreed.

“I am so sorry I didn't learn more healing magic.” Merrill fretted. “But everything I know is so crude. And with magic already involved, I don't want to explode you by accident, Meliana.”

“It's fine, Merrill, really. The Qunari are not doing this for the first time. I'm sure they know what they do.” Or so Meliana hoped. Not caring enough about people to give them anaesthetics when you sewed their lips together sounded unnecessarily cruel.

Though you never knew with Qunari. They had their evil so embedded in their system they might not be able to see it. Arvaarad certainly was unhappy with her plan. It was not right since she was obviously not really submitting. It was only his long service with Arishok who liked to play it loose, that made him go along. Arishok who was standing right behind her. Either to give her strength or to keep her from running. Both were the right idea.

“It will be done in two steps,” Arvaarad explained in slow words. His interaction with outsiders was limited. “First the mouth is sewn shut and the proper clothing is applied. When you are used to that, the control will be implemented.”

“I understand.” Meliana eyed the heavy robes warily. They had hopefully been adjusted for her frame and strength. The attempt to lift the chains of one of the Saarebas had not ended well. “Will it hurt? The sewing, I mean.”

“Are you not Saarebasalit-an?” Arvaarad asked. “Can you not curb your own pain?”

“In theory,” Meliana tried to smile. “But if it becomes to bad, not anymore, no. Oh well. Too late for second thoughts. It will hurt as much as it hurts.”

“Then sit.”

At least everything was well thought out. Sitting down was a good plan because whose legs would not buckle? Sitting Arvaarad down as well was a good idea because he better have a steady hand. Meliana concentrated on her mouth. She had never tried to numb anything on purpose. Maybe ice magic was not the best way to go about it. But it did work. Somewhat. Hopefully. She'd find out soon enough.

“Are you ready?” Arvaarad asked.

“Who, me?” Meliana squeaked. “I'm terrified is what I am.”

Nothing she had heard about being a Saarebas had put her at ease any. Being a Qunari mage was a frightful experience. And she was about to become one. Because. She closed her eyes. It would be temporary. Nothing to worry about. She opened her eyes again, looking at Arishok. Everything would be alright.

Arvaarad had the needles already heated, red thread hanging from them. Meliana did her best not to look at it. “Well, talk to you later.”

The joke fell flat.

She closed her eyes, feeling the magic around her lips. After that Meliana didn't feel anything, floating in self-imposed darkness until Arvaarad put a hand down on her shoulder.

“It is done,” he said.

Meliana sat up, blinking. Arishok was gone. She could not feel her mouth. Concentrating she realised that she was still funnelling magic into her lips. Well, that had to stop. She was about to say 'thank you' when she remembered that she couldn't. Whoops. So she nodded and carefully got up. The world didn't seem so very different.

Still, having your lips sewn shut felt strange. There was some leeway hopefully making mumbling possible. Anyway, she could still nod and use all of the non-verbal cues to get along.

Meliana resisted feeling the new seam with her fingers. It would take some time to heal fully. Magic was only of limited help as the seam was imbued with magic itself. She had some suspicion about the kind of magic used for the process.

Her legs were a little shaky. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't even go and talk about it to somebody. Meliana chuckled. That alone put a strain on her lips. So not opening them very far at all. Come to think of it, she was no bound to the confines of the Compound. She had not thought about that before. But how would Kirkwall react to having their Champion's lips sewn together. Not well. That much she could tell.

Meliana walked the whole expanse of the Qunari Compound. It felt good to be moving, getting the blood back into all the limbs where it belonged. Her lips started to throb. Probably a good sign. She was thirsty. A bad sign. How would she even drink? The image of a group of Saarebas huddled together while drinking through straws almost made her laugh.

The pain this sent through the thread in her lips made her think better of it. Would it always be like this? Because that would be horrible. No laughter. No crying either. She tried a sigh and even that was a very controlled and restraint affair. Meliana turned her back to the Compound, ready to hole up in their rooms.

Those were fortunately empty. She sat down heavily at the table. She should have stocked up on hard liquor. Whisky would have done great as food and for numbing her mouth. Win/win. It would also have turned her mind into jelly which sounded very appealing. There wasn't much she could do anyway, was there?

She put her hands on the table calling a little flame into them. This she could do. Practice her magic. She would not be able to remember much when the control set in. So she should probably focus, too. Open the doors. That was the goal. That was everything. See a door? Open it. And take prisoners.

She must have fallen asleep trying to hammer those two thoughts into her mind because Arishok woke her. After letting go of her shoulder, he put a bowl before her. It looked, and smelled, somewhat like stew that had been puréed. And indeed, it did sport a straw. Meliana chuckled again and looked up.

How did she tell him thanks now? Her smile felt twisted and hung up. Maybe it didn't matter. She obviously loved that hulking idiot who was thoughtful of soup and straws. Meliana smiled, one of those smiles you could feel everywhere, and just hoped it translated somewhat into Qunlat.

Judging from the way he turned away abruptly and left, it did not.

The wannabe stew was only lukewarm. But that was okay because Meliana could think of few things worse than burning her mouth right now.  More metaphorical burning would have to wait. With nothing else to do, she went to bed early, pulled the blanket over her head and indulged in  feeling pathetically whiny and lonely.  A feeling that persisted until she fell asleep.


	25. If Love Is Blind What Is This?

The first thing Meliana did the next morning was not yawn. The pull on her lips was painful and the resulting yelp didn't improve anything. She sat up fingering her mouth and hoping not to bleed. But the seam had held. Her lips throbbed painfully, but that was all. For now.

The hunt for straws had to be interrupted for getting out of her new robes again. They were bloody heavy and encumbering, making an actual search of anything impossible. Meliana postponed wearing them until she left their rooms. That she managed at the third attempt without running into anything. At least the collar and mask offered some protection. Door frames were hard. As was the floor.

She stumbled out into the Compound, the sun hitting her like a stone fist. Walking across the yard, she was barely able to see Arishok on his chair and decided that a rail on the ledge over the docks was a great idea. Except if saarebas magically received the ability to fly despite their heavy outfits. It was obvious that the arvaarad were not only controlling the magic of their charges but also were their eyes and ears.

The saarebas were kept in one of the back rooms in the Compound. Not that they needed much light, you couldn’t see shit behind those bloody masks. But air would have been nice? They didn't seem to mind though or even notice. They didn't do much either but seemed to be on stand-by, acting only when prompted by the arvaarad. It was enough to bore her to tears within hours.

The mental stagnation was compounded by the increasing physical discomfort. The weight of the heavy robes pushed her down and the collar with the attached chains sat heavily on her shoulders. Most positions for sitting on the ground locked her legs in painful positions. Only half a day passed until Meliana was certain she couldn't go through with the plan.

“It is easier under control,” Arvaarad told her. “Your weakness is doing alright.”

Now that was unexpected praise. Meliana was glad about her complete inability to communicate in the dim darkness because she had no clue how to react. She decided on holding out a little longer. Though in the end she just gave up and returned to their rooms. The sheer pleasure of slipping out of the heavy outfit made her sigh happily. Freedom. Or what counted for it. The idea to never wear anything ever again occurred to her but since her robes felt like nothing at all that was, fortunately, not a decision she had to make.

Another straw-enabled meal later Meliana occupied herself with mind-programming techniques. Arvaarad had explained how little consciousness she would keep and though she couldn't imagine it, Meliana wanted to be prepared. Not that she knew how anybody would live without higher brain functions but she would find out. The important bit was to remember what to do.

Open the doors and take prisoners. That seemed easy enough. Doors and prisoners. She found herself getting up repeatedly to open the door to the sleeping room and courtyard. Good. Excellent. Exactly how it should be. Now to imprint that urge somewhere in her subconsciousness.

The attempts made her head hurt. So Meliana decided to return to playing with magic. It was still exhilarating to cast spells without a staff, to manipulate her surroundings as she wished by mere willpower.

“Good. You are not helpless.”

What? Meliana looked up from the thin line of fire that danced between her hands. Of course it was Arishok, but where did that come from? She tried to make the line look more like a dragon. The winged earthworm had to do. She smiled and raised it into the air between them. No. She shook her head. She was not helpless. Why would he even worry? The dragon exploded into a shower of sparkles.

That didn't seem to impress Arishok at all. His eyes narrowed as he scrutinised her, leaning forwards slightly.

Meliana tried to smile a little more but the thread bit into her lips.

The grey frown deepened, accompanied by grey eyes honing in on her. It was surprising how hard a line those big lips could form.

Meliana tilted her head and shrugged. It was difficult to find non-verbal means to express herself when she didn't really know what she wanted to say. Maybe some more magic? Something to smooth down his forehead to its usual cragginess? Something to blow the storm clouds from his eyes? She raised her hand.

Arishok intercepted it with his own. And there they hovered as if held in place by an invisible force.

Meliana shook her head slightly, trying to emphasise the question with a shrug. When Arishok didn't react, she slowly moved their hands until they rested against her face, slipping her own away. She smiled another question. They were good, were they?

The thunder on his face did not withdraw. But his palm was warm against her face and that was enough. Once she had her voice back, they obviously needed to have some words. A real talk about many things that were complicated but necessary. She closed her eyes. Why were words so important?

Her eyes flew open again. Arishok's thumb was running slowly over her lips, gently examining the new seam.

Meliana felt her smile falter, fighting the urge to nestle her face against his palm. Maker bring her thoughts to heel. Why was her mouth not numb now? And how dare the tingle be everywhere? She took a deep breath and a step backwards. Pressing her lips together wasn't painless either. However good he was, she wasn't. She was way out of line.

“Prrrp.” Well, so much for trying to speak.

Arishok straightened up with a smile. “I agree.”

At least chuckling worked without undue pain. So they were good. Good.

“Your dwarf sent word that he can collect you tomorrow evening. Are you ready to be rescued?”

Meliana nodded vigorously. The sooner she got out of this mess, the better. She got carried away into doing a little charade which ended in an elegy about straws. Judging from his reaction, Arishok did not get the last part. But he did not turn away and made no disparaging face. He was very good with those, especially the subtle ones.

She ended with another hapless smile. Non-verbal communication hadn't sounded so hard. But she didn't dare touch him again.

Arishok had no such qualms, leading her to the door with a hand on her back. “I will inform your dwarf. Go to Arvaarad about your preparations for tomorrow.”

Preparations? What had she missed now? As far as Meliana was concerned Arvaarad waved a magic wand around somehow and that was that. If Arishok had to push her forward a little, it was certainly only due to her reluctance to find out about those preparations.

Arvaarad was already expecting her. If he disapproved of her lack of proper clothing, he didn't show. He ordered her a round and said a great deal of words in Qunlat. It didn't make her feel any different. Maybe it helped him? She didn't know. Going along seemed to be the best option. Who knew what kind of ritual that was?

The artery on her right arm got marked and not surprisingly opened. What was surprising was that instead of taking blood, Arvaarad actually poured something into the wound. It didn't hurt. It was cold and clear, running into her body like drunk lyrium.

“Now sleep.” Arvaarad said.

Meliana saw no reason to object. She laid down, light-headed, her mind filled with giddy thoughts like soda. Then she got up again because why not and Arvaarad had asked. Arishok was towering higher than ever, pauldrons blotting out the non-existent sun, horns holding up the ceiling and face like thunder and lightning striking home. The vitaar cast an inverted glow on his skin, smearing shadow-oil reflections through the air around him. He oozed authority.

Her hand was vanishingly small against Arvaarad's but the bandage came of easily. The wound was fresh enough to open with minimal prompting. And now came that part were blood was taken. The hypocrisy of the world would never stop to annoy her.

The control rod was, unsurprisingly dipped into the vivacious blood. It was cold against her and shouldn't be felt so big. But it was over already, a fresh bandage covering the cut, tingling as if it was steeped in drunk lyrium, too.

Arishok stared at her over the rod.

Meliana smiled.

 

* * *

 

Sitting. Dim darkness around, a wall to lean against. Calm. Feeling of others close. Voices. Orders. Following. Good. Walking. Walking and following. Something to do. Follow. Follow orders. No orders. Just walking. Possibly hungry. No matter. Following. Strangely split but still easy to follow here. Walking. Possible input. No orders.

Inquiry. No order. Shrugging. Follow. Heeding. Maybe orders. Just walking. Sitting. Slanting sunlight, sliced. Thirst. No thirst. Walking. Sitting. Sleeping. Night air full of noises under the trees. Smell of wet earth.

Getting up. Walking. Following. Heavy cocoon of warmth. Another inquiry. Emotional. No order. Just walking. Sitting. Follow. The only order. Better follow. Follow here. The other tug ever receding. Unimportant? Not whole. But following. Good orders. Very able to follow here.

Physical contact. Hands. Looking down at looking up but no orders. Words. Many words. But no orders. Tilting head. Small branch underfoot. Old orders. Walking. Following. Fulfilling. Standing. Sitting. Sleeping. Walking. Expectations. Birdsong. Strange birds.

More voices. Other voices, faces. Words but no orders. Emotions. Standing. Watching. No danger. Small changes. Hand to hand. No different order. Old orders in new hands. Strange words. Taller. Following. Stone underfoot and around. The smell of many people. No crushed leaves and wet ground. Many faces. Many words. Danger?

Following. Walking. Standing. Listening. Orders. Fire and ice. Wood in hands. Better fire. New orders. Silence. No walking. Sitting. Hunger. Cold breeze over the mouth and eating with real chewing and open lips. No thirst. Cold closure. No orders. Sitting. Slanting light cut up in grey and square shadows.

Things to open. But no orders. Uncomfortable. Closed doors. Wrong.

More fire. Hot and bright. Easy orders. Purpose. Sparks against night and screams. Make silence. Sharp frost stops everything. Approval. Good. Following.

It was all so neat and easy with orders to follow. Things moved, happened. Things had a reason and she had purpose. No orders was lonely. Time and time and nothing to do. It was empty. Orders were purpose. Good. Following and doing good. Fire and ice. She could do that. She could do more. If told. Not sure what else, but a lot.

She smiled. It tugged. That was right. Sometimes it was not but then there was no hunger. No thirst. Almost s good as orders and following. Almost as good as. Well. If only the doors. They were wrong. Not open. Something else, too. Lower, deeper. Under open doors. But no orders. Like an itch. No scratching. Made her queasy. Queasy also wrong. Calm.

Walking. Big place. Many people. Something about them also wrong. Not looks. Movement. But what else? There were no orders. Not good. Needed purpose. More than this. But what? There was nothing more. Not even orders. Closed doors and walking people. Not right. Double portcullis. There had been a thought. But not now. Now there was calm. Time.

With a sudden the world rushed back in, overwhelming her every sense. All Meliana could remember was prisoners. Prisoner, prisoners, prisoners. Magic collected at her fingertips as if of its own volition. It jumped away in a bright hiss, branching out like a river delta. It found its victims, huge men and women with horns and wide eyes.

Qunari.

The magic spluttered and faltered. Meliana stumbled. What was she doing?

Tal-Vashoth. The word wormed its way into her consciousness. That was it. Her breath slowed as the magic picked up again. The Tal-Vashoth began to drop around her, sinking to the floor one by one, their consciousness plunged into oblivion by her. She channelled as much mana into her spells as she had, draining her resources with no second thought.

It was such a big place. A big, big place with so many people. Such effort. She shouldn't have to do this alone. Her knees buckled. How did people do magic like this? The life forces stopped coming at her slowly an ebbing tide taking the sand from under her feet with it still. She felt her mana run dry, the last reserves trickling out and away.

Finally it was over. Meliana surveyed the scene uncomprehending. Doors. The thought floated up through the stupor. Open the doors. Let in – somebody. People. Her people. Qunari. The Arishok. His image towered over forgotten memories, imposing, encompassing.

But there were so many doors. Most of them open already. And nobody telling her which doors. What to do? The courtyard was empty, strewn with bodies. Portcullis. It wasn't a door per se. maybe it would do? It would. Would have to, it was the last closed space for people to walk through. Meliana tried to shake the woollen feeling inside her head. It shouldn't be there, should it?

The drawbridge rattled down. And then memories rushed at her like the Qunari before it. With them came the realisation of what had happened hit home. Completely at the mercy and whim of others, not caring about that, just doing; trapped in her own body, separated from her self, not even knowing there was something missing. The ground turned into morass, swallowing her whole.

The Arishok came into view, as importune as remembered, eclipsing everything else with grey eyes flowing over her like liquid lead, burning away any remaining layers of protective oblivion. The trembling of the ground stopped when his hand reached her, ending the shaking with a single touch.

Meliana leant against his palm. It was over. She was done. Her breath rattled through her, hitching on tears she did not want to shed. It was over. She took a step forwards. Her knees gave in and she closed her eyes, falling in blessed darkness.

Not that she got very far. Powerful arms caught her, weeping and all. Meliana wasn't even sure why she couldn't stop. Was it the joy of being a person again or the horror of not even knowing you weren't one? Not even caring? She let the tears take it all away, scratching her face against hardened skin and leather. It was over. Eventually everything would be alright.

 

* * *

 

Meliana awoke with her heart pounding in her ears. She was gulping down air in irregular breaths, every muscle tense. But the room was dark, there wasn't a single spark of magic. Closing her eyes she forced the air to slow through her lungs. It still rattled. Relaxing her muscles one by one took time.

At her side Arishok lay as its should be and as unexpected. He seemed to be asleep. Meliana slid back down under the blankets. They engulfed her warm but unable to chase away the lingering terror. She remembered every moment of her bound existence like a clear nightmare encased in silencing honey. Another breath caught in her chest.

And a hand took hold of hers. Firm, calloused form years of wielding weapons, big and safe. Meliana turned towards it, leaning her forehead against the attached arm. It was not enough.

“Please?” Her arm slid across Arishok's chest in a question.

The answer was his free arm finding its was around her, holding her close, face pressed into his side.

She was a person. She was a person and she was not alone in this. Meliana exhaled slowly. Under the firm hold of Arishok's arm, the darkness ceased to be a threat and sleep beckoned.

 


	26. Back To Normal

Meliana woke up still firmly attached to Arishok. The idea of letting go any time soon or any time at all was not computing. It was unthinkable. Judging from his breathing, he was also awake. Her hand clenched. It took conscious effort to relax it.

"Allow me." Arishok gently pried off her hand, lifting it over to her side.

Meliana took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Thank you." The last word lingered on her lips but she couldn't say it.

She used the resistance to push herself away a little. Her head still felt woozy. But as far as she could tell, things had worked out fine. She ran her fingers over her mouth. The stitches were healed but there would be scars. You couldn’t use magic to thread your lips together and expect the traces to vanish in the air.

“Ten days.” She looked at Arishok who was getting up and ready to leave.

That couldn't be right could it? How could she have been gone that long? It didn't seem like ten days. Maybe if she strung together all the memories that had been locked away in small boxes of irrelevance? But those were many and unpleasant. Her body moved through them disconnected. She could watch herself doing all those things but it meant nothing.

All that had matter was having a purpose and following the lead. Meliana shook he head. One day she would need serious therapy about this. Until then the locks on those boxes would hopefully hold.

It was so good to get out of her own bed again. Everything was comfortingly familiar. The foot stool. Her robes. The brush missing a third of it's bristles. But she had brought it all the way from Ferelden. Breakfast was bliss. Nothing stopping her from eating. Not that she managed much. How little had she gotten the last days? Meliana did not unbox those memories.

Instead she stared balefully at the remains of her fried eggs and hummus. She was still looking for some place to put some more of it when Merrill's voice reached her. It was high-pitched in annoyance and promised abrupt pain if reason did not set in soon.

“I don't care! She's my friend and I will see her now. No. I don't care. If she's asleep I will just-” the door opened revealing Merrill holding Ashaad at bay with her staff. It was in a great position to either break his nose or go for the throat. Meliana smiled. Nothing tugged at her lips.

“Hawke! Meliana! Tell that persistent person to back off or else,” the elf called in her direction.

“It's alright, Ashaad,” Meliana said. “Thank you for protecting me.”

Ashaad indicated a bow and left while Merrill slipped into the bench next to her ogling the food.

“You can have it,” Meliana sighed. “I wish I could eat more but no.”

“I looked into that,” Merrill said pulling the plate over. “Saarebas don't get to eat very often. And they are Qunari. They are so strong, Meliana. They last for forever. It's a wonder you didn't starve.”

“It takes a little longer to starve than that,” Meliana said. “But I get your meaning. Was I really way for ten days? How does Kirkwall still stand?”

“I know, it's a miracle. But the Arishok told everybody you were very ill and needed rest.” Merrill looked up from eating. “You would have expected more people actually wanting to see you. Or any, really.”

“Not really, no.” Meliana withstood the urge to finger the scares at her mouth again. It was strange. And strange to just speak. “How is the election going?”

“Nowhere, but you should talk to Varric. He's better at this political stuff.” Merrill sighed, pushing the empty plate away. “They have good food here. Maybe they can send us some? Anyway, the election isn't going anywhere. And you need some treatment before you can go anywhere. I talked with Arvaarad.”

Meliana leant over and hugged her. “Thank you, Merrill.”

After a surprised moment, the elf returned the embrace.

“It okay like this, right? I don't have much experience hugging humans.”

Meliana chuckled into the shawl. “You're doing fine, Merrill. No worries. And you re a great friend, too. I am lucky to know you.”

“Don't say such things,” Merrill replied. “Though, no. Go on. Repeat yourself.”

“You're a blessing,” Meliana repeated. “And now we better go talk to Arvaarad before he decides I am beyond hope.”

“Oh, he already did that,” Merrill jumped to her feet with a grin. “The mere idea that to reverse any aspect of the mage control sits so wrong with him get gets up and runs in circles.”

“Poor soul.” Meliana followed suit. “He means well, but his frame of reference for 'good' is, well, not ours.”

“I still can't believe you did this.” Merrill grabbed her arm. “What was it like? You have to tell me everything.”

“One day.” Meliana promised. “I don't think I'm that far yet. It was,” she hesitated, “not horrible. It didn't feel like anything much. Just the desire to please and follow my orders well. In retrospect it feels horrible, though. Knowing you were not a person at all but.” She fell silent as they rounded the last corner stepping into the dim interior of the back rooms.

“That sounds worse than being Tranquil,” Merrill replied. “At least they are still people. We need to get you out of this immediately. I just wish Anders would come. He'd have more of an idea of what to do.”

“Which is why I am here.” Anders pushed off the wall, looking sheepish and defiant. “Hawke.”

“Anders!” Meliana suppress the urge to hug him as well. He didn't look as if he'd appreciate. “Thank you for coming. I really. Thank you. And I understand. I didn't meant to. Oh vashedan.” Lumbering over the wall of broken sentences she hugged him anyway.

Anders did not kill her but returned the gesture only reluctantly. “Let's make sure this hold over you is completely broken.”

“What happened to the control rod?” Meliana asked.

“The Arishok broke it before we attacked,” Merrill said. “He just took it and, I mean it was metal, wasn't it, some kind of? But he just broke it into all those little pieces right there and-” she faltered under Anders' gaze.

“Oh.” Meliana nodded. “I wondered what had happened when I could suddenly think again. Or somewhat. Good to know. That leaves the stuff they put into my blood, yes?”

“I should have come,” Anders said. “I should have been there. Seen what they did to you. Now we must work from hearsay.”

“Well, I was there.” Meliana put a hand on his arm. “And so was Arvaarad. And maybe he has some of the substance left and it will be easy. Yes?”

“Just promise me one thing.” Anders took her hand looking her straight in the yes. “Promise you won't do something like this again.”

Meliana swallowed. Her mind jumped to all the reasons she could think up why this might have to happen again. And why she would agree. Again. Despite what it had done to her. Despite what it was still doing. She licked her lips nervously.

“Meliana!” Anders shook her. “What have they done to you?”

Not they, Meliana thought. he. And what he had done was – she closed her eyes. It included winning her complete trust no matter how dangerous that was. And disregarding how easily that might backfire. He was driven by his convictions as much as she was and ready to sacrifice as much, if not more. What had he done? She shook her head.

“For the right cause, Anders,” she sighed, “what is not worth sacrificing for the right cause?”

She had him there and he knew it. Not that Justice would allow something like this to happen to him. Meliana wondered if Justice would also be a safeguard against Tranquillity. It was unlikely she got to find out.

Reversing the effects would also take some time. The procedure was meant to be permanent and nobody had ever wondered if there was a way to get the giddy lyrium effect out of a person again. Much less out of a person that wasn't a Qunari. They decided to return with Fenris soon so they'd have somebody to translate.

It was great to just grab a bite before heading off to see Varric. Even more amazing was that she could also just get an update on the state of things from Arishok. Because she was home and so was he. He had not only kept the Qunari out of the still increasing tension in Kirkwall. Oh no. Arishok had taken the chance to get the ban on accepting Viddathari lifted.

Meliana couldn't help laughing. Her alleged illness had caused a wave of doubt in Kirkwall. And whoever had had the splendid idea to infiltrate the Compound by sending fake converts had not taken Meredith's ban into account. It was blood brilliant. Meliana resisted the urge to hug Arishok, Bloody brilliant.

Maybe it had been Orsino. He could be sneaky. She would have to ask him. Her social schedule wasn't as crammed as it had been, That's what you got for missing ten days. Maybe she should do that more often, with a different occupation for those days. It was so good to be back.

“You have no idea how glad I am to see you,” Varric said. He looked more troubled than he'd admit.

“So am I.” Hugging a dwarf was a complicated affair even if you were short. Which she wasn't, but Meliana kept forgetting about that living among Qunari who all towered over her easily.

“How are you?”

“I'm,” she hesitated. The impulse to just lie was strong. But this was Varric. Meliana shook her head. “I'll cope. One day. When I have time. It wasn't pleasant and I am glad it is over. With the desired results, too.”

“Yeah, that is a first for one of your plans.” Varric tried a lopsided grin.

“I'll get better, I promise. And the last time with the dragon worked also well as I remember.” She leant back. “And I couldn't have done it without you. So please don't feel guilty in any way. You did great. Thank you.”

Varric didn't look any happier. But it was only words. What more could she offer? If he didn't want to believe the truth, nothing would make him. “I can help you develop guilt about other things if that will help? Or I could make sure to call in favours for the rest of your life? How does that sound?”

“I get it, Meliana, I get it.” He sighed. “But you should have seen yourself. Like a cardboard cut-out with a never-ending smile painted on. Nothing seemed to reach you. The slightly puzzled look on your face when I tried to talk to you.” He shook his head. “it was scary. Blood curdlingly wrong.”

“I'm sorry. But I am glad you were with me. And I won't go anywhere for a while now.”

“Glad to hear it because there are some things I think you should hear.” Varric got comfortable. “You have probably heard from the Arishok that the Qunari are allowed to accept converts again. But what he has likely left out is why on earth Seneschal Bran would side with him and how he is now effectively running Kirkwall. Bran, I mean.”

Meliana grabbed the jug and poured herself a cup of wine. “That sounds exactly like my kind of story.”

“That's what I thought.” Meliana could practically see his narrator persona take over.

It was amazing to sit and listen to somebody speak again. The words had meaning beyond orders and it was beautiful. The state Kirkwall was in was not so beautiful but at least Meredith was not Viscount yet. And Bran was doing an exceptional job at hogging power for the future Viscount which was of course easier if there was no Viscount.

As far as Meliana was concerned this was a good state for the city to be in. Orsino naturally disagreed. He had rallied almost all mages behind his quest to make a mage next Viscount of Kirkwall. And united under that cause the amount of blood magic had suddenly decreased dramatically. Knight-Commander Meredith was hard pressed to find anything to strike out against.

Not that it seemed to curb her paranoia. But she had proven herself to be overly vindictive. And a small flame of doubt in the minds of the people could do great things. Meliana returned home in a good mood.

She fell into step beside Arishok when she found him walking towards their rooms and he acknowledged her with a short glance. It was enough. “I'm sorry you didn't get much out of me being a safe mage personally.”

He stopped to look down at her. “This was not about me,” he finally said.

“I know. But still. Wouldn't it have been nice if you got something out of it personally as well?” Meliana shrugged. “Just a thought.”

“What makes you think I did not?” Arishok's brow furrowed deeper than usual.

Now that was a good question. But since she had had the awareness of broccoli for the last ten days, she couldn’t say what else he might have gotten out of the deal. Except maybe a break from her. Well.

“You're right. I am assuming a lot. Now that I can think again, maybe I should at least try to do it.” She grinned at him. “So, how are the prisoners doing?”

“They are Tal-Vashoth. It will take time to break them.”

So much for changing the topic and actually getting some conversation done. It didn't really matter what they talked about. The sound of his voice was a reward in itself. Meliana wondered what to ask to elicit a longer reply. Arishok beat her to it, though.

“I understand now,” He said the frown smoothing out a little. “Why you have to be a free mage.”

Meliana fought the urge to smooch him senseless. When she was positive she could control herself she lowered her head instead, resting it against his chest. “Thank you.” She was way too aware of her lips moving against his skin.

“When you were bound there was nothing left of the person you are.” He put his arm around her. “It is an experience I do not wish to repeat.”

Meliana could not reply. Her lips quivered against him and the fight against rising tears occupied her whole self-control.

“You are more dangerous than any saarebas.” He pulled her closer.

“I am sorry.” Her words were flowing over his skin, a bad substitute for her fingers. The restraint was impossible.

“I know.”

Suddenly he pried her off again as gently as possible with her every fibre trying to resist his effort. “But it cannot change anything.”

Meliana watched him confused as he walked away. She had been quite sure she finally understood Arishok somewhat. But whenever she hit that self-assurance he did something like this. Well, she could think again, so she better did. And she got to fall asleep to the reassuring sound of regular breathing beside her. Or breathing at least.

It didn't matter much. She was home.


	27. Don't Let The Moment Pass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the explicit comes in.

Meliana didn't notice it at first. After all being aware you were asleep and then being aware that you were awake was wonderful. And she might have stayed in bed longer than warranted just to enjoy that feeling. So Arishok being on and about was not unusual. He had always been an early riser.

Then, Anders, Merrill, and Fenris were there and his translation worked great. If Arvaarad had been one fore making faces, Merrill's boundless enthusiasm would likely have made him grimace, but her was stoic. Still if anybody was able to resist the way her eyes lit up, it would be a Qunari. He gave her a sample of the liquid which was made up of herbs and poison. Then they spent time at Merrill's, poring over the whole thing.

When she retuned home, Meliana barely had time for a bite before it was time to start her social appointments. And so it went. She woke with Arishok gone already. They did talk but there was always somebody else around. And mostly the topic was prisoners and Tallis work on getting places without information from them. In the evening she was either in bed way before him or Arishok slept already when she returned from the event she attended.

After a few days, Meliana did notice. And she did not approve. There was only one thing to be done. Instead of high tea it was high time for action. She excused herself from the event before even sitting down. A shame because the tea looked seductive. But her plan worked out. When she arrived at home, there he was, sitting on his usual place doing paperwork.

“You are avoiding me.” Meliana made use of the tried practice of climbing over the table, pushing the papers away and taking their place. It was very difficult to ignore her that way. Arishok did try valiantly though. She lost her patience quickly, trapping him by putting down her feet on the bench on either side of him. “Talk to me. Help me out here.”

“It is nothing you can help with,” he said, reaching for his paperwork.

“Hell it is.” She slapped at his hand. “Something is amiss. I want it to stop.”

I want you back. She had no idea if he'd understand what she meant with that. But damn, didn't she miss the man she had gotten to know! And now he wouldn't really look at her, talk to her, avoided her and didn't explain it. She might have let it slide if she didn't fucking miss him so much.

“It is nothing you are doing,” Arishok insisted.

“Maybe I can still help?” She captured his head between her hands. “Please?”

Grey eyes bored into hers, darker than she remembered them. “How would telling you help if there is nothing you can do?”

Meliana slumped. “I don't know. I just wished...” She dropped her hands onto her knees.

“I know.” Arishok covered her hands with his.

“Okay, right.” She leant forwards, gently bumping her forehead against his. “I am sorry. And, if, when, you know? I'm here.”

To her surprise he pulled her close, his movement jerky as he buried his face against her.

Meliana felt his breath bouncing off her skin through her shirt. It was too bad, way too bad, that they were only friends. Maybe not even that any more. Though he had said it was nothing she had done. Could he end their friendship one-sided for something she hadn't done? It didn’t sound fair.

Neither was resting against her for such a long time. She relished on the grip of his hands around her too much. Her hands were also running freely over his shoulders and through his hair. So soft. Her fingers played with the strands, trying to ignore his weight against her. One of his horns was trying to push a groove into her collarbone. The gentle scent of horn balm reached all the way up.

Resting her head against his had been a mistake. Maybe the horns were more sensitive than he let on. Arishok pushed back, holding her at arms' length if agreeably around the waist.

“This is not right.”

“I, what?” Meliana recalled her hands from their wanderings, resting them on his arms.

“The needs of the body are natural and should be handled, but this.” He broke off.

“I am not sure I follow.” She felt his fingers dig into her sides. Maybe she should mind more.

“My desire is not just to be satisfied as it should be,” he answered slowly. “I want it to be satisfied with you.”

Well, that was one very open way to put sex on the table. Meliana took a deep breath. “I do not know how that falls into the realm of not natural. And really, I don't mind. I mean, bring it on? I'd,” she faltered, “like,” his eyes were about to much to bear, “that.”

“It is not right,” Arishok repeated. “You are not Tamassran. It is not right.”

That seemed to be a real problem for him. But then he was a Qunari and his life was the Qun. For the Qun, under the Qun, by the Qun. And the Qun had no place for her. Meliana pressed her lips together tightly, taking his face between her hands again.

“Look. Listen.” She took another deep breath. “It is alright. I understand. It is totally fine by me. I would love to sleep with you. That does not have to be a worry for you. I love you. You may interpret that however you chose. And now I will leave. Battle your demons and know that no matter what the end is, I will be here. For you. Regardless.”

She dropped a kiss between his horns and disentangled herself from his grip. It was hard to climb from the table and walk away. Oh so hard. She could still feel where his horn ad pressed against her collarbone. They were surprisingly warm those horns, making the uneven surface feel almost smooth.

Meliana pulled her thoughts from the subject which was even harder than removing herself physically. The next room wasn't far enough. She could still feel his presence like a subtle shock wave. The other end of the compound didn't do, the other side of Kirkwall didn't do. And hell would she not visit her friends right now.

In the end she found herself wandering the Wounded Coast. The salty wind was pulling at her hair and robe, sending an undeniable reaffirmation of her physical existence. Something she could have done without. Because her body was very sure of what it wanted. Meliana sighed. How had that even happened to her?

Well, something had certainly started when she had gotten involved with Javaris. Not that it had seemed like it back then. It had been just another job gone wrong. And hadn't she been glad to get out of that Compound with all her limbs attached? Lipping off the Arishok had been born out of the frustration with Javaris. She was lucky Arishok had taken it so well.

It had been a long way since then. Meliana stared at the ocean, watching the waves rise, fall, crest, and break. The tide rises, the tide falls, but the ocean stays the same. Maybe that was applicable to more than just the sea. It was a good centre for thoughts to circle around. And the light on the water was mesmerizing. Bright gold, dark copper, almost blue.

Fuck the bloody fucking concept of love. Arishok had been right. It was too much to put on one person. Too much for the other to measure up to. And in case you found somebody who did, what did you do when you lost them? How could you handle losing everything at the same time. How would she handle it? Fenris had been right. Curse him, but he had called it right from the beginning. She felt like a fool.

“You did not return.” The hands of Arishok descended gently onto her shoulders.

Meliana leant into the grip and closed her eyes. “I am sorry. I meant to.” She sighed. “I just wanted some space and solitude to think and give you some space to think. And then it was dark and I wondered if it wasn't safer if I just stayed here. I hate killing people.”

“Did you come to any new decisions?” His words ran over her like a waterfall.

“No, no decisions. I made those already. I was just trying to untangle the whys and hows.” Meliana sighed deeply. “I didn't expect this to end in love.”

“Love.”

“Yes, that impossible construct, piling all expectations and duties onto one person.” She let her head drop to her chest. “You measure up perfectly. It can't end well.”

“No.”

“I know.”

“But you can have an enviable memory and yet know about regret.” Arishok turned her around. The twilight plunged his face into an abstraction of dark lines and deep shadows. “What do you know about regret?”

Meliana smiled. Her right hand rose to Arishok's cheek of its own volition. “The regret is mine. It doesn't matter what happens. I will regret things that never happened, things that could never last, being such an enormous idiot. But I won't ever regret going through with Viscount Dumar's stupid plan. I am happy now.”

“And you will be sad later.” His eyes were searching her face.

“Yes, I will be. Nothing can change that. So I will at least be happy now.” Meliana dropped her hand back to her side again. “And I want you to be happy, too. As happy as Qunari get. I don't want you to fear that I will expect you to change your mind. On anything. We're good.”

“But are we?”

“Yes we are.” She took his hands from her shoulders and held them between her between them. “The concept of love means nothing to you. But to me it means that I will not be a burden. I will not expect you to give what you cannot, be who you cannot. And I will not let that change anything.”

“Can you really do that?” His voice was doubtful.

“Just watch me.” Meliana forced a grin and let go of his hands.

“I am.” Arishok's head hovered closer to hers.”I am watching you. Very, very closely.”

“You don't have to.” She rolled her shoulders and turned towards the road. “Let's go home. I don't think anybody will attack us together.”

“I agree.”

He walked so close to her that Meliana could feel his body heat. As far as pain went, this was agreeable. She blinked a few times. When the hurt ebbed off, she amped it up, reaching out for his hand and was not denied.

The way back home was expectedly uneventful. Even the most foolhardy would think twice about attacking an oversized Qunari warrior in case they did not realise he was the Arishok. And her face was known, especially in combination with the staff prominent on her back.

They did not speak. Now and then she turned her head, glanced up at him. It was a temporary alliance. It had always been. Breaking it off at the end of their journey would be hard enough. It was better not to add more sorrow to that. And what did her love mean compared to the Qun?

Only a few torches were still lit in the Compound. But there was nobody around to see her holding on to Arishok's hand as they made their way to their rooms. That probably fell into the category of comfort anyway. Meliana smiled. There was still that. Whatever end his demons had come to, he was still a friend.

She let go of him as if it was nothing. There was even a smile that was genuine if a little sad. They were still a team. Still on the same side of this fight. And he would still be leaving when it was all over. Who was she trying to hurt?

Herself, that much was sure. She closed the door behind them, taking a deep breath. This was not the time to lose control. No matter how appealing his moving backside was. There was too much to lose still.

He stopped halfway through the room.

Meliana wasn't sure what to do, so she kept walking but when she decided it was probably not what had been called for and tried to veer off, her suddenly grabbed her around the waist. She let out a surprised yelp, watching the room fly around her. Then she was sat down where she used to distract him from his work.

Arishok sat before her, looking up with no words to share.

She ran her hands through his hair. Something made much easier when he leant forwards, face buried against her chest, arms tight and stark around her. Back where they had started not long ago. Meliana laid her head down on his horns. Physical comfort was still part of their equation. It was good to know even if it hurt.

“How do you resist?” His voice seeped through her clothes, flowing over her skin unfairly hot.

“Barely.” She sighed, tightening her hold on him lest her hands go on a rampage.

“Or not at all.” He sounded beat.

Meliana chuckled, her skin feeling the outlines of his face pressing against her too keenly. “I would never do that, kadan.” It might have been the wrong choice of word but for her it created more distance than his name and that was dearly necessary. “Never without your permission.”

His hands moved down to her butt slowly, cradling it. “Permission given.”

Oh this was not fair. Meliana inhaled the faint scent of horn balm and hair. She shivered in his hold, breath catching in her throat. “Right back at you.”

 

* * *

 

 

There was no immediate reaction. Meliana wondered what to do with the long desired licence in her hands. Hands that suddenly hovered, uncertain, clinging to their habitual habitats. She had thought an inappropriate amount of time about fucking Arishok bloody senseless. And now all she could do was hold on to him, trembling under his breath on her skin.

Breath that was hot, uneven and moving to the side slowly. Meliana clasped her knees against his ribs when tentative lips explored the possibilities offered through the cloth of her robe. And, finding them adequate, settled on her breast, circling the soft tissue towards its hardening centre.

Her hands ran up his back, catching in the pauldrons and making short work of them. The noise of them hitting the floor was drowned by her own as her robes proved incapable of averting teeth. Meliana pressed tightly against him. She cupped the back of his head with her hands, and gasped at the pulse that flared out from her stomach. It's intensity stunned the breath in her chest for a moment until it finally left her lips in a mangled moan.

Arishok's hands wandered down her legs almost unnoticed. Still, on their way up his palms blazed a trail across her skin, harmless compared with the wildfire he stirred on her chest. But it successfully removed her robes inch by inch. Meliana gave in to the inevitable rise, Arishok's hands moving over the curve of her butt slowly, more slowly than removing her robes ever demanded.

Meliana started kissing her way towards his mouth from his temple, the basis of his horns hard under her lips. His protruding cheekbone warranted its very own interlude, and her tongue roamed into the shallow of his cheeks. Then his lips were back against hers and Meliana leant into the kiss.

The feeling of Arishok's mouth yielding against hers was beyond delicious. She bent forward, pressing her lips against his, with another moan escaping between them. Meliana could feel the roving of his tongue down into her toes, though other parts of her felt it much stronger.

Arishok's tangy taste had gained an edge. There was something distinctly foreign about it. Almost familiar by now but distinctly strange. She sucked it up feeling her skin tingling under his hands that had slowed down again, thumbs circling her nipples while he held her. 

She tugged impatiently at her robe, pulling it up between them. Removed from her lips, Arishok took shameless advantage of her exposed position to provide her breasts with impeccable if unbearable care. Meliana readily ripped off her bra herself, leaning into the restless caress.

His lips left a trail of hot bruises up her throat as his hands slowly moved over her thighs. Breathless, she followed his lead, lifting herself just high enough to drop a kiss between his horns before he sat her down again, the wood cool and rough against her bare skin.

A cool she did not feel for long. Her legs folded under his guiding hands while her belly button tingled with tip of his tongue running around it. She reached for his face, thumbs caressing his forehead. It was not enough. Meliana reached out, rifling through his hair, her stomach quivering against the soft lips pressing hard against it.

Arishok's mouth and hands stated to converge, his fingers running up the inside of her thighs, pushing them apart again gently but irresistibly. The arrival of his mouth between her legs was no less exquisite because she felt it coming however slowly. Meliana gasped, her breath speared by the desire shooting up through her. It had nothing in common with Arishok's gentle exploration, tender lips pressed against her, pliant tongue moving along her most tender part, repeatedly coming to a point at her point.

Meliana grasped for a hold, nails scraping over the gold on his ears and the small of his horns. Shortly, she clutched the back of his head, a doubtful improvement that only intensified the path his breath cut across her moist skin. She raked her fingers down the sides of his head.

Arishok returned her ferocious approach, making her fingers tremble. She fumbled for something to hold on to but whenever a tingle was about to relent his tongue was back, caressing new suspense into her.

Finally she just doubled over against him, her hands settling to clutch his horns . Though she was unable to close her fingers around them for a better grip, she didn't want to let go of them the only steady hold in her quivering universe. Meliana would have squirmed away had he not held her firmly, not sure if she was able to endure this amount of attention much longer.

But his hands clamped around her hips, pulling her down over his searching tongue and trapping her between his sucking and growls. Meliana yielded to the derailing teasing between her legs. With each lap of the tongue, each unforeseen stub into her, she could feel her self-control waning fast.

Meliana held on to his horns, willing herself to hold up against his supple assault. His hands were moving on her legs again, their prolonged absence barely noted. But desire welled up in overpowering waves, drowning any coherent thought beyond getting satisfaction. Meliana pulled at his horns. The gusts of sensation, buffeted her around in his hold, giving Arishok free reign over her body. She wanted more.

More than the teasing tongue over her nub, more than the hands holding on to her hips, more than the promise of future fulfilment. Teeth grazed her gently, followed by his soothing tongue that elicited a deeper moan still. Her knuckles shone pale with tension and Meliana folded.

Arishok caught her, his tongue leaving a last lingering mark as he pulled her towards him, lowering her gently

“Not fair,” she gasped.

“How so?” Hanging suspended just over him was not an improvement. Meliana squirmed to no avail. “Didn't get to do anything to you.”

Arishok leant forward again, catching her last words between his teeth.

Meliana wrapped her arms around him tightly, torn between the ardent kiss the and pointed pressure between her legs.

“Next time,” he growled when he finally broke off again, eyes intent on her face, hands tightening on her butt.

It was impossible to resist the iron glance. Her hands wandered back over his face, along his horns, down his back. “Next time.” It was little more than the last of her breath escaping.

And Maker's breath how there better be a next time. Slipping down over him, aided by gravity and impeccable preparations was almost more than she could take. Who ever had created Arishok, had built him to scale. Meliana buried her moan against his neck, clutching at him with hands and teeth.

Pleasure and pain shot trough her irreversibly intertwined. There was too much of him, too little of her and yet it was not enough. Her fingers scraped over his back, skin hard as metal and unyielding, offering as much hold as the ground dangling a foot away from her feet.

Still her body arched up against him and Arishok delivered. Pressing into her slowly but persistently, his pace just off enough to keep her thrown. Her trembling muscles expecting just a tad too little just a split heartbeat too late. She received more than bargained for. Every time her hands clenched fruitlessly on his arms and shoulders, scratching at invulnerable skin.

The vitaar tingled under her fingers, awakening memories of stinging pain and light-headed elation. Her mouth was faring better than her hands. Scraping her teeth across Arishok's shoulders it was probably not the right moment to wonder if licking it off a Qunari was poisonous if possible. It tasted of red metal and slow thrusts barely free of strain.

Pushing herself against him, Meliana beat her shattered cries against his shoulder winding her arms around his back for a fraction of impact on her rise and fall. It was not enough, never enough with each push into her, over him, dropping herself far into his lap until her whole body screamed for release.

The tug of his hands moved up from her waist, leaving her entrenched deeper than before, highlighting the impact of her descents against hardened nipples. Meliana let go, causing a crash of their own making not heeding the impact until his hands tightened around her so suddenly that she didn't care if she left a bite mark in a visible spot.

She was rising and falling like the tide demanding more with each surge while his breath broke in staccato waves on her skin. Arishok complied, increasing the pace, each thrust battering hard against the dam shoring up her climax. The breathless indentures piled up, sending crackles through her body, breaking the moans before they left her mouth. Meliana arched into his movement.

She couldn't keep her breath from carrying distressed sounds raging with desire as her body caught in the tremors of his rhythm. Meliana buckled, furiously sinking down over him, shaking helplessly with his thrusts in her elation until satisfaction fell back into her from all directions.

It overwhelmed her, shuddering body still pressed up tightly against Arishok's movements, lasting forever. Lights danced before her eyes, opened or closed as release and satisfaction poured from her every pore. The intensity was blinding, suffocating, delivering and utterly exhausting. It drained her of all breath. Meliana gulped down air with her eyes closed.

Arishok was still buried in her deeply, body and scent, moving on unshattered by her quivering dissolution. Floating serenity already started to set in when his hands clamped around her once more. Meliana held on tightly, riding his climax with her face pressed against him, feeling all of his muscles work intimately. His breath trickled down her face hot and saturated.

Finally Meliana felt his muscles relax, his breath even out. She closed her eyes against his skin, satisfied and sleepily content. Her hands wandered over his back, still amazed of the sheer amount of muscle at her disposal. The groove running down his spine was irresistible.

After some entangled time he moved. Meliana held on, not sure if any of her muscles were still working enough to move any her sensibly. That turned out to be unnecessary. The world floated by and then she looked up at Arishok's face, the mattress soft against her back. Meliana smiled and pulled.

She did not know if using the Arishok of the Qunari people as a blanket was acceptable. Since he acquiesced with a grunt, it probably was. She burrowed her face into his skin, ready to fall asleep to his levelling breath.


	28. Back To Business, Better with Two

Waking up was different this time. Being smushed into the mattress might have been the reason for that. It took effort not to disrupt the peace by chuckling. Whatever else, she was still way too small to work as wedge for Arishok. Not that he didn't try anyway. Not that she disapproved.

His breathing was not regular enough for him to be still asleep. Hers wasn't either and still neither of them was inclined to move. Meliana smiled to herself, warm and safe, a double pulse humming through her. She stretched a lazy arm towards the edge of the bed just to have it reclaimed, tugged back against her with Arishok's covering it.

Meliana snuggled up against his chest. What did it matter if this was acceptable comfort or problematic wife territory? Even if she had seen the last of problematic wife territory. Which hopefully she had not. Tingles of memory ran through her body.

She turned to her back, raising her hands to Arishok's face. He looked unchanged, stark lines, creases and shadows. Her fingers moved over his skin. Such eyes. Such lips. Her smile widened and she pressed a kiss on his forehead.

Arishok cupped her face in one hand, looking down thoughtful. “Are you instigating another intercourse?”

Meliana laughed, the ripples caressing her skin against his. “No, I am not. I just.” She pressed her cheek into his palm. “I want to remember every little thing about you. Everything.” The balls of her hands fit into the hollows of his cheeks too perfectly. “You would notice if I was trying to instigate anything. It would be more like this.” She turned her head, capturing his thumb with her mouth and sucking slowly.

For a while he just watched, lips curled up in a smile. It was almost too distracting to keep up the teasing. Then he pluck his thumb from between her lips, placing a kiss on them instead. A kiss that turned out longer and more elaborate than intended.

“Interesting,” he said propping himself up.

Meliana laid back with a dreamy sigh. It was not the word she would have chosen, but then just kissing to be kissing was nothing new to her. Still it was time to get up and Arishok took the lead on that. For a while, she just watched, remembering the feeling of those muscles against her.

“No! Allow me!” She jumped up, stumbling across the bed and almost falling out of it on his side. She held out her hands.

After a resigned shake of his head. Arishok gave Meliana the horn balm. It was fun. The oddly familiar scent was now back in its original context that would forever be secondary to her. The rough surface of his horns almost came to life under her hands as a dark sheen settled over them. Meliana clasped the golden bracelets around them, humming to herself.

When she was done, Arishok turned around, regarding her for another moment. “You still are very strange, kadan.”

“And you are amazing and perfect.” She grinned and managed not to kiss him again. “Kadan.”

She jumped off the bed, ready to start her own day, fuck that, every day for the rest of her life. She'd talk to Orsino about becoming Viscount and bloody well show the whole world that mages could be an asset instead of a threat.

And then she would help Merrill get her magic mirror back working, solve the Anders/Justice problem and just, whatever. Have a nice long drink with Varric in the Hanged Man. Life was good. “I am happy,” she said to the door through which Arishok had left. “I know it won't last but I am happy now.”

Of course it didn't last. Three steps into Kirkwall and anybody's best intentions were fair game.

"Seneschal Cavin wants to see you." The messenger had obviously been waiting for her to emerge. Well, she couldn't help him there. Nobody was prevented from knocking at the Compound's gate.

"I won't let him wait." Meliana smiled.

The Seneschal didn't ask why she was later than expected, though. For a moment Meliana considered telling him, but what good would that do? He'd never like her anyway. It was uncertain if he was happy to see her alive after all the speculation.

"Serah Hawke, I see you are better."

The way his eyes lingered on her lips did not escape her. Well, oops. She had all but forgotten about that. "Thank you Seneschal. I am happy to see you are keeping the city running."

"The transition period is longer than it should be. Somebody has to keep the peace."

"And you are doing a great job."

"It would be easier of some people were less confrontational."

"I am sure it would. And I apologise for being too ill to be of any help recently."

"A situation the Arishok has definitely used to his advantage." So that was the direction his accusation was going.

Meliana shrugged. "We may be married but his agenda is only partly mine. And it was a," she hesitated, "uncalled for move to forbid the Qunari from accepting converts. For all the years they have been here, they have not been actively converting."

Bran made a face. It was a point that people preferred to ignore. It was enough of an offence that anybody converted at all. People actively running to a harsh philosophy rather than submitting to Kirkwall's own flavour of misery was unacceptable.

“Has he killed Arl Valeron yet? My husband, I mean.” Meliana smiled sweetly as she changed the topic.

“The Arl is alive and well,” Bran replied. It was hard to say if that pleased him or not. Maybe having something against Arishok would have been worth sacrificing a noble for him.

“But this is not why I called you here.”

“I cannot reign in my formidable spouse,” Meliana said. “We will cooperate for the shared cause of removing his people from this place as soon as possible. Everything else is beholden to our own agendas.”

“I assume that yours will keep the Arishok from causing damage to this city?” Cavin wanted to know.

“It does. This is my home, Seneschal and I will keep it safe by whatever means necessary. My current,” she hesitated, “predicament should make that clear. I also heard there is great progress in that matter.”

“It will be happy day for Kirkwall when the Qunari leave.” He shook his head.

“It will indeed.” Meliana kept her smile. “And I will not give up hope that Kirkwall will by then have a Viscount to see them off properly.”

“About that.” Cavin sighed. “During your absence from social life, Teyrna Landrau and Baron Loress have been going for each others' throats successfully. Soon neither of them will have enough of a reputation left to qualify for the position.”

Now that was certainly bad news for the staunch nobility supporter. It basically left her and Meredith as his competition. Well, at least she was former nobility and descendent from a possible Viscount. This might actually be useful. “Are you certain that neither the Knight-Commander nor the First Enchanter have helped any?”

“It is possible.” Cavin drummed his fingers on the desk. “There is no proof, of course.”

Of course. Both would be very careful. “And you hoped that my return would balance the situation again. But it didn't.”

“No, it did not,” he conceded.

“I will make amends as well as I can,” she promised. “If you will not take the position, I will see the least scheming bastard in that place.” Which was her, actually. Come to think of it. Oh well.

He didn't take the bait. “Have you thought about withdrawing?”

“Maker's breath, no! This place is a hellhole for the majority of its citizens. Something has to be done. With my ideas and your knowledge of law and procedure we could achieve something.”

“So you would not bring your won advisers?” The idea that she'd keep him seemed to have have occurred to him.

“You mean my friends?” Meliana almost laughed. “I am sure they will advise me lots. And I am also sure that a lot of their advice comes from heartfelt and earnest desire to improve Kirkwall. But I don't believe that motions like 'destroy all Circles' or 'allow blood magic' are feasible.”

“What about the Qun?”

“The Qun is out there already, available for anybody who needs it.” She sighed. “It doesn't need me. Somewhat working political relations with the Qunari might be something to think about though.”

Cavin didn't reply for a long moment. “Your views are regrettably sensible.”

“I apologise.” Her grin probably made that apology questionable. “Is there anything else you wanted to discuss apart from my absence causing things to go haywire and then asking me to withdraw?”

“To see if you were indeed still alive and yourself.” He grimaced. “Both of which you are.”

He didn't have to add unfortunately. “I thank you or your concern, Senschal. Despite popular rumour, the Qunari Compound is a safe place of peace and order. I am more likely to die in out streets than there.”

“A subject for the new Viscount to address.” Cavin escorted her to the door. “Let me know if you change your mind.”

“I will, Seneschal.” She indicated a bow.

It was tempting to go and force a decision and eliminate on of her competitors. Or maybe even both and then support that only nobles should be able to hod the position. The whole process would start again and maybe, just maybe somebody would remember her father again.

Once again Meliana wished her mother was still alive. Leandra would have known how to make this work and play their name for more than it was worth. Meliana wished she had paid more attention. Back then, it had seemed so frilly and useless.

And look at her now, more deeply entrenched in Kirkwall politics than her mother had ever hoped to be. It was said to be horrible not being able to live up to your parents' dreams. Surpassing them with none of them to watch didn't feel any better. Maybe becoming Viscount wasn't the best of all ideas.

Arishok disagreed, but he was definitely biased. Meliana had to smile. And what a fine bias that was to have. Too bad that the way that got him there was no applicable to the rest of Kirkwall's nobles. She needed to come up with a plan. And soon. And not tell anybody about it because nobody ever liked her plans.

“If you can push both of them out of the competition, why don't you?” Merrill was checking on her blood. It was a routine precaution. The liquid had contained lyrium and that was know to do as it pleased.

“If I do it,” Meliana replied, “I will be kicked out next for acting up against my betters. How does it look?”

“Normal.” Merrill lowered her staff. “How do you feel?”

“Not ready.” Meliana sighed. “But when did I ever let that stop me?”

“That's right. So what is your plan?” Merrill made notes in her journal. If anything happened, she would see it coming. Or that was the hope.

“I don't have one.”

“Oh, good.”

“Merrill.” Meliana gave up.

“It's alright. You always think of something.”

“I was thinking of asking Fenris. He has seen more political crap go down than all of us combined.” Meliana sighed. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Merrill sat down next to her.

“You're still there for me. Despite what I did to Isabela.”

“You killed her,” Merrill said it without hesitation. “We had a very nice funeral. The wind was a little strong but I didn't get sick and the ashes scattered nicely. You were not invited.”

“I noticed.” Meliana suppressed her laughter. “It is very improper to invite a person’s killer to their funeral.

“Anders wanted to, " Merrill mused. “He likes you. He doesn't want to but he does.”

“I know.” That didn't help either of them. Anders was torn enough already. “I guess I will have to talk to him more.”

“What will you do when you are Viscount?” Merrill wanted to know, undeniably excited about the prospect.

“Bang my head against a wall until it is over.” Meliana shook her head. “I don't even know. I will have Bran Cavin to help me with the procedure but how can I make Kirkwall better for everybody when not everybody wants it to change?”

“But everybody can see how poorly the elves are treated,” Merrill objected. “And the mages.”

And elven mages. How did you explain intentional racism for personal profit? Apart from exactly like that. And if those people held the power, how did you change things without finding the tip of a daggers suddenly sticking out your chest?

“Not everybody cares, Merrill.” Even with Aveline it was an uphill struggle to get her city guard keeping an eye out in the alienage and not only for elven criminals but crimes committed against elves.

Everything was an uphill struggle. Looking back, it always had. Did it ever stop? Meliana felt ready to take a break. On the other hand she had only just arrived in a position to actively do something. So she did, as well as she could, doing her social rounds and trying to oust Teyrna Landrau and Baron Loress. It was difficult because she wanted to look as if she was trying to help them.

And who would help her? Orsino. And she was grateful He was a master at subversive compliance. It was just so exhausting.

She fell back onto the mattress, arms wide head half drooping down Arishok's horn-groove. This day be fucked. Bloody vashedan. Things could have gone better. Why did people always have to be people? Sometimes converting everybody to the Qun did have appeal.

Closing her eyes, Meliana rolled her shoulders. Everything was a mess. Bran was keeping the competition up mostly because the office of Viscount had never held so much power. He was stocking up, while running it with such understatement that he appeared a mere clerk. She would have to push him out of that somehow. And make sure somebody was left to stand against Meredith. On her own she was even more doomed than Orsino.

Meliana wondered if making space in bed for Arishok was too much trouble when his approaching steps faltered. A few moments later her musings were quenched as he took the last night as precedent and lay down on top of her in lieu of a blanket. She cradled his shoulders, enjoying the flow of his breath down the side of her face.

"The first of them broke." He didn't have to say anything else.

"I am happy for you." Her hand moved upwards, stroking the nape of his neck.

"Your obsession with happiness will be your downfall."

Meliana took a deep breath, feeling his weight against her. "So be it." There wasn't much she could say. He was right and they both knew it.


	29. This Is How The World Ends

As it turned out, one of the Tal-Vashoth breaking didn't mean they rained the information needed on them left and right. Tallis was in and out of the Compound and Meliana felt as left out of Qunari politics as she had always.

But then Arishok was not participating in her relentless social attacks on the city either. He would come along to the next official meeting. That was it. It was not as if he had much to win from this. And what did she have to gain from his endeavors? Nothing. That was the bottom line. She could only lose.

But it wasn't all bad. Arishok had put down having sex firmly as things that fell under their pact and were therefore perfectly fine. Meliana would not complain. A mostly arbitrary study showed that vitaar did not come off no matter how much you licked, sucked, and chewed on it. Still, further study was always recommended.

She lent against his shoulder watching his quill leaving unreadable marks on the parchment. Maybe she should have made more of an effort to learn Qunlat, not only in speaking but also in writing.

“Can I accompany you when you go after the Tome of Koslun?”

He stopped writing and put down the quill. “What makes you think you will not?”

“I am not involved at all with the follow-up of taking that Tal-Vashoth stronghold.” She shrugged.

“I believe that your time is better spent on your campaign to become Viscount. Kirkwall needs you.”

“I know, I know.” She slipped her arm around him. Just when it seemed that miracles were not too much to ask. But there were no miracles. There was only life and the path you took. “And I know you don't need me to help.”

“So far your help has been indispensable.” He picked up his quill again. “I do not see how this should change now.”

Meliana closed her eyes, listening to the scraping on the parchment.

“An unshackled and foolhardy mage is an asset nobody should underestimate.” His free arm came to rest around her. “You are unpredictable.”

“Suits your high-risk strategies, does it not?”

“Compared to your,” Arishok hesitated, “strategies, I am an ultraconservative blimp.”

Meliana snorted. She would have to meet with Varric later. She had come up with a plan that involved Cyril de Montfort. The young man was very accommodating. The prospect of spending some quality time with his favourite author might have something to do with that.

To summaries the future contacts Kirkwall could rely on with her as Viscount would be the Qunari, Orlais and the Grey Wardens. She needed a foot in Ferelden. Fenris could help her understanding Tevinter.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a messenger. Apparently the last piece of the puzzle had been extracted from the prisoners, or what was left of them.

“Do you wish to come?” Arishok rose like a pillar of solid smoke.

Of course she did. Meliana was ready to follow him into the nearest dragon lair. The view was great. She scrambled off the bench. “I'd like that, yes.”

The smell of burnt hair, skin, and flesh hung in the air, mixing with waste and old blood. Meliana was tempted to hold her breath. But inhaling a gulp of this mess with a desperate gasp didn't sound like a good idea either. Nobody else seemed to mind or even notice.

Ashaad stood over, well it was probably a Tal-Vashoth. She wished suddenly and urgently not to have come. Her husband was a merciless torturer or at least condoned mercerises torture. Maybe she could have gotten results easier. If ripping into somebody's mind instead of body was more merciful. Meliana didn't know. Bodies healed more easily.

“Will he re-convert?” Arishok's voice echoed through the small room.”

“He refuses,” Ashaad replied. There was unmistakable sadness in his tone. “He insists he'd rather die.”

Meliana crouched down beside the rags of a person. Bloodshot eyes tried to focus on her. Tal-Vashoth were strong, as strong as Qunari and though there were marks scattered on his body, his diluted gaze was telling the scarier story. Our minds are not as strong as we'd like to believe.

How frightening, to live at the mercy of people who did not understand the concept of something being worse than death. She tilted her head, listening to Arishok and Ashaad talking with one ear.

“Has he anything left to confess?”

“Nothing, Arishok.” Ashaad followed up with a list of details and counter-checks.

“Do you have anything left to say?” Meliana asked the prisoner softly.

His eyes focussed, trying to comprehend what they were seeing. “May the Maker forsake you and those you care for.” He shivered and tried to look at the Qunari towering at her side. “May he curse all of you with insignificance and death.” With effort he raised himself up enough to spit at her.

Meliana wiped her face, ignoring the foul smell of the blood mixed spittle. “Arishok?” She touched his calf and caught his downward glance. “Have mercy.”

“Death is not mercy,” Arishok answered. “It ends all possibility.”'

“Bas saarebas,” she replied. It was just a whisper.

He stared down at her for a long time. Then Arishok nodded. “If you have to.”

“Thank you.” Meliana glanced at Ashaad. After a moment, he also nodded.

“Maker embrace you.” She put her palm against the Tal-Vashoth's face. A minute later it was over.

“Will you want to do that to all the others who refuse to convert as well?” Ashaad wanted to know.

Meliana swallowed. How many prisoners were there? She could barely remember being in their fortress, much less how many had lived there. “If I may.”

“We will make sure they are ready for you,” Ashaad said looking at Arishok instead of her. “Tallis has already begun to move agents into the are to seal it off. If they move the relic to Ferelden we may lose it.”

“No, we won't.” Meliana couldn't take her eyes off the dead body.

“Because you are from Ferelden?” Ashaad asked.

“Among other things.” With an effort she got up. There was a list of sleeper agents hidden away in the Hawke Estate. In case of need, it would do nicely. She turned towards her husband. “How many?”

“Twenty-seven.”

Meliana nodded. “I am sorry I made you understand.”

“It is my duty to understand those who oppose us,” Arishok replied. “It will help us conquer when the time has come.”

She forced a smile. When the time has come. His certainty about a future invasion should have worried her more. But there were more interesting places to conquer than the Free Marches, easier to hold too, than this relentlessly bickering bunch of self-proclaimed princes.

“Well don't hurry back on my account.” Meliana grinned as she stood up again.

“Research implies that it may be your duty to follow me when I leave.”

Whoa there. She took his hand. “To do what? I am no good as a trophy wife. Does anybody in Par Vollen even understand what that is?”

“You will have more than enough time to explain. After all you will have nothing else to do.”

“Oh I am certain this will work out splendidly, especially after I get my lips sewn together again for being a mage.”

Arishok stopped so abruptly, that her second step pivoted her on her heels directly back against him.

Meliana looked up, touching his cheek with her free hand. “I am joking”

“I am not.”

She allowed herself to lean against his chest for a moment. “I am sorry. I did not mean to upset you.”

“The levity with which you brush off this subject and others you consider unpleasant is alarming.” He let go of her hand. “It is uncalled for and dangerous.”

“Arishok, kadan.” Meliana sighed. “Do you remember my abilities in the planning department? I think I am better of reacting to what life throws at me.”

“Everybody may be off better that way.” They stepped into the Compound's yards, the slanting rays of the sun bathing it in a coppery light.

Meliana turned to look over the sparkling ocean. A ship would be coming soon enough. And Andraste knew she was more than willing to stay with Arishok. Which did nothing to solve the problem of the Qun. This was not how this was supposed to end.

She felt Arishok stand next to her and resisted the urge to lean against him. She would lose him, like the rest of her family. Every single one of them. Was it her? Was she cursed?

And here she was, once again with the one person who was certain to leave her. That he would live didn't make it any easier. Carver lived and she missed him. It had been her job to protect him and how had that gone? Leandra had been right to berate her for taking him along to the Deep Roads.

And then she had died as well, in her arms again because she was incapable of protecting anybody she loved. Gamlen had not been wrong to be angry with her. Her own mother! And she let it happen. Maybe Arishok was off better across the sea, far from her and her inability to do any good.

“You look unhappy, kadan.” His voice broke into her thoughts, a crow bar against the darkness.

It was enough to embrace her. Meliana tried to smile. “I am thinking of my family.”

Arishok did not reply immediately. “Asit tal-eb,” he finally said. “It is not a comfort.”

It sure was not. The idea that it was right for her to be in pain was not sitting well with her. Nobody should be in pain. And losing those you loved was something nobody should have to suffer. Meliana sighed. “It is not. I miss them, Arishok. And looking back, my life seems to be nothing but a path for losing everyone I ever loved.”

“Love is not doing you any favours.”

He was right about that. He was, unfortunately, right almost always. “But it brought me her, so maybe some things are as they should be after all.” She liked being where she was, catching the last draining sunlight, standing in the heat reflected from the stone floors and walls.

Yes, the sun would sink behind the horizon and yes, the stone would fall cold and the man standing beside her would leave in his own line of duty. But dawn would come. Dawn always came to bring a new day. “Do you think of those you lost often? Do you miss them?”

Arishok turned to look down at her. “Their loss cannot be denied. But death is inevitable. As life, it can be squandered or given to a higher purpose.”

Meliana wondered how much solace that was. Not only to those who died but also to those who stayed behind. She tried to frame Bethany's death as a sacrifice to let them flee. Would she have wanted them to live? Of course. Would she have given her life for it? She would. Like Carver would have, like she herself would have and thought it nothing. No sacrifice to great for the ones you love. It did not hurt any less, though. “Then grief is inevitable and we might as well embrace it.”

“You would have gotten along well with Arvaarad.”

It took Meliana a moment to remember that there had been Arvaarad before Arvaarad. Another uneasy thought later, she realised that she had killed Arvaarad herself. Arishok's words when he learnt of his death echoed in her mind. _I thought nothing could threaten Arvaarad._ And then, boom there she had been. “I am sorry.” He had tried to kill her. “He, I, was he a friend?”

“If you ask whether I cared for him more than for others under my command,” Arishok paused. “He had a quick mind, a way with words. He was almost chosen Tamassran and stood up as Rasaan for me here.”

Words and designations tumbled through Meliana's mind reminding her that she had let her studies of Qunlat slide. Still, the mere implication that she might just have slain his former lover made Meliana want to fling herself off the ledge. She didn't, if only to untangle the relation between Tamassran and Rasaan and their respective duties later.

“Is it very difficult to fill the roles you lost when you got stranded?” She tried to pry carefully.

“We make do.” It wasn't much of an answer. His tone implied that he did not wish to discuss the subject any further. She didn't blame him.

They stood in silence watching the lights on the waves grow cold and pale. Meliana used the upcoming wind as excuse to nestle against Arishok. So he would leave. So what? A lifetime of regret could not invalidate moments like these.

“You will accompany me tomorrow?” Her arm was warm between his skin and kama.

“Of course.”

Of course. But she loved to hear his voice and if he thought her stupid for needing vocal confirmation of the obvious - he would leave, wouldn’t he? Meliana shook her head at herself.

“You should get some rest,” Arishok went on, leading her away. “You will need all your wits about you. Even though they re no match.”

“Ah, you only insult my wits so I am insulted and improve them.” Meliana sighed theatrically as she closed the door behind them.

“As well you should.” He did not even turn around.

Meliana followed him. “Work, work, work,” she said. “Duty, duty, duty. Don't you ever take a break, Arishok?”

“Duty ends with death,” he replied. “There is no rescue.”

That was not quite what she had asked. But she could see it. Still, Meliana smiled. He had given her a purpose, the taste of being part of something bigger. And it had worked. Not that she could ever submit to the Qun, but her hunger to do something that mattered, be part of something right and good. She was planning to be come the bloody Viscount of Kirkwall. Partly because it would dull the pain of losing him through the sheer amount of work that would be.

It was not the best of reasons to strive for the post. Meliana watched Arishok getting ready to sleep. Nope, nothing below being Viscount would cut it. How was she to forget about Arishok for even a moment? How could she ever end up not missing him?

A grey hand checked for her mental presence by waving before her eyes. Meliana pressed her whole face into it. Comfort, that as what she needed. It would likely not stay at that, especially when the tip of her tongue was already following the lines in Arishok's palm. But it was a good point of departure. Gauging from Arishok's reaction, he agreed.


	30. Vague Planning

Meliana could get used to waking up under a hulking Qunari. Even if his sole reason to squash her was conveniently keeping his horns in the air. There was something ultimately calming in knowing the world had to go through the Arishok of the Qunari to get to her.

Not that aforementioned didn’t readily make place for the world by getting up and going about his business; and complying to her strange desires. Kneeling behind him, Meliana finished grooming his horns, putting the golden rings around them. Nuzzling his neck was probably not part of how this was done. She jumped off the bed before he could complain.

“The meeting begins at noon. I'll be back by then. Just need to check in with Merrill.”

“Kadan.” His voice was enough to pin her on the spot and turn her sound. “Are there still after effects of your binding?”

“Well,” she hedged. “Not as such no. But we want to make sure it stays that way and nobody can accidentally bind me again and there is still some residue in my blood. Merrill's really doing a good job getting rid of it bit by bit, but it is not easy.”

Having a blood mage was so convenient when having a problem connected to blood. Meliana wondered if she should look into it some day but as yet it was queued behind force mage and for that she wanted to get through with spirit mage-ing first. There was just so much magic to learn.

“Be sure she is thorough,” Arishok just replied. “I do not wish to see you bound again.” He tilted his head in her direction slowly looking from her to the bed. “Except, maybe...”

Meliana burst out laughing. “In which case you go first.”

His face was priceless. She pivoted on her toes and removed herself from their rooms as fast as dignity allowed. The idea to tie Arishok to his own bed with the most flimsy ribbons possible and hold him there with nothing but his own self-control was just a little too tempting. She was still giggling when she arrived at Merrill's hovel.

“You are happy!” Merrill looked as if she was about to clap her hands.

“I am indeed.” Meliana held her arm out to have some blood taken. “I married a bloody huge and impossible Qunari and now I love him. And he gives me the most,” she hesitated, “interesting ideas. Do you have and idea where to get ribbons on the markets?”

Merrill studied the blood in the small vial as if she hadn’t heard. When she returned to split the blood into smaller vessels adding various substances to it, she looked up with a grin. “You'd want red, yes? Because that would look great with his hair and armour. You're going to braid his hair, yes?”

“You have absolutely no idea,” Meliana nodded. Though it was also an image she found appealing.

“There's an apparel shop close by,” Merrill went on. “I'll come along, yes?”

“I wouldn't have it any other way.” Meliana peered into the bowls. “Any changes?”

“Nothing.” Merrill sighed. “But I got some more Prophet's Laurel prepared so we can go on cleaning your blood in a day or two.”

“Do you need more?”

“In case you do what you always do, which is lose a lot of blood, yes. You really should stop that,” Merrill chided.

“Doing my best.” Meliana tried to sound contrite. It was not easy knowing that in a few days latest she would be off again to lose some more blood. Not intentionally, but what could she expect, fighting alongside Qunari?

She left Merrill to her experiments, concentrating on closing the puncture in her arm and preventing any scabbing or scarring. It was a mystery to her how the Qunari managed to make sure any new blood she generated was already tainted with the controller substance. It did make sense, though. Horrible, horrible sense.

Going shopping with Merrill was a delight. While they were at it, they decided that red would look great in everybody's hair. They purchased cakes and tea and then sat down in a quiet corner to practice some. Meliana had never braided much, preferring to have her hair in the most simple of hairstyles much to her mother's chagrin.

Merrill on the other hand had a never-ending trove of braiding patterns. Trying them out all at once, was fun, though likely not very fashionable. On her way back to the compound, Meliana caught many unbelieving glances. When she looked at herself in the mirror she had to giggle again. She looked utterly ridiculous with long ends of red trailing over her shoulders down to her waist.

She removed them carefully, brushing out her hair and tying it up in a simple ponytail again. Arishok entered just then, sending a questioning glance in her direction. Meliana replied with a smile and a shrug.

Then she watched as he got ready to make an entrance in Hightown. His armour shone and, she hopped a little closer. “The lines have been made new.” Her finger hovered over the vitaar scared to disturb it.

“They have indeed.” He spared a moment to look down at her. “It dried already.”

Meliana let her hand drop. Of course. “It looks good. You look good. Impeccable.”

“And so should you.” Another pointed glance.

She looked down at her robes. They were still clean, Merrill had not spilt anything nor had she dripped tea or cake-filling on it. But she got his meaning. “You are right. I'll need something a little more impressive. Something flashy for flashy occasions. It seems unlikely I can get you to help me chose something?”

Arishok replied with a snort that said it all.

“Thought so.” It didn't dampen her spirits the least. She got to tramp Kirkwall at the side of the most intimidating person the city knew while considering ways to braid his hair. Her smirk was scaring as many people as Arishok's stony face. And they were right to fear them. Change was approaching in their wake.

The Keep was already brimming with nobles. This time the faces were a lot more familiar to Meliana. She had seen most of them repeatedly.

That didn't mean she liked them any better, but she had a better grip on how they worked. How good that grip was would show later. They took their seats, or at least Arishok did. She was held up by people wanting to talk to her. Meliana complied.

She was aware of the close scrutiny of her person. Rumour had been running high while she had been a saarebas. Not everybody seemed convinced it was really her. A few days back among the living obviously did not count as proof.

Bran Cavin called for order. Marlowe Duamr had stood by his word and stepped down, leaving the effective running of Kirkwall to his aide. The summary of the situation was what Meliana had expected. They were here to confirm that no progress whatsoever had been made. Landrau and Loress made strong cases for themselves, while making even stronger ones against each other. The rivalry was thick enough to split the room.

Nobody had withdrawn from the competition either. It looked to be a long drawn-out process. Cavin did not seem to mind. Meliana wondered why what it was about the title that he disapproved of so much. He was factually doing the job already.

Each of the candidates was given the time for a short speech to sway the audience. If they had not been in public, Meliana would have taken Arishok's hand to reassure herself. She had convinced him. How bad could Kirkwall nobles be?

Very bad, naturally. The two nobles held flaming speeches, mostly about bringing order and prosperity, though it might involve some burning down things and slavery. Meredith brought up her one topic, denouncing blood magic everywhere. Nobody was surprised.

Meliana felt the sideways glances during the Knight-Commander's speech. She rose with a smile, hands clasped at the small of her back. It was an effort to move them to a more open position.

"I am afraid I will have to agree with the Knight-Commander on the subject on blood magic for once." Silence fell and Meliana could see Meredith stiffen. "My information from Tevinter suggests that blood magic has found its way to Kirkwall. Maybe even has been sent here on purpose.

Seneschal Cavin had to call for order. This was going quite well. “How do you know what happens in Tevinter, Serah Hawke?”

“I would not claim I know all that is going on,” Meliana replied. “But I do have contacts, not only to Tevinter as you know. This place is my home. I will keep my eyes on everything that could endanger it.”

“Could?” Meredith seethed. “Could? Look around you, Hawke! The city is already suffering in the tight grip of blood magic. How much proof will you need before you see the root of the problem and help eradicate it from the Circle.”

More like eradicate the Circle, Meliana thought. "The mages are not the aim of this," she continued. "They already are under heavy suspicion and draconian measures. Nobody gains anything from implicating them, no it is worse.”

Meredith could obviously not imagine anything worse, but since she had had her turn to speak, there was nothing she could do. Right now.

“My source claims that it is not blood magic itself, but items or instructions steeped in it, spreading their corruption under the cloak of science. That could target anybody. So I think we should be very careful and calm in handling this. It might be an attempt to unbalance out precarious situation even more and take advantage of Kirkwall's vulnerability."

“Who would that source of yours be?” Teyrna Landrau wanted to know.

“A Magister who obviously prefers to stay unnamed,” Meliana said. “The Imperium does not react well to what it perceives as passing up a perfectly fine occasion to unbalance and annex.”

"What about you? Are you above suspicion?" Baron Loress followed up.

Meliana pressed her lips together. "Have you seen how Qunari treat their mages?" She then asked. "They are making a very big exception for me and I am grateful every day. Do you believe I would want to be caught dead wielding any blood magic in their vicinity?"

Many glances flitted across her lips, the scars almost obvious but nobody wanted to believe it.

Of course there was always that one person who would. In This case it was Baron Loress. “You have to admit that your prolonged absence is suspicious, though.”

“If it will ease your mind, I am sure my healer will gladly share my treatment plan.” She smiled, all compliance. “Would you like to have it translated already? Or do you prefer to have your own, more reliable translators.”

That, of course, meant Tal-Vashoth and there was a very clear opinion on how trustworthy those were. Loress glared at her.

“If you wish I can send to my Orlesian contact. Orlais has a lot of contact with the Qunari. I am sure they can help.”

This was not received any better. But he dropped the topic. Not that his champion Arl Erlon let things drop so fast. Meliana wondered why people were like that.

“About that,” the Arl spoke up. “Have you not been to the north on their behalf? Sided with them against Orlesian nobility that is close to us as allies in any way imaginable?”

"I had to side with war or peace," Meliana corrected him. "I have chosen peace."

"Which just happens to be on the side of the Qunari?" Meredith snorted. "I am sure your 'husband' had nothing to do with any of it."

"I did not," Arishok answered before she could get a snarky reply out. "Hawke's actions are not in accordance with the Qun. I would have had her chose differently."

There was silence as the nobles tried to process that.

"It was but a minor divergence in handling the aftermath," Meliana tried to downplay the incident.

"You would have peace at the cost of offending me," Arishok stated.

"I would." She sighed. "I did."

Meliana hoped that the relevance of Arishok still attending the meeting with her and the lack of Qunari hordes ravaging the city were obvious without pointing them out. “To return to the danger at hand, how can we best find the truth of it without turning Kirkwall into coop of headless chicken?”

The question made everybody think. Maybe because Kirkwall already resembled that. Adding high-flying accusations of secret blood magic among the non-mages would cause utter chaos. Something that should not be desirable. Something that was not. A few words exchanged with Cavin and the Knight-Commander after the meeting should assure them of her support though, even if that should mean using her Qunari as police force.

It was so hard not to grin. Especially when it was clear that many of the nobles were already plotting how to use that. After all, gentle back-stabbing and tripping was expected. And if there was a conveniently placed assortment of knives and stick lying around. Well, she was hardly to blame.

“Can you tell us anything more about this?” Cavin asked, showing his capable side once more.

“Only that it appears as if it was perfectly normal science,” Meliana replied. “Depending on what it is, a tool, a recipe, a weapon even a process to track blood magic. It could be everywhere, it might even find its way into the Templars.”

“I can assure you that I will not let that happen,” Meredith announced immediately.

“Of course,” Meliana said. “I trust you to recognise blood magic, Knight-Commander. It's symptoms of paranoia and draconian measures are unmistakable.”

The only reason she would walk out of this chamber alive was that nobody else seemed to take that as an accusation of Meredith. And she was intelligent enough to know when reacting would do her more harm than go, no matter how offended she was. A worthy enemy indeed. Certainly not her only one, either. But that was for another day.


	31. Arismut 1: Self-Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut. Without plot. Without consequences on the plot. Just those two idiots banging each other senseless.

"Those cannot hold me." Arishok scrutinised the flimsy red ribbons.

"I know." Meliana grinned. "But they will, won't they?"

His lip quirked up. He was the Arishok of the Qunari people. He would never completely relinquish control.

She went ahead, tying the ribbons around his wrists. The red contrasted starkly with his grey skin. Matching their colour to his Vitaar should probably not have been a criterion for her choice. Aesthetically, it was dead centre, though. The ends of the ribbons hung from his hands.

"You are mine," Meliana grinned. "And I shall now do with you whatever I please."

He tilted his head slightly in reply.

Meliana ran her hands up his arms, following the curve of his muscles under her palms. He did not move. She smiled. The clasps of the pauldrons opened easily. She took them and put them away carefully before returning her hands to Arishok's skin. Her fingers traced the pattern of his Vitaar and scars. Always his scars.

Her teeth nibbled on the ridge of the deep scar in his right arm, its fascination never wearing off. The leather straps running across his chest and back offered another guide for her affections. The Vitaar tingled under her tongue. He smelled of leather, sweat and incense. Meliana hooked her fingers into the straps, pulling herself up against his body.

Arishok towered impossibly tall. She would reach everywhere once he was down, but now. Meliana balanced precariously on her toes, teeth grazing his nipples. A rumble rose in his chest, but he did not move. Meliana smiled, moving her searching mouth over his chest.

Her path led her around his ribs, up his spine as far as her lips would take her. She held on to his shoulders with both hands, bringing down the leather straps with them on their way down. They ran through her fingers warm and soft. Meliana put them away.

Pressing her face against his back, she reached around, running her hands freely over his chest, up his throat, along the collarbones and over the muscles of his neck. Her lips started their own voyage, coming to an unintended stop at the top of Arishok's kama.

Displeased, she bit him, dragging her teeth over the flesh towards his spine. Her hands dipped down over his belly, teasing along the inside of his kama before reaching for the red belt. She untied it slowly. She accompanied the motions of her hands with nips and kisses on his back.

Meliana folded the red cloth accurately before removing his heavy leather kama. She took a moment to admire the view. The red ribbons looked out of place. It did not matter. Her hands worked their way outwards from Arishok's navel. A place her tongue could not resist. As it moved slowly downwards, the rumbling from Arishok returned.

When she undid his trousers, Meliana let her lips follow his happy trail until it vanished in the white curls, leaving a probably frustrated moan hanging in the air above her. Nipping her way along his waist, her hands toured his firm buttocks before starting their work on his trousers for good.

She slipped her hands down his things, skirting his privates by a little less than hair's breadth. Meliana could feel the heat emanating from his crotch. With a grin she bit into one of the tempting buttcheeks. It was not a yelp because that would never happen to the Arishok of the Qunari people.

Since his boots prevented the complete removal of his trousers, Meliana was satisfied to push them down to his calves. Pretty calves. Her fingers wove patterns around them before rising again. There would be time for more of that later. When she came up before him again, there was no way he could deny how much he enjoyed all of this.

Careful not to topple him, Meliana pushed Arishok back against the bed. Unlike her, he didn't need the slightest help getting into it. She could not believe the fire running through her veins at having him so compliant. Removing his trousers and boots was a welcome break. Not that it lasted long.

Meliana crawled back over him, threading the ribbon through his fingers before tying it around the bedpost. It made it all the easier for him to take it and break it. Temptation. She ran her tongue along the lines of his palm, sucking his thumb into her mouth for special treatment.

She made the other hand following suit, making Arishok's index finger stand in for the time being. The things his fingers were capable of. She raked her teeth over it eliciting a low groan.

When she was finished, Meliana stood up, for once towering over Arishok, and looking down at her prize with satisfaction. The muscular body was displayed under her, inviting further forays into all regions.

"No blindfold?" Arishok asked.

"I would not want you to miss this." Meliana began to unrobe, very, very slowly. She felt Arishok's eyes glued to her, watching her muscles move as she uncovered her skin inch by inch. Her body let her know in no uncertain terms that it would be totally fine with just sitting down and riding him into oblivion. Glancing along the grey form under her, she realized that it might just work too.

But this was not how this was supposed to go. She moved on to her smallclothes, wriggling more than was actually necessary to get them off. With so much ground to cover, Meliana went for the obvious starting point, straddling his chest and reaching for his face. She was painfully aware of the story the hot damp spot she created on his torso was telling.

Seconds later she stopped caring. The restraint did not go as far as to keep Arishok from kissing her back. She cradled his face in her hands, leaning into the kiss and counting on her toes hooked under his body to keep her from falling. Leaving her breathless, Arishok captured her lip between his teeth, dragging them across it gently, slowly.

After breaking free, Meliana sucked another kiss from his lips before she started covering his face. Her tongue flicked inside his ear, fingers busy on his horn line, massaging the rough skin while her mouth wandered down again, leaving a trail of bite marks on his throat. Tilting his head back, she let her tongue caress his Adam's apple, dipping as low as the dent between his collarbones.

Following one of them up, Meliana rounded his shoulder, hands scouting the lines of his arm ahead. The sinew in his wrist jumped when her teeth ran over it, making a beeline for his palm. Arishok's only other reaction was turning his head towards her. Meliana felt his breath scalding across the exposed skin of her breast. In lazy revenge, Meliana moved on to his other hand, not bothering to dip to his face again.

All it would have taken was a tiny nudge, the gentlest of pressure to keep her over him. His breath traced lines between her breasts, heavy enough to bounce of her hardening nipples as she dug her teeth into his other palm. Not quite going as expected. But sweet hell on a high horse. Meliana sucked at his fingers with a vengeance.

When she felt ready for another kiss, her lips returned to his for another taste of his desire, its tangy bite not falling short of that of Arishok's teeth. Then Meliana leant forward, tracing the patterns on his horns with her fingers and lips. She knew full well how close her sex was to his face. Just the smallest of tugs to bring her down against his lips. The thought made her shudder. It would have been so easy for him, just one swift motion.

The memory of his tongue trailing up her fold made Meliana moan. She craved it so much, the pressure of his tongue circling her clit, his teeth grazing her ever so gently. Her body remembered it too vividly, her insides clenching violently.

But Arishok did not move. From the corner of her eye, Meliana saw his fingers curl into fists, but that was it. When she was ready to bite through his horns, lost in tangible memories. So lost that on her way down her right nipple was caught by his tongue, slipping over it treacherously.

She dug her fingers into his shoulders, moving on despite the flaming urge to allow him better access, longer and easier. Meliana nipped a merciless trail over his chest, taking revenge on him as she went. The heaving of his breath brought pushed Arishok's own nipple right up between her teeth and she let go only reluctantly, the tip of her tongue rolling over their hardened top to the last moment.

Arishok stifled another groan when her hip slid over his crotch, fleeting and leaving nothing but a hot trail of memory on his erection. Meliana took her time to follow. The insides of his thighs were shaking when her hand finally made their first foray over his cock. The main reason for which was bending it away from her approaching mouth, making enough space for her to lick up the dent where his legs joined with his torso.

There was only so much procrastination she could endure with his erection so close. She worked her way towards it through his curls. The sheer size of him did not intimidate her any longer. Instead it sent quivers of anticipation down her spine that concentrated painfully between her legs.

Meliana sucked his tip into her mouth hungrily. Another groan rumbled through his body as she sank her mouth over him hard, grazing his sensitive skin with her teeth as she pulled back. It was not enough. She dove down again, her tongue following the veins, slipping between his tip and skin, leaving wet marks an inch lower than her lips could reach.

Arishok's self-control was remarkable, not unexpectedly. Despite the now constant rumble, he held mostly still. There was not one sudden thrust to send her gagging. Meliana assisted her suction with deft hands, covering the lower part of his cock with squeezing fingers.

When she looked up, Meliana found his gaze lying heavily on her already. She returned it unfaltering as she buried her tongue in the groove running around his tip, observing the shudders running through him from the corners of her eyes. A grin crept onto her busy lips. In return, Arishok bared his teeth.

Leaving his soaked erection behind was hard to do. Meliana moved slowly, travelling his happy trail upwards. She was sidetracked by everything, his abs, belly button, the clean lines of vitaar and meandering scars. If Arishok expected her to start riding him into the sunset now, he was in for a teasing disappointment.

Meliana stretched out on top of him. The tips of her fingers barely reached to his palms with her face at the same height as his. But fingertips could tease just enough in such a position, the body wriggling against his, skin on skin, her nipples scraping across his chest.

Giving him another full treatment made her devilishly smug until it occurred to her that however she teased him to hell and back, she was next and there would be payback. The prospect was as tantalising as worrying. She moved her hands down between his thighs, carefully coasting just past his cock and balls as she nibbled down his abdomen. This time she followed through.

Nuzzling around the hard base of his erection, she ran her tongue up it underside all the way to its tip. There she paused for a poised heartbeat, breathing against its exposed skin. Instead of slipping her mouth over him, she took a sideways approach, feeling his girth with her tongue and teeth on her way down.

She just could not pass by the opportunity to suck down on him once more. She slid her mouth over his tip, the only part still somewhat soft against her lips. It was unyielding to her insistent sucking. She curled her tongue around it, grazing the drops of his arousal from it with her teeth.

His ensuing groan reverberated though her whole body.

Glancing up that tower of a man she could see the tension churning his muscles. The image of all that tension bottled up inside his strong body made her weak. Meliana let go of his cock, licking it goodbye as she straightened.

Arishok raised his head when she settled on his abdomen. She raised the heat between her legs from his skin slowly never breaking eye contact. While anticipation and desire fought in his glance, Meliana could easily tell which had won out for her when her slick folds touched against his erection.

Her insides quivered at the memory of his full extent filling her completely, strained but satisfied. She lowered herself slowly. And with each inch, her eyes feasted on the strain it put on Arishok, the clenched fists, the tense throat barely pressing out another growl.

Meliana didn't trust her own legs to uphold her against the desire welling through her body. She sank down fast over the last stretch, a sigh of contentment escaping her lips. The temptation to just ride herself to her beckoning climax over him was strong. But so was the power of watching his obvious pleasure and drain on his self-control of her every move. She rose once more, slowly, dragging it out to the last.

It was somewhat unfair that Arishok had not broken his flimsy hold yet. It meant there was only one other high point to force the issue. On the other hand, his fingers on her skin would have rendered any restraint impossible. Balancing her own need with his arousal kept her pace wandering. Bursts of fast, shallow thrusts granted her reprieve from the deeper aching only full immersion granted.

Not to plunge herself down took self-control Meliana wished she didn’t have. She shifted her support to one hand reaching out with the other and closing it around the base of his cock. His growl was almost constant by now, rumbling through her insides in vibrating demand.

Squeezing tightly, Meliana pushed down hard. The exquisite feeling of brimming with his hardness coaxed her into a serious of fast repeats, mingling their moans. Trying to slow herself down, Meliana pushed her hand further down, curling her fingers around his balls. Arishok exhaled an explosion, his body tensing under her. Still he held back enough not to unbalance her or her rhythm.

Meliana leant back, savouring the new and perfect angle of the penetration. Arishok's fists clenched in sync with her deft massage, the muscles along his throat strained. It was a view to make Andraste herself shed her panties. Meliana felt the fire spread between her legs, but she was not ready to give in yet. If this was a battle of wills, she would at least have him come before her.

She pushed down hard, watching his Adam's apple bop when she slid forward in his lap. Arishok growled, fists rising slightly from the mattress. Meliana thrust down again increasing her pace, shifting the angle ever so slightly now that she had him. And while she was torturing herself towards mindless desire, Arishok fared no better.

All muscles on his torso worked furiously, dancing under the vitaar covered skin. Clenching herself tightly, Meliana tore down on him relentlessly, eliciting another deep growl from his tense throat. She leant into the ride, driving on along the edge of her own capacity.

Then Arishok shuddered under her, shaking her whole world as he came. The restraint of his hips dissolved, moving her furiously in his release. Meliana held on, braving the surge of his climax. She wished he'd break his flimsy bonds now, craved the firm grip on her waist to push her down that critical fraction of fancy, move her over him just so. She moaned.

The memory of it was enough to tip her over the edge. Foregoing coordinated movement, she twisted on him in her ecstasy, rubbing her clit against his curls, wringing his cock for the last drop.

It was a see-saw of abating desire. His thrusts enticed a wave of relieved contractions that again instigated another push into her. She rode him down gasping, grasping at his chest, running her fingers through the film of sweat.

Finally, she folded over him, her movements slowing down to nothing. Meliana pressed her face against his chest, running her hands up his arms a last time to lay her fingertips into his palms.

Arishok's breath rumbled under her, heavy and irregular. She listened to it with her eyes closed. Then the ribbons were broken with the softest of rustles. Meliana let out an approving murmur when his arms closed around her. He was the Arishok of the Qunari people. He would never relinquish all control. And wasn't that the most sexy thing ever. She snuggled into his embrace.


	32. The Last Of The Golden

“So this is your idea of fun?” Varric growled when she visited the Hanged Man.

“Not really, no.” Meliana looked at the young man sitting at Varric's table, appearing somewhat starstruck. “My idea of fun includes me being around when you meet, taking meticulous notes and teasing you with it to the end of time.”

“Figures,” Varric murmured. “How did the meeting go?”

“As well as expected.” Meliana followed him to his table. “So nothing happened at all. There were fiery speeches of all contenders though. I could try impersonations if you'd like.”

“By the ancestors, don't. Your entertainment skills should be banned by law.” He gestured towards the young man watching them approach. “Serah de Monfort, I assume you know Serah Hawke.”

“Hawke!” Cyril jumped up, his chair clattering on the floor. He turned around in embarrassment, trying to right it, drawing only more attention by his suddenly interrupted greeting of Kirkwall's champion.

Meliana chuckled while his back was turned. “Cyril. I'm happy to see you again. I trust you had a safe journey?”

“I did, Hawke, Serah Hawke. Should I call you Serah in public? This is so different from Orlais.”

“I am sure it is.” And thank the Maker for that. Meliana smiled. “You can call me Hawke. I'm not one for titles.”

“They would make an annoyingly litany by now, would they not?” Varric sat down with a smirk. “I could write you a list.”

“If it makes you happy.” Meliana sat down as well. “How is your father, Cyril?”

“Somewhat out of favour with the Empress,” the young man replied. “He doesn't tell me why, though I think it has something to do with you. Otherwise he would not have let me go so easily.”

“Indeed.” She feigned surprised interest. Well, the surprise was feigned. “I wonder what he hopes you will learn.”

“He did ask me to visit you in the Qunari Compound,” Cyril admitted. “I am not sure how happy I am with the idea.”

“You are welcome nevertheless. There is little to learn there.” Meliana shrugged. “They are far from home with few resources. If it is improvisation and making end meet, you are supposed to investigate, they would be a most grateful subject.”

“It is certainly going to be interesting, Cyril said. “Regardless of what my father intends.”

“Then this is settle.” She smiled. “You better make an appointment with me first, though.”

“Why?”

“Because I am so busy in Kirkwall that I am not there a lot. And I doubt Arishok will have the patience to show you around.”

“The Arishok?” Cyril did not look happy about that idea. “Why him?”

“I assume you want a guide who speaks the common tongue?” Meliana couldn't help but chuckle. “There are not many in the Compound who do and even fewer who will do so in the presence of a stranger.”

“Oh. I see.” Cyril scratched his head.

“Don't you worry about it.” Meliana patted his shoulder. “I am sure Varric and my friends can help you out if you can't find something to occupy yourself with in Kirkwall.”

“Thank you.” He looked relieved. “I am assuming you are returning to the Compound from here?”

“I will,” she confirmed. “I just need a few words with Varric and then I am off. But I am afraid that you cannot come along just now.” She forced a smile. “I have very ugly business to attend to.”

Cyril accepted that without further questions which was a relief. Putting Tal-Vashoth out of their misery might be a noble thing somewhere. In reality it was gruesome and tearing her down. But she had promised. A promise that hadn't gone unheard. If only fewer of them would have taken her up on it.

“You are distraught,” Arishok observed when she entered their rooms afterwards.

“It is not as easy as I had thought.” Meliana dropped heavily onto the bench beside him. “Some of them yet beg. All of them are in horrible states.”

“It was your wish.”

“I know.” Just because something was right didn't mean it was nice, or felt nice or anything containing nice anywhere close by. “The Qun is too uncompromising for me.”

“So you keep saying.”

“And so you keep proving.” She leant against his arm just to be shaken of gently. He was still working.

“Did you expect something else?”

Meliana turned around, putting her arms on the table and resting her head on them. For a while she just watched his hands. “No. Strange, isn't it? I did not, do not. And still.”

“Your return to cryptic utterances serves no purpose.” He looked at her shortly.

He was wrong about that, of course. There was a clear purpose to it, though it did not work much. Meliana was not _that_ good at lying to herself. “Any news on our departure?”

“Tallis will return tomorrow. After that,” Arishok shrugged, “a day, maybe two. Does that coincide with your plans?”

“It does.” She smiled. “It will be very good for me not to be in Kirkwall for a while. So nobody can connect me to anything.”

“Being cryptic again, I see.”

“I guess I am just tired.” Meliana stretched. “Killing people who want to die is a lot more difficult than killing people who try to kill you.”

“Naturally.” Arishok stopped writing for long enough to drop a kiss on top of her head.

Meliana smiled. If she had taught Arishok anything useful, casual shows of affection would be heading that list. “Don't overdo it, you overgrown, horned workaholic.” She got up and nuzzled his neck in parting.

“When do I ever?” He might have arched into it.

“Well.” Meliana drew the word out before gently biting him. Not that overdoing was quite the right word. The past few years had stretched him thin over duties he was never trained to do. But stranded with only soldiers, how did you keep a colony up and running? A little overindulgence here and there was surely to be overlooked.

She curled up under the blanket, reviewing the day. If they had played their cards correctly, Landrau and Loress would soon wipe out each other, leaving her to compete against Meredith and Bran. The former might be a little discredited at not having seen things coming or overreacting. Meliana did not think about that in too much detail. The future was an unpleasant country approaching too fast.

Just like the next morning which sported an unexpected visit by the First Enchanter himself. It seemed that her manoeuvring had prompted him into not only actually visiting her in the Compound but actually calling her crazy to her face.

Meliana smiled. They sat under an awning in the cool morning breeze enjoying tea. At least she was enjoying it. Orsino's face gave nothing away.

“Do you really think, you will get away with that?” Orsino wanted to know.

“But I am not doing anything,” Meliana objected. “I have relayed my information. Should I have kept it a secret?”

“Do you really believe it?” He shook his head.

“I don't know what to believe.” She sipped on her tea. Cinnamon and lemon, a hint of mint. “All I know is that evil is at work in Kirkwall.”

“Nobody is denying that.”

“But nobody knows where it comes from either. Meredith keeps looking at the Circle, but we both know she is wrong. The only evil spouting there comes from relentless oppression. When death is preferable to your life, you have nothing to lose.”

Orsino made a face but did not object.

At least the Qunari did not pretend they were being nice to their mages. They did not claim to do what was best for them. The saarebas were bound for the safety for their society, nothing more, nothing less. And the Qunari did not abuse their mages sexually. Or so she thought. Meliana didn't remember much from her time under arvaarad control.

“I think,” she forced her mind to other matters, “I think that the corruptions does indeed not come from magic, but something else. Do you remember my expedition to the Deep Roads?”

Orsino nodded, sipping on his tea.

“We found an idol made out of red lyrium. Do not ask me why it was red, how it came to be thus and who forged the idol. I do not know. But it did drive Varric's brother Bartrand crazy with malice and paranoia.” Meliana took a slow breath. “Bartrand kept only a tiny sliver of it and still it overpowered him. I feel that something like this might be happening.”

“What happened to the piece?” Orsino asked.

“I had it destroyed,” Meliana replied. “It was too dangerous. When Varric touched it, he became as mistrusting as his brother had been. The effect was instantaneous. No, it had to be destroyed.”

“But the rest of the idol is still around somewhere, is it not?” The First Enchanter looked thoughtful.

“I guess so. Bartrand returned to Kirkwall believing the buyer lived here somewhere. But it may as well be that somebody else discovered the thaig were we found it and got some more, spreading the disease on their own.”

“Neither option is very appealing. But still,” Orsino chided. “You have given the nobles almost complete licence to snoop around in each other’s affairs.”

“But who would make use of that if the suspicion wasn't valid?” Meliana reassured him. Either that, or the house's ambition was greater than their brains. She saw Ashaad approach from the side and turned to him. “What is it?”

“A letter.” He handed it to her without looking.

“From Tevinter, I see,” Orsino commented when the Qunari had left again.

“Indeed.” Meliana smiled. “I do have to keep up appearances, do I not. After all I claim to have so many connections.”

“Is that why young Cyril de Montfort is in Kirkwall right now?”

“Partly. His desire to meet Varric Tethras, best-selling author, was more of an incentive of him to come than anything I could do.” She smiled wistfully. “His father obviously has his own reasons for sending him, too.”

“Did I not hear you say, not that long ago, that you were no politician, Meliana. And that you did not wish to be one either?” Orsino teased.

“Times change, First Enchanter. And right now it never seems to be for the better.” Meliana took another sip of her tea, wondering how much to tell him. “Soon I will need a great big outlet for a lot of energy. Might as well do something useful.”

He watched her for a while, then picked up his own cup to drink. “I see. If there is anything I can do to help.”

“I am sure there will be. You are our First Enchanter, the mages listen to you.”

“And the Templars listen to Knight-Commander Meredith.”

“I am working on that.” She smiled wanly.

“I will leave you to your machinations then.” He got up and bowed politely.

“You will always be welcome in my home, wherever it may be.” Meliana watched him leave. The breeze carried the scent of incense with it. Closing her eyes, she drank the last of her tea, mixing the smell and taste of home in her own enclosed universe.


	33. One More River

“Try to be careful and not to bleed to much.” Merrill was looking at her defeated.

“I promise.” Meliana wished she could take any of her companions along but this was a Qunari expedition. The only reason she was allowed to tag along was her precarious status as attachment to their Arishok.

She looked at the small group travelling with them. It did indeed look like a shopping trip. It was calming to know that almost everybody else from the Compound had slipped out quietly, unnoticed, and taken up position around their target already.

“Do me a favour and keep an eye on Anders, will you?”

“He doesn't like my magic,” Merrill sighed. “And sometimes he doesn’t like me because of it either.”

That is because sometimes he is an idiot,” Meliana replied. “But so am I and we are still friends.”

“That is true.” Merrill sighed. “I just wished I could come with you.”

“So do I.” Meliana hugged her friend. “But who knows. Despite all the careful preparations, maybe it'll just be like the other times and we storm a place where the tome isn't any longer.”

“Don't say that.” Merrill was indignant. “That would be so hard on them.” She looked at the Qunari surrounding them. “They deserve to go home.”

“And we will make it so,” Meliana promised.

“Are you ready yet?” Arishok towered behind her. Judging from Merrill's reaction he was doing so appropriately fearsome.

Meliana had to hold herself in check so she didn't just turn around and bounced her nose of his chest. Instead she turned slowly, keeping a safe distance between her skin and that of Arishok. “I am.”

“Then let us leave.” He turned away, striding back to his men. Meliana thought there was a certain bounce in his step. Not unexpected after four years of forced idleness.

“I will be back soon,” Meliana assured Merrill once more. “Just take care of yourself. Promise?”

“I promise. And I am sure I will do better than you.” Merrill huffed.

After a last embrace, Meliana hurried after he hulking husband. It had been easy enough to get a contact for an Orlesian merchant from Cyril. Something the Qunari had not considered before and making a business trip was nothing unusual. Well, maybe for the Qunari of Kirkwall. But they had kept their heads down lately so nobody really cared.

She felt dwarfed among the them. Meliana was used to be a tiny slip of nothing next to Arishok, but usually she was among humans which made up for that. Surrounding with only his warriors, the difference in size and strength was undeniable.

They travelled with two apparently empty carts for their purchases. If anybody suspected the glamour charm, they kept silent about it. As silent as the warriors penned up inside of the carts. Those were acutely aware of the magic surrounding them and none too happy.

But it worked. High risk operations that worked were nothing new to them. If their leader now decided to ass magic to his volatile mix, who were they to object? Meliana wasn't even sure the idea occurred to them.

She sat in the third carriage, accompanying the only Qunari around allowed to barter any contract. It was amazing what you got away with if everybody around you preferred to be ignorant and assume the worst.

"It reminds me somewhat of our trip to Ostwick." Meliana said, watching the landscape go by. “As we are mirroring the whole thing. Though, if you look for a divorce party, I will have to disappoint you."

"Divorce?" Arishok asked.

She wondered if he had not bothered to research that aspect of marriage. The things he considered unimportant were truly surprising sometimes. But then he had not thought to marry either. Neither had she. And yet, here they were. "The official annulment of our pact. It happens sometimes."

"Do you want that?"

"No." She shook her head, hiding her inner turmoil. Hell no. Hell and high water and the Maker's arse, did she not want that. "It might come in handy some day. Maybe we can invade Tevinter together."

"You would invade a country run by mages?" He probably mocked her.

Meliana didn't mind. "I would. Those mages have lost their conscience. I would not want to live in any place where the leaders have no conscience."

"And how long will that last for anybody in power?" Arishok was not convinced.

"I don't know. But I will go the hard way and demand that people shape up and take responsibility and do what is good for all."

"Your answer is the Qun."

"No, no it is not." Meliana wasn't sure how wise it was to argue against the Qun surrounded by Qunari, but she was going to do it anyway. "You have outsourced your conscience. It is not the same."

"So you look to build the Qunari without the Qun?" Mirth echoed in his words.

Meliana sighed. She knew it was an impossible task. It would take generations of people raised in that spirit to root it in human society. But if she didn't start now, who would? And when? “Maybe. I see how knowing your place and being free to evolve can be difficult to combine.”

“You do not understand.” Arishok sounded almost tired. “A farmer can always become a better farmer, a teacher of farmers, a leader and organiser of farmers. But how will he ever achieve this if he never comes to be a farmer first?”

“Stop. Making. The. Qun. Sound like a good idea.” Meliana bounced her forehead off his biceps.

Arishok watched her for a while. “No.”

“Thought so.” She gave up, resting against him. “Are we there yet?”

Of course they were not. Though they were heading out in the direction of Cumberland, they would somehow get mysteriously lost on the Wounded Coast, skirt around north and then into the Planasene Forest. It would take a day or two.

Meliana tried to relax. There was nothing to do for now. And being cooped up with several Qunari did indeed remind her of her honeymoon. There was less awkward conversation about magic. Arishok had adapted to that surprisingly well and dragging all his men along. Since they were all disciplined Qunari, there was no kicking or screaming.

Of the million topics going through her mind, only a few were suited for company. Meliana knew she was talking heresy more often than not. It would be better to keep Arishok's men out of that. He was a leader. He had to know how to handle it.

The warriors were visibly relieved when they entered the thick forest and Meliana removed the enchanting from the carts. It was a challenging and fun way to smuggle them out of Kirkwall even if they did not agree. Sometimes she wondered if it was wise to return any of them to Par Vollen.

One of the Qunari weaknesses was their predictability. The had their roles and stuck to them if possible. Taking that away, who knew what would happen? Looking at Arishok gave her an inkling and it did not look good for the other peoples. A force of flexible Qunari could wipe out cities. Arishok was already known for high risk strategies.

Meliana sighed and looked at the threat at her side. Even if she wanted to, she doubted she could stop him. Maybe carefully steering towards an invasion of Tevinter would work. Of course, he saw right through her.

There were few things as efficient as Qunari making camp. Meliana sat close to the fire, probably so that she would be seen and not trampled on. Instead of stars, thick foliage loomed overhead, rustling in the wind. Meliana was grateful for Arishok at her side. It was not as warm as in Kirkwall.

“It is not I who decides on the target of the invasion,” he countered her suggestions.

“But you are the Arishok.”

“I am. And as such I will plan and lead the invasion,” he explained. “The Ariqun will make the decision. I will advise in the Triumvirate, but advise on the execution only.”

If anybody had ever been happy with leaving political decisions to a priesthood, it was not Meliana. She was only a little appeased by the fact that the Qun did not claim to follow divine orders. In theory creating a society centred around the needs of its people was a great idea. In Reality...

Meliana had no idea what had happened to the bodies of nineteen Tal-Vashoth that had not bowed to the Qun. How did you dispose of bodies, beat and bled before they finally found peace in death, even if they meant nothing in your society? She shook the images from her mind.

“And how does the Ariqun know what to do?”

“How do your kings, know, you Viscount?” Arishok countered “How do you?”

Meliana had no reply. It all came down to information and ethics. How you thought things were and how you thought they should be. With the Antaam as the eyes and ears of the Qunari, she might have some influence, but the extended stay in Kirkwall could make things go either way. Avoid like the plague or prioritise its improvement. She suspected that one quickly led to the other with the Qunari.

“I see,” she said reaching the end of her musings.

“From anybody else, I would have known those words as empty,” Arishok said. “But you have proven that you can learn.”

“The Qunari don't hold the monopoly on that.” Meliana ribbed him gently.

“That remains to be seen.” Arishok ignored her jab. “Those who have shown this, usually end up following the Qun.”

Unsurprising, really. But from his perspective, those that saw reason would join up. Becoming a part of what you believed in was only natural. Not that Meliana saw that happening to herself. But then she was already an odd one out.

She watched as the Qunari settled down for he night, following several schools of how to sleep with huge horns. Slouching forward while sitting was popular though it did take some sleep-balancing skills. An alternative was trying to find something to lean against that didn't reach up to the horns.

Or sleeping on your belly with an arm substituting for a wedge pillow. It seemed completely normal that Arishok had her to stand in for that. Meliana appreciated and dozed off with his breath flowing down the side of her face, familiar and reassuring.

Why was the Qun such a superior shit lord for mages? Why would it not treat her better? What had she done to deserve this?


	34. Books, The Best Weapon In The World

The cool air of morning sobered her up. No amount of wishful thinking would make the Qun an acceptable alternative for her. Even if it was supportive of mages, following it would rob her of Arishok just a surely as letting him leave would. But she had the best of both worlds here and now.

The best of the other world drove them onward at a fast pace. Nobody complained. The urgency of the mission crackled in the air. Home beckoned. Even Meliana could taste it.

Arishok called a halt in the early evening. A deep, determined silence fell over them and he joined his men in preparing their weapons. The view of Arishok whetting his axe was enough to make the most foolhardy person reconsider an attack.

Meliana turned away with a sigh. The vitaar dancing over Arishok's muscles had very different associations for her. Humming to herself, she made a last round, reaffirming the consent to apply healing magic she had been given. No one recalled it, not even Arvaarad. It made her weak. From Qunari it was the ultimate sign of trust. They did not like magic.

In the end there was nothing left to do but watch her Qunari get ready for battle. Tallis arrived with a last update on their information. The fortress was mostly hidden, surrounded by ramparts and wooden walls. Things the gaatlok could easily destroy. Things she could easily burn.

“I am surprised he brought you along,” Tallis told her as Arishok gave out last orders. “It is a very Qunari quest.”

“Apart from getting them this far, I am also a wild card,” Meliana replied. “I might do anything.”

“Exactly.” Tallis said it as if it was an argument in her favour.

“You are not fond of my corrupting influence on him, are you?” Meliana asked.

“Perhaps.” Tallis thought for a moment. “Things are difficult in Par Vollen as they are. I will have an eye on him when we leave.”

“Do that.” Meliana smiled wistfully. “I hope Arishok doesn't need watching over on my account.”

“So do I.” Tallis face hardened. “He has more than enough on his plate already.”

“You are right about Par Vollen. They will need another way to instigate war now. I don't know how they will take his return and I wished I could help him with that, but.” Meliana shrugged. Par Vollen was forever out of her reach. “And he _is_ their Arishok.”

They set out again shortly after. As approached their target, Qunari vanished into the brush, fanning out as the doomed fortress drew near. Meliana didn't remember how many warriors they had brought. A hundred? Maybe more including saarebas and arvaarad. She did not doubt their victory.

The stronghold was well hidden and definitely not thrown together at the last moment. Low structures hid in the underbrush with most of the buildings underground. Still it could not stand against them. Gaatlok tore holes into the defences with splintering ease.

Meliana took her role as an outsider and support very seriously. She kept to healing spells, only freezing or immobilising enemies when time and mana reserves allowed it. Leaving the destruction of the defences to the saarebas and gaatlok. Waves of Tal-Vashoth poured up at them from underground as their fortress was torn apart. It was her ambition to make it out of this battle with none of her men fallen.

That was difficult since she was not allowed to touch the saarebas, though she did count them among her men. On the one hand she could understand how giving an unpredictable mage with a twitchy personality a sudden boost of tingling energy was not a good idea. On the other hand stunning and freezing spells took a lot out of her and a longer time to cast.

Meliana chugged another lyrium potion. Its energy fizzled through her body like the drug it was. She dissipated the first of it in another healing spell. Ashaad straightened, throwing himself back into the thick of the battle before him. The Qunari fought as f their lives meant nothing, which to them was probably true.

It was not true for her.

It was especially not true for the giant of a man using his sheer size as a battering ram in the melee. She was sorely tempted to pile all of her protective spells on him. But the was the Arishok of the Qunari people. He did not need her. He barely needed healing as he cut his path through the enemy lines.

As dusk deepened into night, Meliana knew she was running out of lyrium. She had a few other tricks up her sleeve, but nobody would approve of those. Not even Merrill who taught them to her because so far Meliana had done great on not losing any blood.

Meliana immobilised the last visible mage and pulled Arvaarad back from the brink of death. He in turn made sure saarebas didn't go berserk on the group of karaasad surrounding him who in turn took out the helpless mage, chopping him to pieces like meat at the butcher.

When had this carnage become so normal to her? It should not be. All this blood. Gruesome, abhorrent, wrong. Those should be words in her mind. Not 'fucking finally' when no more Tal-Vashoth came out of the fortress. She used her replenishing mana reserves to fully heal all men. As far as she could tell, none of the bodies littering the blood-soaked ground were theirs.

Little was left of the stronghold but rubble and gaping holes. Arishok positioned guards at the three holes leading underground. The fight might be far from over.

But they had some space to breathe now. She walked among the warriors, receiving acknowledging nods. They did not like magic. But neither did they like to die or have their friends die. The difference one person not following the Qun could make. But it was not a long-term project that would work.

Arishok looked down at her, scanning her whole body. “Are you ready to move on?”

Meliana peered into the darkness of the tunnel before her. “Whenever you are.”

“We will collapse the other two entrances first.” He gestured to his men and started a commotion that ended in two explosions. The other two entrances caved in, leaving nothing but heaps of earth and rubble. Still, Arishok assigned guards to each of them. After all, the shovel had been invented already.

Everybody else was working the worst kinks out of their blades and muscles. A few brushes appeared, reinforcing messed up vitaar.

When they were ready, Meliana created a small wisp light, looking at Arishok. He nodded in agreement and she sent the light into the tunnel. With some luck it would not only allow them to see enough to not fall over their own feet, but also lure any remaining enemies into a premature attack.

It was strange to follow Arishok around, watching as he disabled the most crafty traps in their path. But then he was a rogue. A huge, mountain of a rogue, but still a rogue. Something she would be off better not to forget.

Progress was slow. Each door they passed was opened, the rooms behind it searched and cleared of enemies. Surprises were not welcome. They found only a few Tal-Vashoth, though. If there were any left in force, they were either trying to escape or concentrating around the Tome of Koslun.

The latter was the case and the last stand a formidable one. But something about it bothered Meliana. The room was defensible and a likely spot for a last effort. And still. She kept looking for the obvious trap. There was absolutely nothing.

It was an accident, really. A corner lit up by the glow of a paralysing glyph. And in it shadows, huddling, moving ever so slightly as if hiding themselves and something else. And then it hit her. There was no place in the whole room to store the Tome of Koslun. They were fighting hard to disguise it and it worked.

Meliana didn't dare throwing a fireball into the corner. It would also take a little more time to cast another glyph of paralysis. Instead she sent a Winter's Grasp, gratified by the half-strangled cough it earned her. Something was going on there, and she would stop it. She downed her last lyrium potion, sending a wisp light into the corner. It was snuffed out before it was there but that in itself garnered attention.

And she was no longer alone paying attention to it. Ashaad, Ashaad and Karasaad veered off towards the figures in the dark. Meliana sent another wisp light their way. It had been the right call. The remaining Tal-Vashoth doubled their efforts, trying to protect the corner. All the more reason to have absolutely nothing move in there.

It turned out to be three mages huddled around a thick chest. Meliana tried to keep them as immobilised as possible. They were stacked with protective spells, though. Fighting through those took time. And she was all out of lyrium.

Around her the room was slowly becoming quiet. One by one the last defenders fell to the ground, followed by the mages. Arishok cut the last of them down himself, the huge split blade of his sword cutting through flesh and bone easily. He took a deep breath and gestured everybody to move back from the chest.

Meliana sent him another wisp light to replace the one slowly dimming. He beckoned her to come forward. She did so carefully.

“I would have you examine this for magic used.” She followed his eyes and nodded.

“As you wish.” Either the mages had tried to seal the chest or meant to destroy it. She almost sank down next to it with exhaustion. But this was not over and this was up to her. The saarebas did not have the finely hones magic skills necessary. Even for her it was difficult.

But this might really be it. After all the fruitless chasing, this might be it. Meliana moved her hands over the chest, looking for wards or traps that touch would trigger. She could find none. Praying her skill was enough, she put her hand on the wood. Nothing happened. Meliana exhaled. So far so good.

Running her fingers over the iron bands and across the hinges, she found traces of burnt wood, melted but cooled down metal. So they had tried to destroy it. A blessing then, that it had been fortified in advance so strongly that it had taken more time to undo their own work than they had had. But barely. She turned her head to smile up at Arishok.

He nodded. Meliana closed her eyes for a moment, then she covered the complicated lock with her palm, carefully channelling magic through it. It sprang open with a soft click. She raised the lid and there it was. The Tome of Koslun. It was a huge book, richly decorated with intricate patterns. It was scarily anticlimactic.

Meliana only half registered the grey hands reaching past her to pick it up with deft reverence. This was it. This was really it and they had done it. She stared at the chest before her with empty eyes and buckled knees.

Arvaarad was the last to leave the dim room. His heavy hand pulled her from the stupor, gently guiding her back to the surface. Meliana wondered if she had been unable to save his saarebas. Her throat was dry, making almost clicking sounds when she tried to swallow.

She went along numb. So much death and destruction. So much senseless suffering. All because somebody had thought to profit by selling the soul of a civilisation. Times like this it was difficult to see why the Qunari were in the wrong. Not all in the wrong, Meliana reminded herself. Not all.

But they weren't completely right as well. At least that wasn't her problem to solve. Home beckoned.


	35. But Soon A Golden Age Is Past

The way back home took another two days. Meliana had expected to be replaced by the tome during the nights. Fortunately, that was not the case. The book was guarded well while she slept under the cover of Arishok. His grip might have been a little tighter than usual.

Just before the little caravan left the Planasene Forest again, actual good appeared and were stacked on the carts. Half of the warriors vanished behind them while the other half would find their own way back into the city. It was all very well planned and executed. Meliana doubted she would have thought of all the details.

There was no big welcome in Kirkwall. The few Qunari who had stayed behind did not show any excitement either. Few people had seen them leave and the return of a thorn into your side where it had stuck for too long was not cause to rejoice. For once, Meliana was inclined to agree. Things were as they were. The return of the Tome of Koslun was what it was. And as such, only the beginning for them anyway.

Meliana wondered in which of the many boxes the book was stored. It might be better if she didn't know. Within ten minutes of their return, the Compound looked as it always had. It was amazing. No wonder the Qunari were seen as stoic and emotionless.

Arishok was standing in the yard, ordering his men around. He did not show an ounce more enthusiasm than when they had gotten married. An epitome of his people. Or at least of the warriors of the Qunari. Meliana had yet to see a single Qunari who was not part of the antaam. If their view of the word was skewed, what did the world know about them?

“I'm sure you have a lot to do now.” She smiled up at him. “I'll check in with my friends.”

“Do that.” To her surprise Arishok lifted her just high enough to drop a kiss on top of her head.

Meliana wore the smile like armour as she turned her back to him. Nobody could take from her what she had now. And she would capture all the small moments, imprison them behind her smile. There was reason to smile after all. And the news was travelling faster than light as it seemed.

The Qunari were getting ready to leave Kirkwall. The rumour was racing up and down the streets of the city. Meliana felt many eyes on her when she made her way from the docks to Merrill's hut. The people remembered. House Hawke had promised. House Hawke had bitten the bullet. House Hawke delivered.

Meliana held on to her smile. House Hawke. What a joke. Who was left of that glorious House? Nobody, that was who. Carver was a Grey Warden now. Happy as could be, too, finally out of her shadow, his own person with his own purpose, path and companions. And then there was she. The last remnant, holding out against all odds.

She fortified her smile against the memory of Lothering. Fuck that, if she was going to bring herself low, she might as well return to a time her father was still alive. House Hawke had not been entangled in anything more than a farmer's market in Lothering, but it had been a whole family. A happy family. Her family.

Merrill's house was just ahead. Meliana bolstered her smile until she the door behind her closed. Then she sagged against her friend. “How could you leave everybody you know, Merrill? How does it not break you?”

“Oh, but it is different when it is your decision,” Merrill replied, sitting her down and pouring a cup of tea. “They are, most of them, still alive, too.”

Bless her. Meliana sipped on the tea, the scaling liquid focussing her thoughts somewhat away from her misery. “But do you ever go back?”

“You mean to visit?” Merrill sat down. “I think of it sometimes, but what good would that do? I am still me and they are still – well they are themselves. And I miss Marethari most of all. That was not my decision, so I understand you, Hawke.”

“Thank you, Merrill.”

“You will want to take that back,” the elf replied. “After we finished cleaning your blood that is. How much did you lose? Don't lie.”

“Not a drop. I swear.” Meliana laughed. “It is only fitting that I shall sever all ties before they leave, is it not?”

“You are always welcome here,” Merrill said. She got up to poke around her workspace. “You know, when living with Fenris and Anders is getting to you. Those two never agree.”

“Except to berate you?” Meliana tilted her head to the side. “You could move in with us, you know.”

“No. It is safer this way.” Merrill looked at the Eluvian shortly. It was still broken.

“If you say so.” Meliana drank of her tea. “Just keep in mind that I am not one to avoid risks. And in case of need we could always relocate the two grumps to this place for a while.”

“I will think about it,” Merrill said. Then she raised a knife and a cup. “Time to get bloody.”

Meliana looked from her tea to the cup in Merrill's hand. “More Prophet's Laurel?”

“I am afraid so.”

“Whatever.” Meliana sighed. “You said this was the last time?”

“That's where the knife comes in.” Merrill passed her the cup.

Reverse blood magic. If that was a thing. Meliana felt slightly woozy when she left Merrill. She had intended to visit her Estate, but the way seemed just too long. The Hanged Man on the other hand was much closer. And had wine. To compound, no, of course to _battle_ her feeling fuzzy.

Varric was in his suite. Alone. Meliana looked around as she sat down. “Where has Cyril gone to?”

“Visiting friends, if you believe him.” Varric put a cup of water down before her. “He will be a sly one once he replaces his father. I am not sure I like it.”

“Water?” Meliana took a sip. It was indeed water. “What has became of your hospitality?”

“I have seen the way you staggered up the stairs, Meliana. If I give you wine now, you will need a hospital, not hospitality.” He sat down, unabashedly pouring himself a dark red wine. “Is that battle strain?”

“No, it was Merrill.” Meliana took her cup with a sigh. “I am now clean of whatever keeps saarebas under control. It involved some more complicated blood magic. But what am I friends with Merrill for?”

“I thought you were taken with her sunny disposition,” Varric replied.

“There's always that,” Meliana agreed. “I can't always be in need of some blood magic. In which case it might just be easier for me to learn it anyway.”

“Be careful what you say, Meliana,” Varric warned. “People have become twitchier about blood magic recently. Almost as if it could be anywhere, disguised as anything.”

“I'm not an idiot, Varric. Even if I do like to spread that image about.” Meliana chuckled. “I had no idea it worked so well.”

“It does. Both of it, actually.” Varric leant back with a grin.

“That sounds cryptic.” Meliana mirrored him and emptied her cup. She was feeling less fuzzy already. Somewhat a shame, but certainly healthier than her original plans. “What is going on?”

“You always seem to be away when interesting things happen,” Varric said with a wink.

“Care to elaborate?” Meliana poured herself another cup of water. News through Varric were always so much more entertaining than hearing it from anybody else. Probably because he was a born storyteller. And because he knew more of her involvement than anybody else but still made it seem as if he had to explain everything. When, actually, he didn't.

“It seems that House Landrau as well as House Loress are using blood magic disguised as science.” Varric shook his head in exaggerated concern.

“Impossible.” She grinned.

“That's what I keep saying, but does anybody listen to me?” Varric sighed dramatically. “But each House is accusing the other, claiming to have irrefutable proof.”

“I would still say 'impossible', but if they have proof?” Meliana shrugged. “Do I even want to know how they got that?”

“Now that s where things get really interesting,” Varric said. “It might have been gotten by unacceptable means.”

“So what you are saying,” Meliana smiled, “is that both Houses have gone out of their way to gather proof of blood magic that may only prove they are unfit to be noble houses?”

“I might just.” Varric leant back, folding his hands behind his head. “It's a tragedy, really.”

“I wish I had been around to see that develop.” Meliana took another sip of her water. “I better make amends and visit both afflicted parties. Maybe I can help assuage the accusations.”

“I am sure they will appreciate that.” Varric chuckled. “Another mage poking around their homes. Just what they need.”

“If we always go what we needed,” Meliana fell silent. “Anyway, they are very welcome to visit my home and look for blood magic.”

“A tempting offer, no doubt. I am sure Bran Cavin is already making plans on how to do that without having his minions shite their pants when looking at the Qunari around them.”

“They are not that scary.” Meliana laughed.

They really were not. The single guard at the gate was even hunched over to appear smaller. The image of Arishok sharpening his blades came to her. Logically she knew it was scary. But to her, not so much. A very skewered perspective she had acquired there.

And one she would keep. Approaching the central yard, she saw Cyril standing before Arishok. Now that should be an interesting conversation to listen in on. Unfortunately, she was too late. Cyril stopped when he reached her on his way down the stairs.

“Hawke, it is good to see you.” He smiled. “I see my contact has worked out well for you, yes?”

“It has indeed.” She took the offered hand and shook it. “Not that your name worked for the discount, but travelling with huge, horned men may be to fault for that.”

“The Qunari seldom come to trade,” Cyril agreed. “Fear can go either way with the prices. I take it you got what you wanted?”

“We did indeed.” Meliana was not sure what to make of his tone. Varric's words came back to her. “But I assume you know more about that than others do.”

“Naturally.” His pleasant smile didn't waver. “It may not be what my father has sent me for, but it is enough. For now.”

“Are you leaving then? I had hoped we could spend some actual time together.” Not that she knew what to do. If Varric wasn't around to annoy and mediate, there was little she shared with the duke's son.

“So did I, but alas, duty called.” He shrugged. “And you arranged my meeting Mr Tethras. That will always be worth something in my book.”

“Give my regards to your father then,” Meliana said. “And you are always welcome in my home.”

“I might take you up on this next time I visit Kirkwall,” Cyril said. “If there is any guest room still free once you return to the Hawke Estate.”

“My home is always open for my friends.”

“I understand.” He looked at her for a moment. “Still, it may be easier to just relocate everybody to here when, well, there will be a lot of free space here, soon, won't there? It has been a pleasure doing business with you," Cyril said, bowing politely over her hand.

“You are indeed very well informed,” Meliana returned the bow. “You are wearing your youth well, Cyril de Monfort.”

"Would you prefer to believe this was your doing alone?" He raised brow.

"Leave me my illusions of grandeur," Meliana laughed. "I don't have much else. And where does it leave me, if I let myself be outwitted by a whipper-snapper like you?"

"Where indeed?"

"I would say we'd find out but," she shrugged. "We will not."

“We shall see.” He grinned a challenge.

“We already did.” With that Meliana moved aside a little. He took the hint and turned to leave. Maybe she should have a few stern words with Varric. All this politicking was making her dizzy. When she had just fought off that with several glasses of water. She better get used to it. After all, she did campaign to be Viscount.

Whatever had given her that idea. She glanced in the direction of Arishok. If only it worked.


	36. Arismut 2: Payback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More useless smut. I can't believe these turned out longer than the actual chapters. x_X

He closed the door behind them firmly. "Payback time."

Meliana nodded and swallowed, not sure what to expect. So she waited, watching Arishok draw closer, a glint in his eye.

"You will think of a safeword as you undress."

Well, who could say no to that? She might have gotten into more than she expected. Meliana's mind raced as she began to take off her robe, boots and underwear. No show, no extras, just getting everything off efficiently.

Arishok was watching her intently, his eyes roving over her body.

Meliana distracted herself from this almost tactile sensation by thinking hard. The safeword had to be something she would have no use for in bed whatsoever but also short enough to press out on the last of her sanity. Arishok was exceedingly good ad driving her beyond sentience with desire.

"Kirkwall," she declared when she had finished, straightening up for his scrutiny.

With a curt nod, Arishok acknowledged her choice. Then he stripped down himself, with no more ceremony than she had, if slower. There was a hunger crackling between the two of them that made Meliana smile. A smile that stayed on when he threw her over his shoulder, carrying her towards the bed.

Meliana could feel her breasts rubbing against his back and though one of his hands held her firm, the other was massaging her butt, his thumb coasting dangerously close to her cunt.

Arishok stopped and threw her down on the bed, climbing over her immediately. His erection pressed down hard. Meliana was about to Kirkwall this approach in the bud when his cock slipped down between her legs harmlessly. Arishok weighed her down, his hard-on pressing against her thighs, burying his face in her hair.

After a moment, he propped himself up, pushing her towards the bed's head. Any chance to exploit her exposed position was squandered though. Instead he reached out and gingerly fixed her wrists in leather bracers. Meliana tugged at them experimentally when Arishok was done. Unlike her own very inadequate restraint, they held fast at the end of their limited reach.

Well. She had it coming.

And boy, did he know it. Once she was tied fast, his hand s ran along her arms again. They followed her sides down to her ribs, turning slightly and moving up again. Arishok's thumbs skirted her nipples by a shred of hope, leaving her in anticipation.

Meliana tried her own reach, finding it restricted to nothing. Though Arishok was straddling her thighs, his hand had full control of her body. Desire was consuming her by the time he leant in for a kiss. The sharp taste of his own need burnt on her lips as Meliana sucked hard at his mouth.

For a delicious interlude, he allowed it, his hands already scouting downwards again. His lips followed soon after. Meliana arched into his the grasp of his teeth. Her nipples stood to hard attention under the scrutiny of his tongue. Her back supported in its arch bis hands cupping it firmly, raising it into his mouth ever so inescapably.

Meliana moaned, wishing only to be able to spread her legs and welcome his hardness in that pressed against her. Arishok's lips moved down slowly, his hands taking deliberate care of her breasts all the while.

His mouth over her sex was the softest contrast ever. Licking gently along her folds, his tongue slipping into her slowly. Meliana bucked under his tender kiss. For a sweet moment, his hands slipped under her butt, lifting her hips up against his lips. She managed but a frustrated moan when his mouth wandered up again, away from her pulsing desire.

Though she could feel his erection hot against her skin again, it was no compensation for his teasing tongue. Instead Arishok closed his teeth over one of her nipples once more, biting down harder than expected. Pain spiked through her arousal almost too fast to be noticed. Meliana gasped, wrists snapping up in the firm hold of the bracers.

Encouraged by this success, his teeth clamped down hard again, his tongue barely making up for their pressure with its deft massage.

Meliana sank back against the mattress when Arishok's hands moved down from her shoulders. Their path along her sides was marked with a sharp thumbnail. He lifted her hips up uselessly against his belly, his teeth digging into her soft flesh still.

But he was settling down between her legs, pushing her knees apart with his elbows as his mouth slowly wandered down again. When he covered her nub once more, his tongue slipped over it hard. Meliana groaned, more than ready for penetration. Her hips shook under the sucking application of his lips.

Big hands cupped her butt, holding her steady against his consistent ministrations. His teeth captured her clit, nibbling it persistently. The pain scraped into her deeper with each hungry bite, his pace increasing, rhythm skipping every now and then under a strained groan.

Meliana hung undecided, her climax in sight behind raising waves of pain. Just a little longer. Her hips shivered with impeded anticipation. Her body writhed with lustful indecision with Arishok's mouth clasped over her sex. Tongue and teeth working seemingly at odds, casting her from pleasure to pain and back again.

With a sudden, Arishok pulled back. A cold breeze strafed her heated lips and Meliana let out a high pitched whine. Then his mouth was back, tongue over her throbbing nub, gentle, unstoppable, caressing.

Meliana relaxed with a sigh into the irregular ministrations. The intermittent strokes thrusting into her were accompanied by a rising grumble. Arishok's tongue lashed out, slipping into her deeply. She strained against her bonds and was jerked back against the mattress hard.

It was almost unsatisfying. Arishok's tongue hunting her down; no firm grip guiding her or fingernails cutting across her hardened nipples. Still he came on strong, sucking at her swollen folds with increasing urge. She gasped when his teeth clamped down on her sex. Meliana could taste the safeword between her lips, ready to pull out of the situation.

With a sudden growl, Arishok relented. Teeth retracting reluctantly, still keeping a firm hold on her. His wet hands wandered up her sides, leaving a wet trail on her skin and coaxing her hard nipples to cold quivers. The smell of sex was overpowering as was Arishok when found his focus again, pressing the tip of his tongue down on her exposed clit.

Meliana realised that he would see this through. She should have done the same, jerked him off, sucked him dry and started all over. But it was too late now. He had the high ground, moving down against her. His hands wandered down to her hips again, leaving her breasts stark and almost freezing in the drying cold.

Gripping her hips tightly, Arishok moved her up and down against his mouth as if she was riding him already. Meliana groaned, unable to twist away in his hold. It was an uneven battle, and one she did not desire to win any longer.

Meliana let go, arched up, pressing herself closer against his restless tongue. Arishok slip it over her nub hard and fast, setting her off. She came writhing from the belly up, hips still captured in his firm grip. He kept licking at her, while Meliana moaned in frustrating satisfaction. Its waves rolling over her, searching for the centre usually responsible for this and finding nothing. Her insides clamped down around the central void of her release.

Arishok lowered her gently onto the bed. His hands ran up and down her sides, caressing and calming. But when her breath began to even out, one of his fingers found its way into her. Meliana writhed. It was too little, too late. But by its regular movements, Arishok was not looking to ease her out of her orgasm.

Instead the rhythm he chose caught the last dregs of her ecstasy, collecting them around what had been missing. And though she tried to relax, Meliana could not deny the low throb of his thrusts, a slow pulse that was pushing at her from inside.

Just when she was getting accustomed to the penetration, a second finger demanded entrance while Arishok's other hand found its was back to her breasts again. The irresistible combination drew a deep sigh from her lips. The following whine as two fingers took up their work inside of her, was lost in Arishok's mouth.

Her whole body reacted to the force of his kiss. Once again her urge to pull him close was thwarted by her shackles. Meliana use her limited mobility to press against him, hips and head. Satisfied with her renewed arousal, Arishok removed his fingers and put his hands back to the task of caressing her whole body, extra heavy duty on her neck and breasts included.

Meliana squirmed under his touch. She was too far gone to let go once more, but also too far from satisfaction again. Arishok straightened up, dragging her upwards with his kiss. Meliana strained, not wishing to lose his taste and scouring tongue. His fingers ran up her back, tingling on her skin but not supporting her.

Finally Arishok broke the kiss slowly, never taking his dark eyes from hers. Meliana sighed in resignation, dropping onto the mattress again. His eyes followed her, met with his hands that cam up over her breasts. He allowed her to catch one of his thumbs between her lips. Using it for leverage to turn her face, Arishok's mouth descended on the side of her face. His tongue slipped into her ear gently, probing.

Meliana sucked down on his thumb. Arishok replied with a nip under her lobe, the fingers on his caught hand, caressing her other cheek. She moaned around his thumb, arching into the line his mouth trailed along her neck. His descent was punctuated by his teeth in her skin. Pinpricks delineating a pattern on her, seams at which to come apart under Arishok's thorough touch.

His hands ran down her butt, the back of her thighs, tickling the hollows of her knees before pushing the tingling on her skin back upwards towards the pulsing centre of her yearning. Under the long strokes it was easy to forget how easily those strong hands could break her.

Instead they bent her. Arishok took her right leg, carefully folding it under her. It was not generally a pleasant position. His fingers grazing over the slick between her legs drew a long sigh from her still. Her other leg followed suit. Then he went ahead, exposing her sex further by pushing her knees apart. Meliana groaned. Half in anticipation, half under the strain of her posture.

His hands wandered up the insides of her thighs, grazing their meeting point almost harmlessly before returning for another round. Meliana pushed up against his fingers, almost catching their tips against her clit.

In response, his hands wandered up the length of her body again. Their trail marked by the trailing grooves of fingernails digging into skin. She could feel his breath between her legs. Still his lips came to bear only just outside her sex, following the lines of her thigh along the outer fold. At the same time he kept her from sudden movements with his hands cupped around her butt cheeks, treating them to another deft massage.

Meliana felt her heartbeat speed up down through her abdomen right into her cunt. The prolonged absence of direct stimulation quivered inside her, clamping around the same emptiness that had tided her through her earlier orgasm.

Finally Arishok inserted a first finger into her quivering opening again. Meliana pushed down on it hard, ignoring the protest of her joints. The press of his finger inside of her yearning was sending shivers up her spine. It was far from enough, the memories of his full size pushed insistently at her memories. Meliana craved that kind of fulfilment again.

Arishok's other hand was caressing her stomach, his palm warm against her skin and pushing her down just right. Caught between the rhythm of his hands, Meliana tried to raise herself against her shackles. The exertion was almost painful but worth it when she was able to thrust herself n deep over him when a second finger came into play. She slipped over both with a content grunt, another step closer to satisfaction. Arishok pushed her on, thrusting into her slow and regular. Meliana thrashed against the pace.

Her concentration was broken shortly by his grip on her breasts, fingers squeezing the hard nipples up between his teeth. Her butt jerked at the spike running through her. His free hand moved on, up along her throat, covering it easily, resting heavy on her windpipe.

The hand on her throat did not suffocate her though. Instead Arishok's thumb and middle finger pressed down on her aorta, cutting of most of her blood supply. Sparks exploded before her eyes as her insides burned around his penetrating fingers. This was not what she had bargained for.

A muffled groan escaped Meliana's lips. It seemed impossible that she should suffocate in her own arousal. Her clit was clenching tightly, capturing his fingers in a slick, sliding grip. Meliana swallowed against his hold, clearing her throat and mind to press a saving word out around her desire.

But his hand already moved on, catching her jaw in an iron grip. Her head was tilted backwards with force. She moaned, still pressing down over his fingers rapidly, arched to her limits. Arishok pulled back his fingers, forcing her even lower for relevant penetration. 

Meliana did not care. She pushed herself down through aching joints. Arishok's usually rough fingers slipped back into her easily, slick with her wet desire. The lack of friction drove her crazy.

As if realising that, Arishok drove her hard, accentuating her efforts with sudden thrusts. Meliana sighed roughly when his fingers dug deeply into her, spreading and turning on their way in and out, caressing and scraping along her insides. She yearned for a third finger to join in, for him to finally penetrate her with his cock, but she would work herself hard on what she had.

Arishok raked his nails down her chest. Meliana pushed up to the descending hand. It caught just over her mons, lying in useless teasing just above her sex. Torn between thrusting up and down, Meliana growled. Then his thumb began to inch towards her clit.

Her growl grew into a harsh sound of strained desire when Arishok ran his fingernail across her bursting nub. Though answering her lust, it was too painful to fulfil it. Meliana writhed on his fingers, unable to escape from his excruciating attentions.

When Arishok pressed the tip of his thumb down on her clit, pushing hard into her shivering body, Meliana could feel the rise of her release. It was looming ahead, scraped further away now and then by his clawing at her most sensitive spot. But the pain never outshone her arousal, never burnt through the haze of desire.

Chasing after his retreating fingers, Meliana thrust down hard and fast, clamping tightly around the insufficient ersatz for his cock. The grasping hand moved up her body once more, extending its questionable support to her nipples. Hard as they were, she could feel his fingernail digging into them acutely.

Her pricked breasts send clear signals though, throwing their need into her pulsing desire. When Arishok stopped moving his fingers inside of her. Maddening, frustrating, enticing. With the end of her efforts in sight, Meliana increased her pace once more. Her muscles began to ache under their heavy duty, but the feeling of his fingers slipping back into her again and again was to die for.

She thrashed over him, her need for release mounting, no longer curbed by any of his digs into her flesh. Meliana focussed on doing herself on his fingers. Pressing herself down powerfully she heaved her hips up again.

With a startled scream she dropped back down when her clit was met with Arishok's tongue at the height of her rise. And there he was again when she moved up, the tip of his tongue just waiting to rake over her. Meliana whimpered, unable to have both his fingers and mouth pleasing her at the same time.

She threw herself in both directions, up against his tongue, down over his fingers and towards his mouth again. Lips that caught her, sucked down hard and licked her orgasm clean when she struggled against its overpowering waves. She groaned, shivering and shaking, pressed into the mattress by his head, his fingers buried deep inside her contractions.

She allowed him to eat her ecstasy out of her spread body. He laid out her legs straight again, caressing every inch of skin between her legs. Each breath rattled in her lungs. Despite his gentleness, there was an undercurrent of desire still in his touch. Too exhausted to care, Meliana laid back into it, letting the soft throb thrive within her.

Her whole body ached, muscles strained and tired. Arishok tended to them and then, carefully, deftly, turned her over. His hands clasped her shoulders, massaging the pain out of them, softening the hardness from her biceps.

It was strange to lie like that, arms crossed and effectively curbing any movement. Strange but not unpleasant, with her body still coming down from the climax. Heavy hands kneaded every inch of her body into submission.

But she knew this was not the end of it when Arishok settled down over her, his hard cock pressing against her skin once more. She inhaled sharply, trying to rear up. An anticipated move that was countered by her being tied up and supported by his hands moving under her body to cup her breasts.

Arishok massaged them as her had the rest of her, thoroughly in a way that was just barely sexual. His lips coming down over her neck spoke a different language. Grazing her skin until her air stood up, anticipation seeping back into her, he left another row of pinpricks marking the path of his teeth.

Meliana might have let out a sound of protest. But she was tired and lying comfortable. The incessant movement of his strong hands over her skin was relaxing. The tender roll of his crotch against her reminded her body of the pleasures enjoyed and only slightly incited the throb inside her to stay.

But stay it did, winding its way through her limbs alongside the exhaustive kneading of her every muscle. Intertwining with the massage until Arishok's hands seemed to touch her very inside with their continued work. They moved down slowly, covering the small of her back, reaching around her to include her strained belly muscles. His fingertips grazed along the top of her mons, returning to her sides and butt for more in-depth massaging.

There was a promise in his fingers and hot erection. Despite her fatigue, Meliana felt her body respond to it with animal instinct. The chance to finally receive proper penetration overrode everything, the memories and prospect of his hardness fucking the living daylight out of her making her moan once more.

There was no release in sight by a long mile. No matter how close his thumbs came to grazing her lips, slipping up her fold and solidifying their intent, they never did. The touched teased her, skirted by, returned with renewed promise but never delivered.

Meliana groaned. Her frustrating lust did not abate, when Arishok's hands began do move down her legs, the insides of her thighs caressed with great diligence. The pulsing of desire between her legs wormed its way into the centre of her attention. Existence without it seemed impossible.

By the time Arishok's hands reached her feet, Meliana was soft a butter. Her every muscle was at ease, warmth flowing through her veins like mulled wine, spiced with anticipation. Her sex was pulsing lazily, awaiting stimulation as impatiently as reluctantly.

Her soles were expertly kneaded and as if by magic, the squeezing was making itself felt unmistakably between her elgs. However relaxing the ministrations were for her feet, her clit perked up, not understanding the lack of attention it received despite getting aroused intimately.

Finally Arishok sucked a toe into his mouth, showing he knew fully well that his massage was not of the innocent kind. He circled his tongue slowly, moving his hands up her ankle and calf.

Arishok massaged his way back up her legs. Her tension grew with each covered inch until he finally covered her ass again with circling motions. He raised her hips with the upward movement of his hands, leaving her breathless with anticipation and desire. Her awkward position did not allow Meliana much in the way of supporting her raised hips. Each time she had to lower again, left her more wanting.

After their long teasing, his fingers running along her fold were surprising. Meliana gasped, the intensity of her reaction shaking her whole body. Not finished by far, Arishok parted her lips gently, running his thumbs up inside of them, settling one over her swollen nub. When he moved it, Meliana pulled at her restraints hard.

Arishok let out a low growl, lowering himself between her legs. Hit breath teased her mercilessly long before his tongue deigned to follow. It extended over her, covering her sex with its tip roving over her clit. Meliana clenched her fists straining against the bracers.

About now was the time he had introduced a component of pain. Instead his hands tickled in the hollows of her knees. She bemoaned the retreat of his mouth with a dissatisfied grunt. It was inevitable, though, seeing how he pushed her knees up under her, propping her up carefully. His palms swept up her thighs, his thumbs passing between her legs.

Meliana buried her face in her arms holding on to another gasp when he renewed his hold on her hips. Then Arishok pushed her knees apart with his own. She strained upwards until she felt the tip of his cock pressed against her folds. For a glorious moment the whole universe was anticipation. Then he finally thrust into her.

The feeling of his hard length slipping fully into her consumed her mind, going on forever, slick, urgent and almost too much to take. Meliana squealed, unhappy with the pace of his penetration, craving all of it nevertheless. Unable to writhe in his firm grip, Meliana suffered his slow onslaught. The rattling of her restraints was obviously not getting her need across very well.

Since he did not give her any of his usual force, Meliana revelled in his sheer size. Each time he withdrew, it left an undeniable, gaping hole, quivering around the unwanted emptiness. And no matter how gently Arishok handled the early penetrations, a part of her writhed as much to get away from the broad invasion as the rest of her yearned to stretch herself tin over it.

Arishok drove into her again, jolted to a stop by their limits. Meliana groaned, spread and held tightly, unable to speed him up. The need to fuck out her throbbing urges for good was overwhelming. Deep and diligent was no substitute for crashing her desire down over him fast and breathless.

When he suddenly pushed into her with a swift motion, Meliana threw her head back, grasping at the empty air of her growl. Arishok withdrew but kept returning, faster now, increasing the force of his penetration. Meliana pushed hard against his powerful strokes intrusions, pressing out broken sighs of burgeoning satisfaction.

At last his erection raked along her inside with increasing urge. His balls slapped against her, another assault that rattled her to the core. Still she wanted more, wanted all of him all of the time, hard and heavy, pushing against all of her sensitive spots at once. He lowered himself over her, resting his chest against her back as he pulled her hips close over his thrusts with one arm.

Meliana felt his every muscle work, chafing against her skin inside and out. His heavy breaths crumbled along her face. He pressed on, hooking her into his thrusts so high that she had little force of her own to add, her knees only touching lightly on the sheets.

But she had what she wanted, working under his weight with increasing speed, exhaustion threatening once more. A thin sliver of sweat tickled its way down her face. She heaved her hips high now that she was finally able to push against him, submitting to his each stroke.

His teeth came down around her shoulder, sucking at a wicked counterpoint. Soon pinprick lined her skin towards her neck. A mostly unwelcome distraction from the tension condensing under Arishok's steady pounding. Meliana felt ready to burst, wrung and wrecked in the throes of unabated lust for too long.

Arishok grazed her neck, then dug his teeth deep into her skin. Meliana screamed in ecstasy, buffeted between pleasure and pain. She threw her head back, arching up into his heavy thrusts. Then her climax swept her away, drowning her under his moving body and steady rhythm.

Nuzzling her pained neck, Arishok kept going, parting her contractions hard and deep. She clenched around his cock. In return his mouth clamped down at her neck, sucking hard on her flesh while his movements kept pummelling her abating climax.

Meliana strained against her bonds, against his body and the waves of pleasure overpowering her. His teeth dug into her shoulder once more, almost overriding the force of his cominghard into her. She could feel him flooding her insides with massive thrusts, pressing his semen into her depths.

Riding his climax as well as her position allowed, Meliana wrung him dry, squeezing at his cock with the last of her exhausted passion. Arishok's movements slowed down eventually, diving deep to her to savour her full depth while he lasted.

Finally his hands slipped up to untie her wrists. Meliana just slipped her arms a little lower, resting her head on them. Existing itself was a strain. Pulsating desire still echoed through her body. It seemed unlikely that it would ever leave her again.

Arishok didn't move either. She felt his breath tricking down the side of her face, each breath pressing his firm chest against her back. The steady rhythm made her drowsy. Not even the sweat cooling down on her sides registered much. Meliana took a deep breath, arching into him.

“So, what was the safeword for?” She asked drowsily.

“Your expectation to need it served the purpose well enough.”

She could feel his self-satisfied smirk against her cheek. But he was right. Bastard. He always was.


	37. Politics Left And Right And No End In Sight

“So the Qunari are preparing to leave?” Cavin Bran leant back, watching her closely.

“They are indeed.” They were sitting at a small table that had been set up in the Viscount’s office. Bran would do anything to avert the idea that he was acting as Viscount already. That included using the Viscount's desk. All personal affects had been removed from the room, though.

“Your recent trip has something to do with that, I assume.”

“It does.” Meliana smiled amicably. “I am not certain how long it will take to signal for that ship to finally come and how long its journey will take. But preparations to leave are being made already. I am estimating weeks, maybe a month or two until their departure.”

“Indeed.”

“I would take with you about the Compound after it has been vacated,” Meliana went. on. “There are a few uses I can think of which might benefit Kirkwall immensely.”

“Do you now.” The Seneschal was obviously unhappy about the lack of details she gave him about the Qunari's reasons to stay and now to leave. “There have been other expressions of interest on the property.”

“I am not surprised,” she replied. “Would it help my claim if I said it is my home?”

“Where would that leave Hawke Estate in Hightown?” Bran asked.

“Many nobles have an estate and own several secondary homes,” Meliana defended herself.

“Those would be in different cities, though.” He shook his head. “As different as Hightown may be from the docks, it is still the same city.”

Meliana sighed. He was right about that, on both accounts. “What plans are there for the Compound?”

“Mostly housing,” Bran said.

“That will not really work. I know it has housed several hundred Qunari for the past years, but those are soldiers, living as if they are in the field. It is a great difference, comparing barracks to normal housing. Only a fraction of the current numbers could live there.”

“Of course, you would know that.” He was unimpressed.

“Of course. And I am residing in what you might call the only luxury suite..” Meliana smiled. “

“So, yes. I know and it is not a good idea except if you think of internment camps. Which I hope you are not.”

“Who needs those when you area round?” Bran asked. “You decimate gangs faster than they can rebuild. And seeing what fringe groups those gangs draw from, I do not think we have to inter those on top of it.”

Well, there it was. Kirkwall's disadvantaged politics in one sentence.

“So, what was your idea?” He went on.

“I was thinking about doing something for Kirkwall. You know that people calling it an uncivilised cesspool are not all wrong.” She watched him barely suppress a snort. He knew alright. “O I though a school, a hospital, a theatre, all of above. You know I can sustain them.”

“You have made yourself quite the fortune over the years,” Bran agreed. “Some still wonder about that.”

“Some might consider getting Varric Tethras as their financial advisor then,” Meliana cut in.

“A greedy dwarf?” The Seneschal was perfectly l to convey shocked sarcasm in three words.

“The urge to keep the money together can do wonders for your accounts,” she chuckled. “Anyway. You know I have the resources to make it happen, create a social centre for the less privileged in Kirkwall. Get some of the rabble off the streets.”

“Prime estate is expensive,” Bran reminded her.

“Oh, I am certain it is. Still, seeing what a great service for the citizens of Kirkwall this would be, I am sure a beneficial contract for both sides can easily be made. Long term renting with low costs while bound to a purpose. It is not a new idea.”

She could see him think. It was not a new idea but one that had likely not been seen in Kirkwall for a while. Well, not in direct connection with improving the city itself. Egoism and nepotism had a strong grip on the place. But she had no relatives, only a few friends and most of them decidedly unfit for office.

There was that elephant in the room that was her husband, but he was about to leave. There would be claims that she would bring the Qunari influence that Viscount Dumar had fought so hard to keep at bay, to bear on the city. And in many ways that would be right.

“Do you know what the Qunari have taught me?” She said into the silence.

“Do I want to?”

Meliana laughed mirthlessly. Of course. “There is something most of us lack, not only humans but also elves and dwarves. Something the Qunari have in spades however misplaced we may find it. Purpose. Being part of something bigger and better than ourselves.”

Cavin Bran eyed her warily. “Do I want to?”

Meliana laughed mirthlessly. Of course. “There is something most of us lack, not only humans but also elves and dwarves. Something the Qunari have in spades however misplaced we may find it. And for me, Kirkwall fits that bill. I am willing to put the city's need over my own profits.

“You are trying to shame us all.” Bran said softly. He did not sound happy.

“I am not,” Meliana assured him. “This city is my home now. I do not have to like it for it to be true. What better purpose could I find than to make it the best place to live in in all of Thedas? And who knows, maybe I can inspire somebody else to feel the same.”

“Of course that all depends on how things play out,” Bran said.

“If you imply that five contenders for the office of the Viscount are too many, I agree. But I, like all the others, believe in my reasons to want this.” She shrugged. “Who will judge in the end, I wonder.”

“You realise that some make claims for the office.”

“How would you claim it?” Meliana asked. “It is passed on from parent to child until the end of the line. Then the city decides. On what grounds would you stake a claim? The family that has been around longest? The family that was closest to becoming Viscount before? The family that has served Kirkwall best? I do not know.”

Not to mention that in ever respect, the Hawkes and Amells did very well. Keeping her out on the grounds of any sensible criteria was impossible. And everybody knew it and twisted themselves into knots to find a way still.

“Except if you want to stage a competition,” she went on. “You have worked as Viscount Dumar's right-hand man for a long time. If anybody knows what it takes, it would be you.”

“A competition stacked in my favour, no doubt.” Bran shook his head. “This will have to sort itself.”

“Concerning that,” Meliana prepared to leave, “I wanted to pay some visits since I have been out of town for a few days.”

“Good luck getting into any of their homes,” Bran said. “Everybody is very nervous about the accusations of secret blood magic flying around.”

“Did anybody think to call on Orsino for help?”

Bran snorted.

“Though so.” She shrugged with a smile. “I'll see how I fare. And the Knight-Commander has received me as yet.”

Not very friendly or happily, but Meredith had made a point of it. She was not unreasonable. Well. From her very own point of view. Which seemed to be spreading.

“I am sorry, the Teyrna is not seeing anybody,” Teyrna Landrau's servant explained. “The unfounded accusations are getting to her.”

“I am sorry to hear that,” Meliana replied politely. “Please let her know that if there is anything I can do to help her-” She didn't finish the sentence. Baron Loress at least acknowledged her by asking her to return in a few days. He was also not feeling too well.

So those two had holed up in their estates. That should make it easy to rat out whatever it was that plagued them. And whatever that was, it did not affect Meredith.

“I see you have left visiting me for last once again.” it was impossible to tell if she was failing to be social.

“I prefer it that way,” Meliana replied. “It makes certain that any business I might have had is wrapped up in case I don't walk back out your door.”

"It's not that I am not tempted," Meredith said. "I am not sure if you are more useful than dangerous for Kirkwall."

"An interesting question," Meliana replied. "And one you can ask a great many people."

The Knight-Commander narrowed her eyes. "What do you want, Hawke. Or did you stumble into the wrong office? Not everybody knows where right is."

Meliana let the insult slip. She would indeed much rather have visited Orsino, but the First Enchanter was busy preventing blood magic. Practicing it no doubt, if you asked Meredith.

"I do indeed have a question," she said.

"Since the Houses of Landrau and Loress are under the accusation of blood magic but neither has appealed to the First Enchanter for help, has either of them thought about asking you?"

Meredith did not reply for a while, just looked at her across the desk. Neither of them entertained the thought of actually sitting down. If there were clear rivals in this election, it was them. “An interesting idea,” she finally replied. “Why would you think so?”

“You are seeing blood magic everywhere.” Meliana shrugged. “I just thought that might be helpful.”

Another glare from the Knight commander bounced off her. Staying with the Qunari definitely had its perks. But the logic was infallible. If the Knight-Commander herself could find no blood magic, nobody could. Discussion over. On the other hand. Meliana suppressed a smile. On the other hand.

“Well, I better going.” Meliana inclined her head. “And know that whenever you wish to check me for blood magic, you are always welcome in the Qunari Compound.”

She did not wait around for a reaction.  Since all her planned visits had been cut short, she would find something else to do. Starting with visiting Varric who always had some ideas. It was long after dark when she returned home. 

Only when she passed through the gate did it occur to Meliana that she might have returned right away. It was too late now, but it bothered her that she hadn't even considered it. All things considered, she was a happily married woman after all.

Married to a guy who as at lest as much a workaholic as she was. Meliana was not surprised to find him still poring over his papers. Dismantling the Compound was a lot of work. Getting up to speed with Par Vollen and its politics was another huge task. In comparison taking over Kirkwall was child's play. After all she had not been sued as bait for a war by the city's leaders.

“You are tired.” He did not look up as she slunk into the room.

“Totally knackered.” Meliana slipped onto the bench beside him, resting her head against his arm.

“You are building a future without me.” It was not even an accusation.”

“I am.” There was no reason to lie. And he was more than likely doing the same thing. Four years away from home There was no telling what he would find.

“It is a wise thing.” His quill halted for a moment as he turned his head to look at her.

“You will leave a great gaping hole in my life and no mistaking,” Meliana agreed.

“So you a planning to fill it with work.”

She snorted. “No. I am planning to distract myself with a workload too big for one to carry until it is healed off enough to be bearable.” Meliana sighed and closed her eyes.

“Then you will live.” Arishok returned to writing. He did not remove her though, did not move his left arm much at all.

It was so homely. Meliana dozed off. She almost woke up when he settled her down to sleep. Apart from being Thedas' best if heaviest blanket, Arishok was also the most comfortable if uneven mattress. She was not afraid to roll off any longer. He had arms. And those did a great job even when he was sleeping. Nestling her face against his skin, Meliana dropped back into the fuzzy dark of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everybody for their patience. I am still in no good place to write this but I hope to get better soon (it's work related and the end of the stress is in sight).  
> The end of this is also in sight. I just thought, I'd tie up as many of the loose ends as I can on the way out....


	38. So Far From My Homeland

In the coming days Meliana made sure to be available in the Compound for some time each day. It was not necessary. The Qunari were breaking up camp with thoroughly planned and timed precision. Still it made her feel better if only because soon she would be unable to.

She could see the signs of their impending departure everywhere. If the Compound had seemed bare to her before, Meliana now saw how little the Qunari considered necessary. The place looked stripped. And the ship was still weeks away. She didn't dare think how the Compound would look by then when even the things they would take along would be packed away. Sometimes she wondered if the rest was sold and if so, what happened to the coin.

“It will be good for them to be back home,” Arvaarad said tending to the saarebas. “This is no life for them.”

Meliana agreed, looking at the figures huddling in the dim. This was no way for anybody to live but the accommodation was the least of her misgivings. Living beings, potential people, curbed and destroyed in the bud. She ran her fingers down the arm of the nearest saarebas. He barely acknowledged her.

“You still pity them,” Arvaarad observed.

“They could be like me,” Meliana replied softly.

“Nobody can be you,” he objected.

“Like me,” she corrected gently. “Like me. And it would be enough.”

Of course it was too late for these mages. There was no way any of them could ever learn enough independence to take care of themselves. But future generations, if there were future generations. Meliana didn't dare finish the thought.

“It would not,” Arvaarad said. “And until you die how can you be sure it was enough?”

That again. Nobody bothered to hold normal people to this standard. Except maybe Qunari who declared somebody worthy only after death. But then Qunari were peculiar in every way. She would not change Arvaarad's mind.

The way things stood she could not change any mind in Kirkwall. Everybody was more set against magic than ever. Neither Teyrna Landrau nor Baron Loress not any of their houses ventured out. They did not let anybody through their doors who was known, accused of or associated with people were known to or accused of being able to do magic. At the same time they tried fervently to prove their own innocence and their opponent's guilt.

Bereft of the pleasure to visit them, Meliana had to find other appointments. A surprisingly eager candidate was House de Launcet. Guillaume had obviously forgiving Leandra for standing him up. It was probably easier, seeing how she would have given him mage children, too.

“There may have been more of them,” the Comte said. “But I cannot complain. My life has turned out well.”

Dulci smiled at that. “And now Emile is safe again, too, thanks to you. It was a kind deed you did.”

It was a silent agreement between the de Launcets that Meliana had put herself forward on their son's behalf and the relationship, such as it was, could certainly be built on somehow.

“He is a good boy,” Dulci said. “I am glad you saw that.”

Meliana didn't bring it over herself to tell what else she had seen. Emile was almost as bad an excuse for a person as the saarebas. For very different reasons. Maybe not as much beyond hope, but it was not a task she would set for herself.

“I take he is keeping out of trouble nowadays,” she replied. “Faring better in the Circle after his adventure.”

There was an awkward silence. It seemed that parental care and affection did not even last as long s Emile's adventure and that neither had considered contacting their son after his return to to Circle. By asking Orsino once how Emile was readjusting to the Circle, Meliana had accidentally done more than his own parents. It was embarrassing. But it did give her the idea to maybe keep this up. Make sure the mages in the Circle knew they were not forgotten, not alone.

Letters were not impossible to send. Visits were not impossible to get. Basic human decency. It was embarrassing how hard it was to get for mages, even from their own. She left the mansion with her face burning, not from the continued insinuations, but her own shame.

Meliana didn't think the de Launcets noticed. They were thinking about just moving the union of families one generation down. Just as being Viscount would come to the family.

“They are serious about this?” Varric poured her another drink.

“Completely bonkers, but hopeful.” Meliana kicked back the shot. She had slumped in Varric's suite after her visit at the Launcet estate, looking so beat that he had immediately called for the hard liquor. “I don't know why everybody assumes I'll be right up for the next marriage soon as my now husband disappears beyond the Waking Sea.”

“Hopeful and trusting recent evidence,” Varric replied.

“I do not intend to make this political marrying thing a habit.” Meliana took the bottle, pouring herself a third drink. “Not after how this one turned out anyway.”

“I would say I am sorry about that, but I somehow I cannot. It could have been a lot worse.” Varric poured himself a commiserating glass of wine. “More people dead, more people unhappy, Kirkwall razed to the ground.”

“That would not have happened.” Meliana sighed, glaring at her glass. It was an uncomfortable thought. But only a few months back, she would have killed Arishok and every last Qunari to save Kirkwall. It was a blessing she would never find out if she was still willing and able to do so.

“You know I was worried that day in the Keep,” Varric admitted. “Maybe you could have weaselled your way out of the siege, Fenris kept talking about duelling. It was not a nice image.”

“It still isn't.” Meliana chuckled. With everything at stake, she might have won. Arishok believed she could best him and he might be many things, but inaccurate in his battle assessments he was not. “And Fenris never told me. I need to have a word with him.”

“Do that. There are people I need to have words with as well.”

“Do that. Any of them that might give me ideas how to pay visits to Teyrna Landrau and Baron Loress?” She poured herself a glass of water. It was also clear but better for her head come the next morning.

“I am afraid not,” Varric said. “Word has it that they are trying to convince the only person in Kirkwall above the suspicion of blood magic to pay them a visit and won't let anybody in or out before that.”

“There is a person above this suspicion in Kirkwall?” Meliana raised a brow.

“I did not believe it myself, Hawke, but word has it that there is. Nobody can tell where the rumour started exactly so people are just taking it for the truth.” He sipped on his wine. “Do you want to guess?”

“Do I have to?” She grinned.

“Probably not. I am curious to see to what conclusion our Knight-Commander will come, though.” Meliana knew she was relying heavily on Meredith's inclination to see blood magic everywhere in this. But if the Knight-Commander had proven consistent in one thing, it was this.

“And of course I am grateful once again. I would surely be dead several times over by now without my trusty dwarf.”

“That you would.” Varric grinned back at her. “It goes both way, though. Just so you know.”

“Iv which case I am getting way more out of our deal because I get into way more shite.” Meliana emptied her water and stood. “I have more visits to make. Less fun than this, also less productive, but my city needs me.”

At least that was what Meliana kept telling herself. Orsino was surprised to see her but readily arranged her visits with the Circle Mages. Lady Feylan was happy to see her and not yet dissuaded that marrying her templar son off to Meliana was a hopeless enterprise. After all she had been at this from the day of the wedding.

It was enough to drive any sane woman to madness. Because if everybody else agreed on how to act, you had to be the one who was wrong, right? Meliana dragged her feet back towards the docks. People. They were impossible. It seemed impossible to have faith in them. But where else could you place it?

The gods were not an option. The Qunari had that right. From a certain point of view, they did put their faith in people. And yet. Maybe faith was the wrong idea in general. Meliana didn't know with what to replace it. Trust? Reliability? Steadiness? Good intentions?

She snorted at that as she passed through the double gate. Yeah, good intentions would do them all bloody good. She closed the door behind her and put her staff away. Arishok was sitting at the table, paper spread before him. But the quill did not move often.

Meliana sat down on the other side of the table, watching, taking off her boots, thinking. Meliana had watched him since their return to the Compound. And he did that sometimes, sitting in his usual place, paperwork before him, staring at it in still silence. She wondered where his thoughts went and if they would appreciate company. There was one way to find out.

Climbing onto the table, Meliana took the quill from his unresisting hand after pushing the papers out of the way. She planted one foot firmly on the bench on either side of him and took his face between her hands, forcing him to look at her. "Happy?" She asked.

Arishok did not reply. His arms closed around her legs and back. "It is not a concept applicable under the Qun," he finally said. "But I do not know how I feel so it may as well be that."

Meliana dropped a kiss between his horns with a smile. "You can return home now, after all these years."

"Home."

She didn't know what to make of his tone but when he buried his face against her, Meliana held him close.

"Are you home?" He asked against her.

"I am." Meliana rested her head against his horns. Just because it was true, it didn't make anything any better. Not that it could be much worse. Even buried in Arishok's embrace, the impending parting cut into her thoughts like wire.


	39. Waiting For The Hammer To Fall

The call came unexpected. It was sheer coincidence that Meliana was in the Compound at all. Fenris had come by earlier. Making sure she was not all broken up over the continued deconstruction of her home. Also to accompany Orana and take the first of Meliana's belongings fund their way back to the Hawke Estate.

“We never actually used your bedroom,” he had admitted. “Anders was tempted, but he could not bring it over himself in the end. To use his own words: the most important thing was missing.”

“At least I won't have to rearrange any furniture or change the bed hangings.” Meliana had tried to keep things light. She had ribbed him and watched as they left, running a list of upcoming visits through her memory. One day, maybe, she might get a calender. Or maybe a secretary.

Though, in case she managed to become Viscount, that duty would fall to Cavin Bran. He would be less than pleased. But then he had the same chances she had, better ones even. He had been Seneschal for many years and knew the game they were playing better than her.

Getting an invitation to an emergency meeting of the committee choosing the next viscount was surprising. They had agreed that Bran would administer business as usual and that only emergencies and fundamental decisions would be brought to he committee. It was amazing to see how much business as usual and how little actual steering seemed to be involved in ruling Kirkwall.

Foreign forces were reluctant to exploit the power vacuum. They were under the firm assumption that the Qunari would certainly step up if anybody attacked the city. A belief, Meliana did everything she could to nurture. She might not be alone with that, either, seeing how nobody liked to live in a besieged or occupied city.

Arishok had insisted on getting presentable before rushing to follow the call. Meliana had acquiesced reluctantly. A presentable Arishok was a sight she'd soon have to do without. And she wanted to impress the nobility as well. So there, impeccable robes and shoulders squared.

From the way everybody else acted, the summons was even more unusual than Meliana had thought. Murmurs rolled through the room, conversations quieting down or coming to a halt when others approached. Everybody was on edge. How much became clear only when Teyrn Wallen accidentally ran into Arishok, mumbled an excuse and looked no more terrified than before as he moved on.

“This is bad,” Meliana whispered up at her husband.

“How do you know?” He asked back, carefully moving her out of the way of Comtess Serani. “Is it your doing?”

Meliana suppressed a grimace. “We will find out soon enough, will we not?”

The room was packed, though when she looked around, Meliana found a few prominent faces conspicuously absent. She took a deep breath and steeled herself. This would be a very difficult meeting. She closed her eyes. Think of him leaving, she told herself. Think long and hard. It should keep a sombre look on her at all times.

“It might,” she said after looking around one more time.

Arishok glanced at her, followed her eyes around the room and said nothing.

Cavin Bran stepped up to the lectern, calling for silence. “I have called you here for dire news have reached me. This committee may not be able to continue its work as planned. Serah Hawke, would you please step forward?”

Meliana got up, taking a deep breath. “What can I do for you, Seneschal Bran?”

“Do you have any news on the blood magic you mentioned the last time?” Bran wanted to know.

“I have written to the Magister,” she replied. “I have asked for more details and how to find the corrupting items. But to this day, I am still awaiting response, Seneschal. I am sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“I feel, I have failed you. With more information we would be able to tackle the problem. See if there is truth to it and eliminate any influence on our city.” She hung her head. “I am delaying us. But I fear that going to Tevinter myself would send a wrong message.”

“It would indeed,” Bran agreed. “And it will not be necessary. The items in question have been found.”

“They were?” Meliana looked up in surprise. “There is more than one?”

“It is part of the reason you have been summoned today,” he went no and motioned for her sit down again.

Meliana did so. She would have taken Arishok's hand, had not half the room's eyes rested on her. Think of him leaving, she told herself, folding her hands in her lap. He is as good as gone. Think about that.

“As you all have no doubt noticed, the Houses Landrau and Loress are absent today.” Bran looked around.

“As is Knight-Commander Meredith. She has been investigating the claims that either house was knowingly using the disguised blood magic. Her findings are not encouraging.”

He paused, drawing a deep breath. The subject obviously irked him. “The Knight-Commander has indeed found suspicious items, items that have been taken to the First Enchanter for examination. But that is not why I called you together. I called upon you because the way those items turned up in the households implicate the rival House without doubt.”

“Explain yourself!” Comtess Serani demanded.

“I will,” Bran acknowledged. “And I hope that to your eyes this will not look as bad as it does to me. That one of the Families might emerge with its honour, its credibility, intact.”

The following account was long, detailed and ugly. The amount of infiltration, betrayal and backstabbing involved in getting artefacts from Tevinter into the other household was so staggering that walking up to somebody with a knife in your hand and stabbing them in the chest would probably have been the most unexpected thing to do.

Servants had been bought, replaced, threatened and killed. Not necessarily in this order. Magic had been used to change appearances. The use of shapeshifters had at least had the positive side effect of a suddenly efficient pest control. They had been so bent upon implicating the other party, that nothing else had caught their attention.

Meliana would forever be grateful for that, though this was not the right time to proclaim it. "But the artefact I was talking about already was in Kirkwall," she said instead.

"If so, it has not been found yet," Bran said. "Knight-Commander Meredith was called upon by both families to prove their innocence. Unfortunately, that did not work out as planned. The Knight-Commander found incriminating evidence against both families. The items have been confiscated."

"I have my most trusted mages on it," Orsino said. "Tranquil knowledgeable in blood magic and mages to execute the rituals necessary."

Approving murmur. The idea that the Tranquil might just feed the mages in charge blood magic did not occur to any of them. Meliana wondered when she had become so cynical.

"In the aftermath of this disaster, House Loress and House Landrau tried to clear their names. A process which involved blaming the other party and bringing to light the aforementioned practices." Bran sighed. "It is a disgrace on Kirkwall and its citizens that noble houses would fall so deep."

"Did they endanger the citizens?" Meliana wanted to know. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Yes and no," Bran replied. "Now that the artefacts are secured and the Teyrna and Baron as well as their closest relations have been apprehended, the danger should be over."

"What will happen to them?" Comtess Serani asked. "We cannot let allegations rule our decisions."

"There will be a trial," Bran said. "The question is what we will do in the meantime."

"They are out of the question as candidates for the Viscountcy," Arl Erlon said. "I will not have such shamelessly power-hungry persons representing me."

Discreetly power-hungry being absolutely alright, of course. There was not one person in the room who was looking to strengthen their position and rise in society. Well, one exception.

"We have been without a Viscount for too long," Comte de Launcet added. "Our neighbours have so far refrained from attacking us, but much of that is due to the Qunari. They are seen as a force protecting Kirkwall. What will happen if they leave?"

All eyes turned to Arishok. "We will be gone," he said. "It is not my concern what happens to your city once we have left. It has been of little concern during our stay."

"How long until your ship arrives?" Seneschal Bran asked.

"Weeks."

"We need a solution," Comtess Serani said. "Otherwise we are all in danger."

"You could just vote for a new Viscount," Arishok suggested.

A suggestion that was answered with a shocked silence. Nobody wanted to do that. With two of the candidates out of the race, it made the remaining one all the more important. Alliances, allegiances and networks needed to be reworked to guarantee not all power was lost.

"And what if the trail finds one of the accused innocent after all?" Comtess Serani spoke up again. Murmurs of agreement rose around them. "Are we not held to believe in a person's innocence until their guilt is proven?"

Meliana had to bite her lip. Now that was a very nice ideal. She really wished it was applicable to, let's say, all people.

Arishok put a hand over hers. "Don't."

She took a deep breath and the room did not explode in a wall of fire. Barely. "They owe you mare than they will ever know. Maybe an invasion after you left is not the worst that could happen."

"We bring the certainty of the Qun," he replied softly. "Other conquerors will not do that."

Meliana was about to make a bad pun. But Comtess Serani's voice rose about the background of discussion. "We need to be able to make decisions on the highest level. Kirkwall will be lost to our neighbours if we can't."

"You have three Viscounts in waiting," Arishok replied. "Let them decide."

"No," Meliana objected immediately. "A committee is a good idea, but the citizens of Kirkwall need equal representation."

"When has that ever mattered?" He did not yield.

"It matters to me." Neither did she.

"Serah Hawke makes a valid point," Bran defused the situation.

"I suggest Orsino ton represent mage interest, The Knight-Commander or Commander of the Guard for aspects of safety, Comtess Serani to represent the nobles and Serah bran to bring the necessary background. We should have representatives of the merchants and commoners as well, even the elves."

"Commoners and elves?" Comtess Arl Erlon burst out. "What will be next? No. I say three people will be enough."

"I will not represent the mages of Kirkwall," Orsino said. "I have too much history with the Knight-Commander. It will only disrupt."

"I disagree, but I will accept your decision," Bran said looking unhappy. "Who do you suggest instead?"

"Serah Hawke, of course." Orsino ignored the rising noise. "She has proven her loyalty to Kirkwall and its well-being. She is passionate about mage rights and will also represent the less fortunate of our citizens. With Seneschal Bran and Knight-Commander Meredith, it should be a working system."

The triumvirate divides and governs. Meliana sat very still and watched the discussions wage around her. She ventured a smile at Arishok. His frown was asking a question she could not answer yet.

It seemed that many considered the plan a good one and were willing to go through with it until the trials were over at least. A vocal minority was unwilling to give up, though. Unsurprisingly Comtess Serani was among them. “We cannot decide today anyway. The Knight-Commander is not present.”

“We can vote and present her with the outcome,” Meliana replied. “If she declines the offer, we can always reconsider.”

“I agree,” Bran came to her aid. His next words were drowned out by loud arguing.

Meliana settled down for a long wait. If the Seneschal could not calm the nobles, this would take time. Once again, she was proved wrong. And she did enjoy it thoroughly.

Beside her, Arishok rose. No, the Arishok of the Qunari people rose, subduing the noise level as easy as that. “Vote,” he said into the silence. There were no objections, only a few uncertain glances.

Before anybody got ideas, the Seneschal added his weight to the proposal. But then he had nothing to lose. He was the default for the job even if nobody seemed to realise it. He knew what needed doing and how to do it and let himself be talked into continuing to do it. With Loress and Landrau gone, all he had to do was wait until Meredith and Meliana were at each others' throats. Not the most unlikely of all scenarios.

Despite the clamour before, the vote was clearly in favour of the triumvirate. Meliana accepted under the reservation that Cavin Bran and Knight-Commander Meredith both accepted as well. The meeting was adjourned with Bran heading off to talk to Meredith and everybody else trying to talk to her. The sun was setting when Meliana finally left the Keep, grateful that Arishok had stayed with her. Maybe there was not that much left to be done ant the Compound.

They walked in silence. He was so close, she could feel his arm brush against hers now and then. She would have to visit Varric, but that could wait. She felt good. Despite everything, Meliana felt very, very good.

“You knew what happened,” Arishok asked as soon as the gate had closed behind them.

Meliana finally freed her grin. It marched across her features unapologetic. “Not in detail, but yes. I knew something like this was about to happen. I did not expect Meredith to be that efficient, though. Both Houses impounded. I am impressed.”

“You handed them weapons and they took each other out.” Arishok actually sounded approving.

Meliana pushed off his arm and twirled across the yard. “Not each other. They did even better and took themselves out. They are, after all, better than me at this game.” She closed the door behind them and leant against it. Maybe it was wrong to feel accomplished for destroying two Houses. But then she had done barely more but point in the direction of the clubs with which they had then beat themselves to death.


	40. Arismut: Kirkwall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last planned smut. It will all be story after this one.  
> I'd promise, but I dare not. I would just jinx it.

"You did that."

It was not really a question. Still Meliana couldn't help grinning, leaning against the closed door. "I would not say that out loud in public, but yes. I did that."

"You arranged their fall and they took it without hesitating." Arishok's eyes were glued to her face, a familiar intensity creeping into his tone.

"Yes, I did." Meliana pushed off the door approaching him. "And it worked like a –"

She couldn't finish. Arishok grabbed her, lifted her against him and sealed her mouth with his. The hungry kiss surprised Meliana a little, but was not unwelcome. She returned it ferociously, hands gripping the sides of his face.

Before her fingers had found a hold in his hair, her back came up against the wall. It forced the air out of her lungs. Arishok caught it together with her lower lip, hands moving down to raise her robes. As soon as she could, Meliana wrapped her legs around him, stabilising her precarious position. However intense, their kiss alone would not keep her afloat.

His hands did not stop though, pulling the robes higher, over her chest, up her arms, breaking their kiss to tug it over her head impatiently. Meliana was still fighting with the cuffs when his mouth descended on her breasts. She gasped, forgetting her struggle for a moment in the fierce sucking.

Arishok held her up with one arm, using the other to remove his belt and kama, followed by his trousers a little later. Meliana could feel his cock hard between them, pressed against her skin hot and demanding. Arishok's teeth grazed her nipple and moved on to the other for the time being.

"Just say the word," he growled into her ear.

The touch of his breath sweeping down her throat and teeth grazing her earlobe brought a great many words to Meliana's mind. First and foremost a mangled, drawn-out please.

When his free hand moved between her legs, pushing away her panties and brushing against her sensitive folds his meaning became clearer. His thumb ran along between them only once before Arishok pressed a finger into her. Meliana moaned.

Too soon a second finger followed, pushing into her deftly pursuing the same goal. She was unsurprised by a third finger joining fast, spreading her wide. A groan left her lips when Arishok bit her nipple with another push, fingers moving inside her and pressing out.

Parts of her considered stopping his relentless approach. Unfortunately, the parts craving to see how this would go were also those assaulted by his harrying fingers. Anticipation throbbed over the scraping sting, not ready to move on but neither ready to hold back.

It was a relief when his hand finally withdrew leaving her raw and moist against the cool air breathing over the strained skin.

It was a short reprieve that did not include her breasts before Arishok lifted her with both hands cradling her butt, nuzzling his teeth against her throat. The grazing turned into a bite that was sure to leave a mark as the thrust into her hard. Meliana clung to him, her scream faltering into a moan when he pulled back. He entered again, pushing her against the wall, his hands tightening around her. He had already found his rhythm pounding up into her relentlessly.

Meliana squirmed in his grip in vain. Her legs threatened to turn into jelly, leaving her hanging on him. She held together barely, her back rasping against the wall with his thrusts, the scraping of stone on skin echoing that inside of her but with a sharper edge.

Wedged firmly between him and the wall, Arishok moved his grip up. His fingers dug into her ribs, nails catching between her back and the wall. Still, desire welled up with his thumbs circling her nipples only to be battered by his incessant penetration. Her fingers curled around his ears, ready to pull hard in return.

Arishok's mouth slipped up her throat, growling unrepentant desire against her skin. Meliana reacted to it unthinking with the part of her that was craving and aching, slipping a careless tongue into his ear.

Without warning, his hands dropped to her waist again, pulling her down over his strokes. Only the gold covering his ears stopped Meliana from biting him hard. The sound of teeth on metal rings bright on the backdrop of broken breath and a prolonged groan.

Meliana can feel his climax inside of her like an eruption, its pressure overflowing, coating the continued intrusion in slick fire. He held her tight still, making her ride his climax, fingers digging into her butt cheeks. Arishok's movements slowed as he kept pulling her down on his waning hardness, heavy breath sinking over her heavily. For a moment he leant against her, sandwiching her between his chest and the wall.

Meliana let out a mewl, her emotions hanging flayed somewhere between raw and aroused. Arishok leant back, securing her with one arm while his other reached for her breast. His fingers caught a nipple, squeezing it gently, obviously bent on tipping her scales towards arousal.

When he moved, his cock slipped out of her, still sizeable if limp. Meliana let out a sigh of relief. Arishok carried her to the bed, laying her down gently. But his mouth caught her other nipple and she could feel him clean her up. It was tantalising and making her sore insides squirm with indecision.

Unfortunately the fact that she could drive Arishok rampant with desire by sheer competence was more arousing than it had any right to be. The tender ministrations were not doing anything to lessen her unsatisfied desire either. It was not really a decision; she wanted release. Meliana leant into the touch. As if that had been a secret signal, Arishok finished cleaning her.

His teeth grazed her breast goodbye, moving down over her belly. She gasped when his tongue settled over her clit, nudging it gently but inescapably. Meliana's hands snapped tight around his horns, the pull on them bringing his mouth even closer to her.

The soft insistence of his lips spilled her firmly into arousal. Meliana ignored the throbbing of her sore skin, her focus trailing after the throb of unfulfilled stimulation. Her back arched up, pushing her hips into his supple suction. The tip of her clit lay painfully bare under his tongue. Arishok exercised according caution without letting her arousal suffer.

Her insides yearned despite their rawness, begging for more than the occasional tryst of his tongue into her. And Arishok yielded. Heaving himself over her with a renewed hard-on, he slipped into her. Meliana screamed, pleasure outweighing the rasping of his girth against her sore skin as he buried himself into her to the hilt.

He was teasing her still, moving back and forth slowly. With each push, he slowed the pace, drawing each penetration out more and more until he came to a halt inside of her.

"Please", Meliana mumbled into his shoulder.

Arishok obliged, pulling back and thrusting into her. Smushed under his weight Meliana writhed to no avail.

"Please," she repeated.

And so did he, pushing down into her forcefully another time.

Meliana did not like where this was going, but she was desperately aroused. She was ready to beg. "Please, please, please."

Three powerful thrust made her moan in desire, grasping at him with each motion. And Arishok had mercy, keeping up and driving her down against the mattress hard. Groaning with need, Meliana arched into his movements.

His cock pressed against all the right spots inside of her all the way deep down to her centre. She arched up again, breathlessly bolstered by one of Arishok's arms slipping under her. Hitched up like that and pushing higher, her teeth dug into his skin, muffling the sounds of her coming. Meliana writhed in his grip, holding him down in case he considered his duty done.

Arishok moved inside of her slower, gently coaxing her climax for all it was worth. Her breath escaped in gasps, her squirming insides squeezing his cock whichever way. The irregular tightening over his slow motions elicited a deep growl. Arishok thrust down hard.

Meliana grabbed his arse, pulling him down, is hardness a welcome counterpoint to her twisting release. It felt almost reluctant that Arishok picked up is pace again, throwing everything he had down on her. Determination that paid off when he spilled himself into her abating quivers.

Twinning her fingers into his hair, Meliana sighed, content. If somebody had told her at the beginning that this hulk of a man was getting off on political success, she would have laughed herself to death. No, not political success. Removing ones enemies skilfully. And that she had done.

His lips nuzzled a path down the side of her head. Meliana intercepted them with her own, trading exhausted satisfaction.

“You know that you are always allowed to stop me,” he growled softly into her ear.

“Hm?” Meliana was already dozing off. Stooping him? It had not even occurred to her. But he was right, as always. “Next time,” she mumbled sleepily. Then she opened her eyes and looked at him, suddenly wide awake. “What about you?”

Arishok propped himself up, looking down at her strangely unreadable. But it was not an unreasonable question. Melliana remembered their first fight near Ostwick. She could easily burn him to ashes if she disapproved of his actions. Maybe it was time he remembered that.

“We could share that.” He sounded thoughtful.

She cradled his face between her hands. “Gladly.” Since he did not resist, she kissed him and pulled him down again. The Arishok of the Qunari people was the heaviest blanket in existence, but she would not trade it for anything.


	41. The Last Of The Few

Weeks had been an exaggeration. At least it felt like that to Meliana. Being part of the newly formed triumvirate of Kirkwall might have had something to do with it. Not surprisingly, Meredith had accepted her nomination and as soon as the preliminary government was go, Cavin Bran let the backlog loose on them.

Meliana doubted that it included all decisions necessary. Still, some of them had sweeping implications and she understood how the bigger council would never have come to any agreements ever. It was tedious work. Visiting noble families and campaigning for herself was almost relaxing in comparison.

Slumping down next to Arishok after a long day definitely was relaxing. Meliana felt she could sit like that forever, gently swayed by his movements as he worked through the last of his affairs in Kirkwall.

And the Hanged Man. Meliana missed it, missed talking to Varric surrounded by the noise and stink of normalcy. That kind of atmosphere was difficult to recreate. Moving her desk to where Bodhan had had his before leaving and putting up a table and chairs by the fire helped. Inviting everybody helped. Still, it was a private gathering, not a night out.

"So, are we to call you Messere now?" Varric ask, a grin splitting his face in half.

"If you want to get whacked around the ear, be my guest," Meliana grumbled. "I am sure I will find names to call you right back."

"But Messere Meliana has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" Merrill was on her second glass of wine. "Not as impressive as Champion of Kirkwall, of course."

"You have done quite well for a Ferelden refugee," Fenris said. "Ruler of Kirkwall in all but name."

"I only wanted my family to be safe and happy," Meliana sighed. "Looking at it from the perspective, I am a huge failure."

"Are you not safe and happy?" Fenris asked.

He had a point. But that didn't mean the rest of her family was not dead or as good as dead and that is was more likely than not her fault.

"And Carver does sound happy," Merrill agreed. "He does not have much time to write. The Grey Wardens have given him a place to belong and a purpose."

"And they don't care about Meliana," Varric added. "Sounds perfect for your little brother. He finally stopped whining."

"He was not whining!" Meliana put her foot down. "He got a bad deal and it was not his fault. I tried to help him by taking him to the Deep Roads and look what good that did."

"You assume that he would still be your tag-along if you had left him at home," Aveline said. "How can you know? He wanted to do something that mattered. Asked to join the guard once, but was rejected."

"That leaves the Templars." Varric chuckled. "Now that is a scenario I should note down for a novel."

Meliana stared into her cup gloomily. They were both right, of course. There was no guarantee Carver would have stayed with her. And if you went looking for purpose and belonging in Kirkwall the options were limited. The thought of losing Carver to the Templars hurt. He'd do it for the right reasons, to try and temperate them from within, sure. But how well would that go?

"I miss him," she just said at the end of her musings.

"Of course you do." Merrill scooted to her side, putting her had on Meliana's shoulder. "He's your brother."

"So how is the viscounting going?" Varric changed the subject. "I am surprised you and Meredith did not kill each other yet."

Meliana heaved another sigh. "Believe it or not, trying to rule Kirkwall, even just somewhat, is hard work. Worse than herding cats. And though I hate to admit it and hate it in general, we get along? Especially in foreign affairs we almost always agree on what the best course is? It is creepy and disheartening."

"You and Meredith agree?" Anders sounded personally offended.

"Unfortunately." Meliana slumped around her cup and emptied it before she continued. "I don't know how it can happen. But as soon as Ostwick threatens to start aggressive negotiations about the government of Kirkwall-"

"You both send an offer of invasion," Varric finished for her. "I am not sure that is a comforting thought."

"We did the numbers," Meliana objected, not denying his conclusion. “As along as the Qunari are here, we are definitely stronger. When they leave, we still are probably stronger. It's our city and we know it better than them.”

“Not comforting,” Varric repeated.

“We disagree on inner political items,” Meliana said. “I am still pushing for something communal to happen on the site of the Qunari Compound when they leave. But Cavin and Meredith prefer the housing idea. And when I tell them that most of the place is enclosed with now windows, their answer is dwarves. I don't think they know there's a difference between a dwarf dwarf and a surface dwarf.”

“Anybody will live under the ground if the circumstances are dire enough,” Anders added. “Darktown is ample proof of that.”

“True,” she admitted. “But that doesn't mean I have to support it. And maybe I can get them to try and import some dwarves from Orzammar.” She chuckled.

“That would be quite a feat indeed,” Varric joined her.

“But you'd only have to dig a tunnel into Darktown, don't you?” Merrill frowned. “That would work, right?”

“Daisy, if you think King Bhelen-” Varric broke off. “Actually he might me crazy enough to try. He wants the dwarves to come out of their isolation. Even if that is the only positive thing about him.”

“I'm game,” Meliana declared. “Let's get our governments entrenched in this impossible endeavour. At least it'll give them something t do.”

“You are the government of Kirkwall,” Fenris reminded her.

“But I am in on the joke. I can play Cavin and Meredith under the pretence of full cooperation.” She poured herself more wine. “What do I have to lose?”

Quite a lot, actually, Meliana thought when she returned home. But that would all be long gone by the time viscounting could become her official occupation.

And right now it was just so much work. Each morning she spent hours arguing with Meredith and Bran. Then they decided who to see about which quarrels in the coming day. After a break that was never long enough they'd then meet the citizens that had disputes to settle.

Meliana hated that part. She was not allowed to groan, roll her eyes or bash people's heads together because stupidity. And that was what most if it boiled down to. Somebody had a fence that stood for a meter or two a foot on their neighbour's ground. A family feud that had gone on for generations and the best solution to which would be opening battle pits and put the two feuding families in them to fight it out. That would at least prevent them from dragging more people into the conflict and it might even work as entertainment. Or deterrent.

She wondered if she should have watched closer how Arishok was dealing with the whole governing thing. Though, keeping a few hundred extremely disciplined Qunari under control was probably nothing like trying to get the upper hand of greedy, unruly Kirkwall nobles.

"You wanted this," Arishok just said.

_No, I want you, but we both know how that is going._ Meliana didn't say it. She just rested against his side, trying to remove the frenzy of the day from her mind. How could he ever have stayed this calm with such responsibility on his shoulders? Bigger shoulders than hers admittedly, but still.

Self-control. That's what he had said. The single most important trait that had gotten him and kept him where he was. To think she had accused him of lacking just that when she had offer this alliance. She chuckled.

Arishok rumble a complaint. She was upsetting his writing. What was there left to write so much about anyway. His memoirs. Meliana suppressed another chuckle. Maybe poetry. Her mind followed that flowery idea for some time.

"I will write you," she said at the end of her thoughts. "I can write you, right? How would I even address the message?"

The next thought was of course if he'd write her back, but what would he say? Not that she knew what she wanted to write. Maybe writing would even be treason? It was all a lot more complicated than she liked.

"You have to send the message to a deshkari in Par Vollen," Arishok said. He had put down the quill, possible looking down his arm at her. "They are the ones who take messages to the triumvirate."

"Right, I'll make sure not to write anything private then." Meliana opened her eyes, laid her head back and, as suspected, found Arishok looking down at her.

"Define 'private'", he growled.

There were a great many things Meliana would define as private between them, most of them improper in any kind of company.

“Things I don't want other people to know about.”

“Those are secrets.”

“Well, you can know.”

“They still are secrets.”

He was not actually wrong. There were just a lot of secrets she'd rather stay secret. “Good secrets,” she decided. “Things I do not want to know about others.”

“And what purpose does that serve?” Arishok returned his attention to his writing.

What purpose indeed? Meliana decided to think about it. Something that turned out to be difficult with the calming presence at her side. But falling asleep was alright. She'd just wake up in bed.


	42. Ein Schiff Wird Kommen*

"You call that a ship?" Meliana was looking down to the docks.

Arishok stood beside her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "No. That is a Dreadnought."

The name was certainly fitting. That monster, that swimming city had to fear nothing. It was evoking fear. Even if it had just come to collect a group of warriors instead of razing the city to the ground. Half the harbour had to be cleared before it could move in. Naturally there was grumbling, but overall, everybody was looking forward to seeing the Quanri leave.

The question of how much ceremony that leaving warranted had been a subject of heated discussion in the triumvirate. Nobody wanted to really honour them, but offending them just as they left didn't look like a good idea either.

"Make them feel honoured while showing the people that this is liberation," Meliana suggested. "People lining the streets with happy faces and flowers in their hair always make a good impression. And the Qunari will be long gone by the time we pop the champagne."

“I did not expect you to be so flippant about the matter,” Bran said.

“What can I do?” Meliana shrugged. “They are leaving. Might as well make the best of it.”

“You could accompany your husband,” Meredith suggested. “Many women do.”

For a moment Meliana wondered in how much detail she had to describe what awaited her in Par Vollen. Then she realised that both Meredith and Bran knew. She sighed.

“It has always been a temporary alliance. Why would I change my mind now?”

“This has gone a lot better for you than anybody expected,” Meredith said. “You seem to actually enjoy it.”

“Better than loathing every moment, don't you think?” Meliana replied. “But to come back to the subject, I do think an official goodbye would do good.”

“And who is going to see them off?” Bran asked. “You?”

“I will do so anyway in my capacity as his wife,” Meliana said. “A representative of the city would help.”

In the end they agreed. Turning it into a victory for Kirkwall, a symbol of its perseverance and indomitable will. You could get away with everything if you sold it right. And it was not going to be much, there was no time.

Arishok had said the Dreadnaught could be completely restocked within twenty-four hours. Taking three days was a concession to Kirkwall and somewhat a deception. She had watched the line of people moving in and out of the ship for a while. Very orderly, almost without supervision. Naturally, all done by the Qunari themselves. They allowed no stranger on their ship.

They would keep going until late in the night. High tide was at ten the next morning. So little time. Meliana shook her head which didn't help clearing her mind. Then she turned her back to the docks, walking across the empty yard to their rooms.

Empty rooms. Everything that was yet here was to stay. Arishok did not need to take the table or bench, the lamp, the bed. But everything small or useful was gone. Everything that gave the notion of somebody actually making use of the room. A few boxes were stacked in a corner. Her things.

Meliana turned around slowly, taking everything in. It was unlikely she would get to see the room again once she left. Bran was stonewalling her, Meredith was naturally doing the same. The city wished to turn this place into the worst ghetto imaginable. Her home. Not much longer.

She looked up when the door opened. Arishok entered, looking incredibly definite.

“So this is it.” She stood in the bare room, hugging herself. Most of her things were already back in the Hawke estate, most of his had been packed and brought to the ship. Tomorrow he'd leave. Well, he'd always have left. Meliana tried to smile.

“It is.” Arishok pulled her close.

And Meliana reached up, holding on to him like a drowning woman to her last oxygen. And like the drowning she knew that she would have to let go. “I wish you didn't have to go. I wish I could accompany you. I wish for all things impossible.”

“You are always welcome to visit.” His voice was gentle.

“And I will.” She swallowed. “Once I think I can handle being just another visitor and not, and not-” She broke off.

“Parshaara, kadan. We both knew how this would end.”

“I know. But I didn't expect to be who I am now back then. I didn't expect it to be so hard.” She sighed and look up at him. “But let's not waste this last night on regret. There will be time enough for that.”

“About that, you are correct.” Arishok raised her easily as he had done so many times. There was a glint in his eyes that pierced her.

“Maker knows how much I will miss you and so do you.” Meliana twined her legs around his waist, taking his face between her hands. “But I'd be a fool not to give you something to miss me for before you leave.”

She leant forwards, swallowing his ' _na'thek_ ' in her kiss.

 

* * *

 

The last day passed like a dream. Turning around under Arishok after waking up, capturing his face between her hands. The kiss had been long and slow, possibly their last one. As any of the following.

She had taken her sweet time grooming his horns, humming to herself, listening to the echoing rumble coming from his chest. In the end she had to put the golden rings onto Arishok's horns and did so reluctantly. Another last time passed.

Arishok had dropped a kiss on top of her head, lifting her off the bed by the hips.

Meliana put on her best robes. Everything else was packed away, ready for transport, only waiting to be collected. And there was Orana, ready to oversee the proper return of her belongings to the Hawke estate. Meliana nodded in her general direction.

“Yes, that one, too,” she heard Arishok say and watched as an unfamiliar box was carried away with her things.

“A present.” He did not elaborate.

She wished she had thought of something similar, but what did she have to give the leader of the Qunari people? She, an unbeliever and a mage on top of that. Meliana could only think of a proper farewell, a smooth parting with a smile as the last thing he saw. Last impressions would linger and if anything, she wanted him to think of her smiling; happy because of him.

Practice hurt but could not hurt. The whole city would assemble to watch her life shatter. So she would be impeccable, invulnerable.

The sun streamed from the sky like a last offence. Bright blue and a warm breeze carrying the scent of the ocean. Meliana closed her eyes, lying her head back. The trick was not to mind that it hurt. The trick was, she took a deep breath. There was no trick. The only thing that mattered was getting through the official parting and then – then the day would be hers.

“I would prefer not to speak much once we leave here,” she told Arishok wiping at her eyes. “I would really prefer not to fall apart in public.”

“As you wish.” He caught her hand, finishing the job on her face way more efficient with a handkerchief.

Meliana smiled as best she could. They had said their goodbyes. They had done what they could. The rest was just for show, just waiting until it was all over.

“Thank you.” She caught his hand with her own. “It's just, the wait is killing me.”

“I doubt many things can kill you. I could not.” He smiled, not looking offended or perturbed the least.

“You could try,” she smiled back. “It would definitely improve my day.”

“It would not,” Arishok objected. “Think back to the day this began. This will not even take that long.”

He was right of course. Damned, how she would miss hating him for being right all the time. But that was another pain for another day. She watched in silence as the Qunari streamed out of the Compound, each carrying one last item to bring home. They would not miss this place. Meliana tried to be happy for them.

Finally they were the only ones left. She looked up at Arishok a last time. This was really it. And if she did anything more than look now, they would never leave the yard. Still, Arishok took her arm, leading her down to the docks.

A silent crowd was watching. Breathless, still doubting the obvious. At least it was not far to where the Dreadnaught lay anchored. Meliana was aware of everything, The gulls swooping overhead, the irregular gusts of wind scraping over her skin, leaving the thinnest layer of salt. The sun casting slightly slanted rays over them. The blue of the sky too innocent and serene for the occasion.

Cavin Bran was standing at the head of the nobles of Kirkwall, representing their triumvirate dutifully. Knight-Commander Meredith stood with Aveline, guardians of peace and the public. The people of Kirkwall fanned out behind the line of guards and Templars.

Meliana held on to her smile. It would not even take an hour. Soon it would all be over. What did she care for the opinion of a city ready to descend on her?

Bran held a short speech, acknowledging the significance of the day in the history of Kirkwall. As expected, Arishok said nothing to reply. Then he turned to Meliana slowly. “If the demand of the Qun changes, I do not hope to find you here.”

She nodded. Then Meliana smiled as she kissed him goodbye on the cheek. Smiled as he walked the gangway onto the Dreadnought. Smiled as he looked back a last time before going under deck. Because this was the last he would see of her and she would be damned if she let that view be marred. Something to remember. Something to hold on to.

The Dreadnought pushed off the quay, oars dropping into the water orderly and the long manoeuvre out of the harbour began. Meliana stayed, the smile stuck on her face like a leech. It took forever until the ship was in the open sea. Meliana stood and watched it, aware of the companions at her back.

Finally she turned around, directed her smile at them and began to walk home. Home. Whatever that meant now. She passed the locked gates of the Qunari Compound with her smile intact. She reached her estate, the silence of her friends suspicious. But her smile held and the door closed behind them.

“I will got to my room now.” Meliana looked at them in turn. Merrill, Fenris, Anders, even Aveline had come. “And there I will have a breakdown and wail for a day or two. Do not let that disturb you. Please do not disturb me. I will be back.”

Her smile held up even against the incredulous stares of her friends. “Thank you.”

She turned on her heel, strode away and locked her door behind her. There she exhaled, her back pressed against the wood. It didn't keep her upright. Slowly she slid to the floor, the smile seeping away. Then she made good on her announcement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Lit.: A Ship Will Come – famous song in Germany about a lady waiting for the love of her life to arrive with a ship. There seems to be no English version. The connotations won't be the same, too, I guess. Lost in translation: sad sarcasm


	43. Epilogue

There was a knock on the door. It was followed by a polite silence, then the door opened. Meliana looked up, finding Varric standing in the door. He didn't look happy.

“Sorry, Hawke,” he said. “Orsino and Meredith are at it gain. Butting heads like there is no tomorrow. And if nobody stops them, there won't be one either.”

She shook her head softly.

“I know, don't I?” Varric sighed. “But all of Kirkwall is clamouring for its Champion to step forth and solve their problems. Again. They never change.”

“I didn't really expect them too.” Her voice was very soft.

“But you would have deserved if they did,” Varric replied. “You gave up more than anybody out there knows for the peace with the Qunari, even more now that they're gone. And they don't know and they don't care.”

Varric shrugged. “But I know. And I know they don't deserve a champion like you. Because you,” he tried to grin, “you deserve better and maybe this can get your mind of more painful subjects. Just an offer, mind you.”

Meliana tried to return the grin and failed as horribly as the dwarf. “Thank you Varric. I really appreciate it.”

“Somebody has to lookout for you, eh?” Varric tried to make light of their situation.

“I'll be around in a sec.” Meliana slowly got up.

“You better,” Varric said. “Anders and Fenris are also back at each other's throats. When I had just speculated on getting a free room in this place after all.” He winked.

Meliana managed to laugh. One day the pain pain would abate. Not today. Not tomorrow. Maker knew when. But until then, she would just keep busy. The people of Kirkwall needed their Champion. And maybe, just maybe their Champion needed them more than they knew as well.


	44. Alternate Ending: The Tranquil Solution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An alterante ending prompted by [ this post on tumblr ](http://milee-cosgrove.tumblr.com/post/148524865987/tranquil) describing how (romanced) companions react to the Inquisitor being made Tranquil.

He had wondered when Meliana had not returned for the night. Not because she had stayed away, Meliana was well capable to take care of herself, but because she had not told him. She always made sure that he knew. These were their last days. Of course the Arishok of the Qunari people was looking forward to leaving this pustule of a city.

But Arishok himself, bearer of the title as a name, he had regrets. Just as she did. For a non-Qunari, Meliana understood duty better than most. Regrets would not stop either of them and their parting grew near. Still she made sure he knew when she would be back late, or not at all.

So it was a surprise when Ashaad led her into the yard the next morning. Docile. Arishok didn't have to look twice to know something was wrong. And then she turned, a vague smile on her lips and a sun burning angry red on her forehead. She had told him what that meant once.

“I apologise for being late.” Her voice was free of inflection. “I have been held up.”

Arishok did not know how anybody could have apprehended her. How many bodies laid where she had been taken? Who considered her Tranquility more important than the lives of so many?

“Who held you?”

“The Knight-Commander Meredith, of course.” No ire. No regret. “Considering my close friendship with Merrill, it is surprising it has taken her so long.”

It was also surprising that the Knight-Commander should make her tranquil instead of said Merrill. The Arishok of the Qunari could not help but approve of the shackled magic, no longer a threat to anybody. It was not the Qunari way, but as effective curbing magic.

“Did you resist?”

“I tired. Many died. It is a pity. They only did their duty. They were only following orders. But they took me by surprise, they outnumbered me greatly. It was only logical that I lost.”

“How many did you kill?” It did not matter, not really. But Meliana was a good fighter. Arishok refused to believe she could be taken.

“Thirty-seven in all; six mages, nine templars, eighteen knights and four of the city watch. Aveline will disapprove. Of all of us.” Meliana shook her head, the familiar motion at odds with her flat tone.

“How do you feel?” She looked unhurt.

“I feel nothing at all, Arishok. I am now at peace.” Another vague smile, eyes helpful, friendly and still empty.

It did not get better. Throughout the day she was compliant, reasonable, unerringly friendly and understanding. Of course she could not leave the Compound. She had made many enemies and was now unable to defend herself. It was only reasonable to stay until a solution was found.

Arvaarad could not look at her. Glances were exchanged over her head and Meliana did not notice, did not mind; it was difficult to discern which. It did not help that the shell of Meliana was trying her best to be accommodating, to make the experience easy and pleasant for all involved.

For the first night in a long time, Arishok slept with his sword within reach. Not to protect himself, but to possibly end the misery that was sleeping beside him, unaware and understanding of his need for distance.

That was the main problem. She understood everything. Why she could not leave the Compound, why he needed to keep his distance, why Arvaarad could not look at her, why the saarebas were what they were. She understood how dangerous magic was and that you went to extreme lengths to make it safe. And then Meliana would look for something useful to do. With that vague smile on her lips.

Sometimes Arishok saw a frown of uncertainty cross her forehead. When logical arguments contradicted each other. When her hand went automatically for her staff and found only air. When she found him staring at her. A wisp of something that was gone before it could take hold. Maybe it was just disrupted reflexes. Maybe it was not. He had to know.

"Do you still love me?" It was not a question Arishok had ever imagined himself asking.

“Love is also an emotion.” Her reply shirked the actual confession. “And I understand why we entered into our union. It was a good plan and it worked. It was a good thing we did. A very good thing.”

Arishok knew that he should be happy for her. Meliana had been badly prepared for his departure. She would not suffer so now. She would not suffer at all. Not ever again. When he reached out, placing his palm against her face, she looked at him.

He turned to Karashok. “Get me her human mage and the dwarf.”

Karashok acknowledged the command, striding away a tad faster than necessary. Their lady was creepy. Any solution was welcome. The time to his return dragged by. Any conversation was cut short by Meliana's empty voice. The way her words still tried to calm and befriend him.

It was worse than having her bound. That was unexpected. As saarebas, she had been little more than instincts bundled together and controlled tightly. Now, Arishok had no word of what she was now. Not herself. Reckless, he had called her, foolhardy. There was nothing of that spirit left.

“Shanedan, Arishok,” the dwarf said when they arrived. He tried to show courtesy, one of the few who did. “Why-”

He did not ger any further. The human mage had seen Meliana and realised what had happened. His anger broke out, blue and piercing. There was a storm approaching in his voice when he called her name.

"Justice?" Her voice rang true again, like a bell unmuted. Meliana raised a hand to the glowing face of the human spirit.

"They will never again do to a mage what they have done to you," Justice thundered.

"Thank you." She ran her fingers along his cheek, her smile fading with the blue glow. "I understand now, why Karl wanted to die."

"Do not ask this of me," Anders took her hand, pleading.

"I will not." A sad smile waned from her features. "I want it back, Anders. Justice. I want it back."

"We will help you," the human mage promised. His eyes were half-aglow again.

Arishok trusted that he would keep his promise. That was all he needed. "She could stop a man, even an ogre in their tracks."

"For a time," the human mage replied.

"That will be enough if it can be transferred." Arishok gestured at Arvaarad. "Talk to him. Show him how. I need to talk to the dwarf."

The mages left and the dwarf looked at him, his face full of questions. That other peoples had to scream their body language at each other would never fail to amaze Arishok. What good did that do? How could they ever hope to keep a secret like that?

“Listen to me dwarf. You know the city better than any of my men. You will tell them everything you know.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because I asked.” Arishok did not elaborate. “And after you did, you will take whatever you value in this city, take Hawke, take her friends, the elf mage, the elf warrior, the guard captain if she will. Take what Meliana values and leave Kirkwall before nightfall.

The dwarf stared up at him. It was a long way, even further than Meliana's gaze had to travel. “Why would we want to leave? This is our home.”

“You do not want to be here,” Arishok growled. “Not after nightfall, not after high tide, certainly not after midnight.”

“What do you plan?” His tone said that even now the dwarf did not believe they could take the city. That he thought to save it. After all that had happened. There was no rescue, no saviour. There was only the certainty of the Qun.

"I know that you think of stopping me," Arishok said softly. "But before you act, answer these two questions. Who kept the peace with me when nobody else could? And who could beat me if it had come to fighting?"

Varric glanced over to where Meliana stood watching the sea and looking uncannily calm.

"Leave," Arishok growled. "Before the sun sets."

“We will, but-”

“No.” Arishok raised his index finger. “Do as I told you. You can tell your own stories later.”

It is said that the Qunari were never seen in the city during their long stay in Kirkwall. That is true only in part. They were seen once when the tension between them and Kirkwall erupted, when they were running amok in the streets and herding the nobles to the Keep.

They were seen once more, silent, purposeful, striding through the city from the high rooms in the Keep to the low tunnels of Darktown. And then they vanished. Until they poured out of the Compound at high tide, stealing half the ships docked and burning the rest. They were not seen thereafter.

 

* * *

 

There stands a ruin by the sea. They say it was once a great city built by slaves, paid for in blood. A city in which vice and weakness ran rampant, where the mages were corrupted by the very Templars sworn to protect them, where the poor lived in squalor while the rich feasted at tables made of gold.

They say that the Maker saw the pit of filth that was Kirkwall and in disgust struck it down with an iron fist. That the ground shook for an hour while the city erupted into a pillar of flame and smoke.

They say that it rained burning rubble and ashes for three days; that the city burnt for three weeks with flames so hot that they consumed everything that was not stone and melted some of that.

They say the Maker made an example of Kirkwall but I say, the Maker had nothing to do with it.

  



End file.
